Painful Comments..
 

Today was a good day for me! I ate VERY healthy for the 4th day in a row (hey, small victories!) and I rode my stationary bike 8 miles! I feel good!

However, today a lady I know was talking about a recent flight she took... She was commenting about how it was sad because she saw a man who was too large to fit in the seat. Her comment was "He was even bigger than you!"

I refrained from getting upset at her because 1-Her son-in-law is my business partner. and 2-I'm friends with her daughter... But, lets face it. I havent felt that bad in a LONG time. :(

For christs sake, she is a 90lb cute little Korean woman who has never once thought about a bite of food she put in her mouth... She simply doesnt understand at all. But still, it was rude. and as un-emotional as I am-- It hurt my feelings.

I have always had a very "F_YOU!" attitude when it comes to people who comment about my weight. But, this was a situation where I couldnt say anything... Anyone have any ideas on something I can say if it ever happens again? In cases like this one I cant be angry openly, but I would rather not sit there and smile and pretend like I didnt hear anything again...

I find a lot of woman from different cultures tend to do that! When I worked at Tim Hortons with a bunch of Indian woman (who were bigger then me) they always told me how I'm fat and stuff and should lose weight (even though they we bigger then me) and I shrugged it off because I was losing the weight and they kind of were my motivation and in a way the weight I dropped was a big F YOU I can do this what are you doing for yourself type thing.

Personally I don't think talking to them would do much good, I'd say ignore it (as rough as it is to do that) or politely say "I don't apprecaite your comment about my weight so please keep it to yourself" Smile and walk away.

:( I am so sorry you had to hear that. Believe me, I understand... I grew up in Singapore and spent 23 years there before moving to Vegas to live with my DH. And I cannot even BEGIN to tell you how much I heard things like that. "You'd be so pretty if you just lost weight!" "Woww, you've become so....BIG... since I saw you last!" "I have this fat friend.. not as fat/fatter than you..." etc etc. Sometimes I think it's just a cultural thing to some extent, it's SO common in most parts of Asia to just be blunt about things like that without meaning to really be offensive... I haven't had a single incident like that since moving to the US, but whenever I go home to visit family, sure enough, the comments start again. It really sucks but I've learned it's just a waste of breath trying to explain WHY things like that are hurtful.. just let it roll off your back and take pride in the awesome day that you had! Tomorrow will be even better :)

I've got a colleague from that part of the world, and it is definitely cultural. Sometimes during lunch she talks about how fat I am (I live in Europe so I'm still considered fat, even though a normal BMI is lurking) in front of all our colleagues, who are mortified. I don't mind at all though, I lived in South-America for a year and learned to deal, things there were much the same!

I quite like the attitude, why should it be the pink elephant, it's not like no one will notice if it doesn't get mentioned.

This is a tricky one. I literally get those comments all the time, the ones you really can't respond to, just like observational fat comments. Like they have no filter.
I feel dumb just standing there carrying on smiling like it didn't affect me. But i'm sure they would react the same way if I made an observational comment about how old they are so their baldness, but I wouldn't because I know these comments can be hurtful and I am not 3 years old.
You can either ignore it or show that you are offended which depending on the situation could draw attention from other people (happens to me a lot at dinner parties)
Sorry you had to deal with it :hug:

I'm a oucnelor and I hear a lot of cultural "whamies" said to others and for the most part are not meant to be derogatory. They are reference points and comparisons and for the most part used like that. What bother me is the constant dvertisement that "Americans are FAT". There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear it on TV, radio or Internet. Yesterday, I heard about how American Pets are FAT!!!! Geezzzz! That is what the world sees and hears and that is their reference point. We definately have to wear a thick armour around other cultures who have been taught "we are the land of plenty". I talk under my breath all the time to keep my sanity!!!! Hang in there, look how far you've come!

It isn't just you ladies that get this. Guys get it too I'm afraid.

Now, I can handle it when it's my friends. I have one friend in perticular who likes to take a go at me and make fat jokes. I'm okay with that though, because 1) He isn't much smaller than me, 2) I routinely tell him how ugly he is and how no one will ever love him.

That said this thread reminded me of something that happened to me 2 or 3 years ago.

I had just finished up with a group of friends at a convention in Toronto called Anime North. We decided to go to this mall in Markham called The Pacific Mall. It's the sort of mall where the little "stores" seem to be built so that if there was a siren that went of... say noting that there was a police raid... everyone could run and scurry away with their shops and the whole place would be deserted.

Anyways I was looking at copies of the new Indiana Jones movie, which still had yet to actually be released in the theater, when the young woman who was working walked up to me. She was Chinese or Korean, I always confuse those two >.>;;;

Anyways she walked up to me and said "Oh, you look very much like this guy!" and she held up the movie Across the Universe. Since I love that movie, I smiled and said thank you.

"But you look like him doing this!" and then she puffed out her cheeks like a bullfrog.

I really can't tell if she was trying to be mean or if she was being sincear or if it was just an off handed thing, but it looked so ridiculous to see her do that I had to laugh.

Hurt a little bit, but had to laugh.

ouch!! it may just be that Koreans are OCD about that though. I'm Korean myself and my mom will NOT let a day pass where she doesn't criticize my body. When I went to Korea for an internship this summer, one of the ladies in the office told me "I didn't know you were that chubby but when you sit down in the chair your thighs really expand!" And on Korean online weight loss forums, there are people telling you that anything above 105lbs for a height of 5'6" is fat. What's more, my cousin, who's the same height and age as me, is 98 lbs. AND SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT BEING OBESE.

i hope you don't stress it too much...i'm trying not to. but some people are just crazy.

I agree that people from other cultures can be very blunt and their standards are very different...

Please don't take such harsh words too personally! And definitely don't let them derail you.

I just wanted to share a little personal story, too. I hate when the painful comments come from family. I just recently moved out of my parents' house last july. But when I lived at home, my Dad would always make implied comments about how I didn't need to eat _blank_ or that I could go without eating dinner tonight, etc. He always thought he knew it all because he lost a bunch of weight in an unhealthy way (he started drinking diet soda and basically stopped eating dinner, and he never worked out). I still struggle when I remember those comments, but I just try to not let them get to me. Of course, because it was my Dad, they did cut deeply.

I get the "You'd be so pretty if..." all the time. It does hurt, but you know what? I'm pretty anyways, even being big.

So if anyone says anything about my weight, whether they realize that it's hurtful or not, I just say "well it could always be worse" and try not to let it bother me.

I agree that there are cultural differences, but that doesn't mean they are insensitive, they are just trying to make sense of the situation. In their culture, there are not a lot of 200+ tall women around. In fact, they are not present in many cultures. You must seem like an Amazon to her.

A friend of mine went to Mexico and all year long all she heard was, "You'd be so pretty without those glasses/with darker hair, etc."

You also have to keep in mind that American culture is probably the only culture with a somewhat developed "fat tolerance." We say big-boned, curvy, etc. when someone is just fat. Also, our Anglo culture is exceedingly polite/reserved compared to others. In other cultures, people are much more frank and open and have far less fat people. It isn't anyone's problem, it is just a culture clash.

And also, you know you're overweight or you wouldn't be here. She didn't say anything outright hurtful and I wouldn't stress so much about it.

My friend said that to me once because I was talking about wanting to get plastic surgery like Heidi Montage (of course I'd look better) but I wanted to reconstruct my whole face to be pretty and she said if you got contacts and grew your hair out (because I always have short hair because long hair I find makes my face really long and just doesn't suit me) and go back to your natural blonde hair colour you'd be really pretty.

It would be nice if we could come to a point in our culture where "fat" was just a descriptive word (like tall or short or thin), not laden with all the baggage that we assign to it. I mean, it shouldn't be an insult to describe some as fat, but I get that it is for a lot of people. I like it better than "fluffy," however. (that one makes me want to scream :lol:). Anyhow, I think in many other cultures, fat is just descriptive - not meant to convey any sort of moral disapproval.

Thank you so much everyone! I so appreciate all of the kind words from all of you. :) I totally agree with what most have said about it being a cultural thing in some aspects. I think more than anything i really just needed to vent and be like "THAT SUCKED! AHH!!" Obviously, that is not the first or worst thing anyone has ever said to me... But, I think that since I am finally getting to the point of getting myself healthy it is the first time that it actually touched a nerve, does that make sense? When it comes to this particular person I am just going to keep my mouth shut and smile.

Random story though... This person in a grocery store (whom I had never seen before mind you) walked up to me and said "You know, if you were skinny you would be really pretty!" I was a little bit shocked that she had said that.... then my brain-to-mouth filter totally went away and I replied with "Awe, thank you!! You know, I think you would be a good person if you weren't such a b**** and learned some tact!"

It wasnt my proudest moment, but hopefully it made that lady think before she spoke next time. :-)

I really appreciate all the comments. It helped put everything into perspective a bit more for me today. :hug:

Oh, and I'm down to 245 today!:carrot:

I don't understand the stuff that comes out of people's mouths.
One time this guy who was with his very pregnant girlfriend asked me where I got my shirt from (It was a Ralph Lauren sweater) and I when I told him he told his girlfriend "See I they make stuff in your size". I was like wtf?? To top it off he was big as **** himself. I totally went in my office and cried lol.

Then like the next week on Christmas day, I buttoned up my coat which kind of made me look fat and my uncle who thought he was giving me the biggest compliment in the world told me I looked like Jennifer Hudson. Now I think Jennifer Hudson is beautiful and she's lost all that weight, but my Uncle isn't up on all that so I knew he was talking about the formerly fat Jennifer Hudson. I was so sad.