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Old 06-10-2012, 03:23 PM   #1
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Unhappy He's so out of my league!

Ok I will try to keep this as short as possible...

I have known this guy for quite some time, almost a year now, and I can say without a doubt that I have the biggest crush on him. We have been friends for a year now and acquaintances for 2 years so I pretty now he is a good, decent guy, or at least that is how he has shown me to be. We had been flirting for some time now but I never got my hopes up until he recently confessed he had been liking me since he first saw me two years ago (when I was 30 kg heavier as well) but he could not ask me out (I have to comment here that he is my hair-stylist and when we first met he used to work to a very strict hair-studio where relationships with customers outside work were strictly prohibited. He confessed to me that he has been liking me when he decided to quit and open a studio of his own)

Ever since that day his advances have become bolder but he has never asked me out in a date. I have met with him with friends once and even one of his friends said that I am the only non-work related girl he has ever hang out with.

Anyway what my problem is. ...

This guy is totally out of my league. He is extremely handsome and he is very fit and loves to exercise. I have been with handsome guys but never ever with someone that is so good-looking. He is also deeply passionate about exercising which is problem number 2.

I like to dance, I am learning to play tennis and I walk when I have the time, but he is totally into exercising. He goes to the gym, plays tennis, swims,plays football, basketball dances, you name it... he does it. What I am afraid of is that he will expect me to exercise more and I know I will probably won't. I am lazy! Here I said it. I only like to dance and walk so I can't imagine being passionate with all this sports. I am so scared that having a super fit gf will be a top for him and I don't think I will be able to do that. I think this is the reason he has not asked me out yet and even if he does now, the more I see this sporty-crazy side of him the more self-conscious I become.

Have you ever dealt with a situation where your bf is so into sports? What would you do in my place? I am just so frustrated.

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Old 06-10-2012, 03:26 PM   #2
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1) He is not your BF right now. You are worrying in advance.

2) The simplest is to just ask.

"Hey, I'm interested in you. But this interest area of yours is not something I especially share. Do you think that's going to be a problem if we date? Should we not even bother to go there? I'd like to hear your input. And it it all comes to nothing at least I'm paying you a compliment, right? That I think you are great person."
Then you can have the info you need to either a) proceed and actually date or b) start moving on.

Prob solved either way. I've always been a fan of direct, keeping it simple.

Started Jan 2016:

Last edited by astrophe; 06-10-2012 at 03:28 PM.
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Old 06-10-2012, 03:32 PM   #3
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Omg girl!! Go for it!! Ask him out on a date!! So he's active, maybe you could use that as a date!! If you don't go for this you may never know what could have been!! Go for a few dinner dates maybe, then move it onto more active stuff like a tennis date, if you're learning you could show off some new skills in your cute outfit!!

Seriously, go for it!! Let me know how it goes!!!!

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Old 06-10-2012, 04:31 PM   #4
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So obviously he likes you... If you know so much about him I'm sure he knows quite a bit about you and is probably aware that you aren't a crazy-passionate athlete. Just go for it!! Side note- I am a total gym rat, and while my husband likes to go on bike rides and walks with me, he'd much rather go out to dinner and a movie than hit the gym for an intense workout. It works just fine. We DO have things we enjoy doing together but we also have out own separate likes/dislikes as well. I think you are REALLY stressing too much about it.
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Old 06-10-2012, 04:54 PM   #5
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You like him and it's made you very nervous. . I think many people react with self doubt when it comes to these things. I have personally gone through the "he's too handsome, too intelligent" for me thing. Also, the "but he likes to do that and that's not any interest of to me" thing. What you forget is you aren't superwoman. You can't do everything or like everything on the planet. You guys have known each other for 2 years and you don't think he doesn't know you're not all into fitness and exercise? It sounds to me that he doesn't care if he's asking you out haha.

Just go for it because if you don't you'll probably always think back on it in regret. Just be bold and say how you feel. Talk it out!

I'm with astrophe here on this one. Just be frank about it. You'll always speculate but never know. That right there is a killer! Lol, I say this as a former shy girl when it came down to relationships. Now, I'm pretty out there and say how I feel while I'm in the moment. The yo-yo game is a no-no lol. Takes too much effort. Aren't you tired of thinking about this all the time? You know you've thought about it more than three times .

And I had body builder for an ex once. At the time, I wasn't into anything with fitness, but he didn't care and did not expect me to like go to the gym with him or anything. Actually he offered his services if I would ever ask. The good thing was he helped me learn which foods I should or shouldn't be eating. Even now, though he's an ex he's still a great friend of mine, he's great support on my weight loss journey.

So, don't start worrying all on your own before anything starts. You do that once you get in there, haha. But then you won't be alone with these thoughts, neh?

My Milestones

4/5/12 - 293
I finally start to see my weight go down after almost wanting to give up. I was seeing the outer ones, but this meant more to me than anything. Showed myself I CAN do it. It's not impossible.

9/28/12 - 265
I've officially lost 50lbs since my weight loss!
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Old 06-10-2012, 06:09 PM   #6
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My boyfriend is so far out of my league that it makes me wonder if there's a few screws loose...In any case, if the thought of flat out asking your guy on a date has you in cold sweats, ask him to hang out instead. Pick an activity that could possibly turn into a date, but could just as easily be something between friends. Don't stress about it. He's known you for a while and nothing you've done so far has sent him running for the hills. If things go well one-on-one, propose maybe going on a date some time. I didn't even realize that my first date was a date until my guy grabbed my hand halfway through the movie...

As for the sports thing, don't worry about it. You don't have to share all of his interests...you clearly have enough in common to have piqued his curiosity, and if you've been pals for more than a year it hardly seems like you have nothing to talk about. Maybe he'll want to do active things with you down the road, but if you find yourself in a relationship, it's all about compromises. You play sports with him one day, he does something you'd rather do another day.

I've never gone out with a huge sports buff (I generally play more sports than my boyfriends), but I've gone out with a guy obsessed with entomology (bugs), a film fanatic (I have a list a mile long of movies that no one can believe I've never seen), and an IT guy (I'm amazed that I manage to surf online and play my video games without blowing my computer up)...long stories short, the thing that ended those relationships was never that I didn't share the same obsessions that they did

Mini Goal: 170 lbs by August 11th (It'll be a very happy birthday indeed)--Reached 7/25/12
Mini Goal #2: Normal BMI (under 155 lbs)--Reached 12/3/12
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Old 06-10-2012, 09:20 PM   #7
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Um, he obviously likes you girl. Ask him out. Or if that won't work, ask him when he's going to ask you out (only do this once you get the "league" nonsense out of your head forever).

While hearing about all his athletic pursuits might make you feel insecure that you aren't a triathlete with a bulging six-pack, I assure you it's not as big a deal to him as it seems to you! Sure it's great when your girlfriend can keep up with you on a hike or run around the block together, but no one sets absurd standards like "I'll ask her out if she can deadlift 200 lbs or more but 190 is NO GOOD" - know what I'm saying here? He told you flat out that he really likes you. Are you shy around him/is it hard to tell you feel strongly for him?
Push on some more!

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Old 06-11-2012, 10:30 AM   #8
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So I have to jump on board the "OMG GIRL!" train If he is pursuing you as you- take it! Most men do not have the energy to meet a woman simply so they can change everything about them. Remember- you see yourself through your eyes... try seeing yourself through his!

Secondly- I know the fear you're talking about. When I lived in NJ I met a male model in NYC. We back instant friends. Before I moved he admitted that he had feelings for me, even broke up with his girlfriend (who was also a model). So. I still dont believe its possible that he has any interest in me- but he does! And its awesome for my self esteem. If this super hot guy wants you, and you want him. Shoooooooooot. Jump on it!
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Old 06-11-2012, 01:50 PM   #9
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Last time I dated a guy out my league was 10 years ago.. we are married and happy as ever! Chances are, he knows you just as well as you know him. Differences are good! As long as you have a few things in common I do not see anything wrong with it! Go for it!
One for every 10 lbs gone forever!!

First goal- 220 DONE!
Second goal- 199- DONE!
Third goal - 170 DONE!

Fourth goal- 150 (never seen this weight before!)DONE!
Fifth and final goal- 130
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Old 06-11-2012, 02:01 PM   #10
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If there's one thing I've learned about leagues, it's that the one who is considered "too good" in whatever aspect for the other person does not give one crap about leagues.

I have two friends who are married. The wife could have been a model but turned down the contract because it involved a manditory move to NYC. She is constantly approached when she is out in public by 100% strangers who have the gonads to ask her "What are you doing with him?" People actually ask her that! Often! She gets very angry about it. She doesn't see leagues. That was who she loves. So that is who she is with, and that's that.

I will say that if you want to be confident in a relationship you can't harp on how he's sooo out of your league. My last boyfriend I felt was way too good looking for me. Thinking that way did a number on my self esteem. And trust me, only you and total strangers who have nothing to do with your life will care who is in what league.

PS: Go for it! If you are friends he's probably well aware that you're not deeply passionate about exercise so that shouldn't matter =)

Last edited by Daki; 06-11-2012 at 02:04 PM.
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Old 06-11-2012, 02:14 PM   #11
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I married well above my station and I can assure you he doesn't care one ounce! LOL

He's obviously interested in you, you're obviously interested in him... You don't have to follow everything he does, you're a person in your own right with your own interests - and you're just as interesting as he is. Maybe he likes you BECAUSE you're not like him. Who knows and you'll never find out if you don't ask him out for a drink!
Starting again - 15th May 2017

SW - 92.3kg
GW - 65kg

A cheer for every 5lbs gone!

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Old 06-15-2012, 02:09 AM   #12
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Oh goodness. About a year ago, I saw this ridiculously good looking man. Like, we are talking Channing Tatum but with a hotter face; he looks like a greek God. I was out of town and had never seen anyone so amazing looking. So I had to talk to him. I literally asked him if he came there often. Since I was away from home I figured if he got grossed out it would be fine. Not caring (because there is a crazy amount of men out there!)=amazing confidence... And confidence is attractive. Anyways... A year later, we are engaged. I'm convinced he's super close to perfect. But I would have missed out on the most magnificent person ever had I shut down because he is out of my league. He already knows you. He already likes you. You've already won half the battle!!! Go. For. It. You won't regret it. Because if you do and he says yes, your confidence soars. If he rejects you, then you gain experience. Embrace something about yourself and allow it to feed your confidence. I embrace my intellect. Men literally just drop their jaws sometimes and it's not because I'm attractive; it's because I am confident and smart. So use your humor, smarts, witty banter... Whatever it is, and be confident in that. Just go for it. He will not be able to say no; I promise
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Old 06-15-2012, 02:54 AM   #13
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let him decide what league he is in. If he decides you are in it who are you to argue?
Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God
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