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Old 03-23-2011, 08:05 PM   #1  
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Default Need some advice about being overweight and dating

Thanks for your advice...just wanted to remove this because it may have come off the wrong way and misrepresented me.

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Old 03-23-2011, 08:27 PM   #2  
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Whats in a picture on a dating site anyway? just coz they look your type in a pic doesnt mean there gona be your knight in shining armour they cud be asses.

Dont let your weight discourage you tho, ull be amased at how many men dont really have a preferance its confidence they get attracted to.

Another thing if you think ud be settling by metting the ones that yor talking to then.............DONT TALK TO THEM. Ur only building their hope up.

Take the plunge and talk to sumone u feel attracted to if nothings happening step back for a few days and let the men do the contacting.

Also ull only learn to love yourself by gainin confidence , so get out and meet new people its much more liberating, and ull feel more confident and attractive once u start getting attention on a one to one basis , not over the computer.
I do hope you find some one loverly to ge a date with and remember in the words of GOK WAN "its all about the confidence"
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Old 03-23-2011, 08:39 PM   #3  
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I'm not basing my statement off of their pictures, but off of their profiles. Which I understand, I can't do because for all I know, they're lying. But I just hate that I'm not even given a chance to get to know them on a personal level, I have sent out messages, and haven't received any replies.

Also, I probably shouldn't have said that I'd be settling for the guy that I'm currently talking to because I haven't met him in person yet. And I don't think that I've led him on, because the website that I'm on is for finding new friends too, and I haven't done anything to lead him on, I've only talked to him as a friend. I guess that I should shut up until I actually meet him lol.
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Old 03-23-2011, 08:40 PM   #4  
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This caught my attention from the main page (I'm much closer to 40 than 20) and I have some thoughts -

First, when I met my husband I was 230 pounds. I dated a fair amount. It was never an issue. I mean I didn't like being fat and it made me self-conscious but it was never an issue in my relationships. I dated some wonderful guys who thought I was IT. My husband still does.

Second, do NOT get caught up in "getting to know someone" in phone calls, text, or IM. You aren't getting to know anything much at all! Most people put their best foot forward and it's easy to mislead someone - even without ever meaning to! - when you're not actually face to face. Talk. If the guy doesn't seem crazy, meet. There is no reason getting invested in someone if you don't have chemistry face to face, and it's a shame to write someone off because you don't think you have chemistry on the phone or in print. You really can not tell till you meet face to face.

The last thing I'd like to say is don't put off ANYTHING "until you lose the weight." I have missed out on so many things because I wanted to wait till I lost the weight. I'm much much heavier now than when I was dating and if anyone had told me that back then, I'd have laughed. I always assumed I'd have beat this LONG ago. If I had waited till I lost the weight, I wouldn't have my husband or daughter. Don't let your weight hold you back and don't fall into the trap of using it as an excuse not to try. That is what I'd tell my 25 year old self if I could write her a letter.
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Old 03-23-2011, 08:46 PM   #5  
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Thank you so much NiteNicole. I think that is exactly what I needed to hear. Everyone keeps telling me that it wouldn't hurt to meet someone, so I think I may just get up the guts to do that, because until then, like you said, I shouldn't judge. Thanks again.
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Old 03-23-2011, 08:53 PM   #6  
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i agree with nightnicole get out there and enjoy ur only 20. i knows omeone who thinks the same as u , and it shuch a shame but they wont shake out of it, and they could be having an amzing time with someone.

As for internet dating its good on some levels but i think you shold have no problem meeting people face to face.
my parents have been seperated for 4 year and for 4 year they have been scowering these dating sites looking for another ONE. Hundreds of dates between them and not a bean, the stories theyv told me. Give the site a time limit and if its not working out scrap it. U never know mr right could be at the bus stop. My mr right turned out to be a friend ive known since i was 12, and we got talking again after 6years thru facebook. Its funny how things work out but sometimes life takes some random twists and turns to get there x
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Old 03-23-2011, 08:57 PM   #7  
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The problem with meeting people face to face, is my self confidence. I'm pretty shy, and would never have the guts to approach a guy at a bus stop. That's why I believe that if we kind of break the ice by chatting, then meeting face to face may be a little easier. Could be wrong, but I guess I'll never know if I don't meet this guy.
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Old 03-23-2011, 09:21 PM   #8  
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Don't just assume they're thinking you're too heavy to be interested - maybe it's off your profile - maybe they're interested in different things, etc. Don't just assume that it's the weight - keep looking and be yourself and enjoy the process (while being safe).

Time's going to pass no matter what - might as well enjoy yourself while you're going through the process to get healthier, etc. You'd hate to have it take a long time and have put this off ... And I agree with Lucky8 - if someone's not right for you, do both you AND him a service by moving on. They're not looking for a "friend" for the most part ... let them move on to find a more compatible partner. That's often hard to let someone go when you have NO idea what's around the corner, but you also won't be as apt to MEET that best match for you when you're spending time with someone who you know isn't for you.

I, too, am in the 40s group but wanted to chime in here Enjoy this time!
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Old 03-23-2011, 09:34 PM   #9  
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My first "real" boyfriend was when I weighted 190... Dated for almost 3 yrs and gained 45 pounds... and he thought I was beautiful even after the weight gain.. I just didnt feel it.

I absolutely believe you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

Another absolute thing I believe is don't feel like you need a man.. (Sounds like a boy-hater. I am not.. I love them) But I more or less feel that when I am look for a man or feel like I need one... I never seem to find one. but when I am not looking or just let fate happen... That is when I usually find someone... friend or boyfriend.. (If this makes any sense!)

Lastly, be confident! Because that is sexy!
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Old 03-23-2011, 09:41 PM   #10  
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Quote:
Another absolute thing I believe is don't feel like you need a man
That is what I'm worried about. I kind of feel like I just want a boyfriend just to be able to say that I have one. And right now, I think I am looking too hard. May just meet this guy, see what happens, if nothing happens, then take your advice and wait it out and let fate work it's magic.
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Old 03-23-2011, 09:51 PM   #11  
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I absolutely think you should meet him! He is already in your life (fate is in there somewhere. :P )

and I was just saying that there is a difference in being ready and open for a relationship... && just wanting one!
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Old 03-24-2011, 02:39 AM   #12  
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I just wanted to post my two cents, for whatever it is worth to you....

Two years ago I was browsing the "men for women" section of my local craigslist site (it was not my normal routine to be on this site but I did on occasion when I was bored)... I had never responded to any of the ads that attracted me before because I was embarrassed and worried about being rejected... But one particular ad was sooooo intriguing to me that I decided I just needed to give it a shot....to my surprise the man responded to me! We chatted on the phone for 3 days, and against every fear in my body I met him face-to-face just 4 days later (keep in mind I was 21 at the time, 315lbs).... Today, we are married with a 5 month old baby

My point is, while meeting someone on the internet is not going to be for everyone, it is also an amazing experience for others. My self-consciousness was telling me not to contact this man because he was way too good looking to want to talk to an obese girl. But deciding to give it a try was the best choice I've ever made, because he ended up being the love of my life... And now my husband and father to our son!

Don't let your weight deter you from enjoying life and stepping out of your comfort zone, because the pot of gold could be on the other side....
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Old 03-24-2011, 02:45 AM   #13  
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This is a bit OT but somewhat related- from your profile picture you are so pretty and I LOVE your haircut! I think I noticed the first time I saw your avatar. Anyway I can't offer any advice on the topic but I do think you are lovely and have a chance to enjoy that
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Old 03-24-2011, 02:49 PM   #14  
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Thanks for the encouraging words.

I guess the reason that I don't message some of the guys that I'm interested in, is because they select "average, athletic and toned, a few extra pounds" etc. for their "preference" And I don't fit any of those, I'm more full figured I guess (thats what got me thinking that perhaps I should wait until I'm "a few extra pounds", so that I have a better chance...but like someone mentioned, I guess I shouldn't put anything off until after I lose the weight, because then I'm not enjoying my life to the fullest at this very moment) But at the same time, I guess it wouldn't hurt to send out a few "winks" and see what happens, right? lol

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Old 03-24-2011, 08:55 PM   #15  
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I hate the "categories" of body types, don't you? I have no idea at what weight I will be "average" vs. "few extra pounds" vs. "whatever else they decide to call us to make us feel blah". Hugs to you.

You are young, go for it and when you lose the weight post new pictures and change your "category" as you go!
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