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Old 12-12-2011, 02:50 AM   #1  
Against all odds
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S/C/G: 340/331/170

Height: 5'8"

Unhappy Breathe in, Breathe out

Hi Everyone,

I have to get this all off of my chest and I'm sorry if it's too long.

I have been in a horrible mood lately. I am in a self- hating phase and I don't like it and I can't do anything to change it (I've been trying) and this phase started when I only lost one lb for mondays weigh in. and with this next monday looming, I feel like I have gained weight. I dread the scale, because I just instinctively know it'll give me bad news! I keep trying to eat healthy, I keep working out.... I even put in the extra effort and come in more days than necessary and I constantly feel like a giant hippo.

I keep on hearing from people, "Wow, you look really good, I'm proud of you!" and I JUST DONT CARE ANYMORE. I've lost 65 lbs, sure, but I have to lose another 100 by summer. I have a challenge at my gym that I start on Jan 8th and I just don't see myself finishing. I do not feel motivated, or happy.

I keep on feeling like, "oh I'm a fat chick that no one wants and when I'm thin , sure, I'll be thin, but no one will want to deal with all my sagging skin."

In turn, I feel like this self hate has also ignited a dislike for other plus- size women and men out there.

Like I said, alot of self hate right now, but I don't know how to stop it. I'm also going through all the stages of loss because I just got out of a 3.5 year relationship and knew he was "the one" and he's now dating alot of girls....girls that are still plus size, but are smaller than me....
It makes me upset, but I can't bring myself to cry.

but what bugs me more is that I'm having a hard time finding my DRIVE.

I've been at this for almost a year now and I set a high bar for myself and this is not where I wanted to be at 2/3 weeks from the day I started. I've tried watching HEAVY and Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition for Thinspiration, but I just get more and more depressed. I feel like I'm losing myself under all this monotony and pain and stress.

Have you guys ever felt like this? What do you do? I need some real talk from you guys, I need perspective because I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've never been thin and I had just about given up on it and I am definitely scared of the prospect of being 170 lbs. I haven't been that size since...... 4th grade.

I guess this is what we are all here for. To lend a helping hand and to ask for help. I've never been good at asking for help, but I do pride myself on being a great friend. So, What do you say? Can you help me through this and somehow help me be whipped into shape mentally?
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Old 12-12-2011, 08:22 AM   #2  
Hooping my Life Away
 
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If the scale is getting you down, stop weighing yourself for a while. Are your clothes fitting better? Do you have before/current pictures? Ever taken measurements? You can do this. One pound lost ain't too shabby either! That's one pound away from 340. Also, you may have one pound this week and then a whoooosh the next week.

I have never been even close to 170 either and it does seems scary. This fat can be comforting and what happens when you won't be that biggest one in the crowd? If you want an accountability buddy, I'll volunteer!

Write all the reasons you want to lose weight and read it every day to remind you. Write down all the reasons why you don't want to be overweight any more. Read those every time you feel like giving up.

This is probably awful to say but....if you are hurt this guy broke up with you, use that anger/hurt/pain to propel yourself to keep going! One day he'll look back and go, darn, I let go of an amazing catch, silly me.

Also, do you have a form of exercise that you love and crave? Maybe you are in a rut exercise wise? Maybe try something new a fun? Check out a new class, find a new hobby, etc?

Although why do you have to lose this all by summer? Once you get close to goal, you may plateau.
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Old 12-12-2011, 12:05 PM   #3  
Against all odds
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See, My clothes aren't fitting better. My thighs barely fit and it seems my stomach doesn't fit very well, but I am continuously sticking to my calorie allowance and working out as much as I need to if not more. I see a trainer each week, and I have a heart monitor with a weight loss program that asks for weigh ins each week...I have pictures from August to now and I see Zero Difference. :/

The reason why I was planning on being 170 by summer is that my trainer and I mapped out what is possible and I had been consistently losing 5 lbs a week. so when we add that and incorporate alittle not so great weeks, that leaves me at 170 by June. I also cu a deal with my parents that if I get there by June, they'll pay for me to go to spain for two weeks.

see, My workouts are normally:

treadmill
elliptical
zumba
recumbent elliptical.
and weight lifting.


I don't know what new thing to do out there :/

My total Goal is 140 but I am dying to get thin but I don't have the fire I once had. I was really mad at my failed relationship and my ex for what he did and that gave me the fuel. but once I cut him out of my life, I feel this immense sense of loss :[

I just don't know if I was mentally prepared for all these things to happen when I started Losing weight in January. I still dont know if I'm mentally prepared :/
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Old 12-12-2011, 12:41 PM   #4  
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Look at the road behind you. You've come a long way, right? Imagine where you were a year ago when you began. What if you had a chance to talk to the you from a year ago and tell her all of the problems you've been having? What would she think of the you that's 65lbs lighter?

Reflect on that for a moment and then consider a few other things:
  • Remove your time-related weight loss goals.
    100lbs in 6 months is very, very ambitious. Can you do it safely? Well...maybe, but you probably shouldn't. You're getting stressed out because you're forcing yourself to meet a goal at a certain time. You're in the 20 somethings board so you're young. What's the rush?

    Changing your habits and life to an overall healthy one should be your ultimate goal. If it takes you another couple of years to get there so be it! You might say but I'll be xx years old by then! So what? You'll be that old whether or not you lose the weight.

    I can vouch for this firsthand. I had a time-related goal and started freaking out when I was one pound away. Since then I realized that I would just stop giving myself deadlines and just focus on overhall health. My new goal is to strength train and I'm not giving myself any deadlines...I'm just doing my thing. This is life, not a research paper.
  • Change it up, challenge yourself physically.
    I saw your exercises but maybe taking something out and adding in something new is the way to go. Or you can consider upping the intensity of your workouts rather than adding more exercise. Go faster on the treadmill, run on an incline. Add more weight to your routine. Quality over quantity here.
  • Study your diet
    Look closely at what you're eating. I'm not talking about the amount, but the quality of the food. Could you do with changing your diet to include more fresh, non-processed things? Can you add more protein, etc.?
  • Focus on your successes
    You have done something that many people only dream of doing. YOU LOST 65 POUNDS. Do you know how many people don't even get to start? You've begun changing your life! You have the strength and courage to work out and eat healthy! This is a wonderful accomplishment! Please don't put yourself down!
  • Learn to love yourself
    Everyone is worth it regardless of what they look like. You are a person with hopes, dreams, wishes, desires and feelings. YOU MATTER. Do NOT hate yourself because you're not at your ideal size. Love yourself because you're trying to change your life and you've come so far.

Life will not magically get better when you're at goal. If you hate yourself all the way there you will still hate yourself when you get there. Learn to love yourself now...love yourself to your goal and you will be a happy, confident person indeed.

Last edited by sontaikle; 12-12-2011 at 06:01 PM.
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Old 12-12-2011, 11:58 PM   #5  
Hooping my Life Away
 
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I totally agree with sontaikle. The only way I am ever success full with weight loss when I start loving myself first. I guess when you love yourself, you realize that you are important enough. There is no reason to lose 100 by summer. That's probably a recipe for disaster and hating yourself. Have you read anything by Kaplods here? She is losing slowly but she's doing it without suffering!

You could just give up now or keep trucking. If you give up, you stay the same or gain more weight. If you keep trying, you may stay fit, lose inches, and more weight, even if you are stalling. I was half way to my goal when weight loss started getting harder. I felt trapped and bored with it. I gave up. Now I am 30 pounds away from my original highest weight. I have to do all this again! Do you want to have to be at your highest again?

Sometimes when I'm exercising, especially strength training now, I think to myself, "You can do this Shannon! Remember those tight scrub pants? Don't you want to be able to breath? Do another!"

Quote:
I don't know what new thing to do out there :/
There's tons of things if you just want to try new things. Hula hooping, poi, bellydance classes, Nia (if you have a Nia class near you please go! This class could definitely help you learn to love yourself...I've heard tons of stories....I hope to attend one soon),yoga, pilates, barre classes, and I'm sure there are others. Try to think outside the box for something fun and active.

On the saggy skin part, be proud of it! It proves you did it! I used to be so so so so proud of my saggy skin on my tummy cause it showed that everything was working! I was so excited when I first noticed it. Wear it like a badge of honor.

If you haven't taken measurements, take some and then keep trying for the next month and see the measurements go down. Measurements are more important than the scale because that means clothes will fit better!
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Old 12-13-2011, 11:31 AM   #6  
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Girl, I know how you feel.. been there done that. Self hatred and always doubting yourself and saying why try so hard when you know you will never get there anyways. Anywho You have to dig in a little harder and believe in yourself and see whats the deeper issue, b/c theres always a deeper issue. Put in the work b/c in the end you will be happier . Your DRIVE? YOU!
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Old 12-13-2011, 11:33 AM   #7  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sontaikle View Post
Look at the road behind you. You've come a long way, right? Imagine where you were a year ago when you began. What if you had a chance to talk to the you from a year ago and tell her all of the problems you've been having? What would she think of the you that's 65lbs lighter?

Reflect on that for a moment and then consider a few other things:
  • Remove your time-related weight loss goals.
    100lbs in 6 months is very, very ambitious. Can you do it safely? Well...maybe, but you probably shouldn't. You're getting stressed out because you're forcing yourself to meet a goal at a certain time. You're in the 20 somethings board so you're young. What's the rush?

    Changing your habits and life to an overall healthy one should be your ultimate goal. If it takes you another couple of years to get there so be it! You might say but I'll be xx years old by then! So what? You'll be that old whether or not you lose the weight.

    I can vouch for this firsthand. I had a time-related goal and started freaking out when I was one pound away. Since then I realized that I would just stop giving myself deadlines and just focus on overhall health. My new goal is to strength train and I'm not giving myself any deadlines...I'm just doing my thing. This is life, not a research paper.
  • Change it up, challenge yourself physically.
    I saw your exercises but maybe taking something out and adding in something new is the way to go. Or you can consider upping the intensity of your workouts rather than adding more exercise. Go faster on the treadmill, run on an incline. Add more weight to your routine. Quality over quantity here.
  • Study your diet
    Look closely at what you're eating. I'm not talking about the amount, but the quality of the food. Could you do with changing your diet to include more fresh, non-processed things? Can you add more protein, etc.?
  • Focus on your successes
    You have done something that many people only dream of doing. YOU LOST 65 POUNDS. Do you know how many people don't even get to start? You've begun changing your life! You have the strength and courage to work out and eat healthy! This is a wonderful accomplishment! Please don't put yourself down!
  • Learn to love yourself
    Everyone is worth it regardless of what they look like. You are a person with hopes, dreams, wishes, desires and feelings. YOU MATTER. Do NOT hate yourself because you're not at your ideal size. Love yourself because you're trying to change your life and you've come so far.

Life will not magically get better when you're at goal. If you hate yourself all the way there you will still hate yourself when you get there. Learn to love yourself now...love yourself to your goal and you will be a happy, confident person indeed.
Good stuff!

I agree, dont put a time on it b/c that will frustrate you and just want to quit.
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Old 12-14-2011, 01:34 AM   #8  
Against all odds
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Thanks guys, I'm trying to move past all the stupid decisions I could be making. I really want to see the end product and It's starting to feel like groundhog's day to get there. I'm going to look into different classes and see what i have time for, I'm also starting 2 a days to try and keep my body guessing.

Thank you for all your help and advice :]
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