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Old 09-13-2006, 04:29 PM   #1  
19 and dreaming....
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Smile Dating after you have lost the weight......????

I have decided something....I know I haven't even lost one pound yet but I have come to the conclusion that I will not date anyone guy that knew me when I was the weight I am now. I figure if they do not want to date me now because of my weight why should I after the weight is gone? That seems soooooooo logical in my head! Is it the right thing to consider or completely absurd? Comments?
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Old 09-13-2006, 04:44 PM   #2  
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I absolutely agree! I always felt like a piece of crap when a guy I knew "prior" would hit on me or something. It really makes you see how superficial people can be.

And then I would regain my strength by just telling them, "No thanks".

I will never ever ever forget agreeing to lunch with my exboyfriend who dumped me before he went overseas (he was a Navy Seal if that eludes to his character at all). I got up to my heaviest with him and he liked to mention that fact- no one has every made me feel more terrible. We met up upon his return (I wa seeking some closure on a couple of different things) and I will never forget the look on his face when he saw me. He had heard about my current boyfriend, but I guess he didn't believe me because he made passes at me the entire time, trying to touch me and get "close" to me. I completely rebuffed him. He didn't get it until he actually met Ross.

And that was that. I haven't heard from him since.

And Ross LOVES the fact that he scared off a Navy Seal

For me, it isn't a consideration- I don't consider anything (well, and I'm now taken ). I can't possibly think it acceptable to date someone who wouldn't touch me at my old weight and then, suddenly, it's alright.

This has happened to me in several situations and I feel icky every single time. In fact, I almost find it disgusting on their part. I mean, do they not realize that I am the same person they dissed??? How obvious!
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Old 09-13-2006, 04:53 PM   #3  
19 and dreaming....
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Wow you look great! You are an inspiration!
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Old 09-13-2006, 05:08 PM   #4  
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I dumped SOOO many guys in my day for merely mentioning how Hot I'd be if I lost weight. I was not going to willingly feel self concious with someone I was supposed to have a good time with....Bite me Bozo.
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Old 09-13-2006, 05:22 PM   #5  
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Thanks so much for your input... Though I haven't lost much weight, I have thought about this... and I absolutely agree!
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Old 09-13-2006, 05:29 PM   #6  
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Stevi- Go, you! I will always regret not owning myself in situations like that. Never again.
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Old 09-13-2006, 06:51 PM   #7  
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I don't think I can say that I wouldn't date someone who knew me "before."

The idea of a guy suddenly saying, now you're hot, I want you, is of course repulsive.

But I know that there were a lot of reasons that I got to be the weight I was. I was not investing myself, I did not take care of me on the inside or outside. I was not the best girlfriend material when I was fat and apathetic about my life.

I guess I would have to think about it some more. Interesting topic.
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Old 09-13-2006, 07:01 PM   #8  
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I have to agree, very interesting topic.

I dont think I would date anyone who dissed me for my weight, just because I hate people who are superficial. Getting hit on by guys who hated me when I was at my highest weight... now that can be a major self-esteem booster. Just because you won't accept them doesnt mean you can't get the greatest benefit from them, hehe!
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Old 09-13-2006, 09:59 PM   #9  
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Is it sad that I've thought about losing weight to get someone to notice me?

Boo! That's pretty embarrassing.
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Old 09-13-2006, 10:39 PM   #10  
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No Dreamer, I know I've thought about that before, too.

This and many related topics are really interesting. A book could be written about being overweight and dating.

I never thought about single men who knew me at my highest weight suddenly wanting to date me at a thinner weight. Maybe it's because I don't know many single men. LOL.

What I think about, though, is the men I meet NOW, will they think differently of me when they find out I used to weigh 70 pounds more?
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Old 09-13-2006, 11:08 PM   #11  
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rofl im in a slightly different situation.. my boyfriend actually met me and started dating me when I was at 240, my highest weight. But I grew up in a very superficial town, in a superficial school system.. so yes, Ive thought of losing the weight and then visiting old classmates (and crushes) to show them how amazing I am
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Old 09-14-2006, 03:42 AM   #12  
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Well, I was in almost this exact situation with a guy I've known since high school and we started dating last month and he asked if I was self conscious about my body and I said "yes." And then he said, "well I don't think you're fat - I wouldn't be attracted to you if you were fat." Okay, I started to get mad at this point, but I don't remember what prompted him to say this -- I think I said, "I still feel really fat" but he said "well look at what you used to look like." WHAT??! I was furious. Well, short story short, I'm not dating him anymore. I think he was just trying to get me in bed anyway.

And the funny thing is that I'm dating another guy right now who I've known since I was 12 - but he only remembers me from middle school -- but I still was a heavy girl - over 200 and shorter. I'm thinking if I still weighed over 300now, he wouldn't have pursued a relationship with me. But I'm going to ask him anyway.

And I do think about dating a guy who didn't know my past weight struggles, because I think sometimes I false advertise, because I can pull off a nice shape with the help of shapers and well-fitted clothes, but without the right clothes, it's pretty bad. But, if someone is that superficial to care THAT much about how I look without certain clothes on, then I wouldn't want to date him anyway.
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Old 09-14-2006, 11:52 AM   #13  
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I somewhat agree with you. If you can tell by the persons character that they are a truely caring person, then I don't see why you wouldn't date them if they asked you out after you lost the weight.

I guess I see it as.. when you lose weight, your body isn't the only thing that goes through a change. So does your mind and your soul. I think that after you've lost the weight... the guys you knew before could be attracted to your new confidence, your new outlook on life, your new found hobbies (such as jogging, or mountain climbing, or biking).

Different people are attracted to different things. Once you lose the weight, you'll probably be a different person than you are now. Give the guys a chance to prove to you that they want to be with you for more than just your body. It's not fair to toss those guys completely aside, when you havn't given them a chance.
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Old 09-14-2006, 01:53 PM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovelypurple View Post
It's not fair to toss those guys completely aside, when you havn't given them a chance.
I understand where you're coming from, but at the same time, I agree that it's also not fair of THEM to have tossed us aside because we were fat The evil thing is: you'll NEVER know if it's a change in your character or a change in your body that made him open his mind to you, and I would find myself asking that question every single day. So yeah, I agree that I would never date someone who wouldn't date me fat.

Luckily, my boyfriend met me at about 270 pounds. I've been with him through my highest weight (310.5), and he has never EVER mentioned anything about my weight. Ever. Unless I brought it up first because I was feeling self conscious about something, in which case he gently reminded me that my weight did not matter to him at all.
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Old 09-14-2006, 02:44 PM   #15  
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It's so refreshing to hear about guys who never mention weight. I was raised with a family of men who hate overweight women and are very vocal about it, so it feels like a luxury to know men who are ambivalent or even sympathetic about it.

I do find that, the more weight I drop, the more quickly men are attracted to me. When I was overweight, it seemed like relationships happened more frequently as people got to know me as a person. Now that I'm "prettier" (by most of America's standards, anyway), men are more likely to see me as a potential date based strictly on appearance.

I do think that my confidence level has soared, even though I considered myself a confident person at my highest weight.
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