Hi all,

I'm a single girl in my mid-20's. In the last year and a half, I have gained over 30 pounds. I have been battling some health issues and have moved and changed jobs. It's been a very difficult time for me. In the past I was always able to lose weight as soon as I put in a little effort. Over the past year and a half I have tried every diet imaginable. I only seem to gain more weight. After so many diets and no results, I feel as if I've lost my willpower. I date frequently, but in the back of my mind I find myself questioning if I would be settling with anyone that I meet at this weight. What's wrong with men willing to date me at this weight? When I lose weight will there be an even better pool to choose from? I see pictures of myself and feel as if I'm wasting my youth.

I just cant's seem to shake this weight. I would love some words of encouragement or a buddy. Does anyone else feel this way?

This is me over the past few years. I'd love to get back to the 120's!

Soon2Bslender, is it possible that the medical issues or meds are causing you to hold onto weight? That can happen sometimes.

I think you should figure out what type of diet (eating plan) you should be following based on what kinds of foods you like. If you try to make yourself eat foods that are considered "diet foods" your body will still crave the types of foods you actually like.

People of all sizes and shapes date. Physical appearance is only part of what a person is attracted to. Sometimes it is personality or common interests. Looking better can be a great incentive for losing weight. We all want to look our best. But don't feel that you will attract a "better" guy if you are thinner. If someone rejects you because of your size then he's a shallow person and not someone you want to be with anyway. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If someone dates you, it is because he likes you, the whole person, not just your looks. and this should be why you date him, too. No one knows what size either of you are going to be 20 years from now.

It's very possible that something medical is causing me to hold on to weight. I have been trying to get my thyroid under control, I have hypothyroidism. I have IBS which acts up when I go on low carb diets. Unfortunately, I lose weight best when I go low carb. I also have asthma which I've been having trouble with, I cough when I do any cardio. This past year I went off of my preventative migraine medication. My migraine medication is known to mess with weight and appetite, I've heard of people gaining quite a bit when they go off. I also went back on BC to control some other issues and limit hormonal migraines.

I know that you're right about dating. My family has made a lot of comments about me being a 7 or an 8 right now, but a 10 when I'm at my lighter weight. They've said things about it limiting my career and dating options. I've also had comments from guys that I've dated. The last guy I was in a committed relationship mentioned my weight constantly (I didn't gain anything while dating him). A guy that I've been seeing recently added me on Facebook and then started showing me photos of how fit I was a couple of years ago. Another, very sweet guy, that I'm seeing has made mention of my having a real body and not being a stick. I realized that I'm definitely categorized a girl with a fuller figure and that's not something I'm used to. At one point, I was a paid promotional model. I don't need my great figure to be a defining characteristic, but I'd rather my weight not be a descriptor at all. I just want to feel healthy and get back to an average healthy weight.

How long are our sticking with each "diet"? Did you give them each at least a month? It takes time for the body to adjust and make changes, so if you were diet hopping after only a week or two I'd pick one and stick with it for awhile.

As for men, why wouldn't they want to be with you at the weight you are now? Are you an evil b!tch with no personality that transforms into a sweet, caring, giving person at 115 pounds? Probably not. You are who you are no matter your weight and given that at some point in a stable long term relationship you may put on a little weight, I don't know that I'd want to be with someone who only preferred me at my thinnest.
Otoh, had I lost my 100+ pounds before I met my husband, I'd probably never have considered dating him. He's a big guy, but he's the sweetest, funniest man I have ever met and we finished each other sentences from the moment we met. We often speak without speaking. He has given me two gorgeous kids that I wouldn't have if I had the opportunity to date a "hot" guy.
I'd say, date who YOU like, yes, the pool will expand when you're thinner, but that isn't necessarily a good thing.
Good luck!

I think you need to stop pressuring yourself to look a certain way. It sounds like you're very guilty for gaining weight, why? You can most definitely find a way to lose weight if that's what you want, but your mental state won't benefit your efforts if you're constantly worrying about how you've gained. I think you need to release all the bad vibes you seem to be carrying with you and take a deep breath and start afresh. Personally I don't like diets, losing weight is a change in your life so learning about nutrition and what's good for you/what isn't is key. Getting some exercise in at least 3 times a week will help your confidence and motivate you to continue eating better. I always suggest counting calories to start, cut down on processed foods and try your best to eat clean. You will see results, unless of course, there is some medical condition you don't know about like others have mentioned. But I agree with izzy, your body will need time to adjust, but you just have to be consistent and don't give up and hop around different diet plans because you don't see instant results. Weight loss can be a horribly slow process, but it's a learning curve too which you have to experience.

As for the whole dating thing, I'm just gonna be blunt and say stop being so silly . Date if you want to date, don't date if you don't want to. Take some "me" time to figure yourself out and the rest will sort itself out.

After reading through the wonderful comments that others have already left I'm hopping on to add my opinion because I'm in my mid-20s as well.

Between 16-18 years old I lost 78 lbs and had amazing confidence. I felt like I was doing everything right. At 19, I started to gain weight back...and after getting married, changing jobs, changing apartments, and dropping out of school I gained 50 lbs back and felt miserable. I felt like you, like I was once thin and that I was wasting my life and if I could only get back down in weight I'd be happier. I eventually started losing weight again, but I stagnated for a good year once I decided that I was going to try and lose it all again. Life isn't about your weight. If you're obsessing over what you used to be like and how things could be better if you were thinner then you might be wasting your life over that and not because you're heavier now.

Your difficulties in losing weight could be medical...I'd ask the doctors that are giving you your medications and see what they might have to say or what solutions they might have for your current weight. If there is something in your medication affecting your body it'd be best to find out so you don't feel like it's your fault when you feel like diets are failing you.

For dating I wouldn't worry over it. If a guy loves you for your body and not you, you don't want him. The right man will love you no matter what weight so don't feel self conscious about it when you're dating. I will tell you that my husband started dating me when I was at my heaviest, at my lightest, and when I yo-yoed back up. You don't have to be thin to date or find love.

Good luck with your weight loss and with your dating!

Wow, it sounds like you have a lot of health stuff going on, and being on medications can change a lot...

My thought is that you'd be best off finding a diet (and by diet I don't mean weight loss plan - I mean a plan for what types of food you eat) that works well with your health issues and makes you feel as good as you can feel. Figure out what triggers your IBS, migraines, etc. and try and work with those before you worry about losing weight.

Keeping a food diary can help a lot. I use MyFitnessPal, which is easy, but I hear LoseIt is good, and a good old fashioned notebook works too. If you track what you're eating it might be easier to figure out what's causing you the most problems.

Your health is the most important reason to lose weight... so if your plan to lose weight is going to make it more difficult for you to be healthy, I really think you should focus on your other problems first, and get them at least somewhat under control.

As for dating... do you really want someone who is with you because of your looks? Looks change. I'm not saying physical attraction isn't important (it certainly is), but it simply can't come first and foremost. Someone who would make you feel like a bad person for gaining 20 lbs just doesn't deserve a spot in your life. I'm sorry your family makes the comments they make, and that the men in your life have focused so much on your weight (although keep in mind some, like the guy commenting on how you have a 'real body' might have just as many nice things to say if you weighed less or more).

Maybe you could try out some new hobbies and activities where you could meet people and share interests and learn some new things? I met my husband in a D&D chatroom... he wasn't really serious about D&D but it gave us a jumping-off point to talk about stuff and share interests. I'm now one of those 'lucky' women who 'stole one of the good ones' (turns out girls in his highschool had crushes on him too ) so I guess I've done alright. We've been together ~12 years now.

We all waste our youth - some from recovering from addiction, some from mental disorders, some from phobias etc. I think that there are more people who are "behind" in some way or a another than there are people who are on track because we all have strengths in some areas and are weak in others. I'm still dealing with a lot of eating and relationship issues due to things that happened in the past - but if that is it then so be it. Better than giving up entirely on yourself.

How I cope is just telling myself that I really only have two choices based on the life that I have - either spend time strengthening my particular weak areas pre-dating (relationship with food being one) or jump into life sorta uncomfortable (entering dating world but not like body). I tried the latter because I was todl that it was a disservice to myself to choose not to live life as some form of hermit selfpunishment and I was totally miserable. I'd rather suffer beforehand and feel more comfortable with myself while dating. Better to have fewer years of dating in the 20s feeling great than several feeling not-great (however that would depend on individual preferences)

That is all just beyond ridiculous and f'ed up. I can't believe your family would say something like that!

The thing is, looks are subjective. If men are commenting on your weight and your looks in a negative fashion, then you do not need men like that in your life, they will only serve to bring you down.

Don't beat yourself up because you're not "perfect". There is no such thing. A saying I like to say is that the only person who has ever been "perfect" is Jesus, and no one is Jesus.

Please go to the doctor and get a full blood panel. Thyroid issues suck (thyroid cancer survivor here), and going unchecked can only lead to more issues. I hope everything has been working out since your initial post.

And trust me, you don't need to be a "10" to meet a great guy.... in fact, I'd be weary of men who only date "10s". It screams of misogyny and shallowness.