Just because someone is with someone who is overweight...doesn't mean they have a "weight fetish". Could it possibly be that they love ALL of them? For who they are?
I've been overweight my entire life...my husband loves me now...and he will STILL love me when I loose all of my weight. Doesn't mean he has a fetish...and it doesn't mean that he's not going to love me anymore when I lose weight.
Of course! What I'm saying is that only someone with a weight fetish would PREFER the you at a higher, unhealthy weight to the you at a lower, healthy weight. If your husband had to choose between you at 310 and you at 145, which do you think he would pick? Obviously he would be very happy with either, because he loves you for who you are, but if he had to pick one or the other...?
Of course! What I'm saying is that only someone with a weight fetish would PREFER the you at a higher, unhealthy weight to the you at a lower, healthy weight. If your husband had to choose between you at 310 and you at 145, which do you think he would pick? Obviously he would be very happy with either, because he loves you for who you are, but if he had to pick one or the other...?
But it's not a looks thing. It's a health thing. I think that's the different. As long as I'm healthy and I feel good...that's all he cares about.
He told me I'm beautiful at my highest weight...and I will be at my lowest weight. I
Of course! What I'm saying is that only someone with a weight fetish would PREFER the you at a higher, unhealthy weight to the you at a lower, healthy weight. If your husband had to choose between you at 310 and you at 145, which do you think he would pick? Obviously he would be very happy with either, because he loves you for who you are, but if he had to pick one or the other...?
I agree with this fullheartedly. My BF loved me at my highest and he loves me now and will continue to love me when I lose the rest of my weight. He's also been EXTREMELY important.
But he is also a smart man who wants the healthiest me to be around for a long time. There's no way I could be 250 and healthy. It's just not even a logical statement. I'm 250 and completely healthy. No. Doesn't even make sense. He wants me forever, as I do him...and the HEALTHY me, is the one he wants. It's not all about weight loss either, it's eating healthy, being physically active and knowing what goes in and out of OUR bodies.
Not to mention, when we have kids I don't want HIM or ME to be a parent who can't teach our child healthy habits. It's a lifestyle change, not a quick weight loss strategy.
Last edited by Krizstyling; 01-21-2011 at 12:06 PM.
So if a man likes blondes he has a type but if a man likes larger women he has a fetish?
That's what I don't get. You can have a type, absolutely. I think many men and women do. And I totally get that health is attractive. It's hardwired into us as human beings to be most attracted to symmetry and biological expressions of health. However, we are also socially conditioned to think certain things are attractive, regardless of what our biology says. That's 100% cultural and we shouldn't fool ourselves into thinking that social conditioning doesn't have a huge impact on what we find beautiful.
Let's assume that health is, on the biological level, attractive. Let's also say being fat (which is an individual construction) indicates a person is unhealthy. If most people will be biologically turned off by someone who is fat, and those who are sexually attracted to individuals who are fat have a sexual dysfunction or paraphilia (fetish) than it stands to reason that those who date people with other biological deviations from the norm are also fetishists. So if you include obesity as a paraphilia, you must also include blindness, people who are in wheelchairs, and the deaf. Certainly people who are blind can carry on perfectly normal relationships and being attracted to a blind person doesn't mean you have a fetish. If we think that a fat woman (notice, it's never men-even Makenzie's father was obese) is inherently unlovable BECAUSE of her weight that is a problem of society, not of biology.
Makenzie may have been more attractive to you because you are a product of socio-cultural molding, we all are. It's all relative to time and location. What is considered desirable in one place and in one time is not necessarily what is desirable in another.
If we're talking about being shallow, isn't someone who won't date brunettes shallow? Absolutely. Why isn't someone who won't date overweight women shallow? A woman can change her hair color and her body weight. If you make your selection based on the presence or absence of a feature then, yeah, you're shallow, lol.
ETA: I'm not saying that any poster in this thread is saying overweight women are unloveable. That was the simplification of Makenzie's dad's original statement-that unless she fit into a cultural ideal of thinness, she would never find someone to marry her.
Last edited by moon safari; 01-21-2011 at 08:40 PM.
If we're talking about being shallow, isn't someone who won't date brunettes shallow? Absolutely. Why isn't someone who won't date overweight women shallow? A woman can change her hair color and her body weight. If you make your selection based on the presence or absence of a feature then, yeah, you're shallow, lol.
ETA: I'm not saying that any poster in this thread is saying overweight women are unloveable. That was the simplification of Makenzie's dad's original statement-that unless she fit into a cultural ideal of thinness, she would never find someone to marry her.
Why is someone who won't date brunettes shallow? I disagree with that. I think that is all relative and person by person based. If a guy/woman has a "type" by all means I say go for it...I don't think it makes them shallow. Maybe a bit ignorant but not shallow. Esp if it'sj ust that they haven't met any brunettes they are attracted to.
Health is an ENTIRELY different concern. It's like mixing apples and oranges. You can't.
On a diff note, Some men want to marry a woman who likes to stay at home and relax instead of going out, some want a woman who can go snowboarding with them and runnign and hiking etc...so that's what they go after. Nothing shallow about that whatsoever, ON EITHER end of the spectrum.
I also don't agree with the assumption that every man with a larger woman has a fetish. Does it happen? Yes. But that doesn't mean every man who is with a larger woman has a fetish.
Last edited by Krizstyling; 01-21-2011 at 08:58 PM.
Why is someone who won't date brunettes shallow? I disagree with that. I think that is all relative and person by person based. If a guy/woman has a "type" by all means I say go for it...I don't think it makes them shallow. Maybe a bit ignorant but not shallow. Esp if it'sj ust that they haven't met any brunettes they are attracted to.
I would consider it shallow - if a guy won't give a brunette a chance simply because she is brunette, that to me is absolutely shallow. It's different (I think) if a guy says his "type" is blonde, but if he meets a brunette that he likes he'll give it a shot. But entirely excluding a portion of women simply because the color of their hair is totally shallow.
Alice--- I understand your point in terms of the healthier person being more attractive. The major kick in my a** on starting this journey was my bf admitting (very reluctantly and under pressure from me) admitting he would be more attracted to me physically if I lost weight. That he loved me and didn't care how I looked he'd love me anyways because I'm me, but he wasn't physically attracted to how I looked... and I couldnt blame him as I was disgusted with how I looked. So I am changing it.
the point I was trying to make is the right guy for her would fall for her 'in spite of' the weight so to say. that he will love her even if she doesn't fit into his normal 'type'
Sure anyone when presented with person A and Person B will chose the person that fits the most qualities they find attractive. However life and especially dating, rarely works like that. You meet people and get to know them and sometimes find yourself falling for the person you didn't expect to because they didn't conform to the list of attributes you had in your head.
at her original weight if she tried the standard dating scene of bars and clubs and whatnot, yeah, she would likely have had less luck meeting someone then if she was a healthy size. But having spent time at those types of bars and clubs, the guys there typically need a lot more maturing and growing up before I'd ever consider them 'right' for anybody... they tend to be shallow and out for an easy lay, or at most a fun relationship but bail if things get too serious or stressful, they are rarely ready for a mature, mutually supportive, relationship. and THATS what is needed for a happy, successful marriage.
so at the original weight, she may be more unsuccessful in the casual dating scene, maybe not have as many relationships altogether, and (sadly enough) be more likely to fall into an abusive relationship or one where the guy saw her as an easy target due to esteem issues (but esteem issues are not limited only to the heavy people so a skinny girl may fall into one just as easily) but it does not mean she wont find the right guy for her and not get married
I agree with the preferences/fetish thing. Weight on a man doesn't bother me. I would date or marry a man that was overweight. I could be attracted to him but I don't have a fetish for it.
I'm a bit confused at the people saying "Being attracted to someone overweight doesn't make me a fetishist!" I'm certainly not saying that anyone who is attracted to a fat person has a fetish. I'm saying that someone who PREFERS a very overweight, obese woman to a not-obese woman, all else the same, has a fetish. This is partly from my observations in person, online, etc, of men who express interest in overweight women. There are men who like "curvy" woman, who could be considered slender but are busty and hippy. There are men who like chubby women, with plenty of body fat. There are men who like distinctly overweight women, and THEN there are men who like obese women, similar to Mackenzie before her transformation.
I have yet to find a man, or woman, in fact, who PREFERS obese women but DOES NOT fetishize their weight.
I am certain that there are men who date obese women and love them, and do not have a fetish for it.
What I am talking about are the men who would be LESS ATTRACTED to an obese woman if she lost weight. If any of you know a man who is like that, and does not fetishize her size, please let me know.
As to the question, does someone who prefers blind people have a fetish? Yes, they do.
well, i would like to think that personalities win over everything, but we all know that that is not the case.
I used to think my ex would never leave me for this other girl (no matter how much they had in common or how much fun she was. I even liked her) because she was about 30 pounds heavier then me. (this was when I was about 155) But he did. I learned the hard way while being "hot" gets you the first few glances the personality wins the heart.
now im not saying a guy will pick someone obese then someone healthy and happy, because physical attractiveness is needed in a relationship. i dont think guys care if someone is stick thin or not.
but the way he talked to his daughter and the way her whole family treated her was in no way right, and i hope when they all saw the episode that they were truly sorry for hurting someone they loved.
are you all talking about the last episode of I USED TO BE FAT?? With the blonde girl that aired Wed 1/19? That girl was so pretty I couldn't beleive my ears when she said she never even kissed a boy!?! And her father??? I'm sorry but he was creepy. Why was he so obsessed with wanting her to get a man?? & when he asked her if she was thinking about marriage bc her friend was getting married, I wanted to yell at him like NO SHES NOT THINKING OF MARRIAGE SHES ONLY 18 THAT SHOULD BE THE FARTHEST THING AWAY FROM HER MIND! & when he was talking to his sons telling them he has laid in bed all night worrying that she will never get a man?? I just thought that was sooo odd. I am glad her brothers reminded him she shouldn't want to lose weight for any man! Rather she should want to do it for her own confidence and most importantly her health. I just found it extremely weird and a bit creepy the way the dad was so obsessed with her finding a man, most fathers want to keep men as far away as possible from their little girls, instead this guy was shoving the idea down her throat!
I really liked this episode for a lot of reasons too. I felt I could relate to it more bc she was losing it so slow. At one point it was 4 weeks and I think she stayed the same weight or lost only like 2 lbs. Then, after 6 months she finally reached under 200lbs and she looked gorgeous!
SO many times I have given up bc I didn't lose a huge amount in 1 week. Which thats such a stupid mindset to have esp. when it comes to weight loss. I didn't gain it all over night so what makes me think I will lose it overnight? SO watching that episode really gave me a brighter outlook on this weight loss journey. Yea she wasn't losing it as fast as the others have, or as fast as she should've or could've been, but she kept going and pushing and in the end she reached her goal. Thats the type of mindset that I NEED to be successful and I am applying that mindset to my weight loss journey.
Yes I totally agree with you. When my daughters were eighteen my husband was a jerk to any guy that came around. I thought, this guy is sick with worry because his daughter is heavy and will never get a man. He totally defined her on the basis of how attractive she was to men. I mean here he is asking her about what she plans for the wedding and trying to use that to motivate her to lose.
I did like how she lost slower and worked out so hard too. I think some of the other episodes I have watched seemed that there was some early drama about weight loss and being out of shape but all of a sudden at the end they reached their goal. It seemed totally unrealistic for the short period of time they were on plan. I hope they can keep it off. She is the only one of have seen them revisit months later who is still losing.
Last edited by kittycarlson; 01-24-2011 at 01:46 PM.
To the people who are wtfing over her dad being so obsessed with her getting married: If you look at the pictures of Makenzie's siblings at their weddings, it looks like there are Mormon temples in the background. I could be totally wrong, but I was raised Mormon and girls getting married right out of highschool, or early on in college is pretty much the norm. I have friends my age who are married with kids, a cousin my age who just got married, and my grandparents are constantly asking me when I'm next, if there's a nice boy in my life, etc.. It IS weird, but if that's the norm for your family and your community, I can understand why the dad was freaked out that it looked like his daughter wasn't going to be "normal". Her brothers and her are right, though, she needs to be happy with herself and lose the weight for herself, not for some guy.
To the people who are wtfing over her dad being so obsessed with her getting married: If you look at the pictures of Makenzie's siblings at their weddings, it looks like there are Mormon temples in the background. I could be totally wrong, but I was raised Mormon and girls getting married right out of highschool, or early on in college is pretty much the norm. I have friends my age who are married with kids, a cousin my age who just got married, and my grandparents are constantly asking me when I'm next, if there's a nice boy in my life, etc.. It IS weird, but if that's the norm for your family and your community, I can understand why the dad was freaked out that it looked like his daughter wasn't going to be "normal". Her brothers and her are right, though, she needs to be happy with herself and lose the weight for herself, not for some guy.
Nope, you are totally correct. Makenzie is mormon. =)
