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-   -   feeling a little rejected... (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/237850-feeling-little-rejected.html)

dragonfly21 07-11-2011 11:11 PM

feeling a little rejected...
 
hey everyone,

it's been a while since i posted, but i have been dropping by and reading here and there in the last year. i feel like this is the only place i can really share this because my friends wouldn't understand.

i have been getting to know this one guy in my group of friends more recently and this past friday we had a really great time together while out with everyone and i was sure this was going to finally lead to something. we had an amazing conversation it felt like there was really something there. we had a few texts back and forth yesterday, but since nothing.

maybe im overreacting and maybe he still will follow up, but when things like this happen my first thought is always "its because of my size" I keep thinking things like "well my body type is not everyones type" "maybe he would be embarassed if our friends knew because im not a size 2 like my girl friends"


who knows what is actually going on..but i hate that this is always my fear. i hate feeling like this. i know that if my size is actually the reason then im better off without him. i know this, but it still feels pretty bad. I don't want to feel like i have to lose weight to meet more guys. i want to lose weight because it will make me feel good.

thats all, i hope if anyone else feels like this, they know they are not alone!

ZomgGuy 07-11-2011 11:17 PM

Dragonfly,

I just registered to this site -- I am a man, I believe that soon I'm going to be thrown off this site for that reason -- but I have to say ---

I'm am 24 -- dating a 21 year old girl who honestly does not have a size 2 body by any means -- Would I prefer it that way? Honestly, Yes. But regardless of that I will always love her, respect her, and support her in anyway possible -- because you know what? I actually love her.

You will find a man who will treat you with that love -- I'm certain of it -- Its very hard to see that, I used to be 520lbs (I've seen how dark the world can be) -- but I promise you there are quality men out there.

Lovely 07-11-2011 11:25 PM

I know it's easy to get caught up in our own heads, but slow down a tad... it's only been a day!

Give the guy a chance =)

nomadiclee 07-11-2011 11:54 PM

I'd say give it some time, see what happens. Maybe he just moves slower than other guys. And if, in the end, he doesn't follow up because it turns out that size is an issue to him, then that's not someone you need in your life anyway.
Hang in there!

astrophe 07-12-2011 12:17 AM

If YOU are interested, why don't you ask HIM out?

Waiting around for him to make the move and sitting at home thinking unproductive stuff -- what does that do for you?

It's really not hard. If he says yes -- yay! If he says thanks but no thanks -- not a problem either. You can still move on with an answer and maybe you brighten someone's day letting them know they are attractive.

This picking on yourself stuff. Not cool.

I fail to see how 143 on 5'6" is a turn off either. Sounds peachy to me!

GL!
A. :)

DreamAngelsHeavenly 07-12-2011 03:39 AM

1 Attachment(s)
ZomgGuy - That sounds like unconditional love to me... :/ If only all of our partners looked like Victoria's Secret Super models and Brad Pitt- circa Thelma and Louise because that is the prime age- swoon!! I don't know what your girlfriend weighs or her size-- but size 2 is pretty damn tiny... While I appreciate your perspective-- as a guy -- you are only one guy and I find that men tend to like a variety of shapes and sizes on women. The OP is in healthy range, though I am not sure what her size is either... Maybe you just worded this odd- but it is one thing to wish your partner was slimmer or better yet healthier- I guess depending on their size and fitness-- but another to wish they would fit some mold that most woman don't fit into genetically- women were not made to be straight up and down like a runway model. It is hard to say this as I don't want to disrespect any one of any size but it seems to me that this shape in most situations is less curvy - unless you are in a slim minority or have a good plastic surgeon. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are men who like women very slim with no curves just like some men like lots of curves and would always pick Scarlett Johanson or Kim Kardashian over Kiera Knightley... To wish your partner to look like something else -- a super model, actress, slimmer than they naturally should be -- is just not unconditional love in my eyes. It is like saying I love my partner but if he could have brown hair instead of blonde I would prefer that, or if he had straighter teeth, or if he had green eyes instead of brown, or if he listened to different music, or if his body looked like Zac Efron's, or if he had an Australian accent,... Of course, you are welcome to your opinion and your preference- but I find it a little tasteless for this particular question... And out of place. You could have said I love my girlfriend no matter what she looks like- but for some reason you felt it necessary to add you would prefer her to be a "size 2". I don't really think this adds anything. If you loved your girlfriend no matter what- obviously the fact she wasn't a size 2 when you met her wasn't a deal breaker- which I think the person asking the question is wondering. Of course it goes without saying that we all want to date a model. ;) Or does it? But I agree with you that she will find someone and that there are great people out there, men and women. Good luck with your relationship and I hope your girlfriend loves you for who you are and not what you could be.

melodymist 07-12-2011 04:37 AM

I'm in a similiar situation. I think because we ourselfs aren't happy with our bodies we assume that they (guys and ohter people) feel the same.

My advice: Do something that gives you that extra boost of confidence and make a move. What have you got to lose?

RudeImp 07-12-2011 05:14 AM

come on. you are 5'6'' and 143 ... I dont think you have any issues with your body...
dont under estimate urself..
just cheer up..

asweetchicagogirl1 07-12-2011 10:26 AM

Just wanted to pop in and say that confidence, not size, is usually more of a factor for men once you are in the healthy range for your height (which you are). I'm sure you are a knockout and if I guy doesn't realize that...his loss. :hug:

Bellamack 07-12-2011 10:31 AM

Bravo to the man and you won't get thrown off. lol

5'6" and 145 is perfect, so maybe you are reading too much into it. Maybe you should ask him out. Maybe he just likes talking with you and there is no chemistry. Maybe he has a girlfriend. etc. It is not your weight!

kateleestar 07-12-2011 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by astrophe (Post 3932083)
If YOU are interested, why don't you ask HIM out?

Waiting around for him to make the move and sitting at home thinking unproductive stuff -- what does that do for you?

It's really not hard. If he says yes -- yay! If he says thanks but no thanks -- not a problem either. You can still move on with an answer and maybe you brighten someone's day letting them know they are attractive.

This picking on yourself stuff. Not cool.

I fail to see how 143 on 5'6" is a turn off either. Sounds peachy to me!

GL!
A. :)


All of this!! :D

You need to stop and breathe, because I'd love to be you right now, lol. It's been a day. He might not know how to act on the things he's feeling. He's a guy, and they tend to be confused.

If you like him so, ask HIM out! You might be rejected, sure... But you might have met your future husband, too. :D

MiZTaCCen 07-12-2011 12:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dragonfly21 (Post 3931978)
hey everyone,


maybe im overreacting and maybe he still will follow up, but when things like this happen my first thought is always "its because of my size" I keep thinking things like "well my body type is not everyones type" "maybe he would be embarassed if our friends knew because im not a size 2 like my girl friends"

Most men and I’m going to tell you think right now don’t know the difference between sizes in girls jeans, or what you really weight unless you were super obesed which you're clearly not. So weather you’re a 6 or a 2 they aren’t going to know. Or if you’re a size 9 and they’ll think you’re a size 5. I’m 157 and most people think I’m about 10 pounds lighter then I really am, good for me because there are days I think I’m fat when I know I’m not. (it’s all mental thoughts in my head that screw around with me) As other girls stated ASK HIM OUT why is it we always have to wait for a guy to come around and ask us out this is the 21st century. Maybe he doesn’t think you’re interested in him so he hasn’t made a move or maybe he’s shy. Either way grow a pair and stop thinking your fat and omg no guy is ever going to like me because I’m not a stick figure. Confidence, confidence confidence and my god learn to love yourself because if you don’t know man or person will ever love you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZomgGuy (Post 3931991)
Dragonfly,


I'm am 24 -- dating a 21 year old girl who honestly does not have a size 2 body by any means -- Would I prefer it that way? Honestly, Yes. But regardless of that I will always love her, respect her, and support her in anyway possible -- because you know what? I actually love her.

What are you 15? Seriously do the poor girl a favour and leave her so she can find someone who is better suited for her that isn’t wishing she was smaller. That loves her and respects her. *Rolls eyes* You clearly don’t know what love is if that’s your thinking.

khat 07-12-2011 12:31 PM

Oh come on girls...
I love my boyfriend of (6 years) but honestly I wouldn't mind if he had Brad Pitts Fight Club body :) Give the guy a break.. I bet my dad wouldn't mind if my mom looked like she did 20 years ago and I bet my mom would love my dad had all his hair back and shave that damn moustache :D It doesn't mean they don't love each other or whatever..
It can't all be so black and white c'mon..

khat 07-12-2011 12:36 PM

OP - I have tons of girl friends who just over analyze things and think about what the guy is thinking about what you are thinking about thinking about doing..
It's really not that complicated with guys.. If he wants to see you he will write back... But it's been one day.. I think you should just wait.

ferretgirl 07-12-2011 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZomgGuy (Post 3931991)
dating a 21 year old girl who honestly does not have a size 2 body by any means -- Would I prefer it that way? Honestly, Yes.

^^This statement confused me. Yes, you prefer that she has a size 2 body? Or yes, you prefer that she does not? If the first, my next question would be what's her height? Size 2 sounds rather small and I'd hope your preference wouldn't be to have your girl "underweight" (as based on weight+height/bmi).

Dragonfly, I just wanted to say that you're not alone, in your insecurities. We don't know what his reasons are for not asking you out, but I'm betting its not size-related. Do y'all seem comfortable with each other? If so, then y'all should be fine. I'm not sure how long y'all have known each other, so he may not want to push too fast or he may not know how he feels about you yet (friend vs something more). I believe that your confidence matters more than your weight when it comes to guys (let him see that you're comfortable with yourself and around him). Give it time to play out. Asking him out is another good idea, if you're brave enough ;) Wish you luck!!


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