Not weight loss related...but need some guy advice

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  • You could say, "I enjoyed our conversation today. I'm looking forward to speaking/texting with you again."
  • Quote: Guys like the chase probably more than the actual "prize". After dating quite a few men, Ive realized that they need to feel in control at the beginning of a relationship. For my fiance, when we were first dating (we met at an engagement party and exchanged numbers), I waited for him to contact me, then I responded once. He replied, and I did and when he didnt text me for a few days, I assumed he wasnt interested.
    Turns out, he didnt want to seem too clingy so he stopped texting me to prevent that. A few days later when he DID call me/text me, he asked me out to dinner, and we have been inseperable ever since.
    Wow, this is almost how my fiance and I started dating (we met at a campus function in college though).

    I remember stressing if I should text him or wait for him to text me a few days after we had initially exchanged numbers. I had a guy friend who as at the event and saw us meet...I remember asking him if he thought my fiance was into me or not My other friend told me to wait for him to text me because I would seem too clingy otherwise. I followed that advice and he texted me a few days later and asked if I wanted to hang out over the weekend. I thought he wasn't interested because I didn't hear from him right away, but I'm glad I didn't totally blow him off because of that!

    We hung out a couple of times and I kept my distance because I didn't want to scare him off. It worked and now nearly four years later we're engaged Who knew, right?

    He's my best friend. I wouldn't have it otherwise


    I remember having a clingy guy come after me. I was kinda into him but the fact that he would text and call me nonstop and get upset when I didn't answer was just creepy and totally turned me off from him. I shot him down a few weeks later and stopped hanging out with him. I assume the same thing works the other way around...if you text/call a guy too much too soon then you're going to scare him off.
  • My husband and I met through a mutual friend and we exchanged numbers, and I never called him because I was about to leave for college and uninterested. So I kept his number (I still have the original paper!!!) until he called me a couple months later (texting wasn't a feature on phones yet, God i feel old, and this was only 8 years ago) so we started IMing. Two months later we had our first date and kept dating. Sometimes I would IM him first but a majority of the time he called me or IMed or emailed me. Unfortunately I lost those emails when my hard drive crashed a week ago and they were fun to look back on. And a year ago in February we eloped!

    Good luck! Just remember confidence, to smile, and have fun.
  • Oh the fun of online dating, I just tried it over this last summer. The amount of creepy people that I attracted kind of scared me away from that scene. I talked to so many guys, unfortunately, I'm sure a few good ones got away because I was so overwhelmed by the "initially interested/later crazy" guys that I didn't attempt to develop anything with the non crazy guys. I hope that makes sense. Anyways, Sadly many of the guys I attracted via online dating sites were damaged unhealthy souls. I'm on a personal journey to improve my way of life, health, emotionally and physically and each person I met, texted or emailed seemed to be extremely timid and lacking confidence. I was worried that these people (and I'm not picky on looks, I love everyone) would hold me back from reaching my goals. I took a deep look into my soul and realized I need to focus on me, that I was more looking for the sexual contact rather than a friendship/relationship. I have three very wonderful gay male friends/roommates/family that fulfill all needs except sexually. **Wink wink** which I can take care of myself for a bit longer. Haha. Anyways, there are good people out there. The best advise I can give is do things you love you'll begin to attract those that love those things, too. Eventually you may build a strong friendship/relationship with the most wonderful man, made just for you.

    Good luck in your adventures!

    Much love!
  • Thanks for the advice! I posted a comment in this thread regarding me probably going about a few things wrong, and was hoping that I could get some advice about the way I go about these things...

    The last couple of guys that I have talked to, I was the one who asked if they wanted to meet/hang out. But from reading the comments here about how guys like to be the one's in control, I'm thinking that perhaps me doing that kind of ruined the "chase" part for the guys? Should I just continue talking to this guy and continue to get to know each other, and wait for him to ask me if I want to hangout (if he's interested in doing so of course)? I feel like my impatience kicks in and I try to rush into things (meeting/hanging out), but maybe that's not the way to go about it?
  • It's not necessarily a bad thing to go after something/someone you want. Just don't make it a need. You're bright and successful all on your own so don't depend on a man to fill some kind of void.

    Get to know him & let him express interest in you before you jump right in. I've been impatient & trust, it scares them. Or at least the ones I have been interested in. Allow yourself to be unavailable. It may sound crazy because females tend to be opposite, but men need to know that they aren't top priority in your life. So don't make them out to be.
  • Quote: Thanks for the advice! I posted a comment in this thread regarding me probably going about a few things wrong, and was hoping that I could get some advice about the way I go about these things...

    The last couple of guys that I have talked to, I was the one who asked if they wanted to meet/hang out. But from reading the comments here about how guys like to be the one's in control, I'm thinking that perhaps me doing that kind of ruined the "chase" part for the guys? Should I just continue talking to this guy and continue to get to know each other, and wait for him to ask me if I want to hangout (if he's interested in doing so of course)? I feel like my impatience kicks in and I try to rush into things (meeting/hanging out), but maybe that's not the way to go about it?
    Hard to say. I've seen it both ways....
    On one hand, some guys like the chase. If they're into you, they will ask you out. They don't want a girl to make the first move.

    On the other hand, some guys are shy and/or lazy. They want the girl to do the work so they don't have to plan/risk rejection.

    Aside from flat out telling him (which could be intimidating), can you strongly give signals that you're interested and then mentally give him a certain amount of time to ask you out? By X day, if he hasn't asked, then you could suggest something.
    I'd also try to find time to chat on the phone at least once, but I'm a person that likes talking on the phone. Texting is nice when I'm at work or otherwise busy, but sometimes I like to chat for a few minutes so I can hear his tone of voice, laugh, etc.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I'm still single so my advice might be useless.