First of all I want to say that I hope this by no way comes off as being conceited or self-absorbed in anyway.
I've been losing weight and feeling better about myself. I feel very confident and sure of myself. When it first hit me that I lost a lot of weight and looking and feeling great, I loved it. I really did think I looked beautiful(once again I hope that doesn't come off as being vain). I got awesome compliments at work and it made me feel like a million dollars.
Fast forward a few months. I've been losing more weight and I continue to take good care of myself(something that I lacked when I was overweight). I can actually see my body and face structure without the layer of fat hiding it. Lately though especially at work, I've been getting what I perceive as more stares and comments. Its starting to make me really uncomfortable and its almost making me feel bad about myself. I'm starting to feel more self-conscious and therefore worse about myself. Does that even make sense? Like it almost seems TOO excessive?? I don't know how to describe it.
I tried to talk to my friend about it but she just kinda rolled her eyes and was like "how is that even a problem?". After that I just shut down and I haven't talked to anyone since.
Anyone else relate to this? Is this even a problem?
Nice comments. I have been asked if I model. Told I'm beautiful by 3 different people in one day. I get the double takes a lot by dudes. At first it made me feel great. But lately its becoming almost too excessive in my opinion. Like the more attention, the more self-conscious I feel.
I can't really relate to it so I am not sure if I can give the right answer you were looking for. However, what about trying to focus on yourself than listen to what others got to say or do about your look? Focus on the fact that you are now healthier. You look better. Your choice of clothes are wider. Just tell yourself in you head "yeah yeah yeah whatever" when guys give double takes so that it doesn't bother you or something like that... And remind yourself that double takes because you look good is better than double takes because of your weight.
I can't relate to attention like that about appearances, but I can understand how excessive attention (even good attention) can make a person feel uncomfortable. For example, at the end of church services sometimes I'll have numerous people coming up to me and gushing over my singing voice (by the way, there is no choir or anything like that at the church I attend, just everyone singing hymns acapella). I've never been able to take a compliment well, anyway, and will usually blush, lower my eyes, and mutter a "nah" or "thank you". lol. Really, though, I say just try to enjoy it. It's better to get good attention than bad attention.
Last edited by 3FCer344892; 01-08-2011 at 02:57 AM.
Sounds like the novelty wore off, and now you feel under the microscope.
Is that about it?
Is the attention mostly from men? Or women? Even positive attention can be annoying.
Here is what I did in college once during a time when I wanted to not have attention...
Buy a cubic zirconia ring/band and put it on your left finger. I did that in college during a difficult patch it was AMAZING how having an "engaged finger" turned off a lot of the male attention I didn't want aimed at me.
That may buy you a little more time and space to learn to better deal with compliments.
Not sure if this is what you mean but comments from men about my body or appearance can make me feel uncomfortable sometimes because then I know they are looking at me in a sexual way and it can make you feel self concious if you feel someone is staring at you and thinking of thosethings. Other than those comments maybe before you were able to just blend in but now you feel like you are always seen so you need to always look your best. I think with more time the comments at work will fade. I would just stick with a quick thanks and change the subject and they will catch on that its not something you want to talk about
I can totally relate!!! As a matter of fact I was just telling someone this same very thing. It's not just the MEN...it's the WOMAN too! It's because you've changed your appearance sooo much that Men wanna get with you and Women want to be/look like you! It's flattering, but also annoying at the same time! Especially if you have the type of personality that does not like to stay in the spotlight for very long.
My advice...dress moderately. I'm not saying dress like in a sack, but x-na on the stretch booty jeans-na! I find that dressing in a way that doesn't "advertise" my goods, helps. Also, when people start talking about ME, I change the conversation or laugh it off...I try to find a way to politely let them know this makes me uncomfortable.
P.S. I'm not sayin that you dress like a hooch...because I didn't either, but I definitely found that "toning it down" a bit purposefully, helped, although it doesn't eleviate the attention.
Last edited by joyfulloser; 01-08-2011 at 07:28 AM.
I can relate. Its a big change and it seems like it happens all of a sudden! And you do feel really self conscious sometimes. They stop after a while (or at least it did for me) and then you get a bit of a reprive to come to terms with it (and accept that their comments about you looking great are true )
When I first started losing weight a lot of my guy friends started hitting on me more when we were out in social settings and things got complicated when I had to tell them to back off. It was like before I was more sexually neutral to them but then when I became more attractive in their eyes I had to deal with these sexually charged situations I never had to be in before.
I was uncomfortable with my body when I was overweight and even though I liked my body more and thought I was more attractive when I lost weight I was still very self-conscious and was not prepared to be stared at more. At first I was dressing myself better and taking more pride in my appearance, but then when I noticed the attention I got for this behaviour I actually started to back track and wanted to be hidden again. And I was not dressing at all inappropriately at my new weight.
We can't hide, and we can't stop people from looking at us or making comments if they so choose but I learned I just had to accept that it was going to happen and to try to feel more comfortable in my skin and not let it be a detriment to me or my weight loss.
Tara , Serval and Iconised, thanks so much for your words. It makes a lot of sense and I will remember that.
Astrophe-You hit the nail on the head. Thats exactly what I think is going on. I feel like people are scrutinzing every part of me...both men & women. The engagement ring is a really good idea. With guys, I just avoid eye contact but that hadn't been working to well.
Ashley- Thats exactly how I felt. I'm always nice when people say those things but I'm just going to make sure it stays short. Hopefully the comments will diminish a bit.
Joyful- Yup! I definitely have a more introverted personality, I think. No, I totally get you about the clothes. I don't dress like a hooch but I definitely dress very feminine. Maybe I should try to dress a lil less feminine?
Last time when I lost weight; I was 117 pounds. And I felt the same way. I am a natural blonde ( I am 100% Finnish) and even at size 2 I still have big boobs.
I was getting a ton of attention. I hate to say it, but I started gaining weight, because I felt uncomfortable. And now I am the weight I am
Don't give in!!!! I understand where you are coming from, completely! -- I am determined to be size 4 again, this time I will endure it all!!
i lost something like 80lbs when i was in college. i had dropped a lot of it over summer break. when i returned to school, i was getting a lot of attention that i wasn't getting before. i was dressing normally, clothes from old navy, the gap, forever 21, etc.
i also became uncomfortable with all the attention. when i took a step back and really thought about why it bothered me, i found that a major part of it was because i know that the vast majority of these dudes would have never looked at me that previous semester. it really hurt that some of the new attention was coming from guys i knew- so i wasn't good enough to date before, and now i am? i found myself kind of angry with the attention, and just how vain and superficial people can be.
granted, this is by no means more important than being healthy and feeling comfortable in my own skin. this was just my experience.
either way, after a while, (and before i gained weight back), i decided to brush the chip off my shoulder and just be proud of myself. ignore people if you're feeling stares. walk with your mp3 player on. just be confident. and wear what you like, what you feel looks good. you worked hard for this body. its your time to enjoy it. don't let anyone put a negative spin on it for you
Hotnewspirits- It sounds like I could have wrote what you said.
Your right about not hiding and learning to accept. I think that I will do that and hopefully soon this will be a problem of the past.
Sum38-I won't give in. Thanks for your advice and good luck on reaching your goals!
Fillupthesky- Yes, your words helped so much I really felt good when you said about being confident, wearing what I like, and just enjoying it .I really have worked so hard for this. I want to get back to that feeling again and I am determined to.
I can relate 100%. As much as I want to be told that I look good, I find that I'm very dismissive towards comments and I don't want people to treat me like I'm a big deal. It had started getting super annoying and it's really hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced the same thing.
It's so often that I hear people go off about how I look and I end up being frustrated and replying with "anyway..."
I don't know why it happens. We've had a few discussions in the maintainers forums about it. It's strange that we want appreciation for the smallest things but when we drop 50 lbs, we want people to forget about it.
It was nice at first....
It's because you've changed your appearance sooo much that Men wanna get with you and Women want to be/look like you! It's flattering, but also annoying at the same time! Especially if you have the type of personality that does not like to stay in the spotlight for very long.
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