I have been stressed about this past week for a reason. I attended a wedding where a bunch of my high school mates were present and I have been visiting with college friends I haven't seen in a year. They have all seen me at my biggest, so I had hoped for a little confirmation that my weightloss was super evident. I'm not talking "oh you lost a little" but "dang girl, what have you been doing" comment. I suppose I yearned for the compliments to confirm from outside sources (other than family) that I was looking better.
But, I got nada. :-/ It may be a little silly, but at this point I do want people to notice and comment. I was just shocked nothing was said and it bummed me out a lot.
I guess I'm just feeling gross about myself again. I hit onderland (yay) but I'm stuck in the in between stage where no pants fit me. Some 18s don't fit (too small), some are too massive, and I'm just all over the chart. I want to cry. I really need a pick me up. I'm seeing another set of friends this evening, so hopefully I'll get their support.
P.S. I hate my lower half. Stupid thighs and hips.
It's not silly! You have worked hard and have lost a lot and you would like recognition! Especially at a wedding where everyone is all dressed up. I get it, I would have been sad/irritated at that too.
So all I can say is "DANG GIRL! You look AMAZING, what have you been doing?"
I understand about being in between sizes! Give it more time for your body to adjust and catch up. I am in between sizes, 18 is too big, 16 is too small (well I can zip it up but it gives me a muffin-top, no thanks!) so I am a 17, thanks to my big thighs and hips.
That stinks that no one commented or noticed your progress but think about this for a minute- maybe they didn't want to bring attention to it.. I know some people are sensitive when it comes to weight issues and maybe they felt if they brought it up, they would be embarrassing you or something like that? I don't know, just a thought.
You have done an amazing job so far, keep it up!!! Hope you get the pick-me-up you need this evening.
I totally get wanting the acknowledgement that you worked your tail off literally. I know how upsetting it must have been for you. The only thing I can think of is that they were so excited to see you, it didn't occur to them to mention the weightloss. Or, maybe even better in some ways, you carried the higher weight so well that it's not apparent to people that you don't see every day.
Sometimes people get funny about mentioning weightloss. I, for one, never ever mention someone's weightloss to them. Never ever. I am too wrapped up in my own insecurities whether I am on the losing or gaining side and just can't ever find the right words to say. I know that sounds awful but it's true.
You have done amazing and I am so happy for you. Keep doing what you are doing. You have made yourself a fitter and more healthy person, that's the part that matters most!!
It's really not silly at all. I feel the same way. It's one thing to hear it from people who see you everyday, because well, they see you everyday. It's not like they see you once every couple weeks where you can tell something looks different.
I have friends who I don't see often and when I do, I always wait to see if they would say anything. I have this friend who was big his whole life, I think his heaviest he was 325 - he's now down to the 100's. He's the one person I look at for motivation because he went through obstacles and stuck with it. He's really the one person who when they compliment me, I feel better. Sometimes though, people may not say anything, just in case. I know some people who will never comment on people's weight loss because they don't want to offend them or say something bad. It's weird, but whatever. Don't get discouraged! All that matters is how you feel!
Yeah, I hate to say this but... I think validation from college/high school friends is like 87% of the reason I am sticking to all this. Followed by 6% I want to dress in awesome clothes, 4% I want to not feel judged when looking for a new job, and 3% Baby/family planning/health.
Its crappy that you didn't get the validation you wanted, but I agree with Mozzy and others.... sometimes, thank goodness, people have some manners and don't want to make a big fuss about it with fears that it might bother you. For example I mentioned something to my boss MONTHS after joining WW and she seemed almost relieved that I was the one that finally brought my weight loss up. After that ice breaker, so to speak, she asks me all the time about my successes, and how its all going. I appreciated that behavior on her part, but now that the cat is out of the bag, they better stop bringing brownies in to share!!
You hit onederland! You definitely deserve recognition and compliments. As others have said, I think sometimes people are afraid to talk about it because they think they might offend you. I once had a guy tell me "Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like you've lost weight." Like I would be offended at being told I looked thinner! People can be weird about it, but I know it still feels good when your hard work gets noticed.
i totally understand the feeling!! when i went back to work at my school in January, after losing about 15lbs and not having seen anyone in over a month, i was expecting people to comment, and most especially one very loud and not-shy coworker, but no one said anything and i was really upset. even now that i've lost 25lbs, i ran into her last week on the street and it was super warm so i was in a t-shirt and skinny jeans, and she said NADA. i'm like "what is wrong with you, woman?!!" lol.
the point is though, we are doing this for us. for us, it's such a big deal that we think the world should stop and acknowledge us, but for others, it has nothing to do with them, so even if they notice, they don't really care. also, some people are really thick and don't even notice!!!
i know it's nice to feel acknowledged for your hard work, but don't let that define how good you feel about yourself! ultimately, you are doing this for yourself, and you''re the one who has to look in the mirror and say "dang, girl! you look hot!"
First off, hugs to you. I know how good it feels to get validation for all of your hard work. You've lost a lot and should feel really good about that.
I recently had lunch with a friend from high school that I hadn't seen for about three years since our last high school reunion. My weight loss did come up, but only after I brought it up. My friend said that I looked just as he remembered me. He said that he didn't even remember me looking heavy at the reunion. I truly believe him too.
Given my experience, I wonder if your friends honestly didn't notice your loss for similar reasons. I'm wondering if time has a way of making us forget how much someone weighed.
You have lost nearly 50lbs! that is freaking amazing. I notice a lot of people do not like to comment until it becomes very apparent that you have lost a lot of weight and even still some (mostly guy friends I have noticed) just do not comment. Maybe they may feel it is insulting in a way? Do not judge your success on other people. It does feel pretty good to hear that you are doing a great job, and believe me pretty soon you will hear it every single time you see someone you haven't seen in awhile or a week lol!
The other day I took my drivers license out and asked my husband if he could see a difference in my picture. I got a flat out no lol. Then he said, well I guess your neck looks a tad different but that is it. I do not carry weight in my face. I noticed once I lost about 60 pounds I got a lot of comments.
Have you discussed your weight loss with any of these people? The reason I ask is because with 50 pounds down, darn tootin' they noticed. BUT: If your weight was never a topic that you've discussed with them, you've put them in a tough situation. They don't want to imply that there was a problem with you before, and they don't want you to think they judge you solely on the basis of your weight.
It's been my experience (and I've got about 450lbs of experience) that the overweight are assumed to be more sensitive/angry/in denial then we ever are. No one wants to make the fat girl cry. No one wants to make her say "What? You thought I was a cow before?!" It sounds ludicrous, but it is SUCH a sensitive subject.
I'm an attention whore, I needed to be validated on this journey (and I needed the motivation of not failing), so I've been vocal about my loss. This makes people feel more comfortable saying something about it.
Thank you all for the encouragement, guys. I'm very appreciative of the support. My assumption is they were nervous to talk to me about it in person. Some knew I was losing and some had not seen me since high school. However, I graduated from a town where everyone knows everyone (graduating class of 50-60 people) so they do remember me. Hehe. So, my hope is that next time the change will be so drastic they won't know what to say because they're dumbfounded.
On a more happy note, there were friends who noticed and were encouraging. I appreciated their kind and encouraging words. This has been the hardest/easiest thing to do in my life. I now feel I have the support and knowledge to keep pushing until my goal. One of the most encouraging is buying clothes in regular sizes in stores! My lower end is still being stubborn, but my upper half can wear larges! It's been motivational to go into stores with my friends and be able to try on rather than watch them and comment.
Last edited by Scondy; 03-30-2013 at 10:52 AM.
Reason: Sorry for spelling errors. Typed on my iPhone.
While it is true that some folks just don't want to comment for fear that its a sensitive subject, there are also those that are....ahem....jealous? Envious?
Don't give it a second thought girl! Just keep on losing and feeling your best!
A Little Sad :-/
I really need a pick me up. I'm seeing another set of friends this evening, so hopefully I'll get their support.
