I was always big. In high school I was 200-220, but I didn't mind because honestly I grew up that way. I always had a boyfriend then and had good relationships.
After high school, my weight skyrocketed, in a year I gained 60lbs and had swelling problems. I felt HUGE (and still do) because it was like all of a sudden I was bigger. I haven't dated since then. It's been 5 years and I have maybe had a couple of dates. I don't take care of myself anymore really. I love my hair but it's always up in a ponytail now and I was never really good with makeup. I'm working on it, but my goodness it's hard!
I have pretty high confidence I think thats why my now EX's comment hurt so bad...because I just never saw it coming, he had never ever made me feel bad in our whole relationship, but in that one comment ruined everything.....
As bad as I hate to admit it, I was often fuel to the fire on comments and hurtful conversations about ppl's weight ( at the time I was 5'5" and weighed 125) Its not until now that I realize that yea anybody can gain weight and now I have other ppl judging me like I did them......its a learning experience.
I can't say a guy has ever flat out rejected me because of my weight. That MAY have been the reason, but if it was he never told me. Most of the time I don't do the pursuing anyhow.
But I can say there have been times guys have hit on me, and then when they get rejected all of a sudden I'm a "fat b*tch" to them. It's really quite funny to me, actually. They had no problem with it when they were trying to get with me 5 minutes ago. *eyeroll*
Also, confidence really does make a big difference. I notice it more now because when I was always down on myself guys were turned off by that, and I just assumed it was because of how I looked. I've gained a lot more self-esteem now and it's really surprising how many people have responded positively to it. I'm in a somewhat-relationship with a guy now who practically worships my body. They're out there!
Last edited by CityLights; 05-04-2010 at 07:17 PM.
I have always been overweight and usually have had no problems with guys. However, I did have a lot of low self-esteem growing up, so I don't know how they liked me...haha. I don't remember ever liking any guys that would not be with me because I was "fat." Or maybe I never tried being with anyone that didn't show some kind of interest in me in the first place. But, I didn't date a bunch of guys either. I had 2 serious boyfriends in highschool, and those relationships lasted a while. One even lasted through 2 years of college. After that ended, I met my husband a few months later. I just have always been one to have long relationships. If I knew it wasn't going to work, then we wouldn't stay together.
i think there are definitely some guys who like the skinny b*tches, just because they're thin. they may be moderately attractive otherwise, but they're thin. and some guys really go for that. some don't.
for me, i think weight has affected my relationships in how i respond when a boyfriend/guy i'm dating disrespected me. i tolerated it. i've grown up, but it took me a while to see why i let some guys repeatedly treat me like crap.
that being said, i think that with some men (and women) weight can be a deal breaker due to health. it's not always about vanity, but about knowing that your partner will be able to keep up with you, not be suceptible to diabetes or high blood pressure due to obesity, that sort of thing.
most of the guys i know like a curvy woman, but when it comes to someone obese, their main issue is health.
i go through this with my boyfriend. he's a skinny mini, has never been overweight. he loves me as is, but is concerned for my health. he sees me get tired easily, not have a lot of energy...he's also very active and wants to share more of that with me. also, he knows i'm not happy.
i think its a matter of expectations. its not so wrong to want your bf/gf/spouse to be confident, happy, and healthy. you'll want them to be around for a long time
just my two cents
I’m racking my brain…but I cannot think of one time that I was rejected by a guy in favor of someone smaller. Not everyone I’ve been interested in has been interested in me, too, and that could have had something to do with my weight, but it wasn’t like they chose the skinny girl over me.
That being said, I’ve had a lot of men in my life. I’ve been married (sigh), engaged, dated around, had lots of guys friend and hey, I’ve even done my share of bed hopping. And one thing I’m a firm believer in: men just like women. I’m super insecure about my body…I think it’s horrible and disgusting and it makes me sick…but I’ve never had that reaction from a man. If anything, I’ve had relationships blow up in my face because I was so insecure and kept putting myself down and doubting every compliment that was given to me by that guy. I’m trying to be different with the guy I’m dating now….but he’s really skinny and that makes me feel even bigger. Learning experience!
Sure, some guys prefer skinny girls…but like someone else said on another thread, some women prefer tall guys. Nothing wrong with that. Most guys I know personally, though, have dated or been with women of all different sizes and shapes…it’s more about how you present and carry yourself, I think.
ive been turned down before by boys... but ive never had a problem finding a man.. .. i was very lucky to have a confident mum.. whos no bull crap attitude was passed down to me.. even being at my heaviest I was confident, held my head high and .. when your big sometimes.. you need to have a personality to get the guy first! if you show your confident they will come...
I think guys like confidence, honestly. If you're big but you've got an amazing personality, that's half the battle. My best friend is a stick but has zero confidence - and is almost 26 and has never dated anyone.
I can't agree more. While I was maybe a little bigger than my classmates, I was never what you would call overweight in junior high and highschool, but I had little confidence. I was shy and didn't know how to act around guys, or how to wear makeup and dress cute! And I was not confident with myself at all. I never got asked out, and rarely got attention from guys. As I got older, I lost the freshmen 15, which for my height made me skinny. This gave me a new sense of confidence, plus I made good friends that had confidence, versus the shy girls I hung out with in highschool. And being around confident girls meant attention.
After I did have my first boyfriend, a two year relationship, I wondered if I would have a looong dry spell like I had before. The opposite. I got asked out fairly frequently, and often found that whenI was attracted to someone they would be attracted back. When I met my husband I was heavier than I ever had been in highschool, but loads more confidence and loads more success in the dating world.
When I lost a ton of weight in high school and became one of the skinny girls (like size 2-4) after a lifetime of being bigger, my mother said, "Now I can finally imagine attending your wedding in ten years!" She was so wrong. Guys would flirt, but nobody wanted a relationship with me. Then I gained the weight back and her wedding dreams disintegrated, but I actually found someone worth marrying! He tells me he would never have pursued me if I was as skinny as I was back then. He'd be too afraid of accidentally breaking me in half
I've never had a guy not date me because of my weight, but this post reminded me of this guy I know. He used to be really cool, but he lost a lot of weight, started body building, and I will say his body is amazing, but with that also came his arrogance and he basically turned into an *******. Now he only surrounds himself with people who are as physically fit as him. His facebook is just pictures of him & his chick friends in bikinis and guy friends in shorts and no shirt. I'm not sure if it's his mentality that if he surrounds himself by people like this, that it will keep him from gaining weight back or what, but it made him a person I don't want to be around. We were never good friends or anything, but talked at parties and what not. Once he started getting arrogant I just avoided him. Given enough time he probably would have started avoiding me because I don't have a body like that! But I didn't give him the chance to do so, nor do I care. I don't need shallow people like that in my life.
I agree with what others have said about confidence and personality. My highest weight was 200 and even then I still had guys chasing after me all the time. Now that I'm thinner, the only difference really is that I get hit on more by random people. Before it was once you talked to me, you loved my personality. Now I get noticed before they talk to me. And I've found I get hit on by a lot more *******s. It's actually easier to pick out the nice guys when you're bigger. Haha. But I've always walked around with confidence, like I own the world, and don't care what anyone else thinks.
My thoughts on the entire thread are....
PSH! Men are drama and I'm loving singlism! It is truly a gift from God. I haven't been in a relationship in 13 months and I have been concentrating on ME, ME, ME for once in my life!
Like the old saying goes "its not about what on the outside..." and that is so true. I totally agree - its confidence that makes people sexy and attractive. I have been battling my wight ever since childhood. In high school (and university) i was very much a wall flower. I was inadvisable and i also had very low confidence. Boys didn't seem interested in me - and can you blame them? When they saw me what did they see? A girl with with little personality and no sparkle. It no wonder I have yet to have a boyfriend.
Now I have gained some confidence - but still have a ways to go. And i definitely notice that when i open up an let my quirky personality through i get a response. I noticed this over msn chat. The internet helps to dis-inhibit (probably cause its less personal when you can't see the other person). I have had several "offers" from guys i have known from school - but none of them actually wanted to date me or have a relationship. Although it was still kinda nice to know i was 'wanted' plus i deserve more than that.
I also had a best friend who (objectively) had a very nice body. I hated going to parties with her because boys always seemed to pay attention to her and I never got any. I always attributed that to our two very different weights. And being from a small town maybe it did have something to do. But she is also a lot better at small talk than i am and has much more confidence about her body then i did. She still doesn't get why i don't like going out with her (even though i tried explaining it).
So in the end I agree its all about confidence. The skinny wallflower isn't going to get the guy anymore than the fluffy or chubby wallflower. and lets face it - who wants to date someone with zero personality?
See I agree that confidence gets you far....but lets face the facts, you have to have somewhat of a physical attraction to someone. You dont see amazingly hot guys running around with 300 pound chicks..... its just life. Yea there are exceptions but animal insinct dictacts the top males mate and pair with the top females....not saying there arent expections though.
I dont want to sound mean, but we try to stay positive and live in this half fantasy world where just because I have an awesome personality that means I wont have problems finding a guy....buts thats simply not true. It doesnt even have to be based on weight....There are plenty of skinny girls who frankly are not attractive so they dont get the super hot guys either...so yea I think wether we admit to it or not, wether the guy will admit the reason, almost everyone one of us have probably been turned down for our weight or looks........
