I'm finding it very difficult to balance both. Last year when i started losing weight it was easy for me to turn down social events, going out to dinner, partying/drinking with friends because I didn't feel like going anywhere. I felt fat and disgusting and couldn't find anything to wear that fit etc..

Well now after losing the weight I get aggravated at myself. This is the reason i worked so hard to lose the weight in the first place. So i could go out. So i could do things with my friends and feel good doing it. I remember saying to myself "Once I lose weight I'm gunna...."

My problem is I can't be trusted doing any of these things in moderation. I can't go out with my friends or boyfriend even and "just get a salad" or "just have one" - of anything! I have lost a significant amount of weight but I'm not at goal just yet. So I'm purposely secluding myself so I'm not put in these situations because I know one night of fun will lead to at least a week of make up. Yes I know I could be doing other things with my friends that don't include food or alcohol but I'm not usually the one making these plans, I'm just being invited and honestly, this is what people my age do.

Does anyone else do this?? How do you deal??? I feel like I've been avoiding my friends for the past year so i could lose weight =(

it's been hard for me too. however, i decided that i need to find a way to live my life and diet at the same time. that means being hyper vigilant and planning ahead when i go out to eat/ drink with friends. I calorie count, so i have a lot of leeway-- as long as i'm within my calories, i let myself eat what i want--

i try to remind myself that i'm not there for the food, i'm there for the company.

I also have this problem!

Actually, with eating even with my 1700 calories a day limit, it is hard for me to justify alcohol calories (I'd rather eat!).

So, I only drink if it is a special occasion. Super special.

And then I only have one or two. If I go out to eat, I practice the 15 bites rule. Each normal "forkload" has approx. 10g. More calorie heavy food, such as pasta with cheese, etc. is about 3 calories per gram. If you do the math, you can guestimate that you have eaten somewhere between 400-600. Of course this is not an exact science, but is a device I use to keep my portions manageable. Slowly savour each bite and drink water! The good thing: I can order what I want off the menu. The bad thing: I do have to stop eating after 15 normal sized bites!

If you are a calorie counter (most on this website seem to do this), then I would suggest tracking your weekly calories instead of your daily calories. So, you could eat 1200 on some days and then eat 2000 on Saturday, for example.

Anyway, it is no fun to avoid friends. They will eventually stop pressuring you to order fattening desserts or have another drink. You just have to be persistent.

Although, it seems like you also don't seem to trust yourself to make good decisions when you go out - if that is 100% the case, then I dunno.

I think you will have to do some reflecting. Try to decide what is the most important thing in your life: Being more relaxed around friends or achieving your goal weight?

Maybe you can decide on a way to have both.

What I'm about to say will probably not help you at all, but this how I do it.

I am teaching abroad at the moment and all my friends are crazy party hard types. (lol) This is also my 3rd time living (partying?) in Europe so I've been doing this for the past 5 years or so. So I look at it as: would I rather make a life time of memories with these people or sit in my room and not go out because I'm afraid of eating/drinking? I refuse to let food get the better of me. Absolutely refuse. I will NOT sequester myself because I might not lose weight this week. Granted, I lose at a much slower rate than other people who are religious about their diet. I just can't care. So I might lose 5 pounds a month instead of 10. I can live with that.

I limit myself to drinking one night a week, and then I spend the following two days severely restricting myself. This might not be the "healthy" way to do it, but I look at is as a detox of sorts. For instance, the day we usually go out is Thursday nights so I will spend Fri, Sat & Sun eating only veggies & lean meats. I should also mention that this is more having to do with alcohol than food. I normally eat pretty healthy but of course I splurge. Last night we went to a restaurant and had a fabulous time. I must have eaten 1000 calories but I knew we were going out so I had about a 300 calorie lunch. It was also one of the best meals I have ever eaten so I don't really care. I *will* eat poorly every now and then for the next 70 + years of life I have, so I don't beat myself up for it.

There is definitely a way to balance it, you just have to decide which is more important to you. Going out every now and then is not going to take you a week to make up for unless you eat 10,000+ calories a day. If you don't go out, you seem to feel like you are missing out. So go out. Take a load off. Life is stressful enough! Allow yourself to have a good time! So you might have to spend a few days drowning yourself in water and eating a lot of veggies -- to *me* that is worth having a great time with friends. But again....that's me.

And you've lost 35 pounds sweetie. That's an incredible accomplishment. It's easy to forget that, but as my mom says "I don't know how you do it! I can't even lose 5!" haha. Don't look back on your 20s and regret not *living* because you were sitting inside counting calories.

You know I think you have to find a way to make it work. I know some people shun society while they are losing, but the downside to that is...are you going to do that the rest of your life? As someone near to goal, you know this issue doesn't magically go away because you are at goal. I think it is best to do some trial and error to find what works for you.

This was hard for me to for awhile. In the beginning I never went out any way, like you, I felt fat and gross and pretty much wanted to be invisible. Now my friends want to go out a lot, literally someone is having a party every night. For awhile I tried to go to every one of them and just stay away from the drinks and snack. It didn't work, I was not able to limit my consumption and it was a problem since I still have weight to lose. I had to learn to say no and boy was it hard!

I have since stopped going out with them and started asking them to join me for a walk. To my surprise half of them did not want to do anything but party and my lifestyle did not fit into what they wanted in life as of right now. So, I stopped worrying about making time for those people. My real friends however will now accommodate me and what I am doing. Instead of asking me to go for lunch which they know I will refuse they ask to get together and talk our dogs out or go swimming etc. All it took was me explaining to them that my weight loss and health was more important to me right now then partying with them. They are respect my decision and we find alternate ways of having fun together. Of course, if its a birthday or something important I will go.

Maybe you just need to find different things to do with your friends that don't mean lunch or partying. Go for walks, rent movies, swimming, spa party at someones house, sleepovers(yes like 10yr olds ), go to the mall (stay away from the food court though). Find other ways of having fun with them until you feel confident that you won't go to a party and gorge on snacks.

I struggle with this too. I can be pretty good about my food intake, but when it comes to going out and drinking, I feel like its an inevitable waste of calories. I do wholeheartedly agree with aBroadAbroad, I would much rather enjoy my time spent with my bf, friends, and family than restrict myself so much so that I don't enjoy myself. Life is for living, I try my best everyday and like others have posted, if I know I'm having a night out on the town (like tonight) Ill restrict myself a little more during the day so that I can enjoy my time out, or throw in a good workout to burn some of those calories off before I splurge. Good luck, I know its tough, definately something I struggle with as well but we can do it!!

abroadAbroad you stole my thoughts out of my brain lol. That's the main reason I get down on myself I would be so much more aggravated at myself if I let my 20's pass me by and didn't enjoy my young years then chancing it on being at goal weight for the rest of my life and have no friends or fun memories. I basically do what you do after going out by restricting myself the next few days. I think it's a battle I'm going to have to work on with myself to be OK with losing at a slower pace. Even if it takes a little longer to get there at least I had fun doing it right? Thanks everyone for your responses. Glad I'm not alone on this! <3

"Even if it takes a little longer to get there at least I had fun doing it right?" Abso-freakin-lutely

Unna - I love to 15 bite rule! I'm going to start doing that

I refuse to let weightloss control my life. I'm 23. I love to go out and have fun. I'm not willing to sacerfice my life just to lose weight quicker. Its taken me 3 1/2 years to lose 150 pounds. I continued to go out, eat, and drink. But I never go overboard. I can't be someone who withdraws from society just because I'm losing weight. Its life. Whats going to happen when you start maintaining? Will you not go out because it won't fit in with your new lifestyle? Force yourself to have a little willpower, and say no, or stop before you overindulege But most of all...enjoy yourself...because thats what life is about.

Well, like other people have said, you can plan for nights out as part of your diet. You might also want to consider taking a more active role in planning your social life, which would allow you to set up events that don't revolve around food and drinking. Also - not everybody of any age has a social life that is focused exclusively on eating and drinking (except possibly infants, the completely disabled, and the debilitated elderly). If you want all your social activities to revolve around food and alcohol, that's fine. But don't say everybody else is doing something to justify your own behavior or avoid having to get outside of your comfort zone. And as far as getting old without having "fun" - I haven't met too many 60 year olds who can't enjoy a nice meal or knock a few back.

I'm having the same trouble at the moment. I'm literally about to go out to eat in a few hours and i don't know what to do. I looked at the menu ahead of time. I know i wont drink, because i am driving. I will have an ice tea I'm sure. i told myself i would order a salad, but im afraid when i get there i wont stick to my plan and ill get something fatty and bad instead and then be up on the scale tomorrow! So not what i want to do. So i will have that salad, maybe a cup of soup, and enjoy my friends company. Because that's why I'm going out after all, to spend time with them. If it were all about the food, i would stay home and eat.

Also our stats are so very close! I just noticed its amazing to see another girl so similar to me in weight and height!

I don't think you have to stop your life, but you can make choices. I am on a restricted plan right now but I know I will be able to add back some things eventually. That doesn't stop me from having a good time however. If we got out to eat, I can get chicken or steak and vegetables. As for drinking, I don't need to get drunk just to go dancing or have fun. Maybe you can find low calorie/low carb drink options and get those.

Going out and having fun is one of the reasons I rejected some of the hard-core diets that have you eliminate so much. I've lost 64 pounds and 56 of those were lost since May and I've gone out with my friends and ate numerous times. I lost at a great rate, but could I have lost faster if I didn't go out? Maybe, but I would have had a boring summer and fall.

I have to admit that I don't drink, so that really helped me lose weight because that got rid of one temptation. Then again I never drank so this wasn't something my friends had to suddenly get used to.

Learning moderation really is key. Putting away half the meal and not eating it or eating light for the whole day so you can enjoy yourself later can really help you still have a good time and stay on plan. What used to help me out was putting half my meal away right at the start of my meal in a take out box. I know it's there but I really don't want to open that in front of everyone and eat more!

The healthy options at restaurants (and research those, sometimes those "healthy" options—such as salads—aren't so healthy after all) aren't that bad most of the time either.