Hello everyone! (
Maddie, I'm here!! <3)
Well the last week has been a bit crazy for me, in fact the month of March has been pretty hectic in general! I knew it was going to happen and I've made a few discoveries about myself in the process.
The last time I wrote here I was talking about how being around my boyfriend threw me off my groove and how depression had made me feel bummed out in general. I also complained about how I can be really good in a week and then go crazy on the weekend. Well last Sunday I went to lunch out with my boyfriend (ate something unhealthy of course) and we got to talking about my weight loss. He pointed out to me something that is obvious but I had never considered before, and it's made me change the way I'm thinking about weight loss in general now. Holy wow, right?
Basically he told me that he's noticed that when I get focused about losing weight I set up a lot of rules for myself and a lot of scheduling happens. So I'll tell myself I HAVE to work out these days and I HAVE to eat this, this and this these days too. But when something happens, like I have a social event, I tend to let myself go and then it makes me feel guilty that I've broken the rules. That's when I get discouraged, when I've been knocked off routine I find it hard to get back on it again.
It was hard hearing it, because I always prided myself on making lists and plans and trying hard to stick to them. But he said that when I was 200 lbs that system worked wonders, I'm down 45 lbs through losing weight by strict orders I gave myself. But now that I've got 20 ish lbs to go I need to start making healthy living a part of my every day life. He said that I can't plan life in advance, I have to start absorbing a healthy mentality where I WANT to eat healthy and I WANT to work out; instead of feeling like I HAVE to and if I don't I get upset.
So I walked away from that conversation feeling like I do need to change my way of thinking. I do need to just BE healthy! My feelings towards this new attitude is quite weird, because I feel relaxed that I don't have to be super hard on myself but on the other hand I almost WANT to be hard on myself because I'm so used to it. But in the last 6 months I've been in one huge stall - I've not lost any weight in that time because of feelings of guilt.
I'm now slowly but surely putting this new plan in action starting with my eating. I used to just wing it in terms of what I would have for dinner, but working with young kids full time is so draining that by the end of the day the easiest options were always the most unhealthy. So this week I went for a BIG shop. I bought ingredients for good home made food for the whole week. It's been great! I've loved not having to worry about shopping every night after work - I just went home and used what I had.
I've also tried my hardest to cut out soda. As much as I love it, I need to stop drinking it and treating myself with it. A problem we discussed was my tendency to not drink Coke but then when I was at a restaurant that's all I would drink. It's going to be a challenge, since tonight I'm going out with friends, but I'm going to do my best to stay away from the stuff!
But in general, I'm trying to make healthier choices and really THINK about the food I'm eating. Not just cramming it into my mouth because I know it's going to taste delicious, but thinking "is this good for me? has this got any nutritional value?" if the answer is no then I'm going to try my best to decline the opportunity to eat it.
As for exercise, well my aim is to work out AT LEAST 3 times a week. But really embrace exercise again! I used to LOVE running and when the weather was nice my running shoes were on. Living in a city with no secluded areas nearby is difficult for me, because I hate running around people! I much prefer running in the country where I barely come across people. I'm going to try and find a park or something near by and just do laps around it or something. It's coming up to spring when the weather will be nice enough to do it. But in the meantime I haven't given up on my Body Revolution goal! I still intend to finish it! But once Body Revolution is over I do hope I can be running again. I miss it!!
To sum up my exercise ramblings - I want to enjoy it again not feel like I have to do it or it's a huge chore. Once it becomes a chore then I won't want to do it! And if I tell myself I have to do it here, here and here then it'll make me think "buuut I could do it tomorrow!" and then the stall begins. I really do want to be thin and healthy, I REALLY do. Sometimes my actions make it seem like I'm too lazy to reach my goal, but I know that I will be so happy in life once my weight is under control and I lead a healthy, active lifestyle. I basically changed my mindset to - I want to lose weight, I need to eat better and exercise - go, instead of - you need to lose weight, so you need to do this, this, this and this. If you break routine then you suck.
Sorry for the mega rant!! I hope you're still with me.
My week this week has been super busy because last Sunday I filmed a dance video for my friend for her wedding reception! It was a fun shoot, it felt nice to not have to fill out paperwork and do it all by the book like I did at Uni. This week I've spent my evenings editing it, and yesterday I finally finished! I'll post you a link on youtube when I upload it. I'm quite happy with it! It's nothing amazing, but I had fun and she LOVES it so that's what's important.
I worked a 6 day week last week which sucked, so this weekend is really awesome! Tonight I'm meeting with friends and tomorrow I'm going to a park nearby to see the cherry blossom trees that are in bloom for a few weeks. It's one of those iconic Japanese symbols so I'm really looking forward to seeing them!
Next week it's my boyfriends birthday, then that weekend I'm having friends over to my house then Sunday it's the wedding of the friend I made the video for. I might make one last ditch attempt at finding a dress here, but if not I have a black dress I can wear. I'm going to see about getting my hair cut too and adding some bangs...but in a side swoopy fashion. My hair is super thin so if I have full on bangs they tend to look like stupid strands of hair instead of a nice thick forehead covering fringe! I envy anyone with thick hair and I won't hear any bad things about it! Having thin hair is awful!!
My depression has also cleared up (like it's a rash, haha) and I'm feeling a lot less bummed out and happy again. I just want to enjoy life and live it to the full and not worry so much all the time about sticking to routines!! So here's to me making the right decisions because I want to and getting to my goal slowly but surely =).
I worked out a bit of a fitness plan for myself. This time instead of allocating days for each exercise I've just put it in a grid and when I do it I cross it off. So this way I still have a sort-of plan to keep me focused but I'm going to take a relaxed approach to when I do it. I've got a mix of yoga, running and home workouts (zumba, body revolution, maybe Insanity!). I love all 3 so I thought "why not just combine it all together?!" The weather is getting nicer and it's staying lighter longer so I can probably start running soon. Still a bit uneasy about running in a city, always feel like I'm going to get attacked or something haha. I know Japan is relatively safe but I'm quite a cautious person in general.
Now the epic challenge of responding to personals...
epicskyline - Sorry you gained and couldn't shake it off! Maybe try switching up your exercise?
bunna - Haha, I love getting worked out so good you can't move! Good job for sticking in there!! Congrats on the loss! A break from workouts gives your muscles a chance to recover which is always a good thing!!
augeremt - Sorry you're having a hard time with the stall! I know how you feel, I've been in one huge stall since July 2012!! Madness. But you do have to just keep going and not give up. Biking will definitely help, just make sure you're eating enough!
CONGRATULATIONS ON REACHING ONEDERLAND!! That's amazing! I know exactly how you feel about not really FEELING the weight loss but the numbers are there! I remember when one of my co-workers said "have you lost weight? you look so skinny!" I was by no means skinny but it made me feel awesome that people could tell. Good for you keep going!!
summerkate - Thanks for your words, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels depressed! You're right, you do just have to wait it out. I always count my lowest weight of the week my weekly weight!! It's better for the soul that way ;p. I'm happy that you're excited that your husband is joining you on your weight loss efforts!
And yeeeaahh for random compliments! I think there is something beautiful in seeing women who just accept their natural beauty and rock it. I see SO MANY girls here in Japan who cake themselves in makeup, wear contacts, wear false eyelashes, do all sorts of things with their hair and I think "that must take you hours to achieve! what do you look like underneath?!" If you feel confident the way you look then that's what's beautiful.
Maddie - Haha, thank you for the pep talk! You're right!! I do have to pick myself back up! But thankfully I feel better now
. Oh man, I just read your blog post - you're such an inspiration! I cannot believe how different you look now! That bottom left picture in your after picture collage is madness! Your jaw line is sharper than a knife, girl! Thanks for posting that up, it was very uplifting and inspiring. Especially since I want to lose 70 lbs total which is around what you lost. Maybe I can look as awesome as you in my after pictures!! =)
Oh man...pilates hurts SO BAD but that's also SO AWESOME. I have one of those 10 minute pilates videos and those 10 minutes suck so much a$$.
ruby - Well done on the loss, and go go go with the water! Baby steps
but I am still very much on board and I would love to be well within the 140a soon! I am normal weight now at least. Phew!
