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Old 10-17-2012, 01:06 PM   #1  
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Default Fears, oh god the fears!

So I've agreed to go on two vacations next year (one in February and one in August) that both involve waterparks as one of the attractions. I agreed to this to help motivate me to be swimsuit ready by those times. Well, I just had a major fall-off-the-wagon incident that set me back 3 lbs. and now I'm worried I won't get to a point where I'm satisfied with my body enough to show it in public. Sure, I went swimming in las Vegas and weigh less now than I did then, but somehow going to a waterpark with slides seems much more intimidating, I can't hide beneath the water as much.

These worries then act as scaffolding for my other fears to build on - what if I'm a fat bride? What if my fiancé can't carry me over the threshold, a dream of mine since I was a little girl? What if I'm fat at our 10 day cancun honeymoon? I know these things are over a year away but they still terrify me.

Thankfully fear is a powerful motivator for me, so that's one good thing that comes of it. But it isn't so nice for my headspace, and living in this headspace day-to-day.

How do you guys abate your fears? I wish my mind had an "off" switch sometimes.

Last edited by Katbot24; 10-17-2012 at 01:07 PM.
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Old 10-17-2012, 01:15 PM   #2  
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i was having a bit of a freak out myself....i have 9 weeks until my vacation which will include lots of sun and swimsuits as well.

BUT, then i thought about it, and i'm not going to let my size destroy this once in a lifetime opportunity for me. and even if i just stay exactly the same from now until then i'm still gonna have the time of my life, because i don't want to look back and kick myself for letting something like that get in the way.

that being said...you have tons of time!! just keep on keepin on and that's all you can do! i'm sort of at peace now, because i refuse to set unrealistic goals for myself or tear my hair out this whole time leading up to vacation. i'm taking it one day at a time, and whatever i lose..i lose. i already decided i'm gonna have a blast, no matter how much i weigh.

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Old 10-17-2012, 01:50 PM   #3  
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I'm going on a two week holiday to Paris and the South of France next June. The French Riviera has some beautiful beaches with even more beautiful people. Many women go topless. While I might not go topless, I want to be able to wear a skimpy bikini. I'm 5'8, 157 lbs right now and can't imagine wearing a bikini! I'm hoping to lose 20 more lbs before the trip.
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Old 10-18-2012, 01:05 PM   #4  
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I wholeheartedly agree with valalltogether. No one should let being overweight stop them from living life. You want to lose weight not lose out. Be kind to yourself by continuing on your weight loss journey and doing the things that you will remember forever, vacationing being one of them! Good luck!

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Old 10-18-2012, 03:13 PM   #5  
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Fear can be a powerful motivator but don't let it ruin your vacation or honeymoon. I made that mistake last year and it was very hard to enjoy myself while worrying about how much I had to eat at the last meal. I have no secret for abating my fears, because I think those fears actually help keep me on track.

Be thankful that your major incident was only 3lbs, I had one of those for the last several months and guess what? I ended up packing on 30lbs. Ick.
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Old 10-18-2012, 08:24 PM   #6  
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Be thankful that your major incident was only 3lbs, I had one of those for the last several months and guess what? I ended up packing on 30lbs. Ick.
Same. I became depressed and decided that eating was going to pull me out of it, it obviously didn't. I gained back 34 of the 37lbs I had lost. Sucks but you just gotta pull yourself up and move on. For me this included going on Zoloft so hopefully there won't be a void to fill with food anymore soon.

Anyway. I also have the fat bride fear! Well, more specifically I'm petrified about going into bridal shops and not fitting into their sample dresses. I was a bridesmaid earlier this year and when we shopped for bridesmaid dresses this time last year, I could not try on any of them with the rest of the bridal party because all of their samples were an 8 and under and I was 200lbs. Had to order my dress in a 20, didn't have CHANCE of trying any of them on. So worried I'll get laughed out of the first place I go to try on dresses. My mom keeps wanting to take me and I keep turning her down because I don't want to be embarrassed =/

Unfortunately I have two modes. I'm either avoiding my fears which doesn't help or I'm obsessing about them which doesn't help either haha.

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Old 10-18-2012, 10:54 PM   #7  
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you know what?
can i give you a daily dose of reality?

sorry (im not really sorry- but i wish somebody told me this).

you and i, are the same height. my lowest was 167, that's 101 lbs lost, about 4 months ago. What can I tell you about this? With your goal sitting at 150, you're not going to be a supermodel. You won't feel like your tummy is flat, and you are going to be self conscious. Harsh reality. Threshold? Really depends on the size of your fiance/ his physical abilities- but that's a super cute wish.

Here is the other side of that brutal reality. Weight loss, as in your case, as in my case, is mentally exhausting. Obese people, fat people, and generally, overweight unhealthy people all classify under a "type". Those people are "carers". They/we are nurturers, and put other people's needs ahead of our own, thus not watching out for ourselves and becoming..large.

The other reality of weight loss, is that through scrutiny, control, sometimes motivation, but mostly determination we learn to care for ourselves. To portion, to count calories, to make time for ourselves to prep meals, to exercise, etc. We learn to speak up for ourselves in restaurants, and to make healthy food choices. We learn to say "no" to food pushers, whether it be friends, significant others, family, coworkers etc. We learn to care for ourselves, to ask for help, and to scrutinize our results- to adjust plans, modify, alter.

Now, what was the point of that rant you ask? Well with all major weight loss, we learn to scrutinize. The more lbs we lose, the more... judging we become of ourselves. What could we have done better? What would be look like if we did more crunches? What if you ran an extra mile a week? a day? an hour? You know what that leads to? Binging, EDs, upset, body shaming, etc.

Here is the reality. You, are a strong, determined woman. You have made a decision, and you have set a goal. Weight loss? Plug away at it, a little at a time. I can tell you that I am currently the exact same (if not even a little smaller) right now at 178 or so lbs as I was at 167 due to muscle mass, I actually wear a smaller shirt size now, and the same sized pants (an 8).

I own two piece bikinis, I workout in a bra-top and short shorts, I wear whatever I damn please- and get compliments. Why? Because I am proud. As you should be. While you may always have giggly bits, as I will always have my loose skin and my stretch marks, but guess what? I LOVE THEM. They are my tiger stripes, and I have earned them. Whether you reach your goal or not, you will have made an effort, an earnest effort. We are human, and we all have setbacks- but unless you accept yourself fully, truly, and deeply, you will never be happy, not at 150, not at 140, not at 100 (actually, at 100 you will most definitely have an ED, don't go that route).

I hope you really take this to heart, I wish somebody gave me some tough love when I was hating my body, the lack of tough love, and the exact freakouts that youre having right now, are what caused my binge eating thing- and once you go down that route, well...lets not even talk about that.
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Old 10-19-2012, 07:48 AM   #8  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stimkovs View Post
you know what?
can i give you a daily dose of reality?

sorry (im not really sorry- but i wish somebody told me this).

you and i, are the same height. my lowest was 167, that's 101 lbs lost, about 4 months ago. What can I tell you about this? With your goal sitting at 150, you're not going to be a supermodel. You won't feel like your tummy is flat, and you are going to be self conscious. Harsh reality. Threshold? Really depends on the size of your fiance/ his physical abilities- but that's a super cute wish.

Here is the other side of that brutal reality. Weight loss, as in your case, as in my case, is mentally exhausting. Obese people, fat people, and generally, overweight unhealthy people all classify under a "type". Those people are "carers". They/we are nurturers, and put other people's needs ahead of our own, thus not watching out for ourselves and becoming..large.

The other reality of weight loss, is that through scrutiny, control, sometimes motivation, but mostly determination we learn to care for ourselves. To portion, to count calories, to make time for ourselves to prep meals, to exercise, etc. We learn to speak up for ourselves in restaurants, and to make healthy food choices. We learn to say "no" to food pushers, whether it be friends, significant others, family, coworkers etc. We learn to care for ourselves, to ask for help, and to scrutinize our results- to adjust plans, modify, alter.

Now, what was the point of that rant you ask? Well with all major weight loss, we learn to scrutinize. The more lbs we lose, the more... judging we become of ourselves. What could we have done better? What would be look like if we did more crunches? What if you ran an extra mile a week? a day? an hour? You know what that leads to? Binging, EDs, upset, body shaming, etc.

Here is the reality. You, are a strong, determined woman. You have made a decision, and you have set a goal. Weight loss? Plug away at it, a little at a time. I can tell you that I am currently the exact same (if not even a little smaller) right now at 178 or so lbs as I was at 167 due to muscle mass, I actually wear a smaller shirt size now, and the same sized pants (an 8).

I own two piece bikinis, I workout in a bra-top and short shorts, I wear whatever I damn please- and get compliments. Why? Because I am proud. As you should be. While you may always have giggly bits, as I will always have my loose skin and my stretch marks, but guess what? I LOVE THEM. They are my tiger stripes, and I have earned them. Whether you reach your goal or not, you will have made an effort, an earnest effort. We are human, and we all have setbacks- but unless you accept yourself fully, truly, and deeply, you will never be happy, not at 150, not at 140, not at 100 (actually, at 100 you will most definitely have an ED, don't go that route).

I hope you really take this to heart, I wish somebody gave me some tough love when I was hating my body, the lack of tough love, and the exact freakouts that youre having right now, are what caused my binge eating thing- and once you go down that route, well...lets not even talk about that.
I 100% agree. At my biggest - I was my most confident and I didn't think that was possible. Now - at my smallest - I am learning to take care of myself, value myself, put myself first and figure it out in a healthy way.

I spent too long losing weight the unhealthy way, setting unrealistic goals, losing 10 - gaining 10, etc. etc. I've spent the last couple of months reading "self help" books to figure out how to love what I have and move on.

I'm back to the point where I can rock what I have, accept compliments and most importantly, accept me.

The #1 thing I've learned is I am more than a number on a scale. I am more than my weight.

The #2 thing I've learned is that no matter what you weigh - you will still have insecurities and "trouble spots." He||, ask your skinniest friend what their "trouble spot" is and they can give you 10.

The #3 thing I've learned is to forgive myself.

Hope this helps...
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Old 10-19-2012, 06:04 PM   #9  
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I was a fat bride. I was fat on my vacation to Miami. I was fat on my vacation to Utah. I was fat on my vacation to Chicago. I was fat on vacation to the Bahamas. I was fat on my vacation to Hilton Head. I was fat on my vacation to San Francisco.

You know what? I became my husband's wife which is what it was all about in the first place. I've had a freaking fantastic time on every trip. I'm living my life whether I'm fat or not.

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Old 10-19-2012, 06:11 PM   #10  
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Originally Posted by valalltogether View Post
i was having a bit of a freak out myself....i have 9 weeks until my vacation which will include lots of sun and swimsuits as well.

BUT, then i thought about it, and i'm not going to let my size destroy this once in a lifetime opportunity for me. and even if i just stay exactly the same from now until then i'm still gonna have the time of my life, because i don't want to look back and kick myself for letting something like that get in the way.

that being said...you have tons of time!! just keep on keepin on and that's all you can do! i'm sort of at peace now, because i refuse to set unrealistic goals for myself or tear my hair out this whole time leading up to vacation. i'm taking it one day at a time, and whatever i lose..i lose. i already decided i'm gonna have a blast, no matter how much i weigh.
Cosigned!
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Old 10-19-2012, 06:26 PM   #11  
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It's OK to let go of idealized concepts from childhood if they're preventing you from being happy. How important, really, is this mental image you have of being carried over the threshold? What long-lasting value does it add to your life? What bearing will it have on the marriage and your love for each other? (I worry in general when people build up so much significance around the wedding and wedding rituals -- because it's just one going to be one day out of hopefully many years. Mis-placed focus doesn't bode well for the longevity of marriages.)

On my wedding day, I weighed roughly 20 lbs more than I do now. Was it my ideal? No. Do I care? No. Not in the slightest. I look at our pictures without one bit of wincing or shame or anything silly like that. All you can see in those pictures is our beaming love and happiness.

You say fear is a powerful motivator for you - but I'd ask you to reflect on whether it's healthy that the scenarios you outlined terrify you. You asked for tips on abating the fear. Here's mine: Re-focus on what's really important. Realize that being above your ideal weight is not an impediment to really being happy unless you decide it should be.

I hope that doesn't sound callous - because I really do relate to feelings of disappointment of not being thinner at certain milestones. I know how you feel. I still struggle with some of those feelings. But I freed myself of the idea that my happiness should be related to my weight in order to really enjoy the special moments of life. I am much, much happier for it.

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Old 10-20-2012, 02:42 PM   #12  
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I would recommend noticing yourself, the exact moment that you are causing fear to happen, and then realize that you do it. Next, simply change your mind to something positive, like how motivating it would be to reach your goal
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Old 10-26-2012, 10:08 AM   #13  
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I don't know if this is helpful or not, but I used to be terrified to go to water parks because of my weight. I felt too self-conscious. And then I suddenly found myself working in one (I did the Disney College Program and was randomly placed at Blizzard Beach/Typhoon Lagoon). That's when I learned that people of all sizes and shapes go to water parks, and now I don't even give my self-consciousness a second thought. You're going to see people there who are much bigger than you are. And more power to them! They're having fun and getting their tan on. Don't let fear stop you from living your life and having a blast.
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