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-   -   I feel like such a fraud... (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/256917-i-feel-like-such-fraud.html)

danzingurl77 04-14-2012 12:46 AM

I feel like such a fraud...
 
So yeah- ive lost about 30 lbs since high school, put on some muscle, and started long distance running. All things I am proud of. I am also taking nutrition classes and want to become a certified clinical nutritionist. I have friends and family ask me for advice- I've given them recipies, sent them my grocery list, tried to give them good tips and tricks on healthy food swaps, and even given them my training schedule for running.

I follow my own advice most of the time... But there are days like today when I absolutely lose it. An hour and a half of stuffing my face with everything from peanut butter to chocolate to eggos to starbursts- I ate a bowl of soup to try to fill myself up and went ahead and had one of those sinful "mug brownies" that pinterest so cruely introduced me to... How can I expect to be a trainer & nutritionist when I have days like this? I don't even keep the stuff in the house. I left and bought most of it tonight. Why??


I feel like although I've had some "success" with diet and exercise- I have this horrible relationship with food. I don't want anyone to feel the way I do, which is part of the reason I'm leaning toward this career option- but if I'm having these "freak-outs" twice a month- as my husband calls them... There's got to be something big I'm missing, and I can't help others until I can help myself, right?

I guess there's really no question here- I'm just feeling like a failure and a fraud. Like I need to call everyone I've ever talked to about health/nutrition/fitness and tell them that I must be wrong. Gah- I'm so frustrated with myself.

nanook380 04-14-2012 02:05 AM

You're not wrong.. you're human with cravings and binges. It'll just make it easier for you to help others get over it since you'll be speaking from experience. Best of luck!

shapedself 04-14-2012 10:28 AM

Trainees will care much more about how you look rather than how you may eat once in a while. If overall you're healthy and in good shape, you'll be fine. Also, acknowledging that you have bad days makes you more human and genuine.

threenorns 04-14-2012 11:35 AM

if you're keeping a healthy diet 99% of the time, there is NO PROBLEM if you're having binges and cravings every few weeks.

odds are very very high that, quite frankly, your body needed those extra calories and if you do enjoy the taste of food, then depriving yourself 100% of the time is not doing yourself any favours, either.

it's all about balance.

yesterday, i bought chocolate. i don't even eat chocolate, as a rule, but i was *dying* for dark chocolate (which i hate) with chilis - i've actually been thinking about it for about 3 days but yesterday, i HAD to have it. my only regret is that i thought the chilis would be hotter. so next time, i'll probably make my own.

JossFit 04-15-2012 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danzingurl77 (Post 4293011)
So yeah- ive lost about 30 lbs since high school, put on some muscle, and started long distance running. All things I am proud of. I am also taking nutrition classes and want to become a certified clinical nutritionist. I have friends and family ask me for advice- I've given them recipies, sent them my grocery list, tried to give them good tips and tricks on healthy food swaps, and even given them my training schedule for running.

I follow my own advice most of the time... But there are days like today when I absolutely lose it. An hour and a half of stuffing my face with everything from peanut butter to chocolate to eggos to starbursts- I ate a bowl of soup to try to fill myself up and went ahead and had one of those sinful "mug brownies" that pinterest so cruely introduced me to... How can I expect to be a trainer & nutritionist when I have days like this? I don't even keep the stuff in the house. I left and bought most of it tonight. Why??


I feel like although I've had some "success" with diet and exercise- I have this horrible relationship with food. I don't want anyone to feel the way I do, which is part of the reason I'm leaning toward this career option- but if I'm having these "freak-outs" twice a month- as my husband calls them... There's got to be something big I'm missing, and I can't help others until I can help myself, right?

I guess there's really no question here- I'm just feeling like a failure and a fraud. Like I need to call everyone I've ever talked to about health/nutrition/fitness and tell them that I must be wrong. Gah- I'm so frustrated with myself.

I can totally relate!

I used to have a very big problem with binge eating, but not so much these days. Generally I eat very well and workout pretty hard and have no issues maintaining that lifestyle. To look at me, you'd never think that I sometimes still struggle with binge eating. In fact, I've recently been featured on several bodybuilding websites and have taken up fitness modeling with plans to get into it more in the future as my schedule allows. I'm also leaving the military next year to go back to school for personal training and nutrition full time, and start my own business. I'm generally the person that everyone asks "How do I get abs like yours?!" and seem to have it all figured out.

In order to look like this, I generally keep things pretty tight, but I have the occasional "freak out" as you put it - I call it a binge. My issue with binge eating now is triggered by social situations and special events. I have a pretty good balance to my life, and when special occasions come up I allow myself to have drinks and indulge in foods I otherwise wouldn't with no guilt. In fact, as long as I get right back on track I generally end up leaner than I was before the event.

Recently though I have had a couple of set backs and have gained a couple of pounds that I'm now working to get back off again. I find that late afternoons where there is nothing to do at the office have made a couple of days turn into binge days for me. At the end of March I had one random afternoon where I told myself "You've lost a little too much weight... time to have a carb up and enjoy some treats!" but it turned into a full-on binge; I left and went to a restraunt by myself and ate, and then hit several stores/fast food places on the way home to load up on food. It was disgusting. The next day started off fine, but I ended up repeating the previous day because I again told myself that I'd lost too much weight and probably needed to gain a pound or two back. I ended up going to the vending machine several times to get chips and candy bars, and then telling my subordinates I was sick so that I could leave work and eat. I again hit a few stores and fast food venues and stuffed myself alone at home.

After that I was definitely ready to get back to my healthy eating, which I did for a while. My fiance came to visit me over Easter weekend, during which time we went out to eat a lot. We had some amazing meals but still were active and went to the gym. I didn't binge, and just treated it like I would any other special occasion; ate what I wanted to and enjoyed the meals but didn't go too crazy. For some reason though, when I went to drop him off at the airport I made up my mind that as soon as I dropped him off I was going to go load up on goodies and "get it out of my system" before I got back on track. I felt so guilty thinking about it afterward; I couldn't get him to the airport fast enough, and all I was thinking about was how much I couldn't wait to get food into my face. The sad thing is that I won't even get to see him again for several months - at the wedding!

Even though we had eaten some very nice meals and had some treats over the weekend, as soon as I dropped him off at about 3pm I stopped at the first gas station and bought a Twix ice cream bar, a chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich, a single size bag of ruffles cheddar and sour cream chips, a bag of cookies and cream chex muddy buddies, and a large dove chocolate bar. I ate it all in the car on my way to the office (I had to go in during the evening to catch up on some things). Before I got to the office I stopped at Starbucks and got a chai tea latte, double chocolate brownie and chocolate hazlenut tart and had that all before I got to the office as well. At the office I hit the vending machine and the coffee shop and had a turkey and cheese lunchable, chicken and cheese wrap, rocky road cookie, bag of jalepeno chips, and more candy bars. Then, on the way home from the office in the evening I stopped and got an ice cream sundae and a chicken strips meal from a fast food place, and picked up more ice cream and sweets from the store. This was all in a period of about 6 hours.

I suppose I felt the need to "confess" all of that, because I never really have. A couple of people know that I used to have issues with binging, but I don't think they know that I still occasionally do (although very rarely these days) but they don't know what that really means. I too feel like a fraud when that happens, but I think you and I both need to realize that WE'RE HUMAN! :o

For me, it's almost as though maintaining my fitness level is harder than trying to lose, because I have no motivation for doing so. I feel like I DESERVE to eat like that because in a few days I'll lose the weight and have some awesome workouts in the meantime. I know I'm not going to gain the weight back, but I still don't like the out of control feeling of a binge. Do you think this might have something to do with it for you as well? :?:

MARLA26 04-15-2012 05:45 PM

I think you ate over 4,000 calories. That is a lot of calories.
And a lot of sugar and salt too.

Be eternally vigilant. The food addiction bug is patient.
It will quietly wait for you to let your guard down!

Rintin 04-15-2012 06:38 PM

I am not sure if you are more concerned with the weight gain potential or the health aspect. Eating that much at once is not good and yes if a few days the weight will come off but long term it's important to mentally figure out why you feel like you 'deserve' to treat yourself to all the food. Sounds like you treat it as a treat but it really is a punishment to your body not treating it well for all it does for you. I have done 4000-5000 at once before more then once but I realized it really no treat at all. Not that I still donot have bad days but thinking about it makes me question how I am treating myself. Sorry that's so confusing!

LovelyAndLosing 04-15-2012 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MARLA26 (Post 4294711)
I think you ate over 4,000 calories. That is a lot of calories.
And a lot of sugar and salt too.

Be eternally vigilant. The food addiction bug is patient.
It will quietly wait for you to let your guard down!


Ummm.... What? Who knew that 3FC had trolls!

lifehouseluver 04-15-2012 11:06 PM

I can totally relate! I'm a personal trainer, and at times I feel like such a hypocrit!

I too have a love/hate relationship with food. I used to either eat like sh** or eat perfectly healthy, and there was no in between. The second i'd stop eating healthy, i'd go all out. Like "oh, I had ice cream today, well the week is shot! Might as well eat like crap all week." Then I would promise myself I would get back on track the next week, but I never did...

This time around though, i've learned to "forgive myself" when I've had an off meal or an off day. I'm like you in the sense of once I start with the junk food, I can't stop.

But i'd say as long as you're eating right 90% of the time which it sounds like you are, you'll get to where you want to be. I don't think you're a fraud, I think you're human. :)

m4mitchell 04-15-2012 11:12 PM

Are you eating enough calories for your current weight? Looking at your tracker you are at the bottom of the healthy weight for your height, which is fine, but I'm just wondering if you're eating enough on a day to day basis. Sometimes not consuming enough calories can cause one to binge.

Goody3shoes 04-16-2012 07:08 AM

Actually I think that days like today will make you a better nutritionist. If you understand people's feelings you'll be better equipped to help your clients through days like this when they are in the same position. And forgive yourself your little slip-ups, it happens, and it's all reversible. Plus, you are already in a good weight range, even perhaps a little too thin with your height, so pride yourself on the good days! And forgive yourself for your small slip-ups. :hug:

krampus 04-16-2012 12:11 PM

Binges like that are a signal that there is something seriously wrong. I don't think episodes like that are ever healthy. You should not be feeling ashamed and guilty - ever - and I sincerely hope you can figure out a way to solve the binge problem. I am a recovering binger and I am several months binge-free, but I know the darkness lurks around the corner. Do you think perhaps you are too focused on food and nutrition and exercise and weight?


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