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Old 09-29-2006, 01:35 PM   #31  
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After I lost about 90 pounds I would run into guys from my old neighborhood, who would've NEVER dated me or even thought about me like that unless it was some type of joke. I hung out with them some, mostly b/c it felt so good to have those A**holes look at me w/ lust. =)

Telling new guys I dated about my weightloss was very difficult for me, especially since my belly has never gotten to a place where I could wear a 2 piece even at 130lbs b/c of the extra skin, stretch marks and unusual fat deposits. I could tell it turned one or two off, I remember when I told my hubby for the first time, he was like... uhm, okay, your weight isn't a big deal. On the other side of the coin though, I don't know for sure that he would've pursued me if I still weighed over 200 pounds. Especially since I know there was an overweight woman who did pursue him and he had no attraction to her.

I am very grateful to have a hubby who accepts me for me, and supports whatever I choose to do. I have a lot to learn from him!!!
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Old 09-29-2006, 01:47 PM   #32  
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Originally Posted by misstraveller View Post
And do any of you find that your "prettier" (ie. skinnier) friends don't treat value the men they meet as much as you do? I guess I just feel like they take being hit on for granted, its nice to get attention.
Yes, I have friends who "hate" going certain places, normal places, the library, the gym, certain resturaunts because "Guys always hit on me there" or will describe places where I go and have a single experience, meaning I don't talk to anyone, I don't meet people... such as the gym as a great place to meet men... I've never met a man at the gym, or even had one come up to me, same for the library, grocery store, book store etc... And its annoying that some of my friends will just say certain things assuming everyone has had similar experience.

Also, whenever I casually meet a new stranger-guy, or some guy approaches me and we share a cool joke, or anything, that is SUCH a big deal to me. I practically fall in love on the spot, and when I was bigger those were SO few and far between, now that I'm a little smaller, probably once a month or so, and I still get excited...

And yes, it catches me offguard everytime an attractive man gives me any attention, I immediately become a 16 year old girl
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Old 11-15-2006, 06:53 AM   #33  
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This happened to me just this week! I'm not very proud of the fact that I had a one-night stand with a work colleague way back at the start of the year. I really liked him but he never called afterwards, he ignored the fact we spent the night together, ignored me in work and to be honest treated me quite badly. Well just last weekend I got a text message from him saying he was really sorry he treated me badly, he really liked me, wanted to have a relationship oh and the cracker...that I also "look excellent now".

I replied back and said that if I wasn't good enough then but I am now when the only thing thats changed is my weight its not enough. I have more respect for myself than that.

Yes it was flattering and I did think about it for a few days but I just couldn't go there....all that and we still have to work together.
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Old 11-15-2006, 08:12 AM   #34  
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Good for you Finn! He sounds like a anyways!!

I think this is a really interesting topic, and I have to say I'm mostly with the rest on this one, no dating anyone I knew before. I don't think I'll be super-anal about this though, because I also agree that we do change in more ways than the physical when we lose the weight. I guess it'll be a case by case basis.

But there are some guys I'm really hoping to turn down flat of their faces!! *Evil Lisa*
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Old 11-15-2006, 11:13 AM   #35  
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Originally Posted by Dreamer85 View Post
Also, whenever I casually meet a new stranger-guy, or some guy approaches me and we share a cool joke, or anything, that is SUCH a big deal to me. I practically fall in love on the spot, and when I was bigger those were SO few and far between, now that I'm a little smaller, probably once a month or so, and I still get excited...

And yes, it catches me offguard everytime an attractive man gives me any attention, I immediately become a 16 year old girl
This will change, Dreamer. In my experience, it's a sheer numbers game. The more you date, the less importance you'll place on casual interactions, and you'll be able to see them for what they are.

Great call, Finn!
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Old 11-15-2006, 12:35 PM   #36  
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Well I am fortunate that I found my hubby while still at my heaviest. I must of been 260 when he originally came out! I was also in the middle of a messy divorce and my self esteem was shot completely. I thought I was the most hideous beast ever. (We met online) But he thinks I am beautiful and an angel at any weight. I wound up actually gaining about 20 after he got here though. (divorce, 2 parents dying back to back)

He has always been supportive of me wanting to lose though. October 2004 he came out, by June 2005 I was about 280. I started working on my weight in June of 2005 and have been on a down ward spiral ever since. I know I would not of been able to do this without all his acceptance, love and support.

I can understand feeling if a man was not attracted to you before then why bother with him now? I do agree about people needing to be attracted to each other. If you are meeting someone for the first time then yes looks are the only thing you have to go on, but if you KNOW these people and they KNOW you and they were not interested when you were heavy then they are very superficial!
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Old 11-15-2006, 12:55 PM   #37  
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Jasmine: Thanks for bringing this topic back up! I'm glad I got a chance to see it!

I think it depends on both people. Remember that losing weight takes time. Growing up takes time. While the person may have been superficial to begin with, a lot of things may have changed about him as well, as much as you've changed and grown emotionally. I would be very cautious and "feel things out." Try being friends first, see where that led, get to know the "real" him, then move on from there. If he made comments about how hot I am now vs. then, that would be a key to get the **** outta dodge!

I lucked out. Shaun has been a self-proclaimed "Mande Lover" since I was 15 and he was 18 (no worries ladies, looked but no touchy! hahaha). Shaun has seen me through everything. The poor guy used to let me cry on his shoulder when I broke up with my high school boyfriends etc etc. He knew me at my smallest (140), and he still knows me at my biggest. Through the weight fluctuation, he has still held strong and fast to the fact that I am beautiful.

In fact, when I was about 210lbs, I was moving away. I was 19, and he was 22. He found out I was moving away, showed up on my doorstep, told me how he felt, took me home, and we haven't been apart since. Now we're getting married next fall. He has always said that my weight doesn't matter, and I really don't think there is anyone out there that could top my Shaunie.
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Old 11-15-2006, 01:27 PM   #38  
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AWWWWW! *Sniff* That is so romantic! I have no love life, so I have to live vicariously!

Mande & Jasmine (and all of you ladies), thanks for sharing your stories about the men who have loved you through thick and thin (literally!). They sound like incredible people, don't ever let them go!!

And Jasmine, is that your hubby in your avatar? He looks like a cutie!
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Old 11-15-2006, 02:04 PM   #39  
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martiniforme:

That is such a great story hun!!! He sounds like such a sweety!

Quote:
Shaun has been a self-proclaimed "Mande Lover" since I was 15 and he was 18 (no worries ladies, looked but no touchy! hahaha)
That is cool no touchy but 3 years is not that much of a difference for him to be interested in you.

theobviouschild:

Quote:
AWWWWW! *Sniff* That is so romantic! I have no love life, so I have to live vicariously!
You will get there hun!!

Quote:
Mande & Jasmine (and all of you ladies), thanks for sharing your stories about the men who have loved you through thick and thin (literally!). They sound like incredible people, don't ever let them go!!
I am going to cherish him forever. He treats me like a princess and makes me feel great. Your welcome it really was a damsel in distress story cause he came out here all the way from Montana to get me out of a real bad situation. My ex~hubby was getting abusive and I was scared. Joey came out and helped get me and the kids out of there. We wound up having to come back a few weeks later cause of court proceedings but he came back with us and has never left.

Quote:
And Jasmine, is that your hubby in your avatar? He looks like a cutie!
hahaha Yes it is him and I! I got a little kick out of your comment. He is a hottie to me and it is just another big reason I wanted to lose the weight. I know I am pretty but I want us to look "right" together too! He is 5'10 and 150 pounds!

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