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Old 09-21-2011, 07:07 PM   #1  
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First of all please don't think I am crazy.

Ok so I mentioned on here a couple of months ago that my husband was cast in a play and I had auditioned hoping for the part opposite him. I didn't get it but a tall, thin, exotic, busty girl did. My husband has to kiss her in the play. I was really upset initially but I know he loves me and would never cheat and it is only acting. The only problem is I can't get over it. I tried to ignore it and have done an ok job over the past few months forgetting about it.

Well the show starts in three weeks and being an active member of the theatre group I am helping backstage with costumes, programs, set changes etc. I recently have had to start going to rehearsals to help out and those feeling have come up again. But worse. Seeing it happen has been torturous for me! I am going to have to watch it 15 times! I feel so crazy and stupid and immature but seeing her kiss him (even though it is a little kiss) makes me angrier than anything. It shouldn't feel this way, I have nothing to worry about but it makes me lose my mind. What's worse is I have to pretend it doesn't bother me so everyone doesn't think I am mental. I also can't mention it to my husband because I don't want him to think I am a crazy jealous possessive freak.

Well as it turns out this crazy feeling has helped me a bit with my fitness and weight loss. When I think about skipping the gym, eating something unhealthy, or if I am losing steam while working out, I think of her face. I am filled with rage and it makes me push harder. I have lost three pounds in the last week. Everytime I want to eat sweets, or drink an iced coffee, or eat a grilled cheese - I picture her stupid bimbo body kissing my husband and I suddenly am not tired, don't feel like skipping the gym and don't need that cake.

I know this is a bit strange and probably not good for my mental health but it seems to be working. If this keeps up I maybe can lose another 9 pounds.
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:18 PM   #2  
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Hey whatever works,go with it.
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:22 PM   #3  
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that would drive me nuts. I do think it's great that it's giving you motivation at the gym!

However, I would encourage you to talk to your DH about it. It's only natural to have those feelings!!!! I've always wondered how spouses of actors/actresses deal with scenes like that (even if it's a small kiss), it's got to be really hard to see. I'm sure your DH would be just as upset if the roles were reversed.

One other thing... it sounds like you're really bothered by this girl. Do you know her well? Or at all? Her body type is just who she is and she can't help that. I'm sure it's fairly uncomfortable for her too to have a kissing scene with a married man. Maybe if you get to know her a bit, you won't be as jealous? Many times our minds create this elaborate ideas that don't exist in real life once you get to know the situation better.
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:23 PM   #4  
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I constantly find motivation in the weirdest things. It takes a lot to keep this up long term. You've got to find motivation wherever you can.

I wasn't invited to a distant friend's wedding over the summer. It wasn't even a real slight as we weren't close. I was upset that many of my friends got together to party without me. Thinking of all my thin friends having fun pushed me though a tough run. I kept thinking about making their jaws drop next time I see them.
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Old 09-21-2011, 07:47 PM   #5  
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Runningfromfat - I don't really know her very well. I had never met her before this but since the start of the show I have seen her a few times in social settings. She just seems to act so coquettish and flirty with men. I have never really been the type to flirt or even notice when I am being flirted with and I have always valued my intelligence and self respect over male attention. It really bothers me when women giggle and fawn and devalue their own intelligence so that men will look at them so I think that is part of what makes me dislike her so much. She seems to embody qualities I really dislike and to make it worse she is kissing my husband.

I really should probably get to know her better but I am having such a hard time with this. My reasonable side is having a hard time beating out my crazy one!

I appreciate you ladies listening to my insanity.
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Old 09-21-2011, 11:01 PM   #6  
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You know, you keep saying you're crazy but I have to say you're definitely not, or I am too!

Keep punching Dumb Bimbo in the head as you work out and stomp all over her when you run! It's very good motivation for you! Just be sure you realize that this extreme dislike is probably coming from a less secure place inside of you.

Girls don't have to be dumb to flirt and giggle but I think I understand what you mean. You just have to tell yourself how amazing you are everyday, and eventually your brain will say, "Hey! you know what? I AM wonderfully beautiful and smart and funny!"( because you and I both know deep down that this is true) and you'll find that it simply doesn't matter any more what dumb bimbo does because you're too much of a good thing for DH to pass on.
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Old 09-22-2011, 12:46 AM   #7  
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It steams fuel for you to work harder and hey that's not a bad thing. She may be pretty but in the end who is he married too? And I agree your husband would feel the same too if you were kissing another man.
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Old 09-22-2011, 01:33 AM   #8  
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If thinking about losing the part works as motivation, that's great.

But it's a little disappointing to see people here encouraging you to think about punching this girl, calling her names, etc. I don't really think developing hatred (or as you call it, "rage") it warranted based on someone's looks (imagine the opposite- a really large girl whom a thinner girl thinks of happily every time she goes to the gym because she's thin and the other girl isn't). And equally importantly, it's not healthy for you (or your weight loss process) to have so much built up anger towards other people you don't know.

Like running suggested, maybe have a conversation with her, and your DH. She's in all likelihood a nice person. You'll be better off and more at peace with the situation for it.
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Old 09-22-2011, 05:53 AM   #9  
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Your husband might have to kiss some girl in a play, but who is he coming home to at the end of the day? Who is he married to? YOU! And that's for a good reason! Don't lower yourself to jealously over a small kiss in a play, it's nothing!

It sounds like there is some deep seeded problem to this issue. It is NOT ok to feel rage over someone, and sure - it might be helping you with your exercise, but it's still not right. If she was purposefully trying to sabotage your marriage then that's one thing, but if she's just a girl trying to be an actress who just so happens to kiss a married man in a play then she's probably not thinking twice about it.

You've got to trust your husband and trust yourself. Jealousy is an awful monster and believe me I've had my fair share of it and it ended up hurting my relationship. Put things into perspective, really evaluate this situation and don't let this anger be fuel for working out.
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Old 09-22-2011, 11:48 AM   #10  
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Thats why me or my husband couldnt be actors, I would knock someone out! Its normal to be jealous b/c hes your man and you see someone you love kiss someone else. But you know the deal when it comes to acting and it comes with the territory. sucky!
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Old 09-22-2011, 01:28 PM   #11  
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First, congrats on the motivation! Second, talk to him! My fiance had to do the same thing back when we did theater together and first started dating. It's completely normal to have a reaction to your husband kissing someone else. (Anyone who says otherwise, outta try being in LittleKitty's shoes first.)

Even though I wasn't close with the girl he had to lock lips with and practically have sex with onstage, he was, and they worked it out where it wasn't something they had to practice each rehearsal - much less over AND over AND over again.

(Cause, let's be honest here. No one needs to practice making out. You either have on-stage chemistry or you don't.)

It was our way of compromising. Of course, I had to ultimately get over it. But the fact that he was being sensitive to what I was feeling made it much easier to handle. Break a leg
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Old 09-22-2011, 06:16 PM   #12  
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I realize that I have to get over it. I am just having trouble doing it.
I in no way want to punch or harm this girl, It is just really hard for me to see her kiss my husband. I also know that I have low self esteem so I feel like she is sooo much more attractive than me.

I don't really want to talk to my husband about it because honestly if I were in his position he wouldn't care! He is so secure, trusting and kind I don't think he would care if I kissed another man in a play. I wish I were more like him, but I'm not so for the next few weeks I am going to be killing it on the treadmill .
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Old 09-22-2011, 06:31 PM   #13  
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That would drive me insane so I completely understand, I also fully admit to having a jealous streak in me and just could not watch my boyfriend kiss another women. I think it's so great that you understood it was only acting and are trying to get over it

I think where ever you can find motivation you should use it! I also get motivated by weird things all the time. Like people around me gaining weight motivates the crap out of me and I still have no idea why! I don't think its a problem for you to dislike her, she kissed your man! How could you not feel a little anger towards her? Just don't act on that feeling :P Use it as motivation and reach your goals!
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Old 09-22-2011, 08:10 PM   #14  
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I don't think you're crazy at all. I think I would feel pretty much the same if I were in your place. I'm not a jealous person in general, but that would be really hard to watch, and I think you are normal to be bothered. Perhaps that's something you get used to over time if you're married to a career actor or something, but yeah, that's way tough.

And of course, part of your jealousy stems from a poor body image, but what can you really do about that except try to improve-- and you probably won't make that drastic a change in three weeks.

As others have said, of course it's not her fault, but I think I would feel similar anger toward her. It's not rational, or fair, but emotions often times aren't rational. All you can do is admit that to yourself and try to get past it, which you are trying to do.

That said, I don't think it woudl be a bad thing for you to tell your husband you're having some difficulties with it. I probably wouldn't mention it to her, especially if you aren't close to her outside this play. It really is a normal reaction, and since you're trying hard to get past it, he shouldn't be upset or angry that you feel that way or think you're going nutso. It might be helpful for you to hear some reassurance from him.
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Old 09-22-2011, 08:22 PM   #15  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tkdtara84 View Post
That said, I don't think it woudl be a bad thing for you to tell your husband you're having some difficulties with it. I probably wouldn't mention it to her, especially if you aren't close to her outside this play. It really is a normal reaction, and since you're trying hard to get past it, he shouldn't be upset or angry that you feel that way or think you're going nutso. It might be helpful for you to hear some reassurance from him.
Yes to this.

Another way of putting this.. no good can come from hiding things in your relationship. My husband and I talk about EVERYTHING. That may be silly to some and maybe we don't necessarily understand where the other person is coming from 100% of the time but we still talk about things, especially if something is bothering us!

Your husband is there to support you and if you have a body image issue he should be there to help you work on it. Talk to him. While me might not be jealous if you reversed roles, I'm sure he'd want to know if something is bothering you.
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