[callmeMRSKarpie]

and I'm fat. sh**

I grew up thinking I was fat when I really was at a healthy perfect weight. But growing up in Hawaii surrounded by surfer babes, teeny tiny Asian girls, and my Asian mother comparing me to them, it is no wonder I had such a distorted view of my body. It wasn't until I went away to college till I was finally happy with who I was. It also helped that I was away from my mother's judgmental eyes. I met a lovely man while i was studying abroad and I figured this is it, I'm gonna get married soon and have the wedding of my dreams. Fast forward 5 years, the proposal never came and I gained 30 lbs.

After I broke up with my ex I returned home to my home state of Hawaii... back under the same roof as my mother who now had 30 more pounds of me to judge. I can't pinpoint exactly what happened in the last year and half...it could have been the stress of living with my parents after being away for 10 years, or being able to work from home, or the fact that I met the love of my life and DGAF, but I gained 20 more lbs. I don't even recognize my body anymore and couldn't tell you what my pant size is. My closet is full of maxi dresses and that's it. I can't remember the last time I wore a bra that was comfortable. Ugh! I'm hiding in shame, hoping to not see anyone I know if I ever leave the house. And just 3 weeks ago, my wonderful boyfriend asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. The minute I said yes, I thought... crap, wtf am I going to wear?


So here begins my journey back to my original weight. My wedding is in October and I gotta get a dress at least 2 months before (I'm fine with getting a dress off the rack). I'm going to use this thread as my daily check - in. Post happy news, sad news and the dreaded what I ate today posts that none of my friends or family want to hear. While the wedding may be the reason for starting this all, I know in the end this will be the start to a better healthy life. Dang I am so excited! LET'S DO THIS!

= 5 lbs lost

[PyrettaBlaze]

Congratulations on your engagement! And best wishes for the weight loss journey!

[wendybirdx]

Hey you're getting married around my birthday! Haha
And congratulations on the engagement!! I bet it'll be a flawless day

I'm so glad you realized your perspective was distorted. It's really hard for people to let go of those views sometimes, especially when the toxic mentality is encouraged by family members.

Aw well I hope you get to your goal weight! You have a good focus so far so I hope to see you get there!

[Savemykissesx]

Congratulations on getting married, you can do it and you can be the woman you want to be. (:

[LettuceDoThis]

Congratulations on your engagement! You can definitely make amazing strides in the time leading up to your wedding, but it's going to be magical and you're going to look stunning no matter what the number on your dress size.

[MauiKai]

I can sympathize with the distorted image. Now, I wish I were as "fat" as I was in high school when I weighed 150lbs. It's also hard being somewhere that has so many bathing suits so much of the time!

Good luck!

[nickilaughs]

Welcome and congratulations. So you got about 7 months. You can make huge changes in that time. I've lost almost 20 lbs in half that time and I'm going slow.
Make your rules. One at a time. I started with no soda. Water and green tea only.
Then I said, no more fast food. Home meals.
Then, hit the gym 3 x a week. My goals there morphed over time.
Then I said, ok 5 veggies a day should be a goal.
Each of those little changes morphed into a huge diet transition without feeling overwhelmed.
I also made small weight goals. Each goal one no more than 7 lbs, so when I met that goal, it wasn't a long wait to hit the next goal and I feel more accomplished. I'm a lb away from my third mini goal. Had I just said "oh I need to lose 40 lbs" I still wouldn't feel like I've really accomplished anything, because no goals had be met. Don't know if that makes sense, but it's a mind trick more than anything that seems to help me.
Good luck on your journey!