Keeping it Quiet?
 

Oh wow, has anyone found themself being secretive about the fact the y are trying to lose weight? I never much thought about it, but someone I spend a lot of time with (we work together and see each other socially). I guess she noticed that the last few weeks i haven't been getting fast food and such like and lunch break, and have been wither buying healthy lunch or even making something at home. Also no more bringing in packets of biscuits to amuse me during the day!

She asked if I trying to lose weight, but I surprised myself by getting all edgy, and I said not really, and mumbled something about not being very hungry with the warm weather. I felt like I didn't want her to know, even though she is a good friend!

I was thinking why and I think it is two reasons. One, if people know, they will also know if I fail. I might have to answer questions about why I am off the wagon if they catch me! Also I find it a bit embarrassing and uncomfortable talking about weight and diets with people. I get all edgy if people start talking about their weightloss eforts etc. I know I joined a whole forum to talk about this, but it is different in the flesh around people I know. I suppose also I don't really want my friends to know I am troubled by my weight or whatever.

What have other people's experiences been?
xxx

I just keep it to myself because I don't need to explain or justify anything to anyone. I don't want to hear well meant advice or strange fad diet stuff. I have been at this since 1998, and I have no cure, and will be at it fighting it forever. So... yah. Not really wanting to make it MORE of my life than it already is.

If anyone asks why the changes I just gloss over it by mentioning my doc wants me to watch cholesterol or that I'm prediabetic. (All true, well known enough to be "boring" so I get left alone.)

But I don't mention the rest of my issues -- hypothyroid, PCOS, syndrome X, etc.

PCOS makes me a chronic patient -- that part will never end. There is only management. Every single freakin' day -- and whatever makes that easier I will go for. So that includes keeping people in the dark so they aren't on my back. Those that need to know? Do.

A.

I kept it to myself for as long as I could. I wasn't sure if I would succeed and I really didn't want everyone trying to give me advice or tell me I didn't need to lose weight.

After a while I couldn't really deny it anymore. For a while I would say: "oh no, I haven't lost anything really" or "I don't know, maybe" but after I hit the 20lb mark I couldn't really deny it any longer.

Yep, i lie about it...if i've lost 15 pounds and someone comments on it, i'll shrug it off and say "oh yeah i've lost a few pounds" and pretend i didn't lose that much. Mostly because of the huge fear of gaining it back. The sad thing is, i don't even tell people i lost weight until i've pretty much gained it back. Then i'll be like "oh yeah i USED to be thin and look good, but then i gained a bunch of weight."

Yup, this^ At about 25 pounds it became hard to hide so now I'm ready to push play on the tape recorder. "Nothing special, really. Just simple math - calories is, calories out."

Nobody felt the need to talk about my weight before, I'm not sure why it's become fair game now.:dizzy:

I also hate telling people. I feel like if im going to be successful just keep it to myself and get on with it. If anyone does notice in the past ive said what ive been doing and regretted it! Last few times I was discussing it with fam etc but this time I dont want them to know anything until hopefully next time I visit theyll see it themselves!

I was a bit funny about admitting to trying to lose weight at first. In part because the more people knew, the more I'd feel like a failure if I wasn't successful - that reason's no longer applicable though, since I've lost enough to see that, actually, I can do this.

I also think part of why I didn't like people knowing was because it was like admitting there was something wrong with me that needed fixing. Trying to lose weight means admitting that your body isn't as it should be, and that made me feel sort of inferior.

I also didn't want my sister to know, but that's just because she lives at the other end of the country, so I don't see her often, and I wanted to surprise her when I see her in August. Unfortunately she was ordering me a jumper for my birthday when my parents were last visiting her, and she asked my dad what size I was these days, and he told her "Rather smaller, actually". Ah well, her face should still be a picture when she sees the reduced version of me!

That is exactly what I feel! Like, I don't want people to know I feel badly about my body, it feels like showing a weakness. I don't want people to know I have a problem with it, if that makes sense.

Plus as other people said, unrequested advice is something you don't always want. There are a whole load of issues there!

That said I can't WAIT to start losing weight and have people notice and compliment me!! He hee. But even then I'll probably say I've just been feeling quite healthy of late and minimise any idea that I tried particularly. Ohmygosh, as if I could lose weight without even really trying!! :o
xxx

I've tried to keep it quiet best I can. But my family knows and people at work know, basically anyone who sees me regularly or sees me eat, as I'm eating much differently.

I've made a point though of not saying anything about what I've been eating, or about exercise on facebook, because I'm not an overly social person, and a lot of my good friends I haven't seen in months (having a toddler keeps me from having a social life). I'd like to see the reaction of at least a few different people after I reach my goal, who haven't seen me since before I started losing weight. I'm really looking forward to that, as I don't get many compliments (though about a week ago, my younger brother told me that apparently everyone has been talking about how much weight I've lost -- that was nice to hear, because no one ever says anything to ME).

I, too, keep my weight loss efforts to myself. Mostly because I fear failing, and I also don't want judgmental looks or questions or whatever because I fear if say I'm trying to lose weight but then eat something maybe not so healthy that people might say "Oh, you shouldn't eat that if you want to lose weight!".

I'm willing to shout it from the rooftops when I hit a goal though!

I won't bring it up unless it's called for but I generally don't say "weight loss" I say that I'm trying to be healthier. If they ask questions I'll generally answer them, but I also hate it when people say that I shouldn't eat something if I'm on a diet and I have to explain that I'm not on a diet and I can eat whatever I like. I guess that comes with the territory!

I usually don't tell people when I want to lose weight either. For some of the reason already mentioned like not wanting advice, being told I don't need to lose weight and the like. Part of it for me is that I always run into people saying "oh, should you be eating that, I thought you were on a diet." I really hate that statement, I think more than anything else. I personally am a calorie counter, I make sure to eat a balanced amount of protein, carbs, and fat. I eat a ton of vegetables and fruit. I also like to have peanut butter capn't crunch every now and again, or a cupcake, or ice cream, or beer/wine. I am almost always within my calorie range and don't ever feel the need to deprive myself. I know that doing so will lead to a binge for me. Also this is a life long journey, to be healthy, to eat well, and to enjoy life! I plan to have beer, pizza, ice cream and all those things in my life. I needed to learn to have them in moderation while losing weight if I expected myself to have them in moderation once I reach goal. If people ask you about what you're doing when they see the change in your eating habits, just tell them you're trying to eat healthier and experiment with new foods. It usually works for me. Have fun on your journey and stay positive!

I think I am pretty much the opposite. I don't mind people knowing, in fact I find it encouraging if they are supportive about things.

It is clear that I am overweight and I'm not going to try and kid myself that they must think otherwise. If people see that I am trying to take steps to eat more healthily and be more active, I don't mind at all.

I can understand why it might be a little worrying in terms of potential 'failure' and not wanting others to know, but if you can overcome that issue, perhaps you will see that others will no doubt support you with your weight loss.

It would be pretty hard for me to hide it from the likes of work colleagues though, they share snacks pretty much every day and I am always saying 'No, thank you' whenever I am offered anything! Plus they see me tucking into a salad almost every day for lunch haha.

I don't mind people knowing bu I do mind the unwanted comments so I don't tell anyone.

I use to keep it to myself. But this time I decided to share it with my friends and family. Then I shared with my coworkers after they started noticing my weight loss. Every other weight loss attempt I kept people in the dark and every other weight loss attempt failed. I figured maybe I'd work harder at it if I knew people were "watching" me. And it seems to have worked.

I really do hate eating lunch at work, though. I work with 30ish other women (no men in the office) and they will ask you 20 questions about everything. Is that chicken? Pork? What do you have there? Was it dinner last night? What's in it? Is it good? It smells good. OH MY GOD, PEOPLE. SHUT UP. And those are just the normal questions. You get extra questions/comments if you're on a diet. So I've taken to eating lunch at 1ish after everyone else is already done eating so I don't run into anyone in the kitchen.

One of my coworkers saw me eating buffalo wings the other week and said "OH! It's great to see you eating REAL food!" Uh, what? I told her I eat real food every day. Then she looked at me like I was an idiot when I said I can eat wings on my diet.

Good point! I don't say anything to most folks, because then it becomes their favorite past-time - watching My weight. If it's someone who has lost weight herself, or who is truly into a healthful lifestyle, I'm likely to comment more on what I'm doing, because I'll get a mature response.

The best part of this all, of course, is living well and being happier in my own skin :)

I keep it to myself unless someone asks. Theres a family friend who likes to keep up with/ask about my weight loss. I don't mind. I know she really wants me to succeed. My bf always comments when I'm losing weight and I don't mind talking about it with him, but again, I don't go into detail or talk about it a whole lot.

I'd rather just let my results speak for themselves.

I am kind of guilty of this! sometimes I like to think, if I don't mention my weight, and I don't, people won't think of me as fat. Because no one wants that thought about them I guess. Ah, it doesn't make sense really, I know!

I've always pretty much kept it to myself. If people notice I will admit I have lost weight and say "thank you" but I don't talk about it otherwise.

I'm guilty of this too, and I think it's a lot of why I (also) don't tell people I'm trying to lose weight. A big part of it for me is that no one has ever verbally called me overweight, which is nice in its way but also kind of weird, because I've spent a lot of my life this way. Because they don't really acknowledge it, I feel weird acknowledging it. When I went from 188 to 150 in 2010 people did eventually start to comment, though.

I know I don't mention it because I'm afraid I'll fail, gain it all back, and live up to the stereotype of a fat girl (again...)

I wish I hadn't mentioned it to certain people, even though it felt necessary at the time. I told the women who serve lunch various tales–"I'm not hungry at lunch," "I can't eat many carbs recently," "I'm allergic to X"–to get them to stop giving me such MASSIVE, UNBELIEVABLY HUGE portions of lunch. While it worked, it also apparently gave one license to decide what I can and can't eat. Ugh.

I talk about it, but only with my closest friends and family. But I'm more successful at losing when I don't talk about it, put my head down, and just do it.

My mum and my neighbours know (because I'm friends with all their daughters and go walking with one of them, soon two when she comes home). I did mention it to another one of my friends who is also dieting and losing weight. I have had people comment on my weight saying that I have lost weight (even though I haven't as of yet according to the scales) I went to see my dad the other evening and I hadn't seem him in a few weeks and he said I looked like I have but because I didn't, I said I hadn't. Maybe I'm just toning up or something? I haven't told many people about it and I don't intend too. I know once the goal is achieved, I won't be able to deny it but I think until it is very noticeable I will just say, yeah I'm out walking and that just to get fit. I haven't gone into details with anyone about how hard I'm trying (ie my calorie counting or my weight loss goal) and again I don't intend on telling people that. I was offered a packet of crisps the other evening by my neighbour and refused, but she didn't say anything about it to me. To me, this is my own personal business and struggle and I get to pick and choose who I want to know and how much they know. I remember a few years ago when I had lost weight and people commented on it, I did say that I had and it was very encouraging. But I think I'm grown up to be a lot more private about these issues and would prefer to keep them personal now.

I haven't said anything at all... kind of discouraging for me anyways haha, as I live a plane-ride away from home for school (and have for the last 2 years) so, even though I've lost 10+ pounds to get back to my high-school size.... that's how everyone remembers me anyways!!

But, saying something would have been worse - I'm one of the smallest of my group of friends anyways, and don't want to make anything awkward there, and have also had 5 friends struggle with serious eating disorders in the last few years... so yeah. don't want to tell them either, or my family in case they start worrying.

It means a lot of private dance parties haha ;)

I work in a salon and I see people every 4-8 weeks depending on what they get done, and I'm at my 12 week mark for working out and I've lost almost 30 and I'm having people notice since they don't see me all the time, 3 people has commented in the past few days. Now I have people who Give me un solicited advice, and I just nod and say what I do, I had a lady ask if I have cheat days and I said no but I eat what I wan anyways in moderation and make different choices with it. She seemed to understand and when I said if u actually cheated it would be nuggets from mcdonalds and those are addicting so I just stay away from them lol

You're not alone. I've never outright said I'm trying to lose weight, even when it's obvious I have.

I don't want or need people policing my food and exercise, so I never tell them what I'm doing. I never say, "I don't eat X." I don't mention health, exercise, weight, or anything. I've found that people don't actually want to know what I'm doing (diet and exercise, surprise), and I do better when I don't tell them.

It's less pressure on me, I think. I adjust my food/exercise almost constantly depending on lots of factors. It's easier to not talk about it. Also, no one I know is overweight or ever has been. It's way different for an always-very-slender friend than it is for me. That's another reason - always-thin people seriously don't understand weight loss/gain/maintenance. Just like I have no idea what it's like to always have been thin.

Do what works for you - forget the rest.

I tell my friends and my family. In fact, my mother was also on a similar diet to me to lose 3-4lbs after a 2 week vacation. Actually, I'm looking forward to seeing some friends I haven't seen for 3 months now that I've lost 12-13lbs since I last saw them!

I haven't told my husband's family. It's getting a bit obvious now as I've lost just over 27lbs but when they ask if I've lost weight or that I've gotten skinny I always reply "Not really" or "No, just new clothes". I find in Asian cultures it's very common to comment on people's weight loss or weight gain (and not in a particularly tactful manner) and I really don't need any of that from them. As an example, my mother in law is always telling my husband he's fat (He's 5'10 and weighs 160lbs. He might not be as skinny as when I met him where he was 138lbs but honestly, I prefer his body shape now!) and my aunt told my husband "Oh look, your wife has lost weight! It's all gone to your belly". Unfortunately, all those comments have made him decide to go on a diet. It may be silly to be still denying it but if I do, at least I don't have to cop comments about my weight beforehand.

I kind of wish I hadn't told anyone, because I've been struggling and cheating the past few days, and one of my roommates has been all :"Aren't you on a diet?" It really makes me feel guilty to hear that. It's a good motivator, true, but I really didn't need the unsolicited comment. *sighs*

Yup, that's why I don't tell anyone. I suppose for accountability, maybe it's not a bad idea. But for me, I don't want the judgmental comments. I eat healthy and in reasonable portions at most meals, but sometimes I just want something not as healthy, or a little more than I should, or a beer darnit. (haha). And I don't want the self-appointed food police telling me I can't have it.

The only person who knows I'm actively trying to lose weight is my DH and he's great- he's very supportive and he *never* comments on what I eat. He eats what I cook and never complains either, and he puts up with the meals I make that are uber-healthy and low calorie as "penance" for that restaurant meal from the day before. Frankly I think any meal he doesn't have to cook just makes him happy. But it's nice that he's supportive and non-judgmental.

I never told anyone in real life, because it's a very private thing and what everyone else has mentioned... It's just none of their business. But I have told people that I'm close with online, if they're willing to hear. I feel like telling someone makes it official, and I have to do it after saying I will. They're just not there in person to see when I slip, so it doesn't trip me up. I can just casually mention when I've made big losses and continue to feel good about it. lol

Yeah, this. I've been off the wagon this past week and feel like a failure. And of course now all the people who see me eat a cookie are like my concience, telling me I shouldn't be eating it because i'm on a diet. I guess it's my own fault for telling them. :p Oh well. Someone did ask me if i've been losing weight, so it was some encouragement!

Generally I used to try to keep diets quiet. I was fat and it was my shameful little secret that I was trying to do something about it and couldn't just be skinny like everyone else and have normal self esteem. That led to awkwardness when friends wanted to go out, having to make excuses for weird lunches, and more stress than I needed over whether or not people realized that I was trying to lose weight.

This time around I'm being loud about it so that (hopefully) people will hold me accountable. I'm 10,000 miles away from my close friends, so I can imagine judge-y faces that they'd be too polite to give me in person and use it as motivation to try harder. Maybe I'm just crazy, but I've got my fingers crossed that it works.

The only person who knows I am trying to lose weight and change my lifestyle is my fiance and best friend. Last time I did this I told my close family, some friends and a couple other people noticed at work, bad idea! After they found out they either made snippy comments, criticized what I was eating (even fruit!), gave me unwanted advice or asked me what my "secret" was. You should have seen there faces when I replied "No secret, eat less - move more". I think they thought I had found a diet pill that actually worked or something.

This time however, I am keeping it to myself, my man and my 1 best friend. They are all the support I need.

i'm really weirdly secretive about it too and i'm not sure why. after i read everyone's responses my best guess is that i don't want to hear anyone's advice or long rants about dieting or have to answer why i want to do this when i'm already such a pretty girl. i've always kind of had weird issues with authority and maybe this is kind of part of that? i have no idea, really but i'm glad to know i'm not the only one who doesn't like to talk about it.