Rissa- You are right about the weights, i just have had this long stemming paranoia avoiding them still. A great circuit training session is something i really need to add in. I just am so obsessed/overly focused on cardio b/c i am all must.burn.more.calories. I just years ago used to lift a lot, and then stopped and dropped weight and kinda get sucked into negative thinking about it. I think i'm going to start adding in some workout videos that have toning mixed in with cardio and go from there.
Meditation, good idea. I shall think more of this, i really admire what your working on.
Intervals
I focus heavily on them. On the elliptical i do 2 min higher resistance and force myself to go faster and 2 min w/out the resistance and do so for about 35 min and finish w/5 min of steady resistance. It buurns. On the bike i alternate 1 min of moderate resistance at the fastest pace i can get to w/1 min off for about 25 min and finish the same way. Intervals keep me going/fight boredom. Back in the day (and ill get back there) i used to do some killer HIIT on the treadmill, never more then 25 min of that!
casey- Arrgh, sleeping issues are the worst! I've struggled w/pretty bad insomnia for a looong time. My biggest problem is not being able to get to sleep though, the other night i didn't get to sleep till almost 4 am, and i have to get up at 8. Yeah, sucked. I was on rx sleeping meds for years, and that was all that got me to sleep at some points, but i went off them awhile ago. I take otc stuff pretty often though-wish i didn't. I may need to go back on them, depends if i even get in to see a psychiatrist/able to afford/etc. I could go on at length about all the things i've tried i've read of, i feel like i've done it all. I take an herbal mix of things too-i feel it does something.
Wow, lots of people! That should be quite the time! Fun things you seem to have in store for sure.
Hey ladies - got some fairly long personals haha, had to write them all out first!
RisssaAye aye capn'! One scale! Hah! I think I'll cut down to two...I know, I'm terrible, but living at two places - I feel like I need one at each. But I'm also going to make a better effort of not letting the numbers get to me or mean too much. At least with the Wii scale it records it for me, it's nice to see the downward trend! I know exactly what you mean about the workout affecting the mood - it's just that sometimes my mood is so bad I don't want to exercise. Though so far I'm doing well at forcing myself to anyway, and I always feel better afterwards. As for intervals with cardio, on the stationary bike I always set it to a program that has parts that are more intense and faster/harder and parts that are easier. I can't do intense the whole time, and I'd get bored if I did low intensity the whole time. I do the same on the treadmill, mainly because I can't jog for long periods of time anyway - so I jog for as long as I can and then fast walk on an incline until I catch my breath and repeat. Etc.
CataThanks for the compliment on the pic! I love red too but it fades so quickly I try not to pinpoint my depression sometimes because to be honest I'd rather not think about it - I get trapped in my mind with too much thought sometimes, so when I'm feeling my worst, I'd rather just zone out with a dvd or tv or something like that. Yesterday I definitely did that. I also exercised a tiny bit (14 mins on Wii fit haha) and stayed in my calories - some of which were alotted to some much needed chocolate/mini cookies/mini icecream.
jenn Glad you finally got to do your jazzercise! How frustrating that the centre keeps closing. And thanks for the compliment! Last time I change my picture for a while I promise, I keep confusing myself even!
caseyI love that type of weather, it's the best for staying in bed and relaxing - too bad you couldn't! Your weekend sounds like you'll have a really full house, but it should be fun! I hope the show is good! As for your question, I used to see a therapist and a psychiatrist and was on antidepressants for around 18 months - after which I improved a lot and started to cope better with stuff. I had hoped it wouldn't creep back but if I'm honest with myself it was always hanging around in the background, I just did a good job of busying myself and ignoring it, or having actual happy times. This time around I have a good support system - my parents are very aware I have those tendencies and my boyfriend is amazing at trying to cheer me up - even though he knows it's not that simple, he at least knows how to get my mind off of thinking about my feelings and can distract me for a while.
aliquot Hi! Lets get you out of that funk!
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Ok so last night I made this amazing stir fry. Yesterday afternoon I ended up being a mess of tears and I realised I'd done nothing all day and for some reason just getting dressed and going to the supermarket seemed like this huge effort. But I did it, got some ingredients, and went to my boyfriends. I cooked him and his dad this great stir fry: carrots, green beans, baby corn, red bell pepper, mushrooms, lean pork and the sauce with udon noodles. It was good, I surprised myself. I have never cooked something with that many veges I don't think haha.
For some reason, as well as feeling fairly low for the past few weeks, I think I also experienced my first PMS type symptoms. Usually with TOM I've never really had any of the stuff that other people complain of - irritability, chocolate cravings, emotional etc - so I guess the TOM PMS and the depression combined to make yesterday fairly ****ty. My boyfriend made me feel a little better last night by at least taking my mind off it - we played some Harry Potter Lego on Wii and he gave me one of his mini icecreams. It fit into my calories fine so I had it and felt a little better. Not great though. It's like putting anaesthetic on something - the pain/feeling goes away for a while, but you know it's still there...and it comes back slowly as the anaesthetic wears off. I think exercise is kind of a similar thing - so just apply exercise as often as possible?!
I woke up this morning feeling really horrible - I had a dream my boyfriend had been killed or was dead somehow - it was really really terrible and he wasn't in bed when I woke up which kind of made it worse. I only briefly saw him this morning in my half asleep stupor and he's away for the weekend on a "study trip" with two other girls - I know, that sounds kind of crazy. Or does it? I dunno. I know the girls kind of, they are both students at uni with him doing their Masters degrees, one has a boyfriend and one doesn't. Their supervisor suggested they all go somewhere for a weekend of intensive writing away from internet/television etc, which I think is a great idea...just maybe not with 2 other people, I'm sure they'll distract each other! And I trust my boyfriend but I think I'm kind of jealous because I know he won't do his work half the time so it's more like he's going on a mini holiday with friends and I don't get to go. I was opening the curtains in his room this morning and saw his little packing list for the weekend, the last thing on it was beer - I was so tempted to cross it off haha! Why does he need beer for a study weekend! Bleh. I think I'm overreacting because it's only 2 nights - but it just seems so pointless to drive for just over 4 hours to go somewhere just to write his thesis - he may as well rent a motel/hotel room and lock himself in there all weekend. URGH. Sorry for my extended rant.
I'm avoiding being social this weekend because I really don't feel like it. Instead I'm going to spend some time with my parents. Fish for dinner tonight which I'm looking forward to, and I will probably get us a dvd to watch. Tomorrow...well...tomorrow I am trying to fill. I don't know what to do.
We had a going away party for one of the girls I work with at lunch today. We had pizza. However, a lot of my coworkers are calorie conscious and they got a giant veggie pizza on whole wheat crust. Sooo I did OK BUT, the hospital also had a little picnic for suicide awareness day and there were AUTHENTIC tamales out there. How could I resist? My calories are a little higher than normal at this point in the day. I'm left with about 450 for supper. I can swing that. I might just make this a cheat day and go a little over since I am going out to night. I would like to have at least one gin and tonic
The tamale was totally worth it by the way. It was very spicy!
Rissa: Yay for super duper good workouts. Don't you love how you feel after? It's one of the best feelings!
Cata: I have found that Melatonin really helps with my sleep cycle and I don't feel groggy the next day when I take it. I have a real issue with medicine making me feel like a zombie the next day. My doctor prescribed Klonopin and I take a 1/2 a mg at night along with a mg of Melatonin and I usually sleep really well. For some reason, I had a bad night that night. I'm felling better now though! Have you tried Melatonin? You can get it over the counter in the vitamin section.
Ali: Welcome back!
Rainbow: I'm glad you have a good support system, and you are aware of your depression and the signs that its creeping up on you. Stay on top of it girl, I hope it gets better soon!
With the boyfriend situation.... This may not make you feel better but I would totally be jealous too. And I am also the type that would NEVER let him know about it. My boyfriend went on a business trip with a girl (separate rooms) about a month ago, and I knew nothing would happen but I still felt jealous. I have no idea why.. maybe it was just the fact that he was spending his time with another girl, and I was at home alone.
Don't let it get you down though, just make sure to keep busy and try to keep your mind off of what he's doing!
I went to NY & Co to spend my City Cash ($60 off of $120.) I truly believe they are evil. I ended spending $130 AFTER my $60 off. Grr. But I did get 2 shirts in size Small (they actually fit) and a pair of brown slacks in an 8, and they fit too!! It is very expensive when clothes fit and look nice. I don't know how skinny girls do it! I ended up with 5 or 6 shirts, the brown slacks, a brown vest to go with the suit that I bought last week, 3 necklaces and a bracelet. I'm excited to wear some of my new stuff!!
No real plans for the weekend. Going to make some stuffed chicken and taco meatballs. I'll let you guys know how they turn out and link to the recipes on Monday. Oh and I was down another .2 lbs since Tuesday. Not a lot, but still a loss! I am SO CLOSE to the 150's!!
DH and I are going to have a date night! YAY!!! Not sure what we'll do. Dinner and a movie would be good but we won't go out until after little one goes to bed at 8 and that would make for a late night.
Gonna dress up in my new black dress that I haven't gotten to wear yet!
casey Me too! I won't tell him I'm jealous. I'm like a small child sometimes, I just pout and assume he knows what I'm pouting about - it's silly, he must be a pretty good guy to put up with me for so long haha! When I got home (his house) from work he was there with one of the girls about to leave - kind of made me feel better because all she did was talk about her boyfriend - it's not him I don't trust, it's other girls! He's a hot guy! jennYay for date night and a hot black dress! Hope it's great fun! And yay for new clothes! I am so desperate to shop - but avoiding it because I haven't really dropped even a size yet so don't have the need to buy new stuff - although some of my stuff is too big to wear, I still have enough until I REALLY need to go. audrinaMen are confusing.
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I'm feeling ok today. The weather is horrible, I had to get up early because we had to take the cats to get their shots as they're going to a cattery when my parents go to the USA in a few weeks time. Just had some fruit for breakfast and I'm going to exercise in a little while. My mum is home today (not usual for her on a Sat) doing some work so when I'm done exercising and showering, we'll probably go out for a couple of hours - I want to get my diary for 2011 hah! And I also want to treat myself to this lilac nail polish I've wanted for ages! My mum has a voucher so hopefully it will only cost me $4!
Have planned to hang out with my sister tonight, we're going to watch dvds. I've already bought the food - not the best, but not what we'd most likely have if I didn't organise something beforehand - dvds and my sister would usually equal junk. I've met her halfway, got some low fat/calorie frozen chicken tenders and some kumara (new zealand sweet potato) fries. And I will have some steamed veges as well.
I should be going out with my friends tonight. I haven't seen any of them in ages - I have been avoiding going out for a while now because I'm kind of worried about my self control when it comes to alcohol and cigarettes. I used to be a full time smoker (4 years ago) and then quit cold turkey for 8 months..then it slowly crept back as a social habit, and stuck. But when I mean social I mean... I would sometimes smoke half pack when I went out at night. And doing that once a week is not conducive to my health - so I'm scared at how to handle it, a lot of my friends smoke. I know eventually I'll have to stop avoiding going out. It's ok when I go out with my boyfriend and our mutual friends, him being there kind of makes it way easier not to smoke. But without him... I know I'll be more than tempted.
Anyway, no more from me today, need to get to exercising. Also going through a whole bunch of old clothes from the past few years with my mum - trying to see if there is anything I want to keep or wear again!
Rainbow- Girl, no way could i not be jealous- i'd have a hard time with that. It speaks volumes of your trust and communication w/your bf that you can handle that. I mean i have serious issues (hence me serious single status. though this is the first time i've been single since i started dating at 14 for any duration period) w/trust-esp since i was in a really really horrible relationship for a few years. I would need massive reassurance! However your trust in him i know is well funded, and no matter what someone else would try (sounds very unlikey) his feelings and obvious love for you determine his actions.
Oh and i was the WORST at being passive aggresive when i was upset, it drove my last bf nuts b/c he'd be all " i know somethings up, just tell me" and i'd just be all "no i'm fiiiinnne." I used to figure if he couldn't "tell" then i wasn't telling him. I eventually got better about that (but then i went super duper insane in other ways go figure)
I have had a lot of bad problems w/bad dreams esp about losing people i love. My best friend died when i was 19, and the love of my life died when i was 21...so well yeah-i think i may struggle w/that for a loong time to come (bit by bit i share stuff, and then really wonder if i should post, b/c its such heavy subject matter and i don't ever want to seem so woe is me. i've come a long way in dealing w/this). The littlest things will send me into a tail spin, and to help center myself by reminding myself that its 2010, that i am projecting fear of unknown things and obsessing, etc. I'm pretty sure (i sure hope) this isn't a common thing-but through the years i've gotten better about it. On really off days i'll think back to what might have happened to trigger more intense paranoia of bad things happening to people i love.
I hope you have a good night watching movies w/your sister- sounds like some good eats mixed in. I just basically (every so often i might have a cig but i almost never buy them) quit smoking, and i don't go out (not that i have a lot of friends in the town i live in currently) b/c i still am not able to feel confident in my ability to not drink too much. I miss it at times. Hope the workout went well.
casey- I do take that, 3mg i think. I used to take klonopin (and ativan for years prior) but after i moved here the one place i had started going to therapy would not prescribe it to anyone. Um, lame. I've gone to the clinic a few times, but at $120 a pop, i can't afford to any time soon (where i got an rx for it). I am doing a lot better w/my panic attacks thank goodness, so i'm doing ok w/out it-but i slept much better and more soundly when i took that at night too. I know what you mean w/the after affects of many sleep meds, i have to drink a good deal of coffee to function just off the otc stuff!
And having one of something really good is awesome, see if i allow myself anything off plan, i tend to go "screw it" and almost always binge, so i really admire that. Just think of it as a higher cal day to add in a cycle for that zig zag affect! Have fun (and have a g&t for me! those or whiskey and gingers were my staples)
jenn- Score on the clothes, though i know i always get a bit irked at the prices! Big win on fitting into such sizes, jealous!! Have an awesome time on your date night!!
audrina- Men can be such confusing creatures!
aliquot- Hello there. I'm from NJ (but i moved to va when i was 13 so i did most of my growing up there! a lot of my family is there though, a bit south of cherry hill. i love philly), where did you move from? Moving is rough, no doubt about that. Also so much of what caused the move factors in. I moved the end of the last year, and since not the best things caused that, i'm still in a funk!
me
Started a new job today, at the golf course. All in all its has a lot of potential, so that's a plus. A girl i used to work with at another place (restaurant) works there too-and i had not seen her since i lost weight and she was incredibly complimentary, which was nice. She somehow had seen an older photo of me (that is less then a year old still. i hadn't checked facebook and someone tagged me in a photo, and i had not yet untagged myself as i almost always will do- esp since it was from a promotional event i did when i was working for various liqour companies through bars and such) so i was scantily clad, eek.) and told me that she hoped i didn't go "crazy" and attempt to lose weight till i "looked sick like that again". It just was uncomfortable, b/c
a) its horribly embarrasing for anyone to see that i allowed myself TO gain so much weight
b) any comments about that are just odd no matter what.
c) i think she'd never had said anything if she never had seen me so heavy, b/c that's probably the only reason she would consider me looking too thin then.
(oh and the fact that i went and saw the pics and just the crush i felt b/c i want so badly to look like that again, blablabla)
I don't know, its not some big deal but it had me obsessing more about what it will ever take for me to be ok at any weight, so what should have been a decent day i was in a really low place. My god do i go on about that ENOUGH!? Sorry you all!
I have to get up super super early all weekend (ok getting up before 7 am is to me!) for this job. I miss sleeping in- i cant during the week due to school either.
Last edited by cataclysmic; 09-10-2010 at 08:32 PM.
cata Firstly, hugs for you. I am terrible at knowing the right thing to say when people have gone through great loss or life-changing events. It's like I want to say the right thing but I don't know what to say - which frustrates me because I know lots of words but just not which ones to use or where. So just know that I feel for you and I am here for you and I read everything you say but just don't always know how to respond. Don't worry about sharing stuff with us on here - I know it's a "weight-loss-diet-support-etc" forum but we're here to get and give support on all types of things - at least that's how I feel - the weight-loss/health is just what brought us here in the first place.
I am just as you describe in passive-agressive-ness, I do the same "I'm fiiiiine" thing even though I know he knows there's something wrong, otherwise he wouldn't ask. I am such a child sometimes seriously I can't understand why. I know the adult and mature way to deal with things, but I just can't always put it into action.
I'm also not confident in my ability to not drink too much when I go out. One night of drinking could make me feel good at the time - and a hundred times worse the next day because of all the calories consumed and I also tend to be extremely talkative in a bad way when I drink - I tell people things I shouldn't, strangers etc... I just talk too much. I think it's best if I avoid situations like that until I know I'm capable of controlling myself fully.
I'm glad your new job seems like it may be good for you, and it must have felt nice to get the compliment - but I can understand you feeling uncomfortable about the photo on facebook and the reaction to that. I hate facebook for that reason sometimes - I forget what photos I've been tagged in and I hate how I look in photos the majority of the time. I hope the job continues to be good for you! And also that you don't end up too tired with all the early mornings!
Kay, I don’t get cramps but they do last for a week. But with the Diva Cup, it has become a minor irritant. I don’t know why I did not try the Diva Cup sooner!!!
Rain – just hearing about your prior scale issues stressed me out. Why invite drama into your life? You need two scales – make sure they are EXACTLY THE SAME. Just duplicate one of them and test them to ensure they are insync. Or, if one is always 2lbs (or kgs) more than the other nominate one scale as your actually scale and the other scale as the back up scale and you add/substract based on the consistent discrepancy so the backup scale equals the actual scale weight. Make sense?
And hun, I know what it is like to have a mood sooo bad that you do not want to exercise. Just do it. Sometimes I drag myself b/c internally I am kicking and screaming like a 5 yo to the gym. Or give yourself permission to quit. I’ll tell myself “just 10 mins and then you can stop” and rarely do I quit early.
Oh, and I get the meaning behind your b/f rant. Hopefully it is a productive trip for him and he makes progress. And I describe myself (mostly to my b/f) I am part lady, part 12 year old boy (I have really immature humour) and part 5 year old child. I am a pouter. My b/f just says “you look better when you smile”.
I am staying away from booze to. I’ve missed a few nights out as aresult. But I am okay with that. I need to know I can control the booze and avoid the post booze eating (poutiness after booze…….hmmmm so delicious!)
Hi aliquot. Your name reminds me a French Canadian folk song that I learned as a kid. (I know its French, but I am assuming the folk song is French Canadian).
AUdrina – expand.
Cata – I feel like you have a lot going on (internally). Just take it one step at a time.
Casey (don’t tell anyone……I had pizza for dinner )
Briefly what happened to me yesterday (to read more check out my blog http://www.3fatchicks.com/diet-blogs/onemore/ its super duper). I cracked. I mentally and emotionally gave up. These negative thoughts that run through my head are exhausting but I’ve been coping with them for as long as I can remember and it is exhausting. So I gave up. Gave on negativity. I decided to be positive – even if I don’t believe it. Even if it is like forcing a whole grapefruit down my thoart. I will be logical and positive. I will no longer allow negative thoughts rule me and prevent me from living my life. Its exhausting. I solemnly swear to be positive, embrace the unknown, and rise to challenges. This is how I will be living my life from now on. Truth, honesty, positivity, confidence, and self-worth. I know in time it will get easier, but for now. I do not care how hard it may be, I am doing this. Because this sh*t has got to stop. And it has.
And you have no idea what a relief this is. For the past week when I’ve been meditating my mantra I’ve used is “Happiness is Me”. And it almost immediately lightens my good and puts thinks into proper perspective.
i went shopping today for clothes and bought a pair of size 14 (vanity sizing at its best i tell you) and several pairs of size 16 pants/jeans for the fall and an upcoming job interview next week.
i'm trying to hang up my SAHM status and i have a job interview for the holiday season at the mall. hopefully some other places will be calling soon i just applied to a bunch of places in the past 3 days
Umm.. Well, the weekend hasn't been exactly on plan.. but it could be a lot worse I guess. Yeaah, it could definitely be a lot worse.
Last night, I just had a salad for dinner. I definitely stayed in my calorie range until we got to the bar 1 Gin and Tonic lead to 4. This tends to be the trend with me. I can not have just one drink. Bad Bad Bad. I will say the people I was with went through a McDonalds drive through at 2 am when we were leaving the bars and i didn't get anything. I came home and ate a banana and drank lots of water, and wasn't TOO hung over this morning. I've stayed in my calorie range today. I wish I would have gotten in more fruits and veggies, but I will tomorrow. I went grocery shopping today and got a TON of groceries. I'm happy to have healthy choices in the house.. It will be a good week.
My family has been here, so I have not got in much exercise. Except for walking around at the farmers market and lots of shopping. My nephew is so stinkin cute. I will post a pic at the end.
I'm ready to get back to running tomorrow. I just found out there is a 5k coming up in October, it is something I would really like to do. I'm going to get serious and start preparing for it.
*TMI alert. One good thing about alcohol--It really gets things moving for me. I had one of those bathroom experiences this morning where you come out and want to give yourself a high five. hahaha Sorry, that's not very lady like as my mother would say
Jenn: I hope you had fun on your date night! That sounds like fun. I would love to get dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant with the BF sometime. I need some romance in my life!
Rainbow: I hope you had a good night with your sister. I also have a problem with going out.... obviously. Fortunately it's not something we do very often. I do fine when I make the decision not to drink before we go. But it's almost like an all or nothing situation for me. There is no moderation... not good.
Cata: You have experience tremendous loss for a 20 something. I'm like rainbow, I never know what to say. I know nothing we say would ever change anything or make anything better. So, I say let it all out. We can totally listen and this can be a place where you can vent. It's quite healthy. I'm glad you like your new job. That is kind of a strange comment for someone to make.. it is almost insulting. I don't know quite what to think about it. There is another thread going about people who have others tell them they don't need to lose anymore weight or they will be unhealthy. Kind of ironic because I had the same thing happen to me today. I mentioned losing another 20 - 30 lbs and my sister and mom were like ABSOLUTELY not. I just kind of brushed it off. Maybe I do need to lose just 10 more lbs.. I'll know once I get there. Once I get at a weight I feel comfortable at I'll start maintaining. I think the "unhealthy" comments are silly though. Just because you were once overweight and became thin doesn't mean you are being unhealthy. In fact in our cases it means the exact opposite. Other people's views on weight loss are interesting.
Rissa - I LIKE IT! I try to follow this philosophy, and sometimes it can be very difficult. But I often get comments like "Oh Casey, always looking on the bright side." So I guess I do a fairly good job! Good luck with your new outlook on life, I think it will make you a much happier person!
Lissa - OOh.. I enjoy shopping. I've recently made the decision not to make any big clothing purchases (especially jeans) until I'm at goal. Shopping, is somewhat of a problem for me! Oh! And Good luck on finding a new job!
And here's the little guy I've been hanging out with all weekend!
Risssa I actually came to a kind of realisation this weekend that I don't really care too much about the scales - sure, it could be a thing I don't care about for the weekend - but having let go of some of the pressure I felt to see a number feels good. It's going to be what it's going to be and I can't force it to read something else - all I can do is keep doing what I'm doing and working towards my goals!
I think my boyfriend is making progress - he'll be home later on tonight, I'll probably be asleep already, but from the texts I've had it sounds like a pretty boring work-filled weekend - which is exactly what I wanted to hear haha, so that he can have a fun weekend with me next weekend!
LissaYay for shopping! As for vanity sizing.. I don't think we have it here...but we do have ridiculous variances in sizing from different stores. I swear not one store has the same sizing as another here. It's so insanely frustrating. I'd love to have a "be size x" goal but it will never happen due to the stupid sizing here! I went browsing rather than shopping yesterday - I've kind of lost a size-ish...but I think I've got enough clothes to last at least for a little longer - which is annoying because I love buying clothes so I just have to keep telling myself it's not worth spending too much now when the clothes will be too big soon! What is SAHM? Also good luck for your job hunting!
caseyWoo! 5k run in October! Go for it! And yay for having healthy choices in the house - I love that feeling of knowing you've got a bunch of good foods around to choose from. Your TMI - I know what you mean haha! Although for me it's more like... uncomfortable..like, if I drink, the next morning I'll need to go really badly and it's usually not the most enjoyable poops ever - not that pooping is necessarily enjoyable..ah haha I will stop I think I'm just talking in a nonsense circle!
I feel like I need to learn moderation - if I can do it for food theoretically I can do it for alcohol? It's just that pretty much everyone I know likes to get a little tipsy when they go out. And I like to as well but I know it's not good healthwise - though I figure occasionally it can't be that bad? I dunno. It's something I have been thinking about a lot!
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So me and my sister had a good meal last night - she made these really good green beans with garlic and chili flakes and lemon juice, they were so good. Had it with the from-frozen chicken tenders and kumara chips, which were really good - and I was surprised at the sodium/sugar levels for a frozen product! We watched "When In Rome", which was fairly average to be honest...but sometimes it's good to just watch a fluffy pointless romantic comedy - I do that when I'm not feeling in such a good mood.
I had work today and pretty much dreaded it more than I have in some time - I feel like I'm just really really over my job. It's good money for retail, and it's fairly lenient in terms of if I want time off I can get it...but I just hate being there at the moment. Need the money though and like being occupied so I'm not going to quit or anything silly.
Tonight I think we're having low fat sausages and veges. I don't like sausages that much but there isn't another option and I hate being a pain when I'm at my parents house by trying to get other food for myself. It fits into my calories and it won't be terrible.
Boyfriend should be back very late tonight, sounds like he's been doing a lot of work so I'm glad. I will most likely be asleep when he gets back, I'm feeling pretty tired.
Alright. Trying trying trying to be positive about the week to come. I'll possibly start a thread for the new week sometime while I'm at work tomorrow! Hope you're all having good weekends!
I try not to pinpoint my depression sometimes because to be honest I'd rather not think about it - I get trapped in my mind with too much thought sometimes, so when I'm feeling my worst, I'd rather just zone out with a dvd or tv or something like that. Yesterday I definitely did that. I also exercised a tiny bit (14 mins on Wii fit haha) and stayed in my calories - some of which were alotted to some much needed chocolate/mini cookies/mini icecream.
Sooo I did OK BUT, the hospital also had a little picnic for suicide awareness day and there were AUTHENTIC tamales out there. How could I resist? My calories are a little higher than normal at this point in the day. I'm left with about 450 for supper. I can swing that. I might just make this a cheat day and go a little over since I am going out to night. I would like to have at least one gin and tonic 
