Riestrella - That's exactly it. I don't think at all that someone needs to be or should be "thin" to start dating. Not even a little bit. It's just I don't feel good right now and when you don't feel good you don't want to be noticed that way.
I think where I feel "pressure" is that I'm wasting my 20s. I'm fine being single. I really am. I'd like marriage and I'd like kids but I don't need it right now. However, I feel like I *should* be dating different guys, getting out there, meeting new people, enjoying being single, I just don't want to. It's so easy for me to clam up. I'm not a shy or socially awkward person in the least, but I feel like as I am now is not representative of who I really am...
But seriously, thank you guys for your advice. It helps to hear that it's okay to take time to spend on myself.
If you feel like you're not wasting your 20's, then you're not! I think you might be feeling like you should be dating/getting out there because that's what people expect someone to do in your position. It's kind of like when people tell each other that if they're in a pub/bar they SHOULD drink alcohol. Personally I'm not a huge alcohol drinker, I honestly just don't like the taste/think it's overpriced, but I always get so much sh!t if I choose a soft drink. Sometimes I do give into peer pressure, and I hate that I do because it's not what I want! Sorry to vent, but basically what I'm getting at is don't let peer pressure make you feel you're wasting time/not living happily.
Really take some "me" time to figure yourself out, do something you enjoy on your own and start to improve your life slowly but surely. Never feel guilty for doing what feels comfortable for you (unless you're like murdering people of course ), because this is your life and no one else's.
JesslanRose: We're the same person! And an outgoingness-supplement???? How did i miss that? I'm huge into supplements etc so I'll definitely be researching that! I have friends that try to drag me out to do things at clubs and bars and they're not my scene. Maybe you need a wingman/wingwoman to check out a few venues in your area. Even if it's as a one off, occasional night out sort of thing that maybe YOU can drag your friend to.
Here's my advice for everyone who eventually wants to find love, regardless of their weight or body issues:
Don't date. Or, don't try to, anyway.
Go out and do stuff you love, and stuff you find fun. Join group activities. Go hiking, or fly fishing, or learn karate. Or take up astronomy, or take a painting class. Photography. Cooking. Go out and DO STUFF and meet people and make friends. Do it because you like it and you're having fun! And eventually, if you try your hardest NOT to look every which way for the person you'll end up with, you'll form a connection with someone who kinda likes you, kinda more than a little bit.
Then you'll find a relationship based on something more than what you look like or how much you weigh.
gymrat, I think it is excellent that you recognize that you're not interested in dating right now, and why.
I've definitely been there. This was about 4-5 years ago, I decided to focus on ME. I took myself out on trips by myself. I was living in a new area, so I did a lot of exploring. I went to a winery alone, I went on hikes alone. I also went out a lot with friends and coworkers, but I really really just had this mindset that I wanted to enjoy doing things for me. So I did. And man I made some really awesome memories that year! I had lots of introspective time, too, figuring out what I wanted in life. But I did not get attached to anyone. I didn't think about it, didn't want it (but thankfully, no one bugged me about it either).
And then I moved back home because my job was over, I had gained a bunch of weight, life was ****, I started working retail as a last resort, decided it was time to lose some weight, lost some weight, felt amazing, and the next thing I knew I was dating. It was like I became a magnet all of a sudden, right when things fell into place in my life. Just 6 months after moving back home, I met the guy I've been with for almost four years now (of course, I gained back all the weight I lost times two haha!). Things just rolled right into place because I was finally in the right mindset.
It's really really hard to put dating out of your mind when people are constantly talking to you about it, but just keep reminding yourself that you are not on anyone else's timeline. At the very least, you need to start enjoying your life...it sounds like you're so down on yourself that you haven't even been able to do that. So start to pick yourself up and put yourself back together. Hide friends on Facebook if they're making you jealous. Spend time with the people who make you feel good about yourself. Wear things that make you feel good about yourself. You got this, and you've got plenty of time to date later when you're ready for it.
toastedsmoke - wow, it totally feels like we are the same person. That's hilarious.
faiora - That's an excellent point. That's how I want to meet someone - where we don't have to go and sit across from each other at dinner and know it's a date, but when you're just out, enjoying yourself, and things build from that. It doesn't help that my career is primarily women.
It's nice to see I am not the only one. I've been single for *so* long, and I'm very comfortable being single.
), because this is your life and no one else's.
