Hi ladies. Just checking in? Where is everybody? Hope everyone is ok!

Oh geez! I graduated on Friday evening and my family has been in town since Thursday. It has been a stressful time and alcohol and really bad food has come along with it. I'm hoping now that my family is all gone I can get back in to the swing of things. I haven't weighed in about 2 weeks and I am FAR TOO SCARED to. I don't want to face it yet. I hadn't smoked in the four days that everyone was in town and I tried to get through today but as soon as I got home, I couldn't stop stuffing my face with food. I had to do something. I tried cleaning and doing homework which helped but only temporarily. I went down to the gas station, got a pack and smoked 1--now I'm regretting it. Quitting smoking is just as bad as fighting off food. Its so stupid. These are two things I have complete control over saying no to, but it the craziest and worst battle ever!

I hope everyone is doing well. Can't wait for updates. I really need to hit the gym and get this boat moving. This wedding is getting closer and closer and my goals are getting further and further away. AH! OK. I can handle it. Just have to get my head together.

Also---I met another guy. Actually, I work with him. I ran in to him at a club last weekend and he admitted to having a strong attraction to me and has been trying to get an open opportunity to talk to me for the last year or so. WHAT?! Albeit he was drinking a bit, but he followed through the next week at work. He invited me for drinks after work last week but I was so busy with family. Hopefully this week we can get together. We've had very brief conversations but he's really interesting and I'm looking forward to getting to know him more. Will keep you gals updated!

I feel ya Shelly! I have family coming in Next month for 2 weeks. It's a relaxed visit, so hopefully I'll be able to keep up with my exercise routine, but the food....We'll see!

Thanks for not kicking me out Glenlorie! :D

Bringing us up to the front again.

Well I weighed in but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I'm back up to 240 but I am going to get back to basics here. I need to. I have to get this weight loss going again. I've been stalled and if I want to be under 200 by the end of the year I HAVE to get back on the ball.

So I went out with the new guy on Tuesday. Drank far more than I planned but it was good conversation and lots of flirting. VERY hard to say no to. He's a great guy but I'm going to be cautious moving forward. He IS a part of a biker gang. He's confident, sexy, and has an a-hole/dangerous attitude but he has been nothing but a gentleman with me. I've been around these kind of guys (biker boys) in the past so I'm definitely going to put a guard up for a bit until I get to know him more. I'm still really attached to Bill. I actually feel kind of guilty! I really want things to work out with Bill but I've decided I can't wait around forever and pass up opportunities that come across. By the way, apparently my confidence has sky rocketed. I don't really see it in myself but my friends have.

I hope to hear from everyone soon! It feels like forever and I would love to hear what everyone is doing and what we are all doing!?

Hey, I can't write much because I'm heading to Vermont this morning to go paint my apartment with my roommate--BUT I needed to vent.

A week ago--August 1--I weighed in at 265. Great! A 3 pound loss for July, which is better than nothing. Fast forward to today. Now granted, this past week has NOT been that good food-wise, and I have TOM, but I weighed myself for the first time since last week this morning, and I was 277. 277?? What??? I started crying. I just totally lost it. I came home in May at 276, got to a low of 263 a few weeks ago, and now I'm 277?! WHAT??? I just...ugh. I know some of it's water weight but it just makes me so upset, like, I just want to scream and cry into a pillow hahaha.

So yeah, I know I need to get back on the ball too, but right now I feel the opposite--feel like throwing in the towel. Having one of those days where seeing that number come back makes me just want to give up. But I know I can't. So, I'm glad I'm not going to be alone today and tomorrow, because I won't be able to binge if I wanted to. Hopefully when I get back I'll feel better and want to get back on the ball. I know I need to.

Sigh. Even writing this all out made me feel a little better haha. Yeah, I'm gonna do what I did back in February--when I lost 10 pounds in a week: South Beach. I NEED THE PUSH! And no more soda--only water. OK, I can do this. alskdjfasdkfjh

Hahaha. I'll have a better post when I get back. Talk to you all soon!

I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 180.1!!! SO CLOSE to being out of the 280s!

Goodness! I don't mean to make you ladies feel bad, but I am relieved that I am not the only one who hasn't been posting here... I wish I had something more upbeat to say.

So, after all that I said at the beginning of July about being back on track, now almost exactly 2 months later, I shamefully admit that that is not the case and I am truly feeling like that is something that will not change right now. I tried, ladies, I did really did try to get myself motivated to make the changes and live a healthier life. Coming on here and talking to you all works for awhile, but I feel like I just can't get a grip. I have been struggling to stay on board for a year and a half, and I don't mean that I have bad days once in a while. I mean that I haven't been committed to weight loss, I just plain haven't. Taliee, you mentioned that what keeps you going is that you want to do this, rather than wanting to want to. It seems that I simply can't get myself to genuinely want to.

There is something bigger going on here that has been present since I joined in 2008 that I need to change before I can really put my foot down and get control of my eating habits. As most of you regulars know, I have problems with depression and emotional habits/behaviors and also have some stressful situations going on with my family. I really feel that this is what is keeping me from committing to weight loss , and I feel that until I can get those aspects of my life balanced out a little, I will continue to struggle in just the same waning on again off again pattern as I have been for the last 3 years.

I have watched many of you fight to get where you are now, slip up, struggle, and keep going. I had habitually posted and read things on here and 3FC as a whole to keep going. I looked at goal stories more times that I can count hoping it would get me going, and found inspiration in others words and quotes from people who have been successful. Somehow, I am almost always left feeling like it doesn't matter what I do, I can't find that willpower to hold on tight to my goal.

I have asked time and time again what it is that keeps others going because it seems so elusive to me. The usual consensus is that you just do it, and nothing and no one can make you want to or make you do it. I agreed with Shelly that emotion plays a role in motivation, and I feel that since my emotions are not where they need to be, neither is my commitment. My conclusion is that I am not (right now) capable of the driving persistence that it takes to be successful in weight loss, and that something else is definitely going on that is preventing me from really wanting this.

My suspicion is that I am Bipolar, because of the waves of all or nothing that have been associated with my journey. Ups and downs are normal, like has been said many times over. A bad day or bad week is normal with weight loss, but even then there are better decisions going into daily life. I don't feel like that's the case for me.

My point in all this being that I plan to check in here and see how everyone is doing once in a while but I feel like the last two months have been a confirmation for me that I absolutely need to address the depression and emotional problems preventing me from really moving forward ( and not just with weight loss). I hope no one thinks that I am just totally throwing in the towel, its more like I need to crawl and stand before I walk and run, or I'll just keep stumbling and get nowhere.

Phoenix--I completely understand and I think achieving emotional and mental health is just as important for our overall health as is the physical component. You know, over the last year and a half of my own dieting, I have realized that it was my time to get the ball rolling. I may have mentioned this a few times but I have also been trying to quit smoking. I think the reasons behind why I can't stop smoking yet I can actually lose weight is the fact that I was ready for one more than the other. I still believe that in order to achieve something life changing--such as losing weight or quitting smoking--you really just have to be ready. I think all of us, at one point or another, have been waiting for something to click in our heads and just magically get us on the track for motivation. Some of us try to force it to happen, and sometimes we give up. I think anything can be achieved if you force it but what is the longevity?

I think it takes a very brave and courageous person to put aside something that we want and take care of what NEEDS to happen. I believe that all of these issues you are going through are all NEEDS but they can be considered cause and effects. I believe that you may not be having success with weight loss because of your emotional issues. It is VERY understandable, especially as a woman.

I wish you the best of luck with what you need to do. I would love it if you still checked in with the group because I think I can speak for us regulars when I say we would love to hear from you--weight related or not.

Phoenix - I totally agree with Shelly!!! You have to take care of you!!!!!! Getting your mental state in check is very important!!! From some of the post you have posted, I have a feeling you may be on to something with the Bipolar disorder. This is something you need to get checked out so you can be healthy (not just weight wise, but mentally, emotionally, and physically). No one is thinking you are throwing in the towel, in fact, I think you are taking a huge leap forward!!!!! Please stop in and let us know how you are doing from time to time, I always worry about you! Good luck in all your endeavors and I hope you find peace, happiness, and harmony!!!!!!

Ok ladies, I have been a GORRIBLE poster lately. I started the RN program in August and it is INTENSE! Especially the first 6 weeks (hwever, I start week 4 tomorrow, so almost got it down). I am so ashamed of my weight right now, I'm back up to 269! I have not been working out, eating right, or thinking much about it. Between school, hubby going on night shift, and the kids I just grab what is quick and it has taken its toll on me! I am planing to getback on track, and back on our thread. Im going to start out slow until I can get a set schedule down, just paying attention to what I eat. Ill take baby steps for now, hope it will help. I hope everyone makes it over to the posts. Miss you all!!!!

Lorie- the RN program is very difficult..for anyone! I started mine a few years ago but became very ill (one of many reasons my weight is so bad) so I dropped out. My excuse was very dramatic and I thought I would never be able to be a nurse because of it. I sometimes regret it but I wouldn't have learned so much about the other sides of healthcare had I not done that so it was a win-win. Keep at it.

I am in the same boat...have been really bad at posting and I feel horrible. I feel like our posting has really helped to keep me on track and yet we are getting further apart from each other each week that goes by where there is no posting from any of us. I miss that. I miss being held accountable by coming on here. I really need to get back on track. I've been horrible and I have yet to weigh. I think it has been over a month now! I can't weigh! I feel it, I see it....and while it may all be in my head I just can't seem to weigh. I know I need to. Take ownership for my actions and just do it. Maybe I will tomorrow...I should say I WILL tomorrow but I can't make that guarantee right now. I swear I can feel the fat coming back on my stomach.

The drama between Bill and I has escalated with the wedding. My friends have put themselves in it now and we aren't talking at all. They have told him to leave me alone....and he has--sort of. I haven't heard from him in over a week and it is killing me. I don't know why!! It's so stupid. I hate to say this, but the boy has me stuck. One of my friends (who has decided to involve herself in the situation) has convinced me to accept the date offering of a friend of hers who apparently has had a crush on me but was afraid to make take the leap in asking me out. I was not, and still AM NOT, interested. We went out this last Friday night and everything I had originally thought--about it just not being mean "to be"-- was verified. He makes me laugh, but like a brother makes you laugh. I'm not in to it. I feel like a complete b!tch for saying this but I'm just not attracted to him. There are two reasons I accepted the date. In order: 1.) To get my friends off my back 2.) To at least give him a shot.He's a heavy guy and it sounds so incredibly shallow but I am just not attracted to him. I don't think its the heavy thing as much as the whole package. Not my style. I keep trying to justify it to you ladies I guess to make myself feel better for not wanting this guy. It is difficult to tell my local friends here about it because they want me to give him another shot but to be honest, the first date was enough for me and I do not want to lead this guy on. It sounds so stupid and ridiculously sad but...I want Bill. My heart is somewhat broken and I think maybe none of the drama we are going through would have happened had I just shut my mouth and not said anything to our mutual friends. UGH! My friends are looking out for me and I know that but it still sucks. Typical crush I guess...just ends in heartache.

I've stopped drinking...for the meantime. I made a deal to not drink again until the wedding...which is quickly approaching. This is another reason I am afraid to weigh in. I was suppose to be close to 200 by this wedding...and that obviously isn't happening. I guess my end of the year goal is just going to have to be that much more important then. 200 by 2012.

Ladies,

I am scared. I don't know how to get back on track. I feel like I have completely jumped the track and am heading to 287 again. I'm not going to allow that to happen but for some reason I can't start losing again. I've attempted to cut down my smoking again but I can see my eating habits become horrible when that happens...not to mention my moods. I buy the right foods for my fridge but they sit there. I don't eat them properly like I once did. Its like I have forgotten how to be on a diet. You know what it is? LAZINESS! Thats what it is! Damnit! Enough ladies! ENOUGH!

Shelly - You are so right! I miss everybody too and I also miss coming here and hearing about everybody's triumphs, struggles (so we can all help out) and really just hearing about how everyone is doing and copeing in general. I was like you, so afraid to step on the scare, and I broke down when I was back at 269, and to be honest, I expected it to be even higher! But you're right, it is time to get back on track! As far as the new guy, you have no need to justify or be sorry, in fact, you are doing the RIGHT thing by not leading him on. I don't know if Bill is right for you, but you know who is and if you don't feel it with him, you need to keep going and keep searching. Hang in there girl!

Well ladies, the first six weeks of the nursing program are almost over (tomorrow ends week 4). So, two more weeks of craziness (and driving an hour one way to school each day). I'll start clinicals (which I'll do at the hospital that's only 20 mins from my house) and be driving to class in Tishomingo (which is the hour drive) 3 days a week. Still not a fan of the driving, but it is much better than the 5 day! I'll have more time to spend with the kids and family, to study, to get some sort of workout going on, and just some time to rest period! I don't think I'll be able to post daily just yet, but I will be able to post a couple of days a week! I'm getting myself back on track. I go shopping Saturday for healthy foods (mostly salads, fish, and smoothies) so I hope to see that scale start moving down again. Also, I'm going to start posting monthly pics again. I hope to see everyone come back to the threads!!

Well ladies,

I am about to head to the grocery store (as soon as my 2 year old wakes up). I'm sitting here making a list and actually thinking about what to buy. I'm hoping this way I can go in and not randomly throw junk in my cart. I've decided to try a 1200 calorie diet, I'm not going to be a stickler about actually counting (because that will get tedious and I'm sure I'll throw my hands p after a week or two) but I have used sparkspeople.com to sort of plan out a meal that is around 1200 calories of things I like to eat and I know are healthy, and they average about 1200 calories. I'm also going to kick up my water intake, eliminate soda (I've been drinking a lot of Dr Pepper lately). I am going to start off with diet coke (I know not the healthiest either) and ween my self off all soda within the month. Drinking my calories is a big killer for me!

I can't tell you all how upset I am that I have let myself slip so close to where I initially started. All that hard work was wasted, well....not this time. I don't know, I just feel different this time. I think I am not is such a hurry to loose a lot at one time, I just want to loose a consistant amount over a long period of time. Well, off to the store ladies! Monday starts a new me. Wish me luck!

Ha! Lorie it's so funny. I came online to pull up my SB grocery list and thought I would check our thread. Ironically you were talking about grocery shopping.

....yes....I am doing this South Beach again. I need to give it a real try. I may not have made my goal for the wedding but I want to be able to feel better and less puffy. I feel like a failure but the only way to reverse that is to start over. Have to keep trying. I have to make my previous goal by the end of the year. 199 by December 31st. This is my official goal and I will not take any more excuses. It is so crazy. I is like I can't remember what I did when I first started South Beach. I don't remember what I ate. I, stupidly, stopped my food journal then too. Ugh, duh! Well, I guess I'll have to start over there too. Pick up the book and follow the recipes there.

Alright ladies! I hope you had a great weekend. I'll check in soon. Hoping to weigh in tomorrow morning. Going back to daily weigh ins!

I'm new to this thread although not to the site

Since after the birth of my now 18 month old my weight has been between 280 and 285. I was 263 when I got pregnant, 277 the day he was born and actually got back down to 258 a month after his birth but post partum depression, going back to work when he was 5 weeks old and then losing my job when he was 5 months old, starting birth control the starting a new job which is a desk job when my old job was active plus having pcos all contributed to me gaining weight. depression especially going back to work so soon after his birth was probably the biggest factor.

We really want another baby but no matter what I do the scale will not go below 280 and I need to lose weight before a second pregnancy to reduce my risk of getting preeclampsia again which was a nightmare. We were lucky we got a healthy baby in the end but he was a preemie and had a week in the NICU and I was very sick.

I was doing south beach but it wasn't working for me so I am trying old fashioned calorie counting and lots of wii fit. Calorie counting, exercise and lots of water is the only thing that has ever worked before. I went from 260 to 215 at one point and felt great but that was 5 years ago and now I'm 30 and it just seems harder than ever especially with pcos but wii fit is a lot of fun so hopefully I will see results.

Shelly - Haha! Too funny! I finally went grocery shopping and actually made some good choices for a change! I'm glad to hear you are giving South Beach a try again, you always seem to do really good on it! You are BY FAR not even close to being a failure! You have come so far, just got knocked of the track a little (like the rest of us). Hang in there, you are doing great!

Kierra - You sound a lot like me. I had my first baby in 2007, when I was pregnant with him I weighed 218. Then came baby 2 and by baby 3 I weighed 272 the day I found out I was pregnant with him. After he was born in December 2010, I weighed 256. I have gone up and down since then. I had pre-eclampsia with all 3 pregnancies (which is actually a rare occurence) and I also had gestational diabetes that had to be controlled with both medication and insulin injections with my last baby. He was born happy and healthy (even though he was pre-mature) and I then had a tubal ligation. I have struggled to get back down ever since. I do good for a while and then I'll screw up big time! I am glad to see you and I hope to see you more!

Well ladies, as soon as I decide to start over, TOM decided to visit. That figures doesn't it? So, I am fighting the normal habits plus a carb/sugar craving! So far it is ok, and I am hoping I was holding some water last I weighed since TOM showed his ugly face the next day, and that I'll have a good week. I can hope, right? lol! Hope you all are doing great! I"ll post again soon!