Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine87
Kaplods- I am sorry that you do not feel comfortable in a suit and I also think you are not alone.
But I do want to say that I do not expect anyone to wear a tent or cover from head to toe because that is ridiculous. But with such a wide selection of swimwear (with the help of the internet) I am not sure why you would choose one that shows off your midsection. It is not hard to find a one-piece. When people wear a bikini they are displaying those areas and making a statement to the world. The issue is not that they need to hide their face or any other unattractive body part but that they are choosing to show it off.
No I'm, not alone, in fact far from it. There are far fewer fat men and women exposing themselves inappropriately than there are people (mostly women, but men too) who avoid the beach and pool entirely because they don't know what they're going to be expected to cover up and what they're not - for fear of being accused of "showing it of." And what does that mean anyway - does that mean it's ok to wear a bikini as long as you look appropriately ashamed of it. If you wear a swim suit that draws any attention at all, because it's brightly colored, or unusual in design - isn't that showing it off? Doesn't that bring us back to wearing navy and black and 1910 style bathing costumes?
Also, while it's just wonderful, that I have your approval to not wear a tent, what can I wear (and who do I have to ask if it's ok)? Obviously not a bikini. Why would I want to wear a bikini? I'm not sure I do - although I do think my stomach looks a lot better than my thighs and knees, and a whole sight better than my batwing arms - none of which a traditional swimsuit covers. If I didn't have the "fat girls must never bare their stomach rule," it would be very tempting to wear a bikini to draw attention away from my much worse spots.
"Of all the suits avaiable?" Oh yes, if you have the income to spend over $100 on a swim suit. If you don't, you're choices are limited. And finding one that someone doesn't disapprove of, at the highest sizes not so much either. And not only do people make nasty comments, many make sure you hear by saying it loud enough for you to hear, but not to you as they don't expect you to respond (except maybe by slinking home in shame).
After spending way, way too many hours trying to find a non-tent, appropriate, suit to offend the fewest people, and then spending way too much money on this least-offensive suit, and then getting the same number of nasty comments anyway - why it sure tempts a girl to pick the most obnoxious suit in existence just to say "shove it, I'm not here to please you." Becauce I haven't found a suit yet that doesn't illicit comments, ironically about "showing it off." Just by showing up, I'm accused of flaunting or putting myself on gross display, just by showing up.
If I'm wearing a mailot suit, someone thinks I should wear a suit that covers my upper thigh cellulite (I haven't worn this style since I weighed 250 lb 20 years ago).
I also can't wear a suit with short-style bottoms because I look like Humpty Dumpty, Tweedle-Dee/Tweedle-Dum and Jaba the Hut - and I'm almost guarantee that I will hear one of those names mentioned. I have in the past, along with elaphant, rhino, whale - and once manatee (had to give creative points to that one).
If I'm wearing a suit with a skirt, someone thinks it's too short, or that I should wear shorts underneath the skirt. I can't find a skirt long enough to cover everything, everyone thinks should be covered. Wearing shorts or capris on top of it, is uncomfortable and looks stupid (and inevitably someone will say so loud enough for me to hear).
And no matter what swimsuit I wear, my batwings will not be covered, so someone will complain that I should wear a t-shirt to cover up my upper fab.
So let me get this straight - to avoid commentary I need to wear a skirted swimsuit with capri shorts and a t-shirt cover up. Might as well be a tent where comfort and function is concerned. The extra clothes drag in the water, so swimming isn't fun or comfortable, and out of the water it feels heavy and clammy - ooh boy fun day at the beach for me.
I thought I really had a great solution when I found the lycra top. It was a nice colorful print, accented in black so it matched my swim suit bottoms (a skort - which sadly still emphasizes my tweedly, humpty lower stomach). I even wore a bra in t-shirt knit so it was comfortable, but still supportive - more than most available - try to find a commercial suit that actually supports the breasts or even has no risk of spillage and you're paying more than $100 and not getting much of a choice.
But I covered everything I could cover without trying to find a full-body wetsuit, and I was really proud of myself because it was a little weird, but looked nicer than I'd ever felt in a swimsuit.
Maybe the suit was too weird. Maybe I was too happy (and therefore people assumed I was showing something off), Maybe my cheerfulness was what pissed the vultures off. Maybe there's no way to please everyone (so why bother trying to please anyone but yourself).
I guess I always have wanted to wear a bikini - not to show anything off except my comfort with my own body. That's what I envied girls in bikinis for - not their beauty, not their confidence or provocative sexiness - just their comfort with their bodies.
I don't have that comfort, and I even envy it (even when it's the comfort of women whose bodies are not to be shown off: seriously ugly from fat, wrinkles, or scars) but I do feel the right to wear what makes me happy. For now, it's my bra under an elbow-lenght lycra babydoll top, and my skirted black swimsuit bottom (I'm not happy with the bottom, and when I can afford it, and hopefully by then will need a smaller size, I will replace it with a skirt that is more flattering to my lower stomach bulge).
But what really ticks me off, is that strangers should not be putting more thought into my bathing suit than I did. And all that thought and effort I did put in, seems meaningless if I can't win - I can't choose an inoffensive swimsuit because my very presence offends many people, and so yes it is very tempting to give them something to be offended about.
I don't have that courage, but I am glad some women do, even if our culture doesn't think they're entitled to it.