I agree with John, although I've never heard of a professional dating consultant. Something about you is throwing up flags to the guys. It's worth a try!
I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm 29, about to turn 30, and I never thought I'd be absolutely single at this age. I'm sure most 30 year old single women feel the same way. What's frustrating is that I've lived in NYC for 5 years and with the exception of reuniting with an old boyfriend for about a year, I haven't had ANY new boyfriends since I moved here. Guys don't even talk to me. I have no idea why! I'm fun, intelligent, cute, etc. All the things that someone "should" want. I tried match.com for a few months, which ended up in 3 dates that were a disaster. I signed up for eharmony a few weeks ago and I'm struggling. A handful of guys have contacted me and the communication doesn't go past the first step. I respond (at this point I'm not ruling anyone out until I meet them, unless they are just outright crazy) but they never respond back. I've contacted a bunch and only a handful have responded back, but they answer my questions and don't send anything back to me. Maybe I don't understand how the site works, but aren't they supposed to send me something if they want to keep the communication going? Why just answer my questions if they aren't interested in keeping it going? Anyway... the whole "guided" communication thing is weird. I've also ruled out a couple guys because I didn't like the answers to the questions I sent. Like, one guy pretty much said that his career is priority over everything in his life, including girlfriend, wife, family, friends, etc. UH, then why are you paying to use this website?? Duh. Anyway... I'm totally frustrated and I don't understand why men aren't interested in me. I'm kinda convinced that I won't meet anyone until I leave NYC. It's just a mean city and people's priorities seem to be messed up. Well, maybe not messed up. But no longer "traditional" like mine are. I SO want to get married and have a family but at this point I don't think having children is in the cards for me. I don't want to have them too late in life and 33 is my age limit. 3 years to meet that special someone, fall in love, get married, and have kids? Uh, not happening!
I relate to alot of your post, i just turned 30 and am totally, totally single. I am a teacher so i work with predominately women and yes boys at school like me and have crushes on me and think i'm pretty but they are like 6 years old lol, i live in a small town, like 25,000 where everyone is either married, gay, or a loser on drugs or a dead beat dad, so i don't get to meet all these new people and i too fear i will die alone.. now i will admit in the last year i had a few guys interested but they just weren't the right ones.. i have had older guys like me, one was 48 and sent me flowers on valentine's day but he had been married and divorced and had an 18 year old daughter and i was like noo that's too big of an age difference. One was 40 but soo desparate. One was 21, i tried having a "fling" with him and it didn't work lol. And then i met a guy online, he lived in Florida and we literally sent like 500 texts a day to each other, i thought he was my soulmate, he moved here and like no spark at all.. it's hard.. i do think i'm too picky
even though it might sound like i had a bunch of guys after me just last year it's not much considering i'm 30 and mostly everyone i know, people uglier and way bigger than me ar married or dating people. i do feel like i have something wrong with me that i can't find the right guy. i always used to blame it on my weight but even when i was a size 8 i still was alone. right now i'm not even thinking of dating, can't imagine being with anyone at this weight, but it's kind of like i sit at home and think "i'm pretty at least and i'm wasting the best years of my life..." i know that when i shed this weight and reach my goal a boyfriend isn't going to magically appear..
The best online dating site I've found is OKCupid. It tends to be for younger people, in their 20s and 30s, and people are really active on it.
i met my finace on okcupid!!
i love how it gives a match percentage, and the WTF report offers a lot of different topics to discuss. plus, it's free and the quizzes are a fun way to pass time
tiffany - from my experience, and friends' experience, it seems harder to date when you're actually looking for it because instead of relaxing and enjoying the company of the guys you're around, you're scrutinizing them to see if they are viable mate material and that can send off a pretty scary vibe. my fiance and i started talking because we'd both left similar responses in a thread on OKC about something political, then saw that our match percentage was fairly high. neither one of us was looking to date. he was planning on leaving the area to go to school and get his master's degree and i was just coming off a relationship that ended badly (yay for cheating jerks!). we finally decided to meet to see what might happen after a month of back and forth.
i guess what i'm tryin to say is just try to relax and let things happen, instead of pushing them.
I totally agree with the whole it will happen if you stop trying. I'd given up on love, resigned all guys to a-holes and just did my own thing. Since I'd given up and didn't care what guys thought, I just became confident in my own skin. I wasn't worried about impressing anyone but me, I certainly wasn't out to get another guy who would let me down. Bam, right after that I met my now husband. I almost didn't give him a chance because I was so sick of guys. But he was relentless and less than 6 months later we were living together, and a couple years later we got married. Still going strong There's nothing wrong with looking, but don't fret about it. Just be yourself, and do whatever makes you happy, and you'll find that guy.
I feel like I've been "single" my whole life -- I've dated occasionally, but never seriously, and never had a boyfriend. I'm supposedly attractive, intelligent, sane, and not high-maintenance. Do I get asked out? Sure, now and then. But, as I've been told by certain friends, I "don't suffer fools gladly," and that often means I'm unapproachable. Maybe true. The good thing about still being in college is you're less apt to be judged for singleness -- except when assumed to be slutty -- but when I start to work, I fully expect to be told that I need to be "putting myself out there" instead of focusing on my career, as if having a man is the only criterion for success as a woman.
I've also been told I'm unapproachable. I really need to try to soften things up a bit, but it's so ingrained in my personality,it's really difficult. Once you get to me I'm a very nice person!! I just have my guard up all the time and it's hard to let it down.
As far the career I left, I was in Human Resources. Honestly I didn't have a problem with HR, but the way my department was managed at that company was insane and I couldn't handle it anymore. It was the perfect opportunity to leave and pursue fitness!! I LOVE teaching and training people. It's so rewarding and I love helping people!
What is the new position that you are starting, if you don't mind me asking?
I think with the volunteering and activities, you'll find people. I made some of my very best friends on a Parks & Rec co-ed volleyball team. I was horrible and in no way athletic, but I had a blast, and we'd always go out for a beer after our games. It was a great way to meet people.
My best friend put a time limit on herself for marriage and kids and is now marrying a man that is emotionally abusive and downright controlling just so she can make that cutoff. And, because she wants so desperately to be with someone and have babies.
I'm sure you wouldn't do the the same, but it's food for thought - I think I'd rather be happy and alone than miserable and with someone that's wrong for me.
I definitely won't "settle" to make the cutoff. I hope things work out for your friend! Either that guy needs to change big time or she needs to find a new one! I don't like seeing people settle for someone who isn't right for them. I had the opportunity and I just couldn't do it. I totally agree that I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person!
I relate to alot of your post, i just turned 30 and am totally, totally single. I am a teacher so i work with predominately women and yes boys at school like me and have crushes on me and think i'm pretty but they are like 6 years old lol, i live in a small town, like 25,000 where everyone is either married, gay, or a loser on drugs or a dead beat dad, so i don't get to meet all these new people and i too fear i will die alone.. now i will admit in the last year i had a few guys interested but they just weren't the right ones.. i have had older guys like me, one was 48 and sent me flowers on valentine's day but he had been married and divorced and had an 18 year old daughter and i was like noo that's too big of an age difference. One was 40 but soo desparate. One was 21, i tried having a "fling" with him and it didn't work lol. And then i met a guy online, he lived in Florida and we literally sent like 500 texts a day to each other, i thought he was my soulmate, he moved here and like no spark at all.. it's hard.. i do think i'm too picky
even though it might sound like i had a bunch of guys after me just last year it's not much considering i'm 30 and mostly everyone i know, people uglier and way bigger than me ar married or dating people. i do feel like i have something wrong with me that i can't find the right guy. i always used to blame it on my weight but even when i was a size 8 i still was alone. right now i'm not even thinking of dating, can't imagine being with anyone at this weight, but it's kind of like i sit at home and think "i'm pretty at least and i'm wasting the best years of my life..." i know that when i shed this weight and reach my goal a boyfriend isn't going to magically appear..
I've also told myself that once I did *this* or *that* then I'll meet someone. Of course, that never happened. It's not a magic pill and unfortunately like many people have said, we need to just relax and not force it. But I guess it goes to show you that even if there are a bunch of guys interested, it doesn't necessarily mean that any of them are the RIGHT one. The odds are better though, LOL. Weeding through the jerks and weirdos can just take time and hopefully once we get the right guy it makes all the work worth it! I'm really hoping that getting out and trying some new things and getting involved in some new social groups will turn things around for me, from a dating perspective and from a friend perspective. Just meeting new people will be fun for me. There is actually a new book club starting in my neighborhood soon and I hope people actually go so we can keep the group going! And next month I'll be volunteering at a place that feeds breakfast and lunch to homeless folks every Saturday. It seems like such a generous and welcoming place, I hope I meet some great people.
I've also told myself that once I did *this* or *that* then I'll meet someone. Of course, that never happened. It's not a magic pill and unfortunately like many people have said, we need to just relax and not force it. But I guess it goes to show you that even if there are a bunch of guys interested, it doesn't necessarily mean that any of them are the RIGHT one. The odds are better though, LOL. Weeding through the jerks and weirdos can just take time and hopefully once we get the right guy it makes all the work worth it! I'm really hoping that getting out and trying some new things and getting involved in some new social groups will turn things around for me, from a dating perspective and from a friend perspective. Just meeting new people will be fun for me. There is actually a new book club starting in my neighborhood soon and I hope people actually go so we can keep the group going! And next month I'll be volunteering at a place that feeds breakfast and lunch to homeless folks every Saturday. It seems like such a generous and welcoming place, I hope I meet some great people.
This is a really old thread but it reflects my situation seriously as single and in my late 20's and no prospects. Sucks because I'm not in college any more, live in a small town I hate basically, can't meet people easily at all and my coworkers have always been way older than me and have families. Anyone else in the same boat? I could do online dating but I just feel really weird about it....what are your experiences?
This is a really old thread but it reflects my situation seriously as single and in my late 20's and no prospects. Sucks because I'm not in college any more, live in a small town I hate basically, can't meet people easily at all and my coworkers have always been way older than me and have families. Anyone else in the same boat? I could do online dating but I just feel really weird about it....what are your experiences?
Why do you feel weird about online dating? It is becoming more and more common for people to meet that way. I met my wife on an online dating site over ten years ago. (Our ten year anniversary is in December). I thought it was great for meeting people because you could get to know about the other person before you ever even decided to meet. It beats meeting someone at a bar. Many people I know have also met that way.
The only problem with your situation is that living in a small town, the number of people on online dating sites may be limited. But hey, its worth a try.
LOL I live in NYC too and I can tell you, most of the men here are taken, psycho or gay. I too, am tired of being single. I'm 21 and have had one serious relationship that introduced me to a thing called love. It's gone on his part and I miss the new feelings of sleeping with someone every night. I'm not as concerned as you are about it because I have college to keep me busy, and I'm younger as well. I have about 10 years before I need to worry that I'm alone. "I don't have a boyfriend because my career comes first." Isn't some lame excuse anymore. Perhaps love will find you when you're in the right place at the right time in your life. But for now, don't worry about it. The best time to be with someone is when you are happy with your life, that way you share the happiness and they add to it. Getting a boyfriend when you're miserable as **** never works, men never solve your issues.
As for online dating. That's how I met all my boyfriends (4).
I met one on facebook through a mutual friend when I was 14. Not serious.
I met one on a gaming website when I was 13, spoke until 21 (and we still speak) we were truly best friends, soul mates and he was my first love, and he came to visit me often but alas, long distance is NOT and never will be for me. He had too much going on in his life to move and me as well (school) and the visits only made the yearning for stable permanence, worse.
I met one on another gaming website and he visited me as well frequently. Did not work.
Tried OKCupid when I was 19, just for sh!ts and giggles. Met a very nice guy in my area. It could have worked if I wasn't so scared of committment and over my first love.
Last edited by Miimeister; 09-20-2012 at 11:49 PM.
I feel you girl. I don't know what it is like in NYC but from what I understand the fast paced city can be very ruthless and unforgiving if you don't keep up.
I'm 24 and haven't been in a relationship since I was 18. I've always had an image of me being done with school by 24, married by 26 and pregnant by 28. I'm not done with school, definitely not anywhere near marriage and pregnancy may not even be an option if I can't control my weight. I've had so many guys admit to me that they had a thing for me...in the past. When I ask why they never did anything it's usually some really lame reason. I know why--because I'm fat. I've accepted this after a long battle with being upset over it. I don't like it but its something I'm trying to change.
Tell me if you've heard this "If I were single....you would be in trouble!" Yea. Right. I've been asked dozens of times why I am single. I cook very well, I'm well educated, I have an awesome sense of humor, lots of friends, I'm independent, and I keep my looks up makeup/hair/clothing wise. I have good style, sense, and personality. I don't get it either. I can't explain babe but I believe in fate and sometimes even when I watch my best friends find new men on a weekly basis or get married after 6 months of dating I still believe that my person will come along. I just hope I don't get too busy with everything else to pass them up OR get too desperate to take the next man who comes along that I'm actually supposed to pass up.
...mostly everyone i know, people uglier and way bigger than me ar married or dating people. i do feel like i have something wrong with me that i can't find the right guy. i always used to blame it on my weight but even when i was a size 8 i still was alone. right now i'm not even thinking of dating, can't imagine being with anyone at this weight, but it's kind of like i sit at home and think "i'm pretty at least and i'm wasting the best years of my life..." i know that when i shed this weight and reach my goal a boyfriend isn't going to magically appear..
Wow... so people who are "uglier and way bigger" than you shouldn't be dating because you aren't? I'm sorry, but perhaps it's this attitude that you have to look a certain way or be a certain size that has something to do with it...
I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm 29, about to turn 30, and I never thought I'd be absolutely single at this age. I'm sure most 30 year old single women feel the same way. What's frustrating is that I've lived in NYC for 5 years and with the exception of reuniting with an old boyfriend for about a year, I haven't had ANY new boyfriends since I moved here. Guys don't even talk to me. I have no idea why! I'm fun, intelligent, cute, etc. All the things that someone "should" want. I tried match.com for a few months, which ended up in 3 dates that were a disaster. I signed up for eharmony a few weeks ago and I'm struggling. A handful of guys have contacted me and the communication doesn't go past the first step. I respond (at this point I'm not ruling anyone out until I meet them, unless they are just outright crazy) but they never respond back. I've contacted a bunch and only a handful have responded back, but they answer my questions and don't send anything back to me. Maybe I don't understand how the site works, but aren't they supposed to send me something if they want to keep the communication going? Why just answer my questions if they aren't interested in keeping it going? Anyway... the whole "guided" communication thing is weird. I've also ruled out a couple guys because I didn't like the answers to the questions I sent. Like, one guy pretty much said that his career is priority over everything in his life, including girlfriend, wife, family, friends, etc. UH, then why are you paying to use this website?? Duh. Anyway... I'm totally frustrated and I don't understand why men aren't interested in me. I'm kinda convinced that I won't meet anyone until I leave NYC. It's just a mean city and people's priorities seem to be messed up. Well, maybe not messed up. But no longer "traditional" like mine are. I SO want to get married and have a family but at this point I don't think having children is in the cards for me. I don't want to have them too late in life and 33 is my age limit. 3 years to meet that special someone, fall in love, get married, and have kids? Uh, not happening!
You've gotten so much great advice, and I wish I had more to add but I just wanted to offer some encouragement! A lot of folks say that it happens when you aren't looking for it; you are just out there one day living life and meet someone at the grocery store or through work and you hit it off!
As for me, I was actually on EHarmony, but not actively using the site (LOL I signed up after getting drunk alone on Valentines Day - the very day I found out that my boyfriend was actually married with two babies. Nice.)
Anyway, one day I got a message and though I wasn't really interested, I responded and things just took off from there. We just got married in July.
I know it's hard, but try not to stress it. Be patient, and trust that as long as you keep you heart and your mind open you will meet someone who fits into your life!
I think with the volunteering and activities, you'll find people. I made some of my very best friends on a Parks & Rec co-ed volleyball team. I was horrible and in no way athletic, but I had a blast, and we'd always go out for a beer after our games. It was a great way to meet people.
