Dating trouble please help
 

okay with out writing a novel.. ill tell you a lil about whats goin on.. i was married in december my husband gave me divorce papers.. our divorce was final i think in april.. dont really know cause i dont talk to him and he said he had a court date but i really dont know.. hes already with someone else whom he has already prosed to..(arg that hurt at first but i am just glad he found someone to make him happy) but now to me i really like this guy i dont want to many peoplearound me knowing about it cause i feel it maybe to soon(is it?) he really likes me. nad weve been hanging out.. but i have this really weird senstaion that i am cheating..( iknow i am not i know its over betweem me and my husband i just feel like its wrong) is that dumb? this new guy is like the total opposite of my ex.. well for what i know about him he actually makes me happy.. i just need to know hsould i go out with this guy?

Go for it sugarbutt!
I don't think you should hold back, especially if he makes you happy. Just take things slow and see what happens. :)

I totally agree. If you're happy with him, keep seeing him! Remember, you are no longer with your ex so you are not trapped by him, nor will you be trapped by this guy. Date him, and you can always get out of it if it doesn't work out for some reason.

i agree. i think if you feel good about this guy you should date him. just take it slow and let him know where you're coming from.

I say go for it, too. You dont need to hole up in a cave for a year or a set amount of time. However, dont rush into anything (marriage!). Remember you've been through a big change and you need to at least consider the possibility that this new guy may just be a rebound relationship. Someone to make you feel good about yourself again. So go for it, try to move on with your life, but dont make any life-altering decisions just yet.

Go for it! I have been married and divorced, and I had similar feelings to you about dating, but the best thing for me was to just date. It helped me to get over the horrible past and realize that guys really aren't all that bad. :) Oh, and the guy I started dating right after my divorce is who I've been with for one-and-a-half years. I'm so happy!

I hate to be the only to disagree but I think that if you are having issues (as you stated), that maybe it is too soon. Give yourself some time to heal! It has barely been any time at all. It might be good to be alone for a while.

you haven't had a good start to the year :hug:

i am in two minds about what you should do. on one hand i say go for it if that is what you feel. if you are hesitant because for you it feels too soon, then don't do it.

i recently came to the conclusion that if you are hesitant and um and ah about it too much, you shouldn't take the step.

i have always taken the approach to fall in love as often as you can and i always jumped into relationships two feet first. yes i got hurt and yes i moved on eventually. despite the heartbreaks, i wouldn't change a thing.

if you feel you are still fragile from your previous relationship it may not be the best idea. only you will know. certainly don't hesitate because of your ex - only make the decision for you.

thanks so much for the advice.. today i talked to a few people like daisy um and ahing to much i realy not doing to much of that.. i really dont want other people to think that i am to stupid to go out on a date..(sry i have low self-esteem.. i am working on it) but anyways while talking to people most of em where happy to see my eyes light up when we talked about him.. only one said i shouldnt even be his friend cause he has to much baggage(shes kinda hoping id date her fiances friend) i know i want this more than anything hes sweet and careing and everytime hes around he makes me laugh..

i guess i am just scared that **** end up being liek my ex.. and i dont wanna feel that low ever again..
now this is kinda lame but i made a list of a bunch of things that i wanted in a guy that i wanted to be with.. and everything that i know about him so far matches whats on the list.. is that dumb that i am goin off a list to find a better guy than the ex..

Sugar butt

you know someone said to me the other day..."they dated for 4 years, and she is seeing another guy. They have ONLY been broken up for 2 months"

I don't think one can put a time limit on a person's readiness to begin a new relationship... when you are ready, you are ready. I say go for it just take it slow...be open and honest with him about your past marriage.

Perhaps this "cheating" feeling you're having is a sign that you aren't ready? I think any marriage that ends takes time to heal from (we aren't men afterall! ;)). I also think moving on can help that process, but maybe take it a little slow? I've had that feeling before and part of it was because I wasn't yet comfortable with the new person. Nice and easy, right?

yes i have decided to talk to the new guy about it and tell him (cause he really likes me) that we have to take it slow.. and explain everything.. thanks everyone for your help

Good luck! Move on girly! He's moved on, so should you. You deserve to be happy :)

Go for it!!! I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, it's for the best but still hard, and I started seeing someone amazing right away. I get concerned about time frames and what others were thinking about me, but my mom keeps saying "if it feels good, go with it!"

I also felt like a cheater, even though we were completely over and he had feelings for someone else. I guess it will go away in time.

Always choose the path that leads to your happiness, screw everything else!!! :P


~jess~

Yay, sugarbutt! Good luck. I hope everything goes well. Like Jess said, your ex has moved on -- and he is your "ex" -- so why not just go on a date with a great guy? Have fun!

I think once you go a date, you can figure out your feelings for sure. If you don't feel good about it or feel it's too soon, don't go on another date for awhile. Just take everything slow.