"Is that part of your diet?" (A rant)
 

I love the people around me who love me and care enough about me that they truelly want me to succeed. I appreciate that they try their best to "support" me, BUT asking me questions like "Is that allowed on your diet?" OR "Did you work out today?" OR "Well are you GOING to workout today?" ARE NOT HELPFUL!!!!

I understand that I've tried and failed before, BUT I am trying again and I've been doing really well and I really don't need to feel like a criminal everytime I eat a :censored: carb!

I DO NOT want to explain why I'm not working out today! I DO NOT want to explain my diet plan to you everytime I put food in my mouth! I DO NOT want to have a lifestyle vs. diet conversation, again! I DO NOT want to explain to you how I had "planned" for this treat! I DO NOT want to be forced to explain myself all the :censored: time! BUT if I must do it, I only want to explain it ONCE!!!

...I DO NOT need you to look at me with fear in your eyes that I have fallen off the wagon when I'm simply on my day "off" or having an "off" day!

IF I "FALL OFF THE WAGON" I WILL DO IT REGARDLESS OF YOUR QUESTIONS, YOUR WISHES AND YOUR "SUPPORT"! I WILL FIND A WAY!!!

...And please, when I try to tell you how you CAN help and be TRUELLY supportive, DON'T GET MAD AT ME!!!!!! Right or wrong, that is what works for me, so either do it, or do nothing and leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you :)

I don't even tell people when I diet. Its none of their damned business.

I solve this problem by never telling anybody I am dieting.

Good for you! I know how you feel. I do tell people that I'm dieting because I do enjoy their support and people very close to me of course are going to know that I'm losing weight and see the changes I'm making - but you can't explain how you can "afford" to eat the bad stuff once in a blue moon - because you worked out extra or have a calorie deficit, etc. My husband finally quit asking me. He saw me eat a bowl of ice cream the other day and didn't say a word - because he knows I'm still losing weight...and not gaining. So he sees that I am doing something right. But I've had friends before that literally tried to order for me in a restaraunt. It's annoying. I see your ticker and you are doing a GREAT job!! Keep up the good work!!!!

I agree with the others here- I don't tend to tell people that I'm dieting. Once you tell them, they think it's their business to jump in whenever they want.

Sounds like a mom or a sister who's nagging you.

Well the "never telling people you're dieting" works if you have 5 or 10 pounds to lose, when you've lost a substantial amount people ask questions, and think it's their business. I get this from always skinny people, people who have lost quite a bit of weight, and people as big or bigger than I've ever been.

I had this happen at my Grandma's birthday from my two aunts whom have both lost about 50 pounds.

I can relate to the OP, it stinks. I feel more self conscious now than when I was at my heaviest.

Yeah that's why I didn't tell anyone either. Of course you can only do that for so long before it becomes obvious that you're doing something...

Keep on going! Prove everyone wrong!

On my now 5yo's birthday, I went to have a second small piece of cheesecake. My dh said something like, "are you sure you want to eat that?" :mad: After that comment, he was lucky I didn't eat the rest of the darn cake. I do not like to be told not to eat something.:p

:) I usually don't tell people about it either, but in this particular case I'm talking about poeple who you may live with... Who see what you are doing/eating, and who see that you are working out. Can't really be covert about it at home...

...and it's true, you can only keep it private for so long, because as soon as people notice changes, even people you aren't close with, they feel as though discussing it is a part of public record. I think they mean it as acompliment. With non-family, I'm pretty comfortable telling people to mind their own buisness (politely, of course).

You have to have a conversation with those people. Be real. Tell them the things they can and cannot say to you right now. I have it easy as I am away from all of my friends and family right now, but in the past I have had they same experiences. You have to be the leader of your life and not worry about hurting their feelings. This is about you. You have to say out loud to them what is acceptable and what brings you down and why. If they didn't understand before they will after your talk. And if they don't you are going to have to make a choice. When the conversation comes up again you will have to take the lead and cut them off.

You can do it! Its about you and your lifestyle change right now - not about them or hurting anyones feelings. I actually had to tell my Mom (who I love to death) not to tell me how proud she is off me and not to ask me every time we speak how the "Diet" is going. I know I hurt her feelings a bit as I am 3000 miles away but the only person right now I am accountable to is me. I had to have the same conversation with my brother. That one didn't go as well but I had to take a stand. I won't tolerate having to listen to tirades when and if I go off plan. Its not their life its mine.

Good Luck

I know exactly what you mean. People in the office are in the same breath telling me how great I look (which makes me cringe) and the warning me off the banana I'm about to eat..." It has lots of calories you know, you'll put it all back on again!"
I laugh Nd tell them it will be fine asI am running 5 miles tonight (whether I am or not) generally that shuts them up as they struggle to drive 5 miles without getting out of breath!

my best advice would be to just say to them, that you want this to be permanent, so sometimes you're gonna eat _____ if you want to, and sometimes you're gonna take a day off from the gym. you can't burn yourself out because you don't want to give up and want this to be a lifestyle change.

something along those lines. firm, but not mean. hopefully they will understand some, and back off.

I can understand your frustration. I used to get that quite a bit. Now I don't even share anything. If asked if I'm in a diet I politely reply I'm just watching what I eat, making healthier food choices. They tend to go away after that...keep up the good work!

I'm going to agree with the majority here. Everyone has their own idea of what's healthy or not healthy, what's allowed and what isn't. In their minds they are being supportive, especially if you've had quite a few slip ups in the past. The best thing to do is just not to tell people in your everyday life that you're losing weight until they start noticing it on their own.

I am really lucky I have a family that is fully supportive of me and makes sure I have what I need to continue what I am my diet. BUT, my son is my did you do this today or take all your vitamins today....and normally it would irritate me too! But I have had some really off weeks with my weight loss and although not cheating it does get frustrating. He has been a really big help in the days where I can't take one more bit of food and still have to swallow the horse pill vitamins or when he sees my protein serving and says; " MOM that isnt enough weigh it." Laughing, most of the time he is right.
I wish you had that kind of support when asking questions because it does help and not frustrate.

Keep up the good job
Sneaky

I think its the worst when they give you really bad advice "well you could just eat one giant cupcake! you've been eating so well!"........ shut up shut up shut up!

I lost 90 pounds without telling anybody I was dieting, and yes people eventually did notice. When they asked "have you lost weight?' I say yes, and I did it on purpose and then change the subject.

Thank you for posting this thread -- I have people in my life who do the same thing. I did not tell them I was dieting, nor did I ask for their advice; but they just can't keep their "inaccurate" and "uninformed" opinions to themselves. If you can't say anything nice or positive or encouraging, then just muzzle it ... :p

Where do you get off telling me that the reason I'm fat is becuz I stopped walking (two people have said this to me) -- EXCUSE ME, but I have never stopped walking. I walk every day -- all day -- many times a day. You just don't see me doing it becuz you don't live with me or in my neighbourhood. If you can't get your facts straight, then jam it ... :p

And, I don't give a "good gosh dang" ;) if my doctor would frown on me for eating yogurt icecream (or anything else for that matter); it's none of his ruddy business. I don't tell him what to eat, nor do I waste any of my time wondering about it ... :)

And NO -- I don't like blueberries & cream -- blech ... I like what I like and I eat what I like, thanks. Now, you eat what you like and I'll eat what I like; and never the twain shall meet ... :D


:lol: KATIE ~ right on, girl; esp the very last part!!! :lol:

Unfortunately, at work nothing is kept a secret. So, lots of people (whether I told them or not) knows about my weight loss. The worst is when they constantly ask how much have I lost NOW. You just asked me this a couple days ago!! It really aggravates me if I'm having a slow week and not feeling too well about it.

People need to realize whatever we're eating or not eating is none of their dag on business! If I want to eat 50 cupcakes one day that is my prerogative. If I want to say no to something you offer that's my say so, it's not on you to tell me "well, you've been doing so good you should treat yourself". Because honestly you have no idea what I treat myself with or how I do it.

People are inconsiderate and really don't realize that they're being that way or they just don't care. I've learned to let it roll off my shoulders.

This one time I was wearing this shirt that used to fit me some months ago but now is way too big. And one of my co-workers pulled me to the side to tell me not to wear that again, because I've been wearing really cute things, and she doesn't want me to go back to dressing in too big of clothes. It was laundry day and I honestly didn't have anything else to wear, and also I didn't realize how big it was on me until I looked in the full length mirror at work. LOLOL! The point is if I want to wear a burlap sack everyday that's my decision. I told her that, only kindly. :)

I hate when people think that just because I'm dieting it's all I want to talk about. I also hate when people go out of their way to lie to me about what they are eating. Like my mom's friend who apparently has been on a hardcore diet for the past few decades and hasn't lost a pound. Despite this fact she always gets in everyones face about calories and weight loss tips (and trust me, she doesn't have a slow metabolism). Like i'm sorry, I don't believe that you were totally full yesterday and all you had was cottage cheese, a cucumber and a pear. And she talks like I just don't understand how hard it is to lose weight, as if I can't have a messed up relationship with food just because I'm not as heavy as she is. It's kind of insulting how she mitigates my eating issues just because I'm not obese or anorexic.

Really what business is it of theirs unless you are asking them to make you accountable? Maybe you can politely tell them thank you, but that you don't need any suggestions/advice.... and if you do, you will be sure to let them know.

I can understand this completely. This is why only a couple of people know that I've changed my lifestyle (I don't say diet, diet to me is something you will stop eventually, I plan to stick to my lifestyle for life now)

I had said to friend a few weeks ago I might have a couple of ciders when we go out that weekend. The weekend came and she asked me if I was going to drink and I said I wasn't really up for it and she said "Why? Is this because of your diet?" and I said flat out "No". I was picking cider which is pretty fattening so obviously it was nothing to do with "my diet". She actually seemed to get pretty annoyed when she asked me that same morning did I want her to get me something to drink for the night while she was at the shop and I said I wasn't sure if I was going to drink! It is pretty annoying when she thinks it's because of "my diet" when it really wasn't. Just wasn't in the mood that particular time to drink. And if it was, I would have picked something low calorie...There are times when they'll offer me something like chocolate which I limit myself to have and they will say "God! You're really sticking to this health kick aren't you", almost like she doesn't think I can do it.

I don't tell people I am dieting.. except my husband. BAD IDEA! He has the set rule of "If you want to lose weight, you can NEVER EVER EAT ANYTHING BAD AGAIN". A piece of cake? Nope. A chocolate bar? YEAH RIGHT! When I try to explain to him that they are planned into my calorie budget and that in a healthy lifestyle, people don't munch on carrots all day, he tells me that "That idea is stupid and you should just never eat those things EVER again". He eats like a 15 year old boy (junk food galore!) and never gains a pound so he doesn't understand. I swear, when I have worked hard for that piece of chocolate and I get lectured, it takes everything I have to not kick him square in the knee and tell him that he knows NOTHING about weight loss or a healthy lifestyle.

Candeka- I know EXACTLY where you're coming from on this one. I buy ONE candy at 7-11 and I hear behind me "honey, are you sure you want to do that".... .......... *so angry*

But now! My guy is a bit older and he can't eat how he used to, so the tummy is expanding. So he's had to start the diet with me and now I do the same thing to him so he knows how annoying it is!

Candeka-That sounds all too familiar!! Don't people get that if I say "no" to everything, someday I'm gonna end up saying "yes" to everything! I can't eat PERFECT all the time and still enjoy life!

I don't tell anyone either but its a bit hard when its your boyfriend.

He might say are you really going to eat that and sometimes I'm like >:() dkjfakslfj I have planned for this, but then again a lot of the time I am cheating myself but I don't need him to say that.

His relations are worse so in hindsight I wish I told him not to say anything, his mother had the cheek to stand there give out about HIS eating habits as if it was my fault and said that we eat too much pizza and drink coke all the time.. wth.. and that was after I had changed my lifestyle even before thats not the reason why I'm big, its not coke or pizza, it was icecream and potatos get it right sista.

He tells her when I've lost weight and she says GOOD, in a really moral way, or if she hears anything about unhealthy food its GOOD you shouldnt be eating that!!!

and his aunty... said to me as I was literally putting a spoon of a sliver of cake into my mouth "don't you know cake is fattening!?!?!" in front of everyone and I responded "ah now come on I hardly think one little piece is going to ruin my lovely figure, what do YOU think?" and she was just smirking at me. Well then again when she found out we were engaged she also said "I wonder how long that ring is going to stay on that finger now"... yeah.

Two words come to mind reading this thread UNSOLICITED ADVICE!
usually from my boyfriend about my career first then weight, its like ah I forgot I can make choices for myself.

A few people have noticed my weight loss and I find it much easier to say oh I just started circuit training, or I just cycle everywhere, because if I mention food or diet then I will never be able to eat anything again in front of them without them eyeballing me, and even when the weight comes off I don't want the.. careful now you don't want to gain all that back now or ruin all your hard work.

I am sooo happy to hear that I'm not the only one who gets this AND that I'm not the only one who reacts this way!!! Because, well, I react badly... ;)

This may be taking it to the extreeme but next week I'm going home to see family and in a week there will be a big family celebration that will have all my family (including extended family) AND family friends there. Now, at this point, I have lost enough weight that it is fairly noticable, but when I went shopping for an outfit, I bought a shirt that is VERY lose fitting. I have a great pair of heals for the party, that I will wear with black pants and this shirt! The reason? BECAUSE I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THAT I'VE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT AND I DON'T WANT TO ANSWER THEIR DAMN QUESTIONS! After this party I won't see them (hopefully) for another three and a half months, which gives me enough time to get to a healthy BMI (or fairly close to it.) By then I'll be much more relaxed and less effected by anything anybody has to say. But at this point, while I'm in the middle of my journey, I don't want to hear it from anybody.

I'm fairly certain that people will still notivce the change because it's pretty evident in my face too, but hopefully it won't be too too obvious...

i could have wrote this :( grrrrrrrrrrrr its just so frustrating but i have had the conversation that you can support me from "afar" aka if i suggest a walk join me.. but if i want to eat a biscuit do NOT comment...
i suppose aswell its my own annoyance that i'm having a day off that i literally erupt if i get a comment or a look of Really you wanna eat that???

again makes me wanna eat more .. well i hav had the chat with my dh and now he drops it.. lol its for the greater good lol

I totally understand what you're getting at. It would be much easier if we could just do our own thing in a bubble sometimes and emerge without everyone commenting about it. If you're a private person then weight loss is very difficult because it's not as if you can hide it from everyone (unless of course you have a small amount you wish to lose).

I'm glad I've reached the point where people are used to me now. I don't really get any unsolicited advice anymore because I figure that people must realize that I know what I'm doing.

It wasn't too long ago though where I might dread going to certain events where I know I would see people who I hadn't seen in such a long time. I knew sometimes that my weight loss would come up and I would have to field questions and listen to unsolicited advice.

Luckily the last time I had such an event it was to see family that I literally hadn't seen since I was a teenager and while I was an obese teen, the family just assumed that I had "blossomed into this lovely young woman." I wasn't about to let them think otherwise, so I just smiled and kept my mouth shut, lol!!

It's funny now...the only unsolicited advice I get is from people in the health food stores! When I find a store that sells my beloved Quest bars I'll usually buy a few and there have been times when someone working says: "you look like you work out, do you lift weights?" and then they proceed to talk about some product or something. Ack! Certainly never happened to me before

I live 10,000 miles away from all of my friends and family, and I STILL get crap from them...they demand that I post pictures on facebook, then it's "HOLY CRAP, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT!" or "You're looking SKINNY...that's new!" My parents are the worst, because both of them are obese, and lately every time we talk on Skype, it goes straight to "You're looking thinner...I wish that I could lose weight. You should do Atkins. I used to do Atkins. You're looking skinny...are you eating enough?" Seriously. Every time I talk to my Dad. It's like talking to a 5 year old with ADHD who's been guzzling pixi stix...he bounces from 'way to go' to unsolicited advice to 'oh god, my baby's killing herself on the other side of the world because her mommy's not cooking for her' and I always hang up from the calls wanting to punch something.

One of my friends Skyped me yesterday and was being super obnoxious about it...first it was "Wow...you look like you've lost weight...have you lost weight?"
(In my very best drop-it-and-leave-it voice:) "Yes."
"Man, your face shape is completely different. Stand up and give me a turn." "Why?"
"I WANT TO SEE."
"But I don't want to."
"I WANT TO SEE."
"You're not going to drop this until I do it, are you?" *Resigned turn for the webcam*.
"Oh wow...yeah...you look completely different. You should get a new haircut for your new face." *Starts sending links to ridiculous 80s haircuts*
"I just GOT a haircut..."
"Yeah, but now with your new face, you should totally try something edgier."

GAAAAH. It doesn't help that he's lost almost 100 lbs recently. Thankfully he was preachier about food when I wasn't trying to lose (not specifically to me, just in general), but the styling tips...really not wanted or appreciated.

The people at work are tactful enough to realize that weight might be a touchy subject with me and not mention mine, but they've discussed each other's at lunch and said things like "Oh, walking is so good for your body...do you go for walks, Rachel?" "Do you eat natto? Natto is very good for your digestion," under the guise of just including me in the conversation. For those that don't know, natto is absolutely disgusting fermented soybeans, which, if you can get past the smell, have the most disgusting texture I've ever had the horror of putting in my mouth. Also, because of my hypothyroidism, I'm not supposed to have soy products because they block iodine absorption and can lead to goiters. When I pointed THAT out, they suggested that I go get my thyroid removed. One of the older women had had that done, so clearly it was a good choice for 23-year-old me too...

I can sort of sympathize with him. When I find someone IRL who has lost a lot of weight, I am immediately drawn to them because it's often very difficult to find someone who has been successful. I try my best to avoid the actual nitty gritty of how I lost weight, but it is refreshing to meet someone who understands and that I can have an actual conversation with them.

One of the instructors at my gym is a long-term maintainer of a big loss and it's sometimes nice to just have someone who understands that I changed my life to do this because he had to do the same thing.

well your weight loss has been great !!congrats on that and just keep your head up!! dont let the people around you effect your feeling of success. no matter when you have an off day you have still lost and remind them of that and especially remind yourself!

I'm actually the opposite. Having people say stuff like that to me actually helps me stay on track. I don't see it as such a huge problem. I mean, if you're actually doing what you need to do, those questions would just not even impact you, right?

This is why when people question me I just say in my super happy squeky voice "Just eating healthier!" or "I was just dying for a salad!", and never tell them I'm trying to lose weight. Otherwise they see me eat and cookie and go "OMG should you EAT that!!!", yes...and now I'm gonna eat 12 of them. My mother, who says my grandmother always did the same to her, thinks she's helpful by pointing out to me what the healthier version would be. Like I'm 5. Yes mom, I know an apple would be better then ice cream, I'm still gonna eat a little ice cream though.

I also really hate when people think that i'm on a diet because I'm eating salad. As If because I am overweight I only eat unhealthy food and have giant quantities for every meal. Even when I'm not dieting i'll eat a salad because it's healthy, because it's delicious or maybe because I am not so hungry just then. But apparently it's hard for some people to imagine a heavy person choosing to eat a salad for any of these reasons.