My weight gain is spiraling out of control. I feel like I've lost all motivation and don't even know what to do anymore like I can't even remember what it feels like to look happy in the mirror. I feel like I'm dodging out of photos and canceling all these events with acquaintances. I honestly don't feel like I know what to do except go back to the gym. I'm pretty sure there are real issues behind me feeling like this. I can't fit into a lot of my clothes and it's breaking my heart. I feel like a failure in losing weight again but I don't want to hit rock bottom. When I was doing well people would tell me I was obsessed with my weight loss now that I haven't been and can't even remember what exactly I was doing I have ballooned out of control. Why did I even listen to them in the first place? I actually liked myself smaller even if people were still calling me fat. If I hit 170 pounds it will be 30 pound increase in a year.