Well you say you don't like who you have become over the last four years: can you tell us what it is that's so different about you now compared to four years ago? Is it just your weight or have you changed as a person? Perhaps we can give you suggestions on how to rectify your problems if we know specifically what it is you don't like about yourself.

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have female friends. That must be so lonely. I don't mean to rub it in by saying that, I'm trying to say that it is no wonder you are sad and you MUST get some girlfriends as a priority. Are you a member of any clubs or activities?

We will lift you up. Even though we are just people on the internet ;)

Yep! I waited 30 years for the Weight Loss Fairy Godmother to come and wave her wand on me. The result was, I went from being 220 pounds when I was 20 to over 400 pounds by the time I turned 42. I don't know how many times I told myself that I was going to do something about it. I'd be in the aftermath of binging, and in my despair and regret I would vow to start on a diet the next day. But the next day would come and I was back to my old bad habits. I did this MANY times. After a while, I'd give up the pretense of trying and just deal with the fact that I was going to be fat.

For a long time the weight didn't bother me enough to do anything serious about it. I had no health problems. I married 10 years ago. Life was good. It wasn't until this year that I came to the realization that if I did not do something about my weight, I would not be around for a very long time. At my age, it is not uncommon for people my size to start having very serious health problems -- or die -- due to obesity. And with three young children and a wife, I want to be around for them as long as can. So, I decided to do something about it about 4 months ago. In these past four months I've gone from 405 pounds to 315 pounds. I still have a long way to go, but I've come a long way so far. And now I know that I have the will to go all the way.

The reason why I am telling you this is that you have to be ready to lose the weight. And once you are ready, you have to have a plan, and then follow that plan. There is a saying "If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail." I believe that wholeheartedly, because all those times I said I was going to do something about my weight -- and did not do it, I had no plan. Now that I do have a plan to follow, it is much easier to stay on track. Getting started was the hardest part. After that, it was all downhill.

You can do it! I know you want to do it. But in order to do it, you have to really be ready to make a commitment to yourself. You're worth it. So do it! One thing for sure is that you will get all the help, support and encouragement right here. :)

I bet you have many more friends than you know.

Hugs, you are a beautiful person and your sweet, sensitive personality shows in your face.

You can deal with the weight, it doesn't define you.

A lot of things happen in our lives that make us feel inadequate or rattled or upset. Life goes on.

It is all good.

that is amazing Joefla. i love hearing stories like yours.

but when is it my turn to say ok this is it. this is when I'm doing it not just today or this week.. forever?

Amarantha.. no , technically I have zero female friends. there is one that texts me here and there when she is having man issues. but hang out etc... be a girl with .. no I do not.

I wish I was in the state of mind to think life goes on... but I'm not. I don't know. I don't know what to say anymore

it literally feels like im addicted to the high i get shoveling food in my mouth
the more im thinking, the more im sad, the more im stressed, the more i eat and then just want to go to sleep and then in a week ive gained 5 more pounds

Only you can decide that its time. I too am addicted to food. That hasn't changed. Not only am I addicted to junk food, but I'm a compulsive over-eater. When I was finally ready to make a change in my life, I set my mind to it and started with a plan. The weight came off pretty quick, and I found that the results (seeing the numbers on the scale go down) became addicting. In fact, that became more addicting than any desires I had to eat junk. Now that I've lost a lot of weight, I won't let myself deviate from my plan because I don't want to jeopardize my weight loss.

Its hard for me to understand what you are going through because even at the peak of my weight -- for some reason -- I was never depressed. For some reason I was ok with weight, and did nothing about it, when I should have been disgusted with myself.

But if you are this depressed over your weight, then turn that into your motivation to make a change. You can do this! Heck, if I can do it, I know that ANYBODY can.

Patience is key, you can't make the weight go any faster. If you only focus on the results you'll never be happy. You won't magically become happy when you're skinny (maybe you will but it's not a cure for feeling worthless)

Just work on you for a while (:
Hope this makes sense kind of.

He probably wanted to say hi but got shy or something, Don't sweat it :D

Joefla.... you're awesome!

What if I said now? How would that make you feel? What if I said now is the time and tonight you just decided to start doing it? What would be your first step? Just think of your first step, even just a little step, what would it be?

Why? No friends leftover from high school or college? No friends through work? Or just nobody that interests you?

As for the guy seeing you in the store - just open your mind to the possibility that you MAY have been projecting your own feelings and assuming that was his reaction, but it could have been anything... or nothing.

I think you should take a step back and look at your situation and take your weight out of it. You have a fiancé and a child? Well you have a fiancé!! You have a man who loves you, if he didn't I'm sure he wouldn't be wanting to marry you, that's something quite a bit of women don't have. Second you have a child, a child's love is unconditional, try and see into your babies eyes and see what he/she sees when they look at you, a mommy. Try and visualize that, then use that for inspiration to do better! To provide structure for your child, and show them a healthy way to live for their health and future :) I can understand how it can feel to be unhappy. But weight can only be a portion of it, sit back and look at your entire life. I guarentee if you start texting friends to hang out you'll find someone who is more than excited to hear from you. Just keep your head up and think about what amazing things you do have

Truthfully a fiance and a child is great but women need that one true girlfriend to confide in! At least that's the case for me.

Aww, thanks! :o

Good points.

:hug: Whew. I have no great words of wisdom to impart, I just wanted to say I have experienced something similar and I know that it's no fun.

A few years ago I saw a former friend at a restaurant. This guy had pursued me throughout high school and was always so nice to me. When you mentioned that "deer in headlights" look, I know exactly what you are referring to. When we ran into each other at this restaurant, it was like he accidentally stumbled across a sleeping bear and wanted to evacuate the scene as quickly and quietly as possible. The friend he was with stopped to talk to my friends, but this guy looked at me and literally started inching away.

It was mortifying, and for a while I replayed the event over and over in my head thinking what was so loathsome about me to cause this kind of reaction. To this day, I don't know, and honestly don't care. I know that it is not something I myself would ever do to anyone, and I really do not know what kind of person would be so outright rude.

For me, my time is better spent with people who love and accept me how I am now, not how I looked 50 pounds ago. You have a fiancee and a child, that is awesome! You are clearly beautiful whether or not you are at your ideal weight. You have a lot going for you, I hope you forget this incident and are able to focus on the positives in your life.