Too Fat To Go Out?
 

So I work on a military base - with military people. They are all buff and in awesome shape. They're having a cookout tonight - a house warming party.

Ever have days where no matter what you put on you see every buldge and get so frustrated and feel so disgusted with yourself?? You look in the mirror and just want to cry?? That's where I'm at right now... So I've pretty much decided to not go out...

Has anyone ever not gone anywhere with friends because you felt that you looked too... i dunno - fat? to go out?

:( so i might just go to the gym for an hour and go to bed early...

does anyone else ever go through this???

I hear ya! I am the only person in my circle of friends that is overweight. All the others.... size 0, size 0, size 2, size 2, size 2 and a size 4! I often felt like i didn't want to go anywhere, especially to the beach. But, over time, I have gained confidence in myself and know that they don't see me as a size and they don't judge me. I still don't go to the beach with them but I do enjoy hanging out.
Don't worry about everyone else's body type. A lot of times, people that may look like they are in awesome shape may not be all that healthy. You are working your way towards healthy and be proud!!!

I feel like that 90% of the time! And my freinds never understand why I turn down their invitations. Funny because once I tried to explain how I feel but they just looked at me like I was insane. Glad to know that Im not the only one whos ever felt that way though.

good to know im not the only one too!!

isnt it awful ??? its like you're too ashamed of yourself to be seen, or something.

i sit back and think about weight loss and being thin -- in your head - it sounds so easy. it makes so much sense -- but its soooo hard. i'm jealous of all of these naturally thin people!

:(

You are definitely not the only one. I used to hide inside my house. I felt I was too fat to go out. Looking back, I wish I had went and had some fun. Life doesn't start after maintenance, it happens everyday no matter what our weight is.

yes! i do that too! or i wont go work out until i know the gym is empty because i dont want to be the fat one in the gym... -- just dont want to be seen...

I use to LOVE going out on a night on the town and going dancing, now I don't even bother. I hate how I look and I def don't dance in front of people anymore! I can never find clothes that I feel comfortable in that look nice:p

AMEN!! -- i hated everything i put on until i put on my favorite pair of sweats....

Believe me, I do know how you feel. At my size, I can feel like a human side show if I let myself, but I finally realized how self-destructive it is. The less you go out, the lonelier and more depressed you get, the harder it is to go out, exercise, and take care of yourself, the worse you feel, and the more you isolate yourself.

Things started to change for me, when I decided that I wanted a life - whether or not any of the weight came off. Living like a "real" human being has really helped me lose weight and keep losing (though slowly) longer than I have ever been able to diet or keep losing ever in my entire life.

It can still be terrifying, but I do it anyway, and for the most part everyone has been either supportive or hasn't even noticed (or at least pretended not to). The hardest thing recently, was to buy and get on a bicycle. I was afraid I was going to break the bike, get hurt, and be laughed at by people passing in cars. None of that happened, and although I can't ride for very long yet, every time I get on the bike I can ride a few more minutes.

I can't explain how it made me feel to exercise and have fun in a way that "normal" people do. It made me feel "normal." When I think what a little thing it is for most people, and what a big thing it is for me, I realize how long I have exhisted without truly living.

Kate, next time please go! I'm sure that other people don't notice your weight as much as you think. You are gorgeous in your av. Have some confidence and have some fun girl!

I was always very shy when I was your age and worried too much about what others would think about me. I look back now and wish so much that I had gone to those parties and dances and enjoyed myself while I was young, unmarried and childless. I can never go back now and capture the fun of what might have been and it's kind of depressing.

(OK, sorry for the mother-like lecture. Stepping slowly out of the 20's forum now, lol....)

One thing that I've learned over my years as a "fat chick" is that no matter how big I may be, I can always go out and have a great time. Don't let your weight stop you -- if you are physically able to get out, do so.

Life is short, live while you can. =D

i went to a bar a few weeks back and was dancing on the bar and my best friend was hearing someone make nasty comments about how i was too fat to be there. i didnt let it bother me i've had enough putdowns said to me in my life that i just dont care what someone else thinks of me. i enjoyed my night reguardless of what was hear by my best friend.
live your life dont let your weight/appearance or anything hold you back from having fun and living life
<3 :D

I don't think there is one person that hasn't felt that way, even if they weren't overweight. Keep your chin up and aleast you are thinking of going to the gym and not the fridge. I wish you luck.

I think you do care, obviously, that's why you mentioned it. But,, consider the source. They were ignorant. One of these days, when you lose your weight, you make sure you remember and never say the same of other fat people out just trying to have fun. good luck with everything. Dance like no one is watching!

Girl, everytime I went out walking around the block I felt like everyone was standing at their windows watching me! That's how paranoid I was half the time. It got to the point where I just said to **** with this, I'm gonna do what I want to do. You always hear the saying that you shouldn't worry about what other people think, and it's true. We live in a very judgmental world, with a very rigid set of ideas on what defines beauty.

I know this is a little off the point, but I recently watched a biography of Greta Garbo, a famous actress back in the day, who basically became a hermit in the latter half of her life because she let it be that way. She kept using the outside world as an excuse for why she couldn't do this or that. Yet she was rich as can be, but rarely ventured much beyond New York. How ironic is that?

My point is, do what makes you happy. I have lived on military posts myself, and I know how hard it is to even step out the front door with all of these buff bods around. Why not join your local Curves or other gyms exclusively for women?

OMG, I should be the poster child for Over weight and out of the house! I had and still do stand up in front of the crowd and sing my @$$ off...(figuratively speaking of course lol) I did this when I was heavy, heavier and not as heavy. Hopefully I'll get to do it not heavy at all soon....BUT NOTHING will EVER stop me! Never once did anyone say anything to me. I wonder why not? All those drunks in the bars you'd think it an invite to MOO or something. Hmm...? Maybe I'll post an unflattering pic of me on stage.....

Oh believe me I know how you feel. My DH is in the military (and can eat anything he wants and still remain thin..trust me..he doesn't work out EVER) so we live on a military base..I feel too fat to workout at the base gym so I workout at home. I know when I have to go somewhere like a job interview or something no matter what I put on I just feel too fat. :-(

so I went out last night!!!
and I didn't get depressed! and I danced - and had a blast! And the scaryish man I stupidly gave my home number (I am leaving this home in a week) did call me today - though I did not answer it. Ok he wasn't that scary - but not my type - the kind I usually attract :)

Anyway - I went out after a partially bad evening out, where the guy I thought I liked was not liking me at that moment, and flooding another girl's attn - I guess when I didnt' like him I crushed him :) haha whatever that means - anyway I was all dressed up with no place to go and went out at 10:30 - meaning getting to a bar at 11 - which in LA is touch cause it closes at 2 - but we had FUN! and went to the beach afterwords.

Go me fat chicka!

B

PS - sometimes I feel all high school now that I have to "like boys" again :)

:lol: bida - I've found "liking boys" to be way more fun than having "grown up"-style relationships.


Well, it looks like I'm a little late on this thread.. but I've often felt too gross to go out, but I guess my low self image doesn't override my desire to be around people. I've probably done the "I look stupid in everything" routine a hundred times, but I don't think I've ever not gone out because of it. For me, having cute clothes that fit (instead of cute clothes that will fit) really helps. Even if it is just one or two outfits, I like having a few safe things to wear that I don't feel self conscious in when I'm having an ugly-fat day.

yes
 

I feel this way at least once a month. No, it has no relation to the monthly visit from the maid....I just feel too fat to be looked at. I don't want people to notice me, and feel as though I should be doing other things like, working my tail off in the gym rather than going out.

I have always been self conscious! My best friend used to tell me I was self absorbed and paranoid for assuming everyone was mocking me... but it's hard not to worry when you actually HEAR the comments. Looking back, I of course worried too much...

And then something happened this friday night. I was at a party with a bunch of old friends and I was in one of those moods where I kept pulling at the bottom of my shirt because I was afraid of exposing myself. As the night progressed, my girlfriend decided that she wanted to run through the streets of Boulder naked. She doesn't have the perfect body by any means, but she sure does love herself and is quite the free spirit (obviously). She actually started a naked jogging party (I didn't join in, but got some pictures for posterity :lol:). Even though I wouldn't go so far as to have nekkid joggin' party, it made me realize that life is too short to be pulling at my shirt all night.

So I guess the moral of that ridiculous story is that I will not be wasting anymore time adjusting my shirt or sucking it in or making sure my roll isn't sticking out too much on the top of my pants. Half of your beauty is in how you work it.

So WORK IT.

I've felt like that many times.. i pretty much live in my sweats now. I dont bother to wear nice clothes because they all look bad on me and the fat just bulges out. I quit my job because of it and im dreading going back to school in september. Sorry I cant give advice, but i do know exactly how you feel. I'm sure you look better than you think you do though, the mind can play cruel tricks

For the most part, it didn't much bother me to go out with my friends (even though most of them are smaller than me). The first time it bothered me was back in April. We were at a bar & one of my friends saw someone she knew from high school. So that girl was sitting with us and she asked me if I was pregnant. I was mortified! First, who even asks that? How rude... Second, if I was pregnant, I would not be in a smoke-filled bar with a drink in my hand! *rolls eyes*

Anyhow...the others gave great advice. Don't be afraid to go out & have fun. Because life happens whether you're enjoying it or not. So you might as well have fun along the way. :)

GO OUT GIRL!!! I live in a military community (a pretty elite one at that), too. And I still have people over. I have had many days where I sit and look at myself bulge out of clothes and try and try and try to find something "decent" to wear. And a lot of the single guys have the hot little 19 y/o flat-as-a-pancake stomach gorgeous girlfriends. Not really who you want to be standing next to (being compared with?), but I go out and find that 99.9% of the people you are out with just want to have a good time and don't think to much about what you weigh... just if you want to party or not!! :D

I hate going to the lake with my boyfriend's family. All of his girl cousins are super skinny and insanely in shape and make me feel like such a blob. The worst is when they take pictures of us all together, I hate seeing the difference. I can't wait until I can strut around in a 2 piece swim suit too.

I was feeling the same way until recently... three things changed my view:

1.) I realized I was being too paranoid. For one, not as many people are judging me as hard as I judge myself... and those that do aren't worth my time anyways. I have friends/relatives who are bigger than me, but no one notices whatever bulges or flab or whatever because they're too busy focusing on the person's wonderful personality.

2.) On that same note... you can be be big and still look good... something else I've learned recently from other bigger girls. Instead of shopping with my super skinny mom who comments on my weight and picks out stuff that's more suited for her to try on, I went with some other not so skinny women my age and they showed me how to buy things that make me actually look good. It was actually sort of empowering... I learned how to accentuate the positive and hide the problem areas. And they showed me things I wouldn't normally have tried on and I ended up looking fabulous in them. Random people even said I looked hot when I wore one of the dresses to a special event. So yeah, that was a big confidence booster. For the first time in a long time, I felt genuinely beautiful... and I actually had the confidence enough to strut my stuff in front of hundreds of hoity toity size 0 beautiful people without any self doubts... it was awesome.

3.) My dad had to go in to have an angioplasty and they basically said he's probably going to have a heart attack eventually. His mother, father and brother died of heart disease... and his little sister has already had a heart attack. My dad has just started living his life... after years of working 16 hour days and being depressed when he wasn't at work, he's finally living his life and doing things that he enjoys... I want to live my life. If something happens to me, I want to know that I've done all the stuff I've wanted to do. That I've been a good friend to others. That I've had adventures and do amazing things. I want people to remember me as a happy person, if something happens to me, and I want to have happy memories of other people, if something should happen to them.

So in a few weeks I basically went from being a hermit for 7 years to going out and about town like a friggin social butterfly... which is a big deal because I was shy even before I was this big. But I had so much fun. And made new friends. And realized that it's all in my head, that people aren't sitting around basing their whole existence around making fun of me, that there are plenty of other not skinny people out there living life to the fullest and that I am indeed a beautiful person regardless of my weight. So goodbye to hermit elise and hello to the elise that actually lives, that makes memories, makes friends, that dances and has adventures while I still can.

Good for you Elise:carrot:

I also went out, granted it was just a small town street dance, and I was usually dancing with my 3 year old niece BUT it was great to get out! Next weekend my kids will be at a babysitters----- the WHOLE weekend -----can't wait! Def need to make some plans:D

i'm going out on wednesday. wish me luck!!

YES! I have gained about 40 of the 60 pounds I lost about 3yrs ago since then, I never want to see old friends and even now I hate to see my mom. I hate feeling like everyone is thinking "oh my god look how much weight she has gained back" most days if I didn't have to leave the house I wouldn't

well here's a kicker for ya. I beat myself up for years about my weight (never going out because I thought I was too fat) and decided to do something about it this year - so I've been really working to lose the weight. About 2 months ago I was feeling a little better about myself and decided to go out with a girlfriend. While we were waiting in line to get into a club, these guys were heckling everyone. When we stuck up for ourselves, the guy looks at me and said "Don't worry sweetie, they don't let fat girls into that club anyway." Arrrgh! I totally feel like all my negative thoughts over the past few years have been reinforced. Blech!!!

So, how did it go? Hope you had fun!

Well, I went out this weekend, but we didn't do much. It rained most of the weekend and I just felt kinda blah, like I might be getting sick. It was nice to have a weekend free with the DH, might have to do it again soon, when I am feeling better.
What a jerk! :hug: Don't let it get to you, next time have a quick comeback handy instead! Don't let it ruin your good-time.