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Old 06-14-2011, 04:29 PM   #1  
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Default Do guys notice you more? mythbuster!

I have always wanted a boyfriend. Someone all my own and someone I can be with. I have never had a boyfriend or any sexual realtionships. I also hear people say when they lose weight 'I get SO much attention from boys' But I'm looking at myself now and I just don't see it ever happening. Sorry to be negative but that's just how I feel! Thanks for any comments.
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Old 06-14-2011, 04:35 PM   #2  
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First off:

Now for a couple thoughts. A lot of it is learning to recognize attention when you're getting it. I definitely went through a time in my life when I had no idea that a guy was flirting with me. At best, I thought he was just being polite. Secondly, a large component of what gets people's attention consists of the signals we send out -- our confidence, poise, self-assurance, etc. Lots of women here can tell you how they met their husbands at their highest weight. So I wouldn't focus on weight loss being a magic bullet. So much depends upon our attitudes and how we make ourselves available.
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Old 06-14-2011, 04:36 PM   #3  
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I've been pretty gosh-darned heavy my whole life. I met my first boyfriend around 250 pounds. My husband I met when I was around 275 or so.

I have ONCE in my life been hit on by a guy that I did not know. And it took me a few minutes to register. Of all places it was in a Burger King drive-thru by an employee there. I was at once flattered and kinda creeped out. And I was likely above 275 by that point.

Weight has nothing to do with it. You might get hit on. You might never.

Some guys just hit on girls differently. Gentlemen can be subtle after all. They don't all have to say "Can I get your number" for it to be giving a person attention.

It's easy to split the world up into "men and women", but people are just... people. There are guys out there who don't hit on women, and there are women out there who DO hit on a guys.

I'm not expecting anything -more- to happen with the opposite sex than it already does. Okay, I'm married, so it doesn't fully apply. But, I just expect to be me... and people will just take that for whatever it is. They always have.
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Old 06-14-2011, 04:51 PM   #4  
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What don't you see happening, the weight loss or boys flirting with you?
I thought I will get more confident with weight loss but I didn't. I'm so shy and it drives me crazy. I never even look at the guys that pass me by on the street or something. And at parties I always focus on the people I know and never look really aproachable. I think I come across as a very cold person, maybe a bit stuck up even. But I'm not. I am aware of how I handle things but I just don't know how else to act around new people. I know plenty of heavier girls who get men to flirt with them because they just look aproachable, fun and confident. So I think that is the key. And not weight loss. But if weight loss makes you confident that is just a win win situation then
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Old 06-14-2011, 04:53 PM   #5  
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Well, I've also been big my whole life. Of course there are the guys who look at me like eww lol. But, for the most part- honestly I always get hit on. Weight has NOTHING to do with it. My good friend used to be a cocktail waitress at a strip joint and she said the BIGGEST stripper there got the most attention and money. Why? She had confidence. It's all about feeling good.

I tan, wear make up, play dress up, show off my assets- which is really only my boobs haha. And, all the guys I've ever dated were all fit, strangely enough. I don't go for any certain type. I like em all, for me it is personality and someone who can make me laugh. Guys are like that too. It really isn't ALL about looks. Of course, you need some attraction. But, in my short life experience what I've noticed for MANY people is. You are beautiful because they love you. Not they love you because you're beautiful.

Get some confidence!!! I'll bet you are insecure and it shows or you just sincerely don't notice when a guy hits on you, or you just think no one does. I bet they do, have and will. Guys like beautiful girls, I mean look around. But, beauty only goes so far. And my boyfriend could find a lot better looking woman then me. And even though I'm not the prettiest out there (there will always be someone better) we clicked, and that is what matters. He wont leave me for some skinny beauty walking down the street lol.

Have confidence, you ARE worth it, you are worth loving, you deserve a great man who treats you like the princess you are- with a little extra fluff or not! I'm happy I had J at my highest weight, it can only get better. And, I never have to worry he'll leave me. Cause any man who comes around when yu aint perfect (in your eyes) is bound to only see you get better.

And if more guys DO hit on you after some weight is lost, I seriously believe it will be mostly due to your rise in confidence in yourself. Which is the main point anyways.

So many girls and people even point out flaws. It's society, we sit around oh I hate my butt, I hate my legs, I wish I had your hair, blah blah blah. The thing is we need to love us for who we are and accept us. As soon as we do, everyone else will too! And the ones that don't? They aint worth my time anyways! lol
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Old 06-14-2011, 05:39 PM   #6  
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From my own personal experience and seeing what has happened with my friends it comes down to two things: confidence and presentation. Basically, my friends that get hit on a lot are ones that are very confident AND they normally dress-up more. My sister, for instance, gets hit on quite a bit and she's always been heavy. However, she wears make-up, dresses well and is very out-going. I have other friends who are just as pretty and much smaller but don't have the confidence and have similar problems with finding guys.

It might also be that my friends who dress well and wear make-up have more confidence when they do that and so that comes down to confidence too.
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Old 06-14-2011, 06:30 PM   #7  
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I've always been big, and have had boyfriends.

I know my boyfriend can find a hotter girlfriend, but he loves me. & to him I'm as good as it gets and there is no better. But when I finish losing all my weight, and I'm "hotter", I bet he'll love it. But I don't HAVE to lose any weight to keep him.


There are ALOT of men out there who will love you for you. I promise.
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:06 AM   #8  
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I have a lovely record of being hit on by tow-truck drivers (2 outta 3 ain't bad). No offense to any tow truck drivers out there, but when it's 2am and you're the only available mode of transportation, hitting on a woman alone just comes off as creepy and disturbing no matter how nice you may intend to be. I'm tired, I'm pissed my car is broken, and now I have to pretend to flirt with someone so they will drop me off at my house after taking the car to the shop. Urg.

Edited to add - and no, I don't typically get hit on my strange guys... which just makes the experience all the more odd/disturbing because I feel like they're driving me off somewhere to kill me.

Last edited by my2cats; 06-17-2011 at 12:07 AM.
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Old 06-17-2011, 12:58 AM   #9  
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well, working in a town were 75% of the people are drunks, i seem to get hit on every single day and i hate it. especially since its never that *hot guy*, more like his father! hahahaha! ive gotten used to it now but its pretty creepy sometimes.. i was used to it when i lived in a city then its an everyday thing from the age of 12 but in small town usa where these drunkies ride tractors down the street?! haha! actually someone beeped and whistled at me today when i was walking home from work.. all i can say is at least they had a nice volkswagen =) lol but it kinda makes me nervous if itll get any worse once im at my goal weight and dont look like a tubby penguin walking down the road... O_O (sorry if this doesnt make much sence, getting to be passed my bedtime lol!)
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Old 06-17-2011, 10:55 PM   #10  
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After I lost 100lbs, I got noticed by guys A LOT. But I don't think it was the weight itself. When I was 250lbs, I was so embarrassed and had zero self confidence. I have several friends that were my size and heavier, but still had that self-confidence. It amazed and inspired me. They'd get hit on all the time! I tended to be really shy. I also didn't spend much time on hair/makeup. I figured, why bother? After I dropped the weight, I CHANGED. I got new clothes, got contacts, got a cute hairstyle, new makeup. I felt so confident with myself. THAT'S what guys pick up on!
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Old 06-18-2011, 02:04 AM   #11  
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Boys suck! and they only give attention because they think they can get some! You'll def find someone nice, but don't get in too deep or too commited too soon because you haven't had as much experience. Always think of yourself first. I didn't have a boyfriend, or did anything sexual till I was 18 - strange from where I am. :P Don't sweat it.
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Old 06-18-2011, 05:38 AM   #12  
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I've always had a pretty face, but at my highest weight I was Snorlax-like and cute, but I didn't get much attention from men. Now I don't have that Snorlax look anymore although I'm still big, but I have a shape now, and my face isn't a round moon, clothes look better on me. I still have a lot more to go but I already notice a difference in how guys treat me.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:39 AM   #13  
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I don't think it has anything to do with weight. I mean, of course there are shallow guys in this world that don't want a "fat girl".. but I have NEVER had a problem.. even at my highest weight. The guys I've dated have always been athletic and in shape, guys you THINK would be shallow. But it has a whole lot to do with the way you carry yourself. Confidence IS key.

You need to love you before you expect someone else to. Make sure that YOU find yourself beautiful. Do things that make you feel better about yourself. I get my nails done and spray tan.. something that simple just makes me feel sexy. Once you feel it, they notice it.
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Old 06-18-2011, 07:46 PM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by runningfromfat View Post
From my own personal experience and seeing what has happened with my friends it comes down to two things: confidence and presentation. Basically, my friends that get hit on a lot are ones that are very confident AND they normally dress-up more. My sister, for instance, gets hit on quite a bit and she's always been heavy. However, she wears make-up, dresses well and is very out-going. I have other friends who are just as pretty and much smaller but don't have the confidence and have similar problems with finding guys.

It might also be that my friends who dress well and wear make-up have more confidence when they do that and so that comes down to confidence too.
I agree, it's all about your confidence. When you walk into a club/bar you have to know you got it and Project that emotion. This can be in the style of clothes/make-up/ or just "that look" that you give a guy.
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