All right 20-somethings, I realize it's a very common thing that most folks our age experience, so let's talk about the QUARTER LIFE CRISIS.

You know, when you graduate from college or whatever and realize that the adults told you to stay in school simply to pacify you and shut you up, and that everyone in the world is exactly the same, and how you've been legally "adult" for years but still feel like you have no idea how mortgages and childrearing and settling down and "growing up" works.

More power to those who have figured out what they're doing more than I have, but personally I have no idea what I want to "do" with my life. I just want to have fun and pursue hedonistic enjoyment of travel, food, romance and all that. I'm starting to get self conscious that I still do the same "for fun" things that I did when I was 21. My friends are getting engaged and married and having little ones, but I'm not interested in that right now. It's harder to meet new female friends. I'm in the best shape I've been in, but I'm still not "in shape" and my body is already on the decline at age 25!

How about you guys?

I got married way too young (at 20) and I still had a quarterlife crisis about 3 years later. I just flipped out. Talking to my friends, single and married, it seems pretty common!

You seem like you have it together, Krampus, and your body is not on the decline!! I'm in the best shape I've ever been and I have 4 years on you. You'll be ok . 30 is the new 20 anyway, isn't it?

Enjoy being young and being able to do what you want, when you want to. When I was your age I already had 2 kids. Some days I only wish I had the freedom to not know what I want to do with my life .

I feel like I failed my 20's. Here I am 27 this year and have nothing to show for my life. Other than the fact that I have useless debt after dating a psychopath, two jobs. In therapy and I moved across the country woo hoo.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I never married young and definitely glad I don't have kids because with my life it would ruin everything even more. But I was suppose to be a career woman, be cop by now owning a house and have at least been to europe whether it was backpacking around it or I went to Denmark only...something...instead...Well Theres nothing!!! yay.Kids weren't going to come until 34...still aren't going to come until that age. But now I've bumped everything up to have done by the time I'm 34...travel, career, children (one maybe two) and a house. Will it happen? probably not...LOL

the grass is definitely greener on the other side.

i'm 26, almost 27, and am going to be married for 2 years in November. I'm really happy with my husband, but I'm feeling the pressure to buy a house, have babies, etc, when I what I really need is for things to slow down. I want to enjoy the rest of my 20s and travel, work out, and see friends.

It feels like a lot of my friends feel like they can't relate to me because i'm married now. Also, it was apparently more okay when i was married and fat, but now that I'm married but not fat, it makes it even more awkward.

Don't worry, Krampus, you are totally rocking this 20s thing! I think it's awesome to enjoy your time without having anything tying you down

i doubt your body is in decline krampus, lol. and anyway.. don't you ever see those old ladies that are thin and power walking? (there is hope even in old age!)

everyone i talk to that is around my age (27) sort of doesn't know what they are doing in life. i think thats "growing up", and yes you can still be "growing up" at 25. (or 27.. or even 30-something) you don't magically become an adult one day, where suddenly you're well versed in things like 401k rollovers and stocks. i feel like everyone in this world just sort of fakes it till they make it.

i just got an apartment, so i feel more like an adult, and like i'm keeping the pace with my married buddies. but, there's no need to rush anyway. do what makes you happy, because when you have kids, their happiness will probably (should) come before yours and you'll be yearning for the days when you lived for frivolous pleasure.

OH i LOVE this thread already. I so know what you are talking about Krampus. I am definately dealing with it too.

I'm almost 27 and I am STILL not graduated. The main reason for that is because I did awesome stuff like be a boardmember for a youth political party (affiliated with the green party) and I worked as a political assistent for a year, as a project assistent with a sustainability-organization and worked a year at the ministry of Education. I made a bunch of AWESOME trips to the middle east, the US and through Europe. It' was all great fun. But I'm almost 27 now. Moved back home for a year to finally fully focus on graduation and I have NO clue what to do once I finally get there. Because then what?

I, like you, want to just travel, have fun jobs for a year here and there and do political stuff. I have also long ago decided I don't want kids and there's no way I am gonna live in this country every year of the rest of my life. I have a few friends that are in steady jobs, steady relationships and thinking about children, but I have the same amount of friends that share my hedonistic self centered dreams. Also 30-somethings that are not planning to go for the traditional settling down at all. Like ever.

I think that's what is difficult, we all grew up with parents that had parents who had no choice in life. They went to highschool, got married, took care of the kids and maybe had a part-time job if their husband approved. And even now, a lot of 'older' people live by this standard. I am honestly convinced that our generation of women are gonna change that up a bit. The way culture looks at relationships is changing too. People don't have to live together to get married if they don't want to. You are not an old weird one if you don't have kids. It's all shifting. But we're not there yet, and tradition is just so set in most of our view of the future that it's hard to realise you might be feeling like not following that path.

Anyhow, I am rambling, but that's what my Quarter Life Crisis boils down to - learning to accept that the traditional route that so many people take is not a MANDATORY one. It's quite a relief really. Because honestly - I don't want kids. I don't want to own a home. I don't even want to work in the same job for years. I wan't do have awesome experiences and share great moments with friends and strangers. I wanna find a new lifestyle every year and wear it for a bit. And I know I can.

ValRock What happened during your midlife crisis? You're absolutely right, 30 is the new 20. I'm counting on looking 20 until I'm 60, when I will suddenly turn into an ajumma (the Korean version of obachan). See here: http://uberhumor.com/asian-aging-process

MiZTaCCeN What's so special about 34? I seriously doubt you failed your 20s, sounds to me like you learned a lot of life lessons early on and have wisened up and are better prepared for whatever may come your way.

jayohwhy It's so weird how married people are perceived to be so different from unmarried people. Marriage is just a piece of paper and a loyalty promise and I don't think it really changes people that much at all! Where is the pressure coming from to start a family/buy a house?

valalltogether Sounds like we're all in the same boat! I just got my first apartment here too a couple months ago. I lived and worked in Japan for 3 years after college so that was kind of a break from "real life" since I had almost no living expenses. I can't see myself ever having kids because I hate them, but that may change.

philana YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS to everything you said!

Whew. This is gonna be a long answer. But this is an AWESOME thread! Kudos, Krampus!

I'm in a similar boat in my early 20s. I've been feeling this way for years, honestly. Most of my friends are married or in serious relationships and/or having children (and they're my age). I only know ONE girl from high school who isn't getting married or already married (I grew up in a small town, so we had ~70 girls in our graduating class). But she still WANTS to be married.

All the people I know in college are married or in serious relationships. ALL of them. It's psyching me out pretty badly. Some days I think, "Good god, what's wrong with me that I'm not a wife/mother/career person already?!?" But then most days I realize I don't actually want that just yet. I want to figure stuff out. And then I wonder if there's something wrong with me that I don't want all those things yet.

I'm as terrified of being tied down as I am having nothing to ground me.

It's like, sometimes I don't know if what I want is ACTUALLY what I want, or if it's what I feel pressure to want. Sometimes I think, "Family, yeah!" and others I think, "Holy crap, nuh uh."

So, if anyone knows any free-spirited but realistic individuals looking to hang out and not follow conventional life routes with me, let me know! And hopefully one or two of them are available guys who are willing to settle down in ~20 years.

thank you for starting this thread i dont talk about this much with anyone because i feel like no one can really understand me on this .... i dont have much to add to this other than .... time flies by , i got married when i was 17 .... im almost 25 now ... i feel like i wasted so much time doing nothing ... i got fat i didnt graduate , idk where im headed or wtf im doing ... your young and free !! enjoy it

What a great thread!

Although I've technically chosen my career (I'm an attorney) ... there are so many avenues you can take with a law degree that I still have no idea where I will be in five years.

Also, I spent the last 4 years in a relationship that ended in November. I'm very single right when EVERYONE is getting engaged or even having babies. Single girlfriends are harder to come by ... I finding myself dating not because I want to, but because it is nice to be able to have a 2nd to join me around all these couples! I definitely need to find some more single girl friends.

Also, just generally I feel like everyday I'm just a 8 year old "playing" adult. Do these people really think I know what I'm doing? It doesn't help that being a young attorney is filled with pressure and self-doubt!

Ack. Glad to have people to commiserate with!


EDIT: Sorry for the random phrasing above. I'm very tired! Too tired to actually edit it.

I agree that we're young and it should be enjoyed but it's so hard! And I completely agree with you about the crisis.

I've been having lots of stress that I have to decide where I want to live for basically the rest of my life right now. Once I graduate in Aug it would be easy to move away and get a cheap place to live with a good paying job - but then I'd lose out working here in the city and building up my seniority so it would be almost impossible to come back to the city. I love vancouver, but I don't know if I love living here because I've always lived here.

And I agree with the married/kids friends thing. I don't want to be married, and I don't want to have kids right now but I don't even have a prospect anymore. Me and my ex broke up a year ago, and I for sure thought we'd be together forever. So everytime I see a new engagement on facebook I can't help but say "ugh". My sister is 14 years older than me, and it's always been the "thing" that i'll have a kid when I'm 28 (14 years between me and her, 14 years between me and my nephew, then 14 years between my nephew and my child) but I just don't see that happening. I actually don't see me ever finding a guy I'd like so spend forever with...

I'm living with my parents due to school, but I almost bought a house a few years ago. I'm glad I didn't, but I do feel like I don't have much responsibilities - and honestly I think I like it way too much to give it up when I know I should be more 'adult'

That's all I can think of right now. But this was a great thread, I feel much better venting about it all.

I'm 25, and have been going through one for a long time....

I graduate from my masters in about 6 weeks but I am so longing for a romantic relationship....but yeah I know I have been in a quarterlife crisis for a while now....hahhahaha

I think everyone has different ways they want to live. The common one is to get married, have kids and settle down in one place with a mortgage. Other people want to travel, experience new cultures and just have the freedom to go where they want as they please.

Just because the "family" route is the most common one does not mean it will bring you happiness. So don't feel pressured by society or anyone around you that you have to be settling down to be successful. I think achieving happiness is true success - not a well paid job or a nice house - it's what YOU make of it. And everyone's happiness is different.

I too, would never succumb to this settled down malarky. I want to live abroad, I want to try and get a career in the film industry, I want to learn a new language, I want travel. I do not want to be weighed down with a mortgage and a child! And that is my idea of freedom, that's my idea of happiness. So quarter life crisis be gone! I think those who are settling down now will look back and think "well, maybe I should have lived a bit more freely while I had the chance" like you have.

Give yourself more credit, you beat yourself up too much! Your body is definitely not on the decline at 25!!

Like everyone else, I love this thread. My quarter-life crisis was extreme. I am 31 now and very happy, but still have days. I married for the first time at 21, right after college, to my boyfriend I had since I was a teen. We both got great jobs, bought a house, had 2 vacations a year.....but, I wanted to die. I coulnīt understand how my life got so middle of the road and boring in just such a short time. I had to get out or I thought I would never make it.

So to make a long story short. I changed. I left my husband, quit my job, thought about what I wanted to do for about a year, and then did it. I decided I needed to be humbled, so I gave EVERY posession I had away to the poor, via Criagslist and left America, with my backpack, 3 changes of clothes, my camara and laptop. I paid of my debts, sold my house and did a voluntary repo on my car. I was literally free of everything that ever held onto me, and it was so liberating. I started in London and hitchhiked and traveled, by train , car boat, bus or whatever I could all around Europe until I got to where I was suppose to go. I really feel like I found myself in doing this and rethought about my priorites in life. I ended up in Spain, then Belgium and then returned to Spain only 2 weeks later to meet the man of my dreams, which I married this last year. He works for NATO, so we will continue to move (next year to Turkey) and that will fill the travel bug in me.

In short ladies, donīt feel afriad or stuck. Doing what I did was the hardest thing I could ever imagaine, but was oh so worth it! Never settle!

X

Wow! How brave and inspiring! I'm glad things worked out well for you.