Jealousy (defintely off topic)
 

Is it normal to be jealous my friend is having a baby?

She's married, and she and her husband have been together since sophmore year of high school (so like...2005). She just went into labor with their first child.

We're all 22.

I've been in a committed relationship with the same guy since 2008, and the only reason we aren't married is because my mother would stop helping me pay for my college if I got married (don't ask why, I think it's a ridiculous rule, but she's made it clear that was the rule since I was a little girl)....I'm in love with him, and I know I will spend the rest of my life with him. That's not even a question.

I want to be happy for my friend, but I find myself SO JEALOUS of the fact that she was able to marry her husband and she gets to have a child. I want so badly to have a child. I worked in a day school (infant through pre-K)for almost 3 years, until my doctor told me I had to quit because I had 2 herniated disks in my spine and lifting the bigger kids was making it worse....and I used to think of all of those little ones as my kids in a way. It was an amazing thing watching them grow and helping them learn, but I know it would be even more amazing to watch my OWN child grow up. Plus, I think my boyfriend and I would make one cute baby. HAHA.

Is it normal to be jealous about stuff like this? She's got the life I've always wanted....and for me, it feels like it's so far away.

I don't even finish college for at least two, possibly three more years. By then, I'm nervous that I'll have fertility issues because of my PCOS and Endometriosis...and if I wasn't able to have a child, it would be devastating.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for her and her husband, and I can't wait to meet their new daughter...it's just hard watching her get to experience the things I want so badly, especially when I know it will be such a long time before I'm able to experience it.


Sorry for rambling. I just needed to get that off my chest.

I think it's normal. I was the friend that got married at 20 and started having babies right away. It's not all unicorns and rainbows, either! I was jealous that my friends got to spend so much time doing what THEY wanted to do. I was sleep deprived and wiping up baby vomit while they were traveling and going out and having a grand old time :). So, you can always think of it that way!!!

It is normal and you shouldn't feel badly unless you are letting your jealousy affect the way that you react to your friend? Are you avoiding her or not doing things together anymore because of your jealousy? If not then I'd say you're normal and it should pass.
Take it from me, I had my 1st child at 21 while still in college and it was HARD! The hardest thing that I've had to do in my life. We didn't have a lot of money and forget about a social life. I love my daughter to pieces (she's17 now) but if I had it to do all over again I would've waited a few years.
Enjoy being young and doing fun things with your fiance. There is time for a family. BTW I have PCOS as well (diagnosed in 2001) and had 2 babies after being diagnosed so it's not a fertility sentence.
Hope this helps and you feel better.

I meant infertility sentence

I agree with ValRock and mzKiki.

It's just human nature to be a little jealous of others sometimes...especially when we forget how well we have it or how blessed we are. As a mother, I often look at my single friends and have a longing to be able to do things that they can do because they don't have children. So, yes, it can go both ways. You are still young...and I'm sure your mother knows best. ;) I have realized after having kids that your parents really do know what they are talking about...not to discourage you, but to only want the best for you. Anyway, I know it's hard for me to understand since I'm not in your shoes, but yes, I'm sure it's normal. Just don't let it hinder your friendship. One day you will have your own children and you will need all her advice! Oh, and btw, one of my mother's sister is still having children and she just turned 41! And my hubby is about to be 40, so don't let age bother you! Like they say...it's just a number! :)

It's very normal. I have babies and I still get jealous when I know someone else that is pregnant. I am still very happy for them, I just want more babies and I find myself jealous that it isn't the right time for more.

Yep! The grass is always greener. I got married young and had babies right away, due to PCOS and infertility stuff. I don't regret it by any means, but my hubby and I did miss out on having a few years just to enjoy each other, sleep in together and lay around on the weekends watching good movies. All things we reminisce about now. Lol

That being said, you are perfectly normal! We are jealous creatures by nature, and it is hard to see someone seemingly loving the perfect life. Usually looks are deceiving and everyone has their issues!

On a side note, why would your parents pay for college if you are married?? Mine had the same rule, and although it sucks being under their thumb financially, it is ultimately your choice whether you plan to continue having them pay, or will get married and apply for financial aid. I say get your school done, kiss your parents a million times for paying, and enjoy getting married and starting a family without college debt!

It's okay to feel that pang of jealousy, but get back on track and remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have going on, what you are working toward, etc. it will come, I promise!

I'm definitely glad no one seems to think i'm crazy. I'm not letting it affect our friendship at all, i'm honestly just trying to ignore it. The news that she went into labor just had me thinking about it.

I think what makes it so hard is that my boyfriend and i have been best friends for nine years. We've been in a relationship over 3 years, and we've been living together for two. We've experienced that alone time and together time, and i feel so ready to move on. Well, that and my doctor told me its highly unlikely i will have children at all, and will be nearly impossible after 30. Apparently my uterus is shapped really funny, and my ovaries are destroyed (pcos symptoms started when i was 9).....so i really dont have as long as most people, and it scares me. I think thats the real reason i'm jealous. I'm scared its something i may never be able to have...

I agree!! My parents had the same rule and I said "Oh yeah, watch me get married anyway!!!" :dizzy: Needless to say I'm 29 and STILL going to college. Getting married is kind of a rite of passage... you break free from your parents and depend on each other, so it makes sense. Finish college now, while it's the only responsibility you have! It'll be so much harder with all that other stuff!

I m not questioning if i will finish college now or wait to get married and have children. I know I will. That has always been the plan. Originally (before severe medical issues) i was on track to graduate this past may (it now wont be till may 2014 or 2015 depending on course loads per semester). Its just hard watching her enjoy the things i expected to have by now.

I think it's normal. A good friend just got married in February. My best friend is getting married in the spring. Another good friend announced she and her husband are going to start trying for a baby in a few months. I. Am. DYING. I'm so happy for all of them, but I do get antsy about when are all of these great things are going to happen for me?

I mean, I'm in a great relationship. I've known him for years, our 2nd anniversary is next month, we've been living together for a year and a half (Moved in fast lol), we're saving for a house. It'll happen eventually. But I do get jealous sometimes that it's happening for everyone but me. Even though I couldn't be happier for my friends lol.

I feel exactly the same as you.
I am a 22 year old single masters student living at home.
I have a 23 year old friend with a 4 year old and new born. This friend goes to college and works and is married. She is also an amazing writer.

So i would love to trade my life for hers any day of the week:hug:.

I sat down and had a serious talk with my mother about my concerns about the pcos and waiting too long to have a child. She knows that I'm in love with my boyfriend and that we were planning on getting married after college, and she actually said she understood completely (she had a couple miscarriages before my older sister, and thought she could never have a healthy baby) and that she didn't want to stop me from experiencing that. She said if I want to get married during college, she trusts me, and that she only made the rule to make sure that we applied ourselves in college and didn't spend all our time getting married, pregnant, divorced, and whatever. She said that she knows that I will finish school because I have a passion for what I'm doing, and so she isn't concerned. She said she has lifted the rule, and that because of my boyfriend and my particular situation, that even if we got married she would still help out until I graduate.

You see, currently I'm going to school full time as an Education major, and my boyfriend is living with me and working to help support us (but a minimum wage full time job, so my parents still help a LOT because it's not really enough). Once I finish school the plan was to get married, I would work and put him through school. The only problem is that I won't be done with school for at least 3 more years (I had to take a bunch of time off for medical reasons) and I want to have at least 2 children, 3 or more years apart. If I didn't start trying till after I graduated and we were married, I would end up trying after 30, and my doctor has told me because my pcos started so young (I was 9) and it was such a bad case, that having children after 30 will probably be impossible.

Like I said, mom understood, and she said she was glad I said something instead of trying to hide how I was feeling because she doesn't want me to have to feel like she did when she thought she could never have children. She's going to talk to my dad about it, and I'm going to let my boyfriend know the rules have changed...and we'll just have to wait and see what happens.


OH btw my friend's baby was just born about 20 minutes ago. She's a health baby girl :)

It's not that simple. I have been told by my OBGYN that if I want to have more then one child, I might be running out of time, and that they can't guarantee anything, but that there is slim to no chance of having children after 30, which is not something the normal 22 year old has to think about. If I have to choose between the struggle of having a child in the next year or two, and not having one....I choose the struggle.


Also, off topic a bit, my parents don't pay for my school. I have taken out loans for that. They pay for rent and food, and they do it because they owe me over $15,000 still (Originally about $25,000) from a lifetime of borrowing money and saying "We'll pay you back some day"....and never paying me back. This is their way of doing that. If I hadn't loaned them money, they would have lost their house multiple times, so I don't regret doing it, but I had enough money in my savings account to support me for a while, and its gone because they needed it. So getting out of school with no student loans isn't going to happen either way.

And I should mention, my mother doesn't work. She's at home all day because of her degenerative disk disease and fibromyalgia. She has already said if I were to have a child, she could babysit while I was in classes, since she doesn't do anything else during the day. That way I can still go to school. And I trust my mother to take care of my child, she was a nursery nurse and a neonatal intensive care unit nurse for over 40 years.