[Misa66]

This is not very weight loss related but more like a self esteem subject but I felt like this was the correct place to post.

I haven't really logged in for a few months but I decided to get back on track and try to lose this extra weight. Of course I want to do this for myself but I am feeling VERY unmotivated at the moment and thats for the most part because of the comments some people have been making about my physical appearance, most of them from my long term boyfriend and mom.

I have recently spent a few extra dollars on my wardrobe and got a brand new haircut, I was feeling pretty good . Though since then my mom has made various and multiple remarks such as "wow that sweater looks great on you! only if you lost this.." she says as she grabs the muffin top I have or pinches the extra flabby skin i have on my arms.

My boyfriend of 4 years has also in the past 2-3 months made a lot of suggestions, as in what I should wear or do my hair and such. At first the advice and feedback I got from him was great and I liked seeing him liking that new shirt i bought or the new makeup I was wearing. But now he has started making suggestions on new piercings that would make me look "so hot" even though I've told him I do not really want any more (I have 4 piercings aside from my ears.) He has even gone as far as bringing up breast implants. Im naturally a 34DD so thats not bad right?

All of that and the fact that I put on an extra few pounds over the holidays have significantly brought down my self esteem. I really love doing my makeup and hair (I'm 23 by the way.) I love going shopping, browsing stores online and playing with my makeup. Already feeling kinda down about my body, and them knowing that but still making such remarks has brought me to a place where I dont really even care to dress up and what not. Going to work I just get up brush my hair and thats it as far as my "beauty" regime. When it comes to going I feel like its pointless to make myself up because someone will say something nice then put it down with a "but".

Have any of you ever felt this way? Or am I just being silly and over sensitive? Sigh, I just needed to vent because I dont feel like I'm justified to feel like this :/

[KawaiiCandie]

ok well first of all, tell your bf off cuz he's being a little bit douche-y... who complains about 34DD boobs?!?! if he's not happy with how you look, he can take a hike! and second, well, moms will be moms...

i do know how you feel though. it certainly isn't nice to be on the receiving end of those comments, especially when you KNOW you have gained a bit of weight and really should get around to losing it, but just can't make yourself care enough to actually do something about it.

i know. i was there all last year. i finally got my kick in the butt in november. but before that i would just keep on stuffing my face, while getting more and more frustrated at my ever-expanding belly (and arms...). i knew i should lose weight but each attempt to "be good" would last only a day or two before i returned to junk. you say you want to do this for yourself, but you really don't. when the time comes when you do, really REALLY wanna do this for yourself, you'll do it, and you'll commit to it. if you're not ready then you're not ready, and it's not like there's anything wrong with that either. just don't make other people's opinions feel like you HAVE to do something about it.

losing weight when you love food too much is just crazy hard, so you need to have really strong motivation. if it's not there, you'll just end up failing and yo-yo-ing and maybe even fatter than you started out at. just take a deep breath, think about this really hard, and decide to do this for you and forget what others are saying.

or don't, and learn to be happy with yourself the way you are, after all, 160 is really not that bad wish i was there myself!

good luck!

[Psychic]

People are rarely happy for others that lose weight unless they've struggled through the same thing. Its to be expected from your mother, but try to tell her that it bothers you when she says those things.

The red flag I see is that your boyfriend is suggesting implants. You have a rather large size as it is, so this is somewhat shocking. It sounds as if he wants you to become a twisted version of you that he see's in his head. This could be an issue. Tell him you are happy with your body as it is now. If he can't accept it, it may be time to consider moving on. It sounds as if he might be unhealthy for you.

[emmablack]

I do not think you are being overly sensitive at all! That is a tough situation. I also love doing my hair and make up a lot. I love clothes and I can't wait until I am at the weight where I can start buying new clothes to really show off my weight loss.

That being said, my boyfriend always looks in to the teenage stores and says "You would look so good in that!" He just doesn't understand that not only can I not fit into "that clothing" but I would kinda look ridiculous.

My point is, he is not trying to make me feel bad I just don't think he always understands how what he says affects me. Sometimes our boys just don't think. I talked to him about it and told him how I felt and I think he understands now. I would suggest talking to him openly about it.

[Misa66]

Kawaii Candle & Psychic- thank you so much, Your posts made me feel a lot better. And yeah I don't think 34DD is too bad right? I think they just look "smaller" to him compared to my larger midsection. No breast implants for me though!

Emmablack- yeah I think he might have that same mentality as your boyfriend, he points some things out that no way would look good on me because if my body shape but guys think everything looks the same on all girls :/ and yes I will definately gather up the courage to talk to him

[JossFit]

That would be really frustrating Misa... I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

First, have you spoken to them and let them know how you feel when they make those comments? If not, maybe doing so would help the situation. With your mother, woman-to-woman, it might be easy to get your point across simply by telling her that you are working on your trouble spots and you don't need them pointed out to you. If she knows it's effecting your self-esteem rather than acting as a motivator she will likely stop, and perhaps find a way to encourage you instead.

With men it can be a bit more difficult to get them to understand. If you told him that his 'suggestions' for your body make you feel like he's trying to change you, perhaps he'd get the idea. You often have to beat them over the head and be very direct, but stating that his comments make you feel as though he doesn't find you attractive or doesn't appreciate you (and therefore you don't feel sexy) can be just the thing. After all, not feeling sexy can mean not feeling like HAVING sex, and that's a pretty big deal for a lot of men.

Good luck!

[Radiojane]

Oh honey, I really and truly get what you're going through here.

In most cases, people really don't realize how hurtful they're being, or what's motivating the comments that they're making. Weight loss and healthy changes scare a lot of men. They start to think that maybe you'll change so much you'll no longer want them, and they end up subconsciously bringing you down a notch or six to keep you there. That being said - I kind of want to make your man carry around my 42 H's for a week or so if he's suggesting implants for Double D's!

My mom knocked my ego down a little Tuesday afternoon too, and I didn't realize until I almost crawled head first into a bag of oreos how badly it affected me. I showed her my avatar picture to show her the difference in my face. She said "you altered it", like she was joking, but then she kept staring at me trying to figure out what angle I'd used to make myself look so small. I finally explained to her that my cheek was still swollen from the dental work I'd had done that afternoon. A few hours later, we stopped to see a family friend who asked about my weight loss and what I was doing. I started telling her about my eating habits, and my mom cut me off mid sentence and said "In other words, she's a fanatic", and just dismissed me.\

Now - my mom is not a mean woman, and I'd bet yours isn't either. I'd bet in both cases the intent wasn't to hurt our feelings. I think your mom, like other posters said, is trying to be encouraging. Just gently let her know that she's going about it the wrong way.