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-   -   feeling a little rejected... (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/237850-feeling-little-rejected.html)

dragonfly21 07-11-2011 11:11 PM

feeling a little rejected...
 
hey everyone,

it's been a while since i posted, but i have been dropping by and reading here and there in the last year. i feel like this is the only place i can really share this because my friends wouldn't understand.

i have been getting to know this one guy in my group of friends more recently and this past friday we had a really great time together while out with everyone and i was sure this was going to finally lead to something. we had an amazing conversation it felt like there was really something there. we had a few texts back and forth yesterday, but since nothing.

maybe im overreacting and maybe he still will follow up, but when things like this happen my first thought is always "its because of my size" I keep thinking things like "well my body type is not everyones type" "maybe he would be embarassed if our friends knew because im not a size 2 like my girl friends"


who knows what is actually going on..but i hate that this is always my fear. i hate feeling like this. i know that if my size is actually the reason then im better off without him. i know this, but it still feels pretty bad. I don't want to feel like i have to lose weight to meet more guys. i want to lose weight because it will make me feel good.

thats all, i hope if anyone else feels like this, they know they are not alone!

ZomgGuy 07-11-2011 11:17 PM

Dragonfly,

I just registered to this site -- I am a man, I believe that soon I'm going to be thrown off this site for that reason -- but I have to say ---

I'm am 24 -- dating a 21 year old girl who honestly does not have a size 2 body by any means -- Would I prefer it that way? Honestly, Yes. But regardless of that I will always love her, respect her, and support her in anyway possible -- because you know what? I actually love her.

You will find a man who will treat you with that love -- I'm certain of it -- Its very hard to see that, I used to be 520lbs (I've seen how dark the world can be) -- but I promise you there are quality men out there.

Lovely 07-11-2011 11:25 PM

I know it's easy to get caught up in our own heads, but slow down a tad... it's only been a day!

Give the guy a chance =)

nomadiclee 07-11-2011 11:54 PM

I'd say give it some time, see what happens. Maybe he just moves slower than other guys. And if, in the end, he doesn't follow up because it turns out that size is an issue to him, then that's not someone you need in your life anyway.
Hang in there!

astrophe 07-12-2011 12:17 AM

If YOU are interested, why don't you ask HIM out?

Waiting around for him to make the move and sitting at home thinking unproductive stuff -- what does that do for you?

It's really not hard. If he says yes -- yay! If he says thanks but no thanks -- not a problem either. You can still move on with an answer and maybe you brighten someone's day letting them know they are attractive.

This picking on yourself stuff. Not cool.

I fail to see how 143 on 5'6" is a turn off either. Sounds peachy to me!

GL!
A. :)

DreamAngelsHeavenly 07-12-2011 03:39 AM

1 Attachment(s)
ZomgGuy - That sounds like unconditional love to me... :/ If only all of our partners looked like Victoria's Secret Super models and Brad Pitt- circa Thelma and Louise because that is the prime age- swoon!! I don't know what your girlfriend weighs or her size-- but size 2 is pretty damn tiny... While I appreciate your perspective-- as a guy -- you are only one guy and I find that men tend to like a variety of shapes and sizes on women. The OP is in healthy range, though I am not sure what her size is either... Maybe you just worded this odd- but it is one thing to wish your partner was slimmer or better yet healthier- I guess depending on their size and fitness-- but another to wish they would fit some mold that most woman don't fit into genetically- women were not made to be straight up and down like a runway model. It is hard to say this as I don't want to disrespect any one of any size but it seems to me that this shape in most situations is less curvy - unless you are in a slim minority or have a good plastic surgeon. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are men who like women very slim with no curves just like some men like lots of curves and would always pick Scarlett Johanson or Kim Kardashian over Kiera Knightley... To wish your partner to look like something else -- a super model, actress, slimmer than they naturally should be -- is just not unconditional love in my eyes. It is like saying I love my partner but if he could have brown hair instead of blonde I would prefer that, or if he had straighter teeth, or if he had green eyes instead of brown, or if he listened to different music, or if his body looked like Zac Efron's, or if he had an Australian accent,... Of course, you are welcome to your opinion and your preference- but I find it a little tasteless for this particular question... And out of place. You could have said I love my girlfriend no matter what she looks like- but for some reason you felt it necessary to add you would prefer her to be a "size 2". I don't really think this adds anything. If you loved your girlfriend no matter what- obviously the fact she wasn't a size 2 when you met her wasn't a deal breaker- which I think the person asking the question is wondering. Of course it goes without saying that we all want to date a model. ;) Or does it? But I agree with you that she will find someone and that there are great people out there, men and women. Good luck with your relationship and I hope your girlfriend loves you for who you are and not what you could be.

melodymist 07-12-2011 04:37 AM

I'm in a similiar situation. I think because we ourselfs aren't happy with our bodies we assume that they (guys and ohter people) feel the same.

My advice: Do something that gives you that extra boost of confidence and make a move. What have you got to lose?

RudeImp 07-12-2011 05:14 AM

come on. you are 5'6'' and 143 ... I dont think you have any issues with your body...
dont under estimate urself..
just cheer up..

asweetchicagogirl1 07-12-2011 10:26 AM

Just wanted to pop in and say that confidence, not size, is usually more of a factor for men once you are in the healthy range for your height (which you are). I'm sure you are a knockout and if I guy doesn't realize that...his loss. :hug:

Bellamack 07-12-2011 10:31 AM

Bravo to the man and you won't get thrown off. lol

5'6" and 145 is perfect, so maybe you are reading too much into it. Maybe you should ask him out. Maybe he just likes talking with you and there is no chemistry. Maybe he has a girlfriend. etc. It is not your weight!

kateleestar 07-12-2011 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astrophe (Post 3932083)
If YOU are interested, why don't you ask HIM out?

Waiting around for him to make the move and sitting at home thinking unproductive stuff -- what does that do for you?

It's really not hard. If he says yes -- yay! If he says thanks but no thanks -- not a problem either. You can still move on with an answer and maybe you brighten someone's day letting them know they are attractive.

This picking on yourself stuff. Not cool.

I fail to see how 143 on 5'6" is a turn off either. Sounds peachy to me!

GL!
A. :)


All of this!! :D

You need to stop and breathe, because I'd love to be you right now, lol. It's been a day. He might not know how to act on the things he's feeling. He's a guy, and they tend to be confused.

If you like him so, ask HIM out! You might be rejected, sure... But you might have met your future husband, too. :D

MiZTaCCen 07-12-2011 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonfly21 (Post 3931978)
hey everyone,


maybe im overreacting and maybe he still will follow up, but when things like this happen my first thought is always "its because of my size" I keep thinking things like "well my body type is not everyones type" "maybe he would be embarassed if our friends knew because im not a size 2 like my girl friends"

Most men and I’m going to tell you think right now don’t know the difference between sizes in girls jeans, or what you really weight unless you were super obesed which you're clearly not. So weather you’re a 6 or a 2 they aren’t going to know. Or if you’re a size 9 and they’ll think you’re a size 5. I’m 157 and most people think I’m about 10 pounds lighter then I really am, good for me because there are days I think I’m fat when I know I’m not. (it’s all mental thoughts in my head that screw around with me) As other girls stated ASK HIM OUT why is it we always have to wait for a guy to come around and ask us out this is the 21st century. Maybe he doesn’t think you’re interested in him so he hasn’t made a move or maybe he’s shy. Either way grow a pair and stop thinking your fat and omg no guy is ever going to like me because I’m not a stick figure. Confidence, confidence confidence and my god learn to love yourself because if you don’t know man or person will ever love you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZomgGuy (Post 3931991)
Dragonfly,


I'm am 24 -- dating a 21 year old girl who honestly does not have a size 2 body by any means -- Would I prefer it that way? Honestly, Yes. But regardless of that I will always love her, respect her, and support her in anyway possible -- because you know what? I actually love her.

What are you 15? Seriously do the poor girl a favour and leave her so she can find someone who is better suited for her that isn’t wishing she was smaller. That loves her and respects her. *Rolls eyes* You clearly don’t know what love is if that’s your thinking.

khat 07-12-2011 12:31 PM

Oh come on girls...
I love my boyfriend of (6 years) but honestly I wouldn't mind if he had Brad Pitts Fight Club body :) Give the guy a break.. I bet my dad wouldn't mind if my mom looked like she did 20 years ago and I bet my mom would love my dad had all his hair back and shave that damn moustache :D It doesn't mean they don't love each other or whatever..
It can't all be so black and white c'mon..

khat 07-12-2011 12:36 PM

OP - I have tons of girl friends who just over analyze things and think about what the guy is thinking about what you are thinking about thinking about doing..
It's really not that complicated with guys.. If he wants to see you he will write back... But it's been one day.. I think you should just wait.

ferretgirl 07-12-2011 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZomgGuy (Post 3931991)
dating a 21 year old girl who honestly does not have a size 2 body by any means -- Would I prefer it that way? Honestly, Yes.

^^This statement confused me. Yes, you prefer that she has a size 2 body? Or yes, you prefer that she does not? If the first, my next question would be what's her height? Size 2 sounds rather small and I'd hope your preference wouldn't be to have your girl "underweight" (as based on weight+height/bmi).

Dragonfly, I just wanted to say that you're not alone, in your insecurities. We don't know what his reasons are for not asking you out, but I'm betting its not size-related. Do y'all seem comfortable with each other? If so, then y'all should be fine. I'm not sure how long y'all have known each other, so he may not want to push too fast or he may not know how he feels about you yet (friend vs something more). I believe that your confidence matters more than your weight when it comes to guys (let him see that you're comfortable with yourself and around him). Give it time to play out. Asking him out is another good idea, if you're brave enough ;) Wish you luck!!

ferretgirl 07-12-2011 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MiZTaCCen (Post 3932897)
Confidence, confidence confidence and my god learn to love yourself because if you don’t no man or person will ever love you.

Amen, Sister!!! That's some advice that a lot of people should hear :grouphug:

jayohwhy 07-12-2011 02:09 PM

oh wow. i cant believe you guys are flaming this guy for being honest. its time to realize that yes---
men fall in love with women regardless of what they look like

however, many men would be more sexually attracted to their partner if they were more fit


its the truth. its the same with me. i will love my husband if he gains 30 more lbs, but i would find him less sexy- yes, i would still be attracted to him, but for me, him gaining 8 inches of beer belly would make me less apt to jump his bones.

dragonfly21 07-12-2011 07:03 PM

wow thank you everyone for your responses. whatever you had to say- i read it and just appreciate people taking time to offer me a word or two. it means a lot..

Yea, i wish i was the type to be able to ask him out. Knowing myself, there is pretty much no way I can summon the courage to do that. :o It's just that we are the in same group of friends and I would be so humiliated if he was like, er- no. YES i know maybe he will say yes- but I just can't.

Maybe my weight seems like I should have no problem, but I'm uncomfortable with how I look right now. I think people carry their weight differently and while some people could look really good at these stats, I still look pretty fluffy. lol. I feel like its all relative. I may be happier at a higher/lower weight than other people my height- It depends on the person.


I guess I will just see what happens and im going to really try not to let this one thing make me doubt so much about myself. that is just insane. i just think and then overthink pretty much everything. i needed to get it out before it chewed me up though.

thanks again e'rrbody.. :)

shellofself 07-12-2011 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RudeImp (Post 3932243)
come on. you are 5'6'' and 143 ... I dont think you have any issues with your body...
dont under estimate urself..
just cheer up..

Agreed! Girl, I was working it at 170lbs at the same height! (I was landing the hot fire fighters, sexy pilots, etc.. ah, to be single again!!)

Anywhoo - at 140lbs, I can almost GUARANTEE you that IF he's having reservations about pursuing you, it's got ZILTCH to do with your weight!

Everyone has insecurities; the only difference is not everyone wears them out on their sleeves. Confidence is attractive! Even if you have to fake it until you genuinely feel confident about your appearance, you'd be surprised how far that'd take you.

If it's not this one, there will be others. :hug:

luckyme0510 07-12-2011 07:07 PM

I was a size 9 when I met my husband... we only met 4 years ago and now I'm a size 18. He had a little trouble getting used to it after I had my daughter and he realized I wasn't going to just shrink back down. I made sure that I valued myself and demanded as much respect from him no matter what weight I was... I definitely had some insecurities but I didn't let them affect my confidence or my personality which is what really matters in the end. My husband says the same thing ZomgGuy said whenever we've had a conversation about weight... he says if he's being honest he does rather me look like I did when we met but that my weight has no bearing on his love for me.

Don't wrap yourself around the idea that that's the reason he hasn't taken it a step further. It might be for a reason completely different than what you're thinking... maybe he's afraid of ruining a great friendship. Or maybe he just doesn't see you that way, and it doesn't have anything to do with your weight. And if you're right and your weight is the reason he doesn't want to take it further than you deserve better just like you said.

bargoo 07-12-2011 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZomgGuy (Post 3931991)
Dragonfly,

I just registered to this site -- I am a man, I believe that soon I'm going to be thrown off this site for that reason -- but I have to say ---

I'm am 24 -- dating a 21 year old girl who honestly does not have a size 2 body by any means -- Would I prefer it that way? Honestly, Yes. But regardless of that I will always love her, respect her, and support her in anyway possible -- because you know what? I actually love her.

You will find a man who will treat you with that love -- I'm certain of it -- Its very hard to see that, I used to be 520lbs (I've seen how dark the world can be) -- but I promise you there are quality men out there.

Why do you think will get thrown off ? Because you are a man ? We have men on these forums and there comments are always worth reading.

MedChick87 07-12-2011 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MiZTaCCen (Post 3932897)
What are you 15? Seriously do the poor girl a favour and leave her so she can find someone who is better suited for her that isn’t wishing she was smaller. That loves her and respects her. *Rolls eyes* You clearly don’t know what love is if that’s your thinking.

Woah woah woah let's take a second to breathe here lol. No need to jump down the poor guy's throat for expressing his honest opinion. He stated that he'd love his gf no matter what and would always support her. That IS love. You can't honestly tell me you'd PREFER your significant other to be overweight? That's all he's saying, is that he'd PREFER his gf to be fit...as do MOST people. It has nothing to do with love.

As for the OP, I agree with others that it's definitely not your weight. I'm sure you're absolutely gorgeous! If a guy had a problem with 143 lbs....he probably won't be satisifed with ANYONE.

DreamAngelsHeavenly 07-12-2011 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MedChick87 (Post 3933785)
Woah woah woah let's take a second to breathe here lol. No need to jump down the poor guy's throat for expressing his honest opinion. He stated that he'd love his gf no matter what and would always support her. That IS love. You can't honestly tell me you'd PREFER your significant other to be overweight? That's all he's saying, is that he'd PREFER his gf to be fit...as do MOST people. It has nothing to do with love.

Umm... There is a big difference between "preferring" your significant other being overweight and preferring someone to be a "size 2". And being a size 2 doesn't mean you are fit. You can be fit and not a size 2. A size 2 is not healthy for everyone and most certainly not realistic for everyone- and body shape is another factor as well. Yes. Some guys like girls that resemble sticks, this is true. Some guys like curvy women. Some guys like men. We should not try to generalize that most men would prefer someone a size 2 and research has shown that guys like women closer to "average" and women thought that men wanted them to be more skinny than men actually preferred.
Quote:

Originally Posted by jayohwhy (Post 3933785)
however, many men would be more sexually attracted to their partner if they were more fit

Refer above. There is a difference between being "more fit" and being a "size 2". And by the way, that works both ways, I am sure.

And luckyme0510, you were a size 9, not a size 2. Did your husband say he would prefer you to be a size 2? Or he would prefer you look like how he met you?

The guy is entitled to his opinion, but others are entitled to theirs as well. I think the divorce rate is 50/50 because people don't truly know what 'love' is... And from the looks of things, most people seem to justify this end.

If you are honest with yourself, hopefully you would want someone who loves you as you are and doesn't WISH you to be something else. Note: there is a difference I think to in "not minding" if someone had Brad Pitt's abs and wishing they did.


luckyme0510 07-12-2011 10:26 PM

I agree to disagree :)

I truly love my husband... I know what love is... and not only would I mind he be in shape, I would PREFER he be in shape as well. It goes both ways.

And I think we can cut ZomgGuy a break... I don't think he literally meant a size 2... I think it was just trying to make a point. Or he might not be very familiar with female sizes, I know I'm not very familiar with men's.

One other thing... there are a lot of misconceptions about size. We shouldn't be saying a size 2 isn't healthy just like we don't like someone to generalize that a size 10 is unhealthy... My sister is a size 2 and she is beautiful, she is in great shape and perfect health.

Astrild 07-12-2011 10:27 PM

It's quite possible zombguy doesn't know what a size 2 looks like. It would look quite ill on me, and I doubt anyone would prefer me that way. :dizzy: It doesn't really matter... Choose a mate who loves you and ignore the rest! If a guy says things to make you feel bad, just take it as a blessing... because you don't have to wait a long time to get to know them.

DreamAngelsHeavenly 07-13-2011 02:06 AM


LuckyMe0510~

I am not saying a size 2 is unhealthy by any means. That is 100% exactly what I am not trying to say. I hate this war that goes on "skinny" verses "fat" versus "curvy". Clearly, all women were not meant to be this size. Just like some women are naturally thin and that is healthy for them, some are naturally thicker- like it or not. Just like some have an hour glass shape, some have an apple shape, some have a pear shape... If you don't like it-- find someone else. Personally, I would rather be with someone who loved me exactly how I am than wishing me to be something I am not or could never be.

I agree with you in a sense. If you are with someone for 10 years- obviously people change over time. And hopefully you will spend your life with that person- and so life and you both will change far more... For better or for worse. This is part of life- to wish it otherwise is futile to say the very least.

I think it is great that you both want to be in better shape, because being healthy is important. That is really what this community is based on after all. However, size does not (always) reflect health (within reason).

I have not always been a "fat chick". For me, this has been about the case for about the last 5 years- I am 26. But I have NEVER been a size 2-- maybe in 5th or 6th grade... but I had curves in all the right places, flat stomach, booty... I am in no way "hating" on anyone (this includes the very slim)- which this could be misconstrued as.

I work with girls that are naturally thin- and that's great. I, personally, will never be a size 2. And I don't want to be. I accept that not all guys like girls that have more curvy figures- just like I don't like guys that are of the body building variety (and various other varieties).

You have to admit that in today's society celebrities are getting alarmingly thin- and people are maintaining weights that are unhealthy for them, by unhealthy means as well. Look at all the photo shopping incidents in advertising campaigns where models are being changed to just unnatural and unattainable aliens. This is a bigger problem of society- and I haven't heard of it with male models yet... Women are constantly getting the message we could be younger, prettier, thinner-- and it is sad.

I am sorry if it sounds like I am attacking the guy- in my honest opinion, I think most likely he doesn't really know the difference between a size 2 or 6 or 10... I will give him the benefit of the doubt there. Perhaps he just wishes his girlfriend was more healthy.

However, I feel the way he worded his response and his injection of that comment was not thought out. To me, it doesn't answer the question and can cause more harm than good to someone young and impressionable- this is the 20-something forum, and by the way she describes her problem I can only guess she is in her very early twenties. But I guess his response can be attributed to the same...

Not everyone is going to like you. Period. Whether you are a size 2 or 10 or 16... Whatever. Some guys like fat girls, some guys like skinny girls, some guys like other guys... From an evolutionary standpoint- people tend to go toward "healthy" individuals. This includes glowing skin, shiny hair, symmetrical features, a particular waist to hip ratio (irrelevant of weight), etc...

To try and illustrate a point-- I have long black hair, brown almond shape eyes, tan skin-- I am of Mediterranean descent. I get told how beautiful I am all of the time - yes, all of the time- at this weight. Not - "you have a pretty face" - no I get told you are gorgeous, exotic- period. (Obviously, I want to get healthy and lose weight- why I am here, duh.) But if you put that aside- not all really skinny people are attractive (maybe her size two friends are not very cute, maybe they are stunning- I don't know)- not all obese, overweight are unattractive. I can be objectively beautiful- but if some guy likes girls that are blond with blue eyes and fair porcelain skin-- it doesn't matter, does it??? I don't want to be with a guy who prefers blonds and "loves" me but wishes I was blond.

What I am trying to say here is that- well, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And we all know that. So maybe the OP won't get every single guy- but that's okay, because she isn't attracted to all guys attracted to her either... And it may or may not have to do with weight. But usually there are so many other factors.

If you want my honest opinion, I do believe that people are more shallow than ever (in general) and I think expectations of women are completely unrealistic, so you may get more guys at a size 2, however, the quality of guy-- I am not so sure.

I get what you are saying, love does happen. And you may fall for someone you are not conventionally attracted to-- but if you find true love, these things won't matter. As in, you will find their "imperfections" what is so perfect about them. Or should I say this is what will occur if you are lucky. Someone will look at the smile lines and admire you are such a happy person, kiss your stretch marks and admire that you went through so much and were some how able to make it- despite the aftermath, etc.

I don't know, in my "skinny"-er life- like in high school and the earlier part of my under grad program- I have dated guys that weren't looking like Zac Efron (a.k.a. washboard abs) and not one moment did I wish to change a thing about them. But, as I said before- people are different and I can not expect others to experience life as I do... Normally I am the type too that thinks something is wrong with me and I am reassured otherwise by the guys who see no flaws. So, there is someone who will find you perfect just as you are.

And after all of that- I am not really sure if we are agreeing to disagree or not still- but I think you make some very excellent points. Touché. ;)


jayohwhy 07-13-2011 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DreamAngelsHeavenly (Post 3933913)

If you are honest with yourself, hopefully you would want someone who loves you as you are and doesn't WISH you to be something else. Note: there is a difference I think to in "not minding" if someone had Brad Pitt's abs and wishing they did.

Actually, i want someone who doesnt pretend im perfect because no one is perfect. We all have something that we arent satisfied with that we want to work on-- this is a weight loss forum!
I believe true love/best friend/ partner is someone that will support and encourage you to be what you want to be rather that just saying "your perfect the way you are".
In my marriage, my husband and i are eachothers cheerleaders. I think its cockneyed ad unhealthy to expect blind adoration from ones partner. I need him to be an accurate reflection of myself.
Just because he knows im not perfect and vice versa doesnt mean there isnt love there. True love is not going to eschew flaws, but rather loving someone in the midst of their flaws. However, i would never have married someone who doesnt have the desire to continue growing and bettering themself and their health. That requires an accurate self view. Therefore, it wouldnt be fair if i wasnt willing to do the same thing.

DreamAngelsHeavenly 07-13-2011 02:32 AM

Another quick point...

We as women need to quit sizing ourselves up to others. Society has programmed us this way- who wore it better- Taylor Swift or Katie Homes--- why don't they do this with men???

Like I said above, I was not always "fat"- but in high school and college when you are surrounded by super skinny people you can't help but feel insecure. Even if it is not in your body structure to be that tiny. For example, Asians are generally smaller, Italians are more curvy- each beautiful in their own way.

I didn't notice my weight gain because I felt bigger anyway. And before I knew it- it was out of control. That is why we must stop before it gets to that point. Eat healthier (certain foods may make you seem more "puffy" as you put it), exercise, be the best YOU that you can be. But do not get discouraged or feel like "less" because you are not a size 0 like your friend or peers.

I would advise the OP, if you are not confident in your own skin to try to be healthier. Volunteer. Do things you always wanted to do. Learn something new. Work on yourself- because you are worth it. But know that you are unique, you have your own beauty, your own personality- and you are not like anyone else, and you know what- that is a fantastic thing. And when the time and guy are right- he will recognize this, and he will not let you get away.

And for the current guy, I wouldn't necessarily ask him out ask him out (I mean you could- but personally I know I would be to shy to...:o) but maybe if he wants to see the same movie you want to see or go to some concert or something-- why not be like, hey we should go next Friday... Or if you are closer to one of your friends and they know you like him, maybe go as a group of three and work from there... Maybe he/she (the extra friend) could conveniently have something come up and not be able to go... ;) And voilà!- you have a date... :D Good luck. :)

melodymist 07-13-2011 02:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DreamAngelsHeavenly (Post 3934157)
Another quick point...

We as women need to quit sizing ourselves up to others. Society has programmed us this way- who wore it better- Taylor Swift or Katie Homes--- why don't they do this with men???

Like I said above, I was not always "fat"- but in high school and college when you are surrounded by super skinny people you can't help but feel insecure. Even if it is not in your body structure to be that tiny. For example, Asians are generally smaller, Italians are more curvy- each beautiful in their own way.

I didn't notice my weight gain because I felt bigger anyway. And before I knew it- it was out of control. That is why we must stop before it gets to that point. Eat healthier (certain foods may make you seem more "puffy" as you put it), exercise, be the best YOU that you can be. But do not get discouraged or feel like "less" because you are not a size 0 like your friend or peers.

I would advise the OP, if you are not confident in your own skin to try to be healthier. Volunteer. Do things you always wanted to do. Learn something new. Work on yourself- because you are worth it. But know that you are unique, you have your own beauty, your own personality- and you are not like anyone else, and you know what- that is a fantastic thing. And when the time and guy are right- he will recognize this, and he will not let you get away.

And for the current guy, I wouldn't necessarily ask him out ask him out (I mean you could- but personally I know I would be to shy to...:o) but maybe if he wants to see the same movie you want to see or go to some concert or something-- why not be like, hey we should go next Friday... Or if you are closer to one of your friends and they know you like him, maybe go as a group of three and work from there... Maybe he/she (the extra friend) could conveniently have something come up and not be able to go... ;) And voilà!- you have a date... :D Good luck. :)

Well said! :carrot::carrot:

I'm VERY guilty. I ALWAYS compare myself to the other girls and celebrities. I think it's time for a change!!!

DreamAngelsHeavenly 07-13-2011 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jayohwhy (Post 3934154)
Actually, i want someone who doesnt pretend im perfect because no one is perfect. We all have something that we arent satisfied with that we want to work on-- this is a weight loss forum!
I believe true love/best friend/ partner is someone that will support and encourage you to be what you want to be rather that just saying "your perfect the way you are".
In my marriage, my husband and i are eachothers cheerleaders. I think its cockneyed ad unhealthy to expect blind adoration from ones partner. I need him to be an accurate reflection of myself.
Just because he knows im not perfect and vice versa doesnt mean there isnt love there. True love is not going to eschew flaws, but rather loving someone in the midst of their flaws. However, i would never have married someone who doesnt have the desire to continue growing and bettering themself and their health. That requires an accurate self view. Therefore, it wouldnt be fair if i wasnt willing to do the same thing.


A lot of people misunderstanding me. *sigh* I am not suggesting that you should have blind adoration for someone. What if someone is abusive? What if they are an adulterer? Obviously, certain types of relationships should not continue.

I am not insinuating that I or anyone else is "perfect" because "perfect" is an objective term. What is perfect???? Do you know what perfect is? Your idea of perfect may be very different from mine.

If my boyfriend thinks I am perfect-- are you suggesting he is lying to me or he is delusional? I would find that quite offensive. You may feel that if your husband tells you he thinks you are perfect that he is lying. I do not feel that way.

I am by no means perfect - in the beginning of our relationship I would cite numerous examples to prove I wasn't. One example, I am BP (Borderline Personality) and mood swing like nobody's business. But you know what my boyfriend says-- "I love them, they keep me on my toes". Any negative he can find the positive, every thing I am not makes me who I am. No one knows the adversity we have undergone to be together. To him, I am perfect- FOR HIM. And, I don't doubt that for a second because that is how he treats me, like I am the rarest treasure on earth, he would do anything for me. If you don't want to hear that type of adoration from someone- no big deal. It's not your thing. I respect that. But that kind of support, to me, is what people need- at least it is what I need.

I never said people should not want to better themselves or continue to grow and change. I think people should be the best they can personally be. I think it is *impossible* to be perfect and be all things at all times- but we should strive for it. I have my Masters degree I will be getting my Ph.D next fall -- I do not want to stop learning and growing- to me, education is a priority. For some, maybe maintaining a size 2 frame is. Again this is objective.

I am pretty sure I have said in one of my responses that love will find perfection in imperfection, which is some what something you said. I agree, see my above BPD comment.

Look, my guy, he is perfect- FOR ME. No, I am not delusional (all of time ;)) and I am not blind. I have been through so much stuff and back in my life-- and we just suit each other perfectly. There is no other word for it- in fact that word is not grand enough. And when someone thinks the world of you, it does inspire you to be better. It inspires you to try to like heck to live up to that expectation. He is my biggest supporter and cheerleader as well. But I don't need him to be a "mirror" for me. I personally think it is more unhealthy for someone to list all of your flaws- I mean, you can do that yourself can't you?

My best friend is now living with this guy who she wishes would quit smoking pot, quit drinking would go to counseling for anger and raging, would work out-- does she love him? Yes, I think she loves him. Is that the kind of love I want? Absolutely not. Acknowledging people's flaws just within themselves (she knew the majority of this before they were dating) does not mean that people are not in an unhealthy relationship (see above, abuse, cheaters, etc.). If she blindly thought he was perfect would that be better? No. But I don't think it could be much worse than knowingly staying with someone like this. Again, this is an extreme example to illustrate my point in stark contrast to yours.

I don't know you, personally. But it seems like, from what you say, you do have a loving and healthy relationship that both can grow in and self-improve. You make some valid points. However, I feel you thoroughly misconstrued what I said quite a bit. The problem is people overgeneralizing what I said to their particular circumstance. I think there is a tremendous difference between wanting to be healthy and fit for yourself and your partner and wishing your partner was a particular size and shape that may or may not be realistic and healthy for themselves. Thanks for your input. :)


"You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other. " - Good Will Hunting

MsModelSara 07-13-2011 09:12 AM

dragonfly - hunny, if you feel rejected after not hearing back from a guy after just 1 day....smh. First I'd like to touch on the fact you're upset he isn't texting you: have you tried calling him? Or are you waiting by your phone for him to contact you? Maybe he is waiting for you to call because he doesn't wanna jump the gun? Some guys are shy when it ocmes to getting close to a girl. Maybe he just feels all of that great conversation was just a friendly heart to heart; you did say you guys were just close friends right? It's very possible that he has no idea you are romatically interested. You need to tell him that, not be upset he isn't texting you.

And as for your image issues: being 5'6" and 143 lbs is a normal healthy weight for your height. As many others have said, you do not to be rail thin to be attractive to a guy. Women come in ALL shapes, sizes, colors, and weights..that's what makes them so beautiful. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a cookie cutter reflection of what I see in a magazine or on a runway in paris. No wonder girls have such twisted views of their bodies, these models that show us "what is beautiful" are so thin they are literally sick. I've seen shows where models are actually turned away from jobs because they were TOO skinny!! That is not a good look. Embrace your body, learn to love yourself. No guy is gonna wanna be with you for the long haul if you can't even love yourself. Guys don't like to constantly hear nagging about how unperfect you are, it can lead to issues in a relationship because you are going to always assume he is looking at other girls, and it will push him away.

Take some time to reflect on things before getting emotional about being rejected, I have a feeling he doesn't even know you are feeling that way. Take it slow so it doesn't damage your friendship, see if he feels the same way you do before diving in with your whole heart girl. Great things take time. <3

I met my guy at college. I never even noticed him because I pretty much ignored guys all together (this was back when i was thinner and sexy ;-) ) because I knew they weren't interested in ME, just in how I looked. But after a few months, I noticed this one guy that kept looking at me...never said anything. I got tired of waiting, so I approached him in the parking lot one day about a month later. By then I had already started gaining weight, but he didn't care that I wasn't a size 2. We started dating, getting to know eachother.....this December we will have been together for 2 years now. AND I have the equivalent of a small child's weight on my body that wasn't there when we started dating. Not all guys care THAT much about what you weigh...and if they do, they don't really love you for you. Isn't that what a woman wants? I know I do...once you find a man like that, you know you found the one <3 Let me climb down off my soap box now :soap: :D

Best of luck to you!!

Mexico224 07-14-2011 09:13 AM

I highly recommend reading any book by Geneen Roth (Women, Food, and God or When Food is Love, she has many...)...it has nothing to do with weight, even though many of us women (including me!!!) think it is!

dragonfly21 04-28-2019 08:59 PM

Lol
 
Can I just resurface this ancient thread I started in 2011?

I have now been married for 5 years to this 'guy' I was feeling so rejected by about 8 years ago. He was shy and probably called me the next day after I posted this. So funny to read this.

Oh, to be 143 pounds! 2 kids later and I'm many pounds heavier. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to lose the weight for a second time when you're 10 years older and have two toddlers! ;)

MauiKai 05-30-2019 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonfly21 (Post 5387682)
Can I just resurface this ancient thread I started in 2011?

I have now been married for 5 years to this 'guy' I was feeling so rejected by about 8 years ago. He was shy and probably called me the next day after I posted this. So funny to read this.

Oh, to be 143 pounds! 2 kids later and I'm many pounds heavier. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to lose the weight for a second time when you're 10 years older and have two toddlers! ;)

Nice to hear it worked out for you and the "guy."

emily123 06-17-2019 10:05 AM

wonder if this worked out

emily123 06-17-2019 10:05 AM

hope so

MauiKai 06-17-2019 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emily123 (Post 5390902)
wonder if this worked out

It did. She posted this: Can I just resurface this ancient thread I started in 2011?

I have now been married for 5 years to this 'guy' I was feeling so rejected by about 8 years ago. He was shy and probably called me the next day after I posted this. So funny to read this.

Oh, to be 143 pounds! 2 kids later and I'm many pounds heavier. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to lose the weight for a second time when you're 10 years older and have two toddlers! https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/images/smile/wink.gif

William47 10-24-2020 07:08 PM

People ask me all, ALL the time...Willy, Willy, how did you get so g*ddam sexy? I tell them..."All you got to do, is FEEL sexy baby!" I love it when a woman makes the first move. It shows strength of character and self confidence! U r obviously a bad A**, take no prisoners. Say something smart or witty.

superwoman33 10-28-2020 12:50 PM

Take it one day at a time! I know the struggle


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