decision that could change my life
 

So I'm at a crossroads. I moved to san diego for school. And I haven't been in school for two semesters because I work two jobs just to pay rent. Anywho.....I met the most amazing man here at one of my jobs. We fell fast and hard. He was offered a promotion within our company in santa cruz, we both knew he should take it. He asked me to go with him, but I just don't know if its right for me. I love this man. We have talked about our future and we want to stay together. Part of his reasoning for taking the job is because it would put him in a place in his life where he could afford a house and be in a position to start a family. So I'm at a loss.... do I stay here in san diego and work this job I love. Do I move to santa cruz and leave my job that may lead to a great career for the man I love....or do I move back home to la where money would be less of a struggle and I could go back to school. I feel tears everytime I think of how it will feel when he leaves at the end of the month. So far I've decided to stay in sd when he leaves and really give myself a couple months to think about it and try to focus on me and getting my health in order since I will have no distractions . I will be very lonely here in sd since I don't have any friends. It'll be just me work and the gym. But what do I do after these couple months....which life do I chose? I can't decide... any advice would be so wonderful.....

San Diego is a beautiful place... my favorite thus far...however it isn't a city which allows people to flourish...It is expensive and its hard to find a job even with a college degree (at least that is what I have heard from my many friends who moved there to live their dream life)

I would follow my heart... its not always the smartest but its what will make you happy... I followed my heart to ohio for law school with my boyfriend... I ended up breaking up with him before I ever even got here... but my best friend told me that maybe I was supposed to be with him just to get me here... I've since finished my first semester of law school and have a new amazing man in my life.

Anything could happen...you just have to be open to it

freeqeegrl- first off, I know this is tough. I have been there, I am sure many of us have. I can tell you that the first time this situation was presented to me I passed on it. I was too scared to leave my predictable path for the unknown. The second time I faced this situation (6 years later with another man). I jumped on it. I left school and moved to Ca with him and we are now married. As much as I love my husband and the life I have. I wish I hadn't been so scared take a hold of life and make changes on my terms. Now I realize I would not have met my sweet husband if I had. But you know I had a very sweet man before and I am sure we would have been happy too.
I also wanted to share my friends story in that she let her man move away and tried to keep a long distance semi-dating thing going. She couldn't do it. After 1 month she was making plans to relocate. You could always try that and see how you feel.
Of course you are the only one who will know what is right for you so I hope the answer becomes clear to you soon. :hug:

Long distance relationships are hard and if your job is the only thing holding you back from moving, than you might choose to move pretty soon after seeing how it is. My husband is in the military so we know more than our share of distance. We were in an LDR for 3.5 years (1 year of that we were married) because I had stayed to finish school where I was and he was stationed 1000 miles away. It was hard, but I stayed for school. If I didn't have some short term goal to accomplish and it was just a job that didn't have an end in sight in the near future I would have moved probably 6 months into it. You could stay and see how you feel and move later on. Then you could see if you really want to be together or if you weren't meant to be.

I was faced with a similar(ish) choice. I went to Canada to study abroad. Quickly fell in love. Ten months flew by and he asked me to marry him and stay. I was only 2 years away from finishing college, so I went back to California. We stayed together. It was ****. We broke up after four months and I was depressed for six more after that.
That being said, I know I made the right choice for me. It was my first real relationship and it wasn't a healthy one. But at the time, I didn't know that. I loved him with all of my heart. I made plans to move there as soon as I finished school, but it wasn't meant to happen. And looking back on it, I know I did the right thing. I just graduated. I have a fantastic job. And I have a wonderful boyfriend.
Really, when it comes down to it, you have to decide what you want. The romantic/family person would say move for sure. The career/education-oriented would say no way, no how. How would you handle it if you broke up?

I'm not trying to be a pessimist. It's just something that takes a lot of thought. That being said, if my long distance relationship made it the 18 months apart, I would have moved there when I graduated without a second thought. For me, I wanted to finish school. If he could wait for me, then I figured it would be worth it.

Out of curiosity, how long have you been together?

If you even have to question it, I say you stay where you are. I had a long distance relationship for a LONG time before we decided it was time to take the next step.

You do not want to leave everything you know just because you'd be "lonely". If you fell hard and FAST, who knows what could happen while you're out there. I won't even state the obvious, but I will say, if it's meant to be...then you can find that out while doing the long distance thing for awhile.

I wish you luck!

You are young. The time to follow your heart and go where it leads is now.

Sounds irresponsible sure, but there is time enough for responsible.

Take a risk, the worst thing that could happen is that you end up back in LA anyway. Right?

Questions:
1) how long have you known him?

2) do you want a career in the job you're doing?

3) do you want to finish school and get a job in the field you're going to school for?

Here's dome details... we met a little over a year ago. But I was dating someone else. Six months ago I left my ex because I had too strong feeling for this guy (ray) so we've been dating since. I work for clear channel radio . I am trying to move up to be an on air personality....this is where it gets complicated just this month they have let go of 6 people so I don't know how secure my job is or if ill ever get to move up. If I stay in san diego I don't think ill be able to go back to school because of money... but if I move to la I could. If I move to santa cruz I would still struggle a bit because I wouldn't move in with him so I would still have a part time job but I could probably go to school , I would still struggle but it would be possible. I don't want to move in with ray till were married ( I'm a little old school) plus I want my parents to respect him and they wouldn't if I moved in with him to early...so in conclusion...sd has my job, la has school, and santa cruz has ray......

I were you, I would probably just move to Santa Cruz if it was financially feasible for me. If it was looking like things weren't working out for whatever reason with this guy, you could still move back to LA and go to school in September or January.

Sounds like it may be time to move on from San Diego regardless.

So why not just take a chance on love?

LA will always be there if things dont work out. it sounds like you dont have anything holding you to SD except a job that may or may not be secure, you won't have ray and you can't afford school. (i grew up in SD, im half amazed even with two jobs you can afford a place in PB lol)

In santa cruz you will have ray, and you think you can pull off starting school. additionally, clear channel is a national company, even if you can't transfer (and i'd def ask about the poss if i were you) as long as you leave the company in good standing you can always keep applying there as jobs open up, which means in theory you could end up with the job, the love, and the schooling

I say go for it!

I so agree with this. I know many people are thinking with their heads, and maybe this is my problem, but i tend to think with me heart, and it seems you truly love this man.

you job in radio isn't too secure as you've stated and you can't even go back to school where your at right now.
you sound like an independent girl and if you move to Santa Cruz you can have a job and go to school, and you would have Ray. It would be tight, but wouldn't that mean you would have everything you wanted?

I tend to follow my heart, but you must do what feels right for you. If moving with him doesn't feel right in the slightest then maybe you should try a long distance relationship to start things off and see where things go from there.
But i've been in one, and its hard. but if your meant to be then it will work out!;):hug:

it sounds like you'd be able to go to school in santa cruz as well right?
UCSC is pretty big...do they have the program you're looking for? if you don't want to move in with him, you could live on campus/off campus housing. and you could probably find a part time job (although the job situation in Cali is not so great).
personally, moving JUST for someone without a job or plan for yourself is kind of risky. yes it works out for some, but you should set yourself up so that you're independent and working towards something for yourself. at heart, i am hopeless romantic and i would love to tell you just GO :)
and if you do, just plan it out so that you're doing you too. it might be a little while before you get situated, but a long distance relationship for a few months is do-able. san diego to santa cruz is a short flight :) to visit once in a while in the mean time.

Sorry I haven't responded....he's gone. Its been 2 days. I feel numb. I have decided I don't want to be in sd anymore I'm just not sure if I should move to santa cruz or back home to LA or maybe move home and then santa cruz later. I just feel like a little empty hole in my heart knowing I won't get to see him. I am going there for valentines day to visit. Maybe ill find out if I like it and can picture living there. its weird someday I feel independent and inspired to move back to la and try to find the perfect job for me. But other days I want to just move and be with him and let my heart breathe. I want to marry this guy someday, I just don't know what path is best for me to make our future the best chance. I feel like something is missing without him. Advice? Words of encouragement? Anything?