My mom fed us an amazingly healthy diet when we were children. but at the same time she was obsessed with my weight and how much I weighed. I don't think that attention helped.
Kaplods - Kudos to you for seeing and realizing all that you just said, and THANK YOU for sharing a different side of ideals. I have no words but just thank you. The fact that you see all of that and are making a change speaks volumes as to the success you will have.
Yes, I do blame both of them. they are both passed now because of it, too, at ages 62 and 67, with me being 36. So, I lost a lot because of it, and it's been the best motivation to get my *** in gear and fix it.
When I was growing up I too had a mother who, by no fault of her own (which I have to remind myself of constantly through out the day), was too depressed and out-of-it to be a mother. And a father who, though incredibly loving and supportive, (albeit INCREDIBLY misguided at times) just couldn't physically be around (military).
We grew up on canned veggies, if any. On and off dieting, as mother went through crash diets (grapefruit for dinner, anyone?). Ramen, costco sized goldfish, and sugary cereals to keep us "filled" and pacified in front of the cable television while she self medicated into oblivion.
I still fear that I don't have a real sense of a "correct" portion of food, an "ideal" food pyramid, the right amount of nutrients (physically and emotionally, ha), or the perseverance to get through dieting, school, relationships, family, and work.. all simultaneously. I fail, and I fail, and I literally fail - and the lack of guidance, the lack of self esteem, the lack of healthy examples I have ... I blame them for.
I was never allowed on a sports team. I was never allowed to play outside. I was never allowed friends, even. I was never allowed a healthy childhood. Or a childhood at all.
But I wonder if there's anyone here, anyone over weight, anyone who's gotten to the point of needing to diet - who HASN'T gone through the very same kind of process? Of blame, and claim?
I don't think it's right, necessarily. I don't think it's fair, by any means. But I do blame them. I honestly do.
This is an interesting one, as I do not blame my parents at all (although I was not obese as a child, probably at the high end of normal or at overweight by BMI standards today) but...
I HAD EXTENDED FAMILY WHO BEHAVED LIKE JERKS ABOUT MY SIZE!!!!
Grandparents, uncles, and aunts. These were the comments I heard growing up--
"You're going to have to diet when you get older"
"This is my Granddaughter. Can you believe how big she is?"
"Too bad you are going to be heavy when you get older. You have such a pretty face".
I remember being a little kid, sensitive, and crying over these comments, and my Mom and Dad feeling so bad for me. They would tell me all the time that I was not fat, I just have a larger frame than other people. But I did as an adult live up to extended family's predictions, the self-fulfilling prophecy, so to speak.
Now that I am a mother, I'll slap any of my family members in the face if they make comments to her( my DD) like the ones I had to listen to.
Last edited by fattymcfatty; 11-30-2010 at 07:19 PM.
My mom and step dad are both skinny people, so can I blame my parents for my life altering weight problem no. Is it in my genes to blow up like a Balloon when I eat crap and not take care of myself? Yes, but can I control that? Of course. Did I do that no, and why? because it was easier eatting crap then taking time to cook a healthier meal for myself after working 12 hour shifts and even on my 4 days off. My sister used to be really skinny and fit too, she gained a bunch of weight as well over the years. It's my own fault that I gained what I did because I was in an unhealthy relationship, with a boyfriend as I was with myself and the only thing that made me feel good was food.
that being said though, seeing children and teenagers who are over weight and obese their parents aren't that far from it either. Do I think it's fair for those kids to have to live under unhealthy life style just because their parents refuse to change it for themselves...no I don't. Being a kid or a teenager is NOT easy, and being overweight is not fun especially when you go to school and get picked on. Kids these days are brutal and and they find anything they can to pick on people these days.
I don't really blame my parents. They were never there growing up. Both are nurses. My mom works during the day and my dad during the night. They didn't restrict anything from me and home-cooked meals were available. My brother's a stick too despite all the stuff he eats. I think it was because other family members and friends said I was fat in middle school when I was 130 pounds and I don't think I ever got over that.
I do follow in my mother's footsteps when it comes to dieting though. She's been on a diet for as long as I can remember. She doesn't need to be but she has tried all the fad diets and exercises out there. She brings up weight a lot too. The gym and exercise classes have been our meeting place since I rarely see her. My dad worries about it since I had an eating disorder in high school and he had to come get me after I collapsed in the middle of a presentation.
If my parents took me out to eat less and told me "no" more I may have not been overweight during adolescence, but I don't blame them. They never harangued me about weight or diets, I was always taught "don't finish your food if you don't want to," and I made my own choices about food.
I do wish they had cut me off from bagels and KRAFT MAC AND CHEESE as breakfasts, but nobody's perfect. I have learned new habits and taken back control over my weight, and I feel pretty at peace with everything.
I blame my parents in a way. My father was an alcoholic. My mother screamed and yelled at us like a crazy person all the time. They fought all the time. I was a nervous wreck. I was also incredibly shy and probably depressed. I felt like somehow I was the glue that held the family together. I didn't want to lose my father. I was "his" daughter and my older sister was "her" daughter. There were five of us.. go figure. I guess they shared the other three... LOL. Nobody in my house was happy. But the other kids had enough self-esteem to go get some of their needs met elsewhere. They were home as little as possible. My mother was a good cook and really did serve well balanced meals. I was the only one who wasn't skinny accept for my mom who was a little overweight. I think if she loved us at all she did it with food and still does today. The only other time we got any extra attention was when we were sick. Guess who liked to stay home sick from school? My mother was concerned about my weight. She would ask..Do you really need that??? if I was going to have a glass of juice. One year she didn't buy me anything new for school and said she would when I lost ten lbs. I went through the year with two skirts and three sweaters. The kids at my lunch table teased me about always wearing the same thing. I think I was in the eighth grade and wore a size eleven. Yet even though I feel I grew up in **** I feel they did the best they could with what they had gotten from their parents.
Oh, I totally blame my parents. :P Not so much my father because he didn't have much to do with me, but definitely my mother. She introduced me to yo-yo dieting, pre-diet binges, emotional eating, etc. Of course, there are a lot more complications than that to do with abuse and stuff like that, but there are clear connections.
The thing is that I'm not angry about it. I accept what happened and recognize it for what it is.
So yes, I blame my parents, but I don't use that as an excuse not to do anything about it.
I appreciate everyone's stories, it has given me better perspective. I found it very difficult growing up with a parent who did the opposite of the norm. She would beat into me things that were "healthy," "very good for you," "it's an excellent source of blah blah blah." It wasn't loving in any way. She would make me feel terrible for wanting to eat anything but nutritionally sound foods. Heaven forbid I ate fast food. The world was over.
Naturally I rebelled. I rebelled a lot. I was tired of her control and I just wanted to eat! Even though that effected me growing up, I know I have control over the choices I make today. I can't listen to my mother, I must listen to me.
I appreciate everyone's stories, it has given me better perspective. I found it very difficult growing up with a parent who did the opposite of the norm. She would beat into me things that were "healthy," "very good for you," "it's an excellent source of blah blah blah." It wasn't loving in any way. She would make me feel terrible for wanting to eat anything but nutritionally sound foods. Heaven forbid I ate fast food. The world was over.
Naturally I rebelled. I rebelled a lot. I was tired of her control and I just wanted to eat! Even though that effected me growing up, I know I have control over the choices I make today. I can't listen to my mother, I must listen to me.
Dude that sucks and totally not called for from a mother. I get that now that I had gained all my weight (though when I was younger it was never drilled into my head) and the thing that's most annoying is the fact my sister gained weight and never in the world would she tell her how fat she has gotten. (then again they were never close due to history i'm sure thats a huge reason why she has or won't say the **** she does to me.) I guess in my moms mind it's her being loving in thinking I need to be told how gross I look to get myself back in check and yes sometimes I do demand the truth and she's probably the only person in my life who will flat out tell me the truth. But she got pay back when I made her my chubby buddy and she got her *** kicked every morning by Bob (yes she loves bob) and in a way I'm brutal with her when it comes to her drinking (which she has now been sober for 7 month when it comes on the 8th) So it's a give and take loving relationship. Am I angry at her for telling me the truth, no, does it make me a little self concious tho? oh yes and every phone conversation I have with her she asks me how my weight is going...can't get annoying but she's across the country and can't be there for the mental support I may or may not need.
Plus what Parents don't realize what they do to us as kids, effects us as adults in a way...
Not at all. Let's face it, after about 16, you are responsible for what goes into your mouth, not your mother & father. Our parents all had some issues and we all will have our issues we will give to our children. No one is perfect, and i don't think i would want to be. i do understand some people had more extreme issues at home-but to blame them? Absolutely, unequivocally, NOT. i take full responsibility for my life, my decisions and choices, the good & the bad
Eh, yay and nay...but mostly nay. My mother worked like a dog to provide for my sister and me and she fed us what she had on hand; sometimes that was McDonald's after working a 12-hour day. When I became a teenager and her and my dad got remarried, I had all the tools I needed to be healthy (my dad is a 20+ year Air Force Vet who has been in excellent shape his whole life and with less financial stress, my mom worked less and learned to cook. Very well.) but I loved processed food and fast food and sweets and I thought because I played sports I could eat whatever I wanted. But I was wrong, it is not my parents fault; they were young and they tried their best and I'm a freakin' adult, it's up to me now. I can't promise that I will be better with my children than my parents were; if it turns out I am a single mom with two mouths to feed and I have to work long and hard to support them then that's what I'll do.
