Aw hugs to you :(:( what a crappy thing to read, and i'd say it has hurt you to the core :( ... it sucks big time when someone hurts your feelings, but when it comes from the person you love, well then its time to talk...

you will not get over this issue unless you speak to him.. but he is 100% in the wrong and you deserve an apology a retraction and he should be worshipping the ground you walk on.. maybe he's just being a dumb male and thinks that this is how to get you to hear what he is thinking, again though sooo bang out of order.,.. have a chat with him and then you'll see where to go from there.. you will know yourself... best og luck :(

hugs again,, being hurt hurts :(

Ps well done on your maintenance

Pickles, I’d be extremely hurt, too.¬¬ As others have mentioned, what he did was very insensitive. I’d talk to him about it and let him know his comments hurt you. Give him a chance to explain himself, or perhaps, show his true colors. Either way, it’s not healthy to bottle up your feelings, so it’s great you have come here to share with us! :hug:

I am about your same height/weight and it’s a funky place to be, isn’t it? Not exactly overweight, but not exactly comfortable with our body just yet either. I’m still sensitive about my body and my progress and it doesn’t help when people who are supposed to be the most supportive say such insensitive things. My boyfriend is one of those people who only will eat healthy things, doesn’t understand the pleasure derived from fried foods, comfort foods, sugary foods. He’s made comments to me about how it is easy, how I should just not eat the garbage if I want to see the best results… but I’m not him! I have a different relationship with food. What’s easy for him isn’t as easy for me. It’s like a dog-lover assuming that everyone should love dogs, as in “I do, what’s wrong with you?” We’ve all had different pasts, experiences, and we are all different. It’s very narrow-minded to think everyone is going to be able to succeed using the exact same method, whether trying for weight loss or studying for a test.

Anyway, I’m rambling! But keep going, you’re doing great! Perfection is not a lifestyle and it’s the sum of your efforts that matter, not just a week or a month. And keep venting to us when things get hard!

Yikes, I'm surprised to see so much "dump him!" advice floating around here. He posted some blunt stuff and made it public on a blog, but there's a difference between saying you're disappointed in someone and saying you're disgusted by her. I would never draw the conclusion that "he probably won't be attracted to you" because he vented inappropriately. That's at least as hurtful a thing to say as the original blog post.

With that said, petitefleur had a great idea to leave a comment on his blog. What he did was hurtful and inappropriate. Your diet is just that: yours. He shouldn't have shared your business with the world at large. The fact that it was a public blog makes me wonder if he wasn't trying to send a little passive-aggressive message; rather than confront you directly with his disappointment and risk friction, he'd just toss it out there on his blog and figure that you'd eventually see it.

Men do not get what weight loss is like for women, let alone women with PCOS or hypoactive thyroids or any of the other things a lot of the 3FC habitues are dealing with. Maybe we wouldn't get it either if weight fell off of us just "by eating different stuff." It doesn't get him off the hook for sharing your private behavior, but it may help you understand why he isn't more understanding.

You've done an amazing job and you look absolutely beautiful. HE should be telling you that as well, and the fact that he hasn't--or if he has, that he also blabs about feeling frustrated--deserves a talk with him. I'd approach him directly about what he wrote and explain exactly why it isn't just that easy for you, why he should temper his negativity with support, and why your weight just plain is not his business.

I'm sorry this hurt you. You have every right to feel hurt, but he also has a right to his feelings. What he doesn't have is the right to share your personal struggles without your permission, and that's where he went wrong.

Originally Posted by Nola Celeste:
Yikes, I'm surprised to see so much "dump him!" advice floating around here. He posted some blunt stuff and made it public on a blog, but there's a difference between saying you're disappointed in someone and saying you're disgusted by her. I would never draw the conclusion that "he probably won't be attracted to you" because he vented inappropriately. That's at least as hurtful a thing to say as the original blog post.

You see a lot of "dump him" advice because it makes sense. Just for assurance, I let 3 straight male friends, the guy I'm dating and my gay best friend read her post. They all said the same thing in different ways: "it's (meaning the relationship) is over for him" and "she should move on" and "it's (meaning the relationship) is a wrap!" and "oh my goodness I could never say that about my wife she'd kick my *** out of the house!" and my favorite, "run girl, but not after you kick his *** to the curb in the fiercest heels money can buy!" (guess which friend said that?)

As for me saying that he probably won't be attracted to her as he continues to lose weight, it is true. If he were truly attracted to her, he wouldn't care about her weight loss. She's not morbidly obese nor is she suffering from a health condition that presents an urgent need for weight loss. Moreover, she's already at a healthy weight! If he truly thought she was hot just as she is then he never would've written the post as he never would have been "disappointed" about her weight.

How does my talking about his feelings hurt her? I'm telling her my observations about the feelings her bf expressed in his blog post, not about her. I didn't say that she is not attractive; I told her that she is attractive! I think she's pretty. I didn't insult her.

If he's talking like this after having achieved only a part of his weight loss goal, imagine what he'll say about her when he's fully accomplished his goal and she's not where HE thinks she should be. As my newlywed male friend said after letting him read her post, one thing men do is think about how their women look on their arm and whether his woman is attractive in his eyes. If he hasn't fallen in love enough to marry her or propose before she no longer meets his expectations for what his ideal woman should look like, then guess what? It's bye bye to pickles and hello to the new gf who he promises will be thinner. So she should just find someone who thinks she's hot.

If they were married, I wouldn't have said that because by then he already fell in love with her. But there's no such commitment and obviously since he's not her fiance he isn't that smitten with her. So why stay? A confrontation or talk with him is no guarantee that he'll behave better and even if he does, there's no guarantee that his feelings will change. If anything, he'll probably be extra careful to hide his feelings about her weight loss or lack thereof.

My gay best friend thinks that her man is a coward. He says her bf knew she would see it, and rather than tell her about it he posted online for the entire planet to see. Who'd wanna be with that? Go buy the fiercest heels you can afford and kick his behind to the curb! LOL!

It's her decision to talk to him, as I said, and if she stays then you can give her flowery advice and attack others who are wise enough to see the end is near and caring enough to try to explain why it may be in her best interest to just leave him alone, and be sure to have a shoulder and a box of Kleenex because she's gonna need it.

My 13 year old nephew just read this (I'm cooking and my laptop screen is on this page). He says he cannot understand why the bf just couldn't tell pickles what he was thinking, the bf is mean and pickles is cute. I asked him whether he would write something like that about his gf and he said "naw, I'd dump her before acting like a duche." aaaalrighty then! LOL

Pickles whatever you decide please just make sure that you are acting solely in YOUR best interest and trust that a man who wants to be with you and will love every inch and pound of you is out there (whether your bf is that guy is the question to be answered by only you).

I, too, had a good chuckle at this line:

Originally Posted by :
"Maybe it’s because it’s so easy to start fixing it. Seriously, if someone as lazy as me can drop 20+ lbs just by eating different stuff…anyone could. It requires no extra effort than buying the food and preparing it."

Sure, buddy, that's the whole story of weight loss for everyone! :lol: :lol: :lol:

But, that's not really the point of your post.

Let's focus on what you've done first. You've managed to lose and maintain a heckuva a lot of weight! It looks like you've gotten yourself down from overweight into a much healthier range! Goodness... that's so exciting! That's exhilarating! Be proud!

Now let's look at where you are. You've lost weight, but you want to lose more only you're finding it difficult to buckle down. Do you really want this? Stop this "cheat" nonsense immediately. Cheat days, cheat weeks, cheat months. A slip is normal. Mistakes happen, and there are definitely days when we want to PLAN in a higher calorie meal or dessert. Sounds like you need to keep it extremely moderated. A meal. Not a day. Not a week. Remember this is a change for life, so it's not like you'll never see those higher calorie foods or an extra portions again. But, they need to be balanced with the REST of the time. You can do this. :yes:


Your boyfriend's blog. It was insensitive, and quite frankly, your diet is none of his business to write about online. Tell him so.

"Dearest, I understand you need to blog about your progress and I think it's great you want to share, but MY diet is not your business to write about on a public blog. Ever. It's off-limits for you to share with others."

I don't want to say that it's just men who don't understand the difficulties that come along with losing weight. There are plenty of women who don't get it, either. Some people are just able to "eat differently" and there the weight goes.

However, as your boyfriend, he should be able to come up with a better way to support you, and learn to understand that weight loss is different for everyone... that it's different for his girlfriend!

And he's of course allowed to write about how he feels... in a completely PRIVATE place. Not on a public blog.

I'm so sorry you had to read those things :( I too ended up taking about a month and a half "off" around 155 pounds (the weight I could NEVER get under) when it was originally going to be a weekend. The good thing is you are getting back on track!

I'm not sure why people are telling you to leave him. Honestly.. I can kind of understand where he's coming from (sorry). My husband (actually we aren't married but that's only because I don't care about a piece of paper) and I started this journey together. He lost about 10-15 pounds and then just kind of stopped. It was REALLY hard for me for a while; I was eating healthy and staying on track and he just wasn't. It upset me that he would just "leave me hanging" and to "fend for myself". That could be where your boyfriend is coming from. Even though I was kind of upset/mad at him- never in my life would I want to leave him for it or find him unattractive (and he's the one who has gained 50 pounds since we first met lol).

I like the idea of leaving a comment on his blog but don't make it too personal. Remember- it's on the interwebs! I DO think you should approach him about it one way or another because your feelings got hurt (rightfully so) and he should know that.

Originally Posted by FassGal:

Even if your bf sticks around, he probably won't be attracted to you. Who wants to be with someone who isn't enamored with her JUST AS SHE IS! You're young and attractive; you don't need that. Besides, you loved him when he was 20lbs heavier, don't you deserve the same? Men who love women are proud of their women, they say good things about her and they defend her, not express their disappointments about her to complete strangers to see and know about their gfs. If I were you, I'd dump him, get my own diet buddy if I needed the support, lose the weight on my OWN diet, then rub it in his face. I'd be the best thing he never had. :hug:
!

Wow- way to make someone feel even worse when they're already upset! Like I posted above, my husband and I were kind of in this situation, just opposite roles. Yes, it made me upset that he left me hanging, but I'm still attracted to him even though he is 50 pounds heavier than we met.

I also didn't think it was right that you kept going on saying you asked all of these males their responses and then posted them on here. Are you trying to upset the poor girl even more?!?!?!?

OMGosh!

Are you serious???

Dump the boyfriend over what he posted....are you kidding me?!

You gals better read what he wrote again and not try to read crap that isn't there between the lines!!!

Sometimes, us guys, aren't the brightest but for crying out loud all he was doing was sharing his displeasure at what he feels is lack of effort on OP plan.....

some of you are way out of line with your comments! :mad:

OK people calling him "abusive" need to back off. Every human is entitled to his or her opinion, as popular or unpopular as that opinion may be. What difference does it make if he writes it on a blog or keeps it to himself? The thought and opinion is still there.

What I don't get, though, is why he even cares if you cheat on your diet? That's petty and weird, and maybe he has control issues or something lurking. I'd definitely bring it up with him and see how he handles the confrontation.

OP has received a myriad of opinions on this and now it seems things are heating up so I'm going to go ahead and close this thread. I'm sure the OP has a lot to consider reading everyone's thoughts, or perhaps she's had time to cool off. Regardless, I'm sure she appreciates all the support she's received from 3FC today.