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Old 01-07-2011, 12:48 AM   #1  
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Default Weighing in on my weight loss...

I don't know why it is that my mother and sister have decided to counsel me on my weight loss all of a sudden. I've dieted in the past-lost weight, gained it back, etc. They haven't seen me this thin though in several years.

Both my mother and sister are considered "morbidly obese" and have attempted dieting in the past. However, while my mother is still trying to lose weight my sister has totally given up.

I've had both of them tell me that I shouldn't lose any more weight. That I already look skinny and if I lose any more I'll "look weird." My mother spent 2 weeks trying-and sadly suceeding-to derail my diet. She stocked her house with all of my favorite foods and kept asking if I wanted to eat them. And i'm just not that strong. I regained 5 pounds!

What do you do when family continually butts in about your diet? And what do you do when it seems like they are sabatoging your efforts?
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Old 01-07-2011, 12:55 AM   #2  
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First, you need to try and work through the temptation. They are making it harder, but they can't MAKE you eat anything you don't want to. Try and remember that. Sometimes the best thing to do is just ignore them and do your own thing, despite what they say. You are that strong, it just takes work.

Second, have you tried talking to them? Sometimes people get so used to seeing you overweight, seeing other people overweight, seeing themselves overweight, that a normal weight does look alarming to them, in comparison. They may be legitimately worried you're going to far, and just need to hear that you're healthy, your BMI is a healthy one, etc. Try sitting them down and telling them how you feel. Ask that they please stop with the way they are acting. If they won't listen, it's really their problem, not yours.
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Old 01-07-2011, 12:58 AM   #3  
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I know the feeling! My husband used to do it knowing I was trying to lose weight and was tempting me with late night BK binges!
Also his family isn't the healthiest and his mom once told me to not lose anymore, that I was getting too skinny, even though I wasn't even close to my healthy weight range! And back then, that did get the best of me, because I would end up giving in to their temptations of crappy fatty food. Now I am learning to resist and just keep reminding myself when I am over there that I want to be healthy and feel good about myself! That I deserve to finally have that! Stay strong with your mom and sister. Maybe you will inspire them to lose too!
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Old 01-07-2011, 02:25 AM   #4  
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It seems you can't move out and have to live with them? In that case, I'll welcome the challenge and say 'no' every time they tempt me. I'll eventually form the habit. If you can survive this, you can overcome anything...

And I second talking to them and telling them you really, really, really want to do this because it will make you happy. And that you'll really, really, really appreciate it if they don't stand in the way of your happiness.

Good luck!
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Old 01-07-2011, 04:59 AM   #5  
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Yes, you are being sabotaged, yes, sit down and have a direct conversation. However, I have known several women who lost a lot of weight and I was concerned that they might have cancer or some other disease. They did not. I don't think their bodies had caught up with the weight loss. After some weeks or months the ill look went away and they looked like thinner versions of themselves. I also know a woman who had lap band, lost a lot of weight and never had that ill look.You never know.
Also, saying NO. I like to say it in as many ways as I can. High voice, low voice, chirpy, bass, growls and squeaks. It always makes me laugh at my self. If you are around kids, many ways of saying no is less wearing on you.
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Old 01-07-2011, 09:51 AM   #6  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KenzideRhae View Post
Second, have you tried talking to them? Sometimes people get so used to seeing you overweight, seeing other people overweight, seeing themselves overweight, that a normal weight does look alarming to them, in comparison. They may be legitimately worried you're going to far, and just need to hear that you're healthy, your BMI is a healthy one, etc. Try sitting them down and telling them how you feel. Ask that they please stop with the way they are acting. If they won't listen, it's really their problem, not yours.
This...

I've encountered similar things from my family - not the "sabotage" but everyone telling me I'm thin enough and I shouldn't continue to lose weight. I really don't take it as a jealousy thing, I see it as they're just not used to seeing me this small. The last time I was this weight, I was 16 and I barely ate, so I know that them saying YOU'RE SMALL ENOUGH is a reflection on that, not so much that they're jealous. I also make it a point to eat in front of them - smaller portions and not helpings of EVERYTHING - but I do have meals with them. It seems like something small, but as long as they see me eat, they back off.
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Old 01-07-2011, 01:59 PM   #7  
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Your weight should be what makes you happy and is what is healthy for you. i know some people who lost weight and did look unhealthy for a while. They are probably just concerned about you. GOOD LUCK!!!=-D
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Old 01-07-2011, 08:39 PM   #8  
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I have the same problem when we go home. I go home so rarely, Momma makes all the good stuff. My solution? Take a veggie tray. That's what i snack on.

My fiance' sabotages me unintentionally. Our lifestyle I guess is the real saboteur and in particular eating out every other night. NOT good for weight loss, although I've tried to make it work.
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Old 01-07-2011, 10:08 PM   #9  
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I've had the same thing happen. My mom and sister were always really tiny and I was always the bigger one. I was never very overweight, but since high school I have been around 150-160. They on the other hand were probably around 115-125. Now, they are gaining weight and I am losing. My mom is just getting older, but my younger sister went to college and kind of let herself go. So I have heard my mom say I don't need to loose anymore and they make comments as if they worry I am being unhealthy, but I remind them that they are just not used to seeing me smaller than they are or this small at all and that I am going about it in a healthy way and losing weight slowly through healthy eating and exercise.

I know I am not doing anything wrong so it can be annoying when someone says something as if I am going overboard, but I know what my body can take and I know I am doing nothing but living a healthy lifestyle and seeing slow changes in my body because of that.

As for what they eat, a lot of times I go and buy my own things to eat if I need to or I make the best choices I can. I am at a point now where having sweets and candies and cakes in the house doesn't bother me because I know it's unhealthy and so it's not appealing to me most of the time. But one thing I do is look at how many calories are in something bad that I might want to eat, if it's a ton of calories than it helps me make the decision to not eat it.
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Old 01-07-2011, 10:31 PM   #10  
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Maybe they are concerned about your health. But the fact that they said if you lost weight you would look "weird" leads me to believe its because they both want to lose weight and are jealous that you've had the will power to actually do it. As sad as it is some women are jealous by nature. Friends and family try to sabotage diets all the time.
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Old 01-08-2011, 09:57 PM   #11  
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Thanks for all the responses. I'm just visiting family. I've been losing weight while away at school. I live by myself and I just don't keep junk in the house. I'm not at a place yet where I can have temptation staring at me for long periods of time. I can say no for a while...but then I get bored/stressed and find myself having spoonfuls of peanut butter...when not hungry.

I've tried talking to my mom about this. I've asked her not to buy certain items. And she'll agree not to-then come home with them later. She told her friend over the phone I was an inspiration to her to lose weight-but that she'd planned to cheat on her diet "because I was down." Which I don't get. I told her I was on a diet-why would she plan to cheat for the time I was here??

I try to talk to them calmly about the fact that I'm currently at 150 and my goal weight of 135/130 is right within my healthy BMI. They don't listen. It just goes on and on until I end up yelling and they act concerned...and then I leave the room. Lol. Honestly, I know I'm back up to 150 lbs. Which just frustrates me more than anything.

Why do they feel the need to comment and sabatoge me? I've never done that to them when they tried to diet! And I don't look sickly. I actually looked better than I've ever looked at 145. Right now I look bloated. Lol.
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Old 01-08-2011, 10:16 PM   #12  
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I'm a sucker for that situation as well! Keep reminding yourself that it is your body...they are not living inside of it. Do what makes you happy and healthy. It is no one's choice but yours. I think they are just a bit jealous of how successful you have been. Keep your eye on your goal and let them know how you feel. And BTW...Your goal weight is FINE. You are not going to look "weird" so don't let them put those suggestive thoughts in your head...again, this is directly from their insecurities and jealousy.

Congratulations on how far you have come! I think you're awesome and deserve to feel good about what you have done and where you are, and where you want to be
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Old 01-08-2011, 11:12 PM   #13  
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I'm getting better at making better choices while we're visiting, but I still lose ground when I visit family.

This year, I gained about ten lbs in the week we were there, but most of it was water weight. Eight of the ten pounds were off in less than a week.

My mom and sisters really load up on the holiday treats. This year they had drastically cut back and they still could have stocked a small bakery.

The sabotage can't work unless I let it, so I tried talking to myself with every bite "Do I really want this, or am I eating this for some other reason." My hubby was really good too about reminding me of what I was eating (We'd agreed ahead of time that it was ok for him to do this, and how he should do it).

That really irritated my Mom and sisters (they think my husband is overbearing, which I think is rather funny. When I was single and didn't listen to them I was stubborn and opinionated. Now when I don't listen to them, it must be because my husband bullies me into doing things his way. Which is funny if you know how few of my husband's suggestions I follow).

It is hard though when you're being inundated with food, to avoid it all. Which is also true with the commentary on how you should or shouldn't lose weight. It's hard to dismiss it all. Eventually you can start to think "maybe they have a point."

Personally, I got very good at changing the subject. Even saying "not up for discussion," if I had to.

Obviously with gaining ten pounds (or even two if you don't count the water weight), I haven't found the perfect solution, but it's better than a few years ago when all of those ten pounds would have been fat-gain, not just water gain, and they likely would have inspired me to give up on weight loss altogether (at least between Thanksgiving and New Year).

Journaling helped a lot too. I didn't write in it every day, but I took my journal along. My mom and one sister rolled their eyes at the journal - but they also rolled their eyes at another sister for getting on the treadmill after Christmas Eve dinner. You can't win with them, because if they're not criticizing you for being too fat and eating too much, they're criticizing you for losing too fast or being too concerned with weight loss.

I don't think there is a way to end their criticism and interference. They'll always feel the need to give input on my personal life (They like telling me what a jerk my husband is too. Ironically usually for doing something they do much more frequently and to a much greater degree. Definitely pots calling the kettle black).
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