yup mine is non-existant.. has been for a good three years...with the exception of a couple casual date/hang outs with a few guys
i also feel like my confidence is sooo low i can't imagine dating right now.. i keep saying when i lose the weight i'll try match.com but who knows if i will ever work up the confidence to do it
part of it is i do not try to date.. i make no effort.. i don't go out... so i guess it's not like a great boyfriend is going to ring my doorbell and go "hi i'm here for you" lol
but the closest i got to having a real bf was three years ago.. i thougt he was going to be "the one" but it didn't work out.. i'm still not totally over that...
just know u aren't alone...i'm 30!! and have been single basically my whole life!!!
I don't think confidence is the answer... ALWAYS.
I'm very shy and guys ask me out a lot. They take my shyness for "oh she's so into me, she can't even act right."
But ever since I gained weight, the offers have become less and less. I'm 5'5
and 179lbs.
I have a great boyfriend but he looks like a hot, young Eminem, and it sucks feeling inferior to him.
I didn't have this problem before. I just hate being around him, like "why is he with me?"
I have a great boyfriend but he looks like a hot, young Eminem, and it sucks feeling inferior to him.
I didn't have this problem before. I just hate being around him, like "why is he with me?"
Hope my lack of confidence isn't visible to him.
I used to feel the exact same way with my boyfriend. I wished I would just get over it and be happy with my relationship. And I did. It took months, but eventually I adapted. I'm still as shy as ever around most people, but after being exposed to him for so long, I let go of those thoughts I used to have, without even noticing. How long have you been together?
I agree I think the main thing that you need to exude when dating is confidence. Although there are men who have certain preferences when it comes to women but I still maintain the belief that there is always that someone for everyone. Confidence is definitely key! You have to realize that when that special person does come around and is interested in you it is because they see something in you. I've been dating my bf for almost 2 years now and he's the love of my life. Now at times I must admit that I've been very self-conscious around him (he's very fit and handsome and sometimes I feel inadequate around him), but he made me realize something, if he wanted a skinny girl etc., he would be with one, but he loves me for me and doesn't care about those things as long as I'm happy. Another thing that I've learned is that you need to not let your insecurities get the best of you, alot of times I do and it hinders me and makes me not want to do things and it drives my bf INSANE!!! My main point is, is that IMO the hard part isn't getting the bf and the like (I love the butterflies when you first start the relationship!) but it's not letting your insecurities and baggage ruin the relationship. If you don't feel comfortable with yourself you won't feel comfortable in the relationship. And I totally agree with firefoxy "Fake It Till You Make It"! Confidence really is key and men love it when a woman is confident! Good luck!
I used to feel the exact same way with my boyfriend. I wished I would just get over it and be happy with my relationship. And I did. It took months, but eventually I adapted. I'm still as shy as ever around most people, but after being exposed to him for so long, I let go of those thoughts I used to have, without even noticing. How long have you been together?
On and off for 3 years. We both have horrible tempers and end up ditching each other. lol. We just recently got back together after a year of not seeing each other -a month ago- and since I've gained weight, I feel different with him.
Like I can't even speak around him.
He tells me "oh you're beautiful. You're so hot" and ya-da ya-da.
It makes me cringe when he says it, because I just don't see it. And I don't know how he see's it in me.
Good to know you feel the same though, I'm not alone.
Same here. The emotional baggage from being overweight is WORSE than the actual weight. It sure weighs me down and makes me so so so afraid of being myself. I am really social and spunky but I'm too scared to be that way so I hold it in. Plus so many things I've wanted to do, I haven't pursued because I'm not sure of myself plus I feel like someone like me shouldn't do it. In my head, it's embarrassing to suck at something and learn it while being overweight (like surfing, etc. lots of things I want to do!).
Last edited by moosearecute; 08-01-2011 at 03:12 PM.
Same story here. I have a very shallow dating history...
My biggest issue is I tend to not be attracted to guys who are attracted to me. When a dude says, "I love me a big woman". I go, "EWWWWWWW". Don't know what it is! Plus I'm really attracted to the clean-cut, athletic types and for some reason, (they don't want me) I refuse to settle. Maybe its a wall that I have up. Not sure.
What I do know is that even if I do get into a relationship soon, which I do want, I would struggle with the idea of removing my Spanx for the Horizontal Tango.
I know how you feel. I'm 28 and I've had 1 boyfriend. We started dating when I was 14, and we broke up when I was 19. I haven't been on any dates since then. When he and I started dating, I only weighed 120 lbs. When we broke up, I was about 240 and I kept gaining until a couple years ago when I finally got my eating under control. Now I'm finally getting attention from guys, but it makes me so nervous/uncomfortable. If a guy shows any interest, I pull away. It's like I'm in denial that someone could actually like me.
I do have offers from time to time, but I am picky and I don't want that crumbles that astrophe is talking about - I want to be able to give my best, so I can ask for the best in my partner.
Location: Espaņa (originally from Orlando, Florida)
Posts: 94
Height: 5'7
What love life? Ha. I have posted my dilemma in the 'hot man, big lady' thread. I have had many guys like me, flirt with me, check me out, dates but I have never had one serious relationship. It really, really, really sucks. I feel like a 24 year old loser and like I am the only single girl in the world sometimes.
I'm not a virgin, but I haven't ever dated. I think part of it probably is a confidence thing - although I've made a lot of progress with that. I think more of it (for me) has to do with size, personality, and social skills.
The few guys who have asked me out have either been a)creepy or b)knuckle-dragging greaseballs. Yeah - no thanks. I've never asked any of the few guys I've been interested in out because either I'm afraid of being rejected or I know they're not available. I've set up some profiles on dating sites in the past few months. Nothing's come of them yet, but who knows.
Let me tell you - I married the first man to show serious interest in me. I had a boyfriend or two prior to him, but it always mutually fizzled out. The first time I felt like I was actually being PURSUED, I hung on for dear life! Finally, here was a man - surely the only one on the planet - who could look past my extra pounds! Who cares if he's got a whole host of problems himself, I should be grateful ANY man dared to love me!
Oh my, that went some baaad places. I filed for divorce after 18 months of marriage.
Don't mistake someone else's love for you as love for yourself. Your self-worth is not determined by other people or your relationships with men. If you can't shake that way of thinking, you'll end up in some pretty dark places. Men will respect you for loving yourself - the good ones will, anyway.
Don't feel bad about not having a huge dating history. Nowhere does it say you have to try all 32 flavors before picking one to take home!
My love life totally blows. I haven't been on a date in over a year now. And my last serious relationship was when I was still in college (I graduated in 2005).
As some of you have said, I'm definitely picky. And I'm not even talking about physical attraction, I mean yes, it's important and let's face it, we'd all like to have someone who looks like Jensen Ackles or Tom Welling (hehe) or whoever does it for you. But I have trouble finding someone that I connect with. Matter of fact, I kinda hate dating cause most of the time I end up wondering how long I should wait to say that I'm tired and ready to go home. Then when I decide I do like someone, I think I blow it sometimes cause I don't have enough confidence. I've always been pretty confident that I'm smart, funny, interesting, and pretty. I've just been so self-conscious about my body and I've let it hold me back a lot. I mean, I can remember times that my friends were trying to set me up with someone and my first thought would be, oh wait....I want to lose weight first. I realize that's not a healthy attitude to have. I don't think losing weight will make me a better person, but it'll definitely help with the confidence.
Of course the fact that I have feelings for my best friend who happens to be the last serious relationship that I mentioned before, doesn't help the relationship status either. I've pretty much accepted that nothing's ever gonna happen there.
Anyway, since I've started losing weight, I can tell I'm gaining confidence. I still have a ways to go before I reach my weight loss goals, but I'm definitely feeling better about myself. To the point that I've decided to go out and look for someone to date. My problem now is that I have no idea where to go....I mean bars and clubs aren't really my scene. And I also wonder what quality of man I'd find in a bar anyway. So now the age old question: where do you go to meet nice, single guys?
I know how you feel. I'm 28 and I've had 1 boyfriend. We started dating when I was 14, and we broke up when I was 19. I haven't been on any dates since then. When he and I started dating, I only weighed 120 lbs. When we broke up, I was about 240 and I kept gaining until a couple years ago when I finally got my eating under control. Now I'm finally getting attention from guys, but it makes me so nervous/uncomfortable. If a guy shows any interest, I pull away. It's like I'm in denial that someone could actually like me.
14 to 19?? Does that count? You were so young! -wait. I'm 19..- But you shouldn't shy away. You are sooo beautiful.
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