[Ivonnely]

Lately I've had this weight thing bothering me all the time. I felt good about my weight when I got to 139, and I felt like maybe I finally looked normal and not the "fat girl". So I went to some japanese clothing forum to look for cute clothes, and they are all WAYYYYYY too small, I would have to be 120 to even consider wearing them.

Then I went to the asian weight loss forum, and everyone in there are 140ish wanting to lose 30-40 pounds to be "normal". Then it hit me hard. I was so proud of myself no longer 200 pounds and more but these girls are considered "Extreme Overweight" in Asia because they are 140?

I spent nearly 4 months getting from 152-139 and I just simply can't get my mindset to 120 is the new goal.

I thought once I am 140 I would be happy and not have to worry so much about which way to run when someone wants to take my picture. I still look so fat in pictures, I still see my belly hanging out and my calves still stubbornly sitting at 15inch. My Fiance has been upset with me because he thinks I m perfect weight and he think girls always set unrealistic standard for themselves. But I m not striving for perfection, I just want to look normal and not to be described as the "fat one" anymore.

I've been pretty depressed about the weight thing all week and I don't know how much I will have to lose to be normal.

[kgsmiles3]

You look great btw. I think that normal is what you see in your eyes and skin. Putting yourself in other peoples standards can cause you to be discouraged. Be confident and know that all you've done to get to this point was hard work and you earned it. stay focused on what is best for YOU and not what you want others to see.

[bargoo]

Is there any reason you are looking in Japanese clothing forums ? And Asian weight loss forums ? 130 pounds seems to be about midrange for your height.

[Ivonnely]

I always wanted to wear cloth from Liz Lisa ( Japanese clothing brand). They are notorious for cute/dolly lacy dresses. I was never able to due to my weight so I was hoping maybe finally I will be able to wear them now. The forum has a weight loss section so it peaked my interest, shouldn't have clicked it =(

[wibblewobble]

I say don't get discouraged yet. I remember someone on here posted a while ago in response to a post similar to yours. They suggested taking a full body picture of yourself, then covering your head (or cropping the picture to remove your head) and then come back and look at it later. When you can't see your face you can be more objective about the body you are looking at. Maybe you'll be surprised to see that you find yourself "normal." Also, you still aren't at goal yet! For someone your height, 9 pounds can make a HUGE difference. So don't get discouraged. Just keep plugging along and if you get to 130 and want to lower your goal to 125 go for it. You've done an amazing job so far! You should be proud of all you've accomplished! Congrats!

[Ivonnely]

AW ty <3
I kept lowering my goals >< It started at 145, then 140, 135, now at 130. I just can't seem to find a point where I am content.

[beerab]

Well for what it's worth I think you are beautiful (love your eyes).

I think for your height I definitely wouldn't go under 120. I think your goal of 130 is a good goal right now and maybe you could look into toning to help you tighten up rather than continuing to keep dropping the weight?

[Ashley777]

wow, you really are beautiful! Your fiance sounds like a good man and I agree with him about young women having unrealistic goals and if he thinks you are beautiful you need to hear what he is saying. Your 5'5, alot of asian women would be shorter then you therefore have lower weight.

It is my opinion that young women these days are harder on themselves then in my generation. For example my daughter in law could be on the cover of a magazine and so could you, and she has issues with her looks. You will only be happy when you can accept yourself for who you are not what the scale says. Once you can accept yourself you will have a lot more peace in your life.

[curlysue82]

its so hard to see yourself for what you are, i suppose just think how happy you were when you hit 139 and in fairness i am sitting here thinking when i get to that weight i will look great and be happy with my appearence, but who knows..

i met a friend today and was complaining that the scales aren't moving she said that she'd swap her body for mine cos she was all flabby and i have been exercising loads and an toning up... and she asked me why can't you see it??

and i can't see what she sees, so each day i am trying to take a moment and say kudos to how far i have come, and try not to get lost in trying to get to where i want to be,, suppose enjoy how i look now??

but its hard.. so just hang in there. and try to listen to your bofriend he sounds like a dream and very supportive

[girlinwaterglobe]

I know what you mean. My original goal was 160! It kept dropping and dropping. It has been 135 for almost a year, but now that I approach I'm starting to think 130 might be better.

That said, asian women in asia are going to be skinnier than asian women in America. They have a completely different diet. I wouldn't worry so much if you can't fit into the clothes of one particular designer.

[krampus]

Hey Ivonnely,

I just wanted to let you know I sympathize with how much it sucks being a corn-fed North American and feeling "big" compared to Asian girls in Asia. The only way I maintain any sense of self esteem is to not compare myself to them, but to compare myself to how I used to be and focus on the ways I have improved myself. It is hard and I don't win the battle every day. I have had moments where I sit on a train beating myself up because I'm the fattest one in the entire car.

You've lost a lot of weight and you look lovely. Try to believe your fiance.

[pixelllate]

I know what you mean. I am Asian American and my family made jokes about my weight all my life. Its not just the diet-the standards of what is skinny is much thinner than thin in the U.S + some other countries and in my experience, culturally, people are very vocal about weight. I had some Asian friends who were very traditional and would make all these Facebook posts about how they were gonna go on extreme diets until they got to super low weights and I had a very skinny Korean girl tell me that her fam told ask her why her sister was so skinny and she wasn't. Its awkward because I also had a Chinese friend (also american, but very traditional) who would always complain about her "fat" thighs to me until I went "My thighs are twice as big as yours" - it gets so old because it sounds like its fishing after awhile!
I just tell myself that I am losing weight for me and my standards, because when my family nitpicked and I let it affect me, I overate and gained 50 lbs. They weren't "there" for me at my fat stage so I don't care if they are with me at my thin one-even if its positive or negative reactions! lol
Anyways, this turned into a big ol' thing and its a bummer that I cant think of a solution for you, I went to Hong Kong and could hardly get any clothes so I totally understand.

[InControl2Day]

Originally Posted by Ivonnely

AW ty <3
I kept lowering my goals >< It started at 145, then 140, 135, now at 130. I just can't seem to find a point where I am content.

I can totally relate. I think I'm constantly lowering my goal weight. My first goal weight was 135 and then 130 and now it's 120.

Congratulations on all your amazing success. Clothing sizes in Asia are ridiculous though. They seem to be getting slightly better recently but size 8 is definitely considered XL there so it can definitely bruise the ego when you are used to fitting into S's-M's in the West.

[Lovely]

I do know what it's like to be discouraged at not being able to wear the things that others are able to wear with abandon. And to feel proud of my accomplishments only to realize that my goal weight is going to be someone else's "omg the fattest I've ever been!!1!!!eleven!" zone.

At some point everyone has to accept that there are certain things in life they may not be able to be or do. No amount of weight loss in the world is going to allow me to be an adorable 5'2". But, I can always reach the top shelf wherever I go

You are a great success! Allow yourself to truly celebrate what you can do NOW versus what you could not do before. I think your current weight goal seems reasonable. As you work your way down towards it, you should get a better feel of what your body is comfortable with. Might be lower, might be a few pounds higher. It's an experiment to find the right weight and comfort zone.

Regardless, you're doing well! Be PROUD. And keep at it!

[Ivonnely]

<3 ty girls! love you all.