Hey all,

(sorry for the length in advance!)
I had an interesting conversation with my grandmother this morning! I am just starting to seriously lose weight and I decided not to tell anyone yet (hoping that next time i come back home the results will speak for themselves) and as i'm at uni i haven't seen my family for 3 months. She was talking about how i'd put on weight and needed to lose weight and grabbing my flab - i guess she thought she was being funny and helpful but it hurt still!.
Now, she said to me that i will never be like my mum and sister (who are size 8 uk) and the smallest i could ever be is a 12 cause i am like my dad. I have never been happy with my weight so i dont know what size i could be, but do you think there is any truth in what she says? I know its not about size of clothing, more about how i feel, but i would like to think i could one day i could get into those smaller sizes!
I have no idea about goals and such so a bit of guidance would be nice. I am only 5 foot and so i know that i need to lose quite a lot of weight (i am about 200lbs right now).
so sorry about the length and the rambling questions etc but i want to get it right and i don't want to be too ambitious!

C x

First, don't feel bad. Grandmothers have the tendency to be brutally honest. As for sizing, there is some truth to what she says in that genetics can play a part in it. BUT...on the other hand, what does she know? :-) Are you built like your Dad? I am built like my mom but my sister is built like my Dad. She has long legs and I don't. However, we both share a genetic trait for a large frame. I wouldn't say that my dad has a large frame but my mom certainly does. She's in her upper 60s and her bone density is like 130% which is crazy. Anyway, I know what they say is a healthy weight for my height but I can't imagine being that light. I think I would look like skin and bones. I don't think it's physically possible for me to get below a certain size because my frame won't allow it.

I really wouldn't worry about the sizes so much because I bet you'll end up looking just as fit and healthy as them when you reach goal.

well all of my family are short but my dad has battled with his weight for the last 5 years or so, but when he was younger i know he was always a healthy weight so i don't know! I think the best way for me to do it is a bunch of mini goals and play it by ear, see how i feel at each goal!

x

Michaelasmom is right. Genetics definitely play a roll in how we are built and what size we are able to be successful at reaching. I feel as though today's teens are all 0's and 2's...when did that happen!?! If I literally stopped eating entirely, my bones would be larger than that!

While your grandmother's words hurt, don't allow that to become a setback or excuse. Instead of worrying about an arbitrary number and size, think about getting healthier or feeling better. As an example, I have gotten down to 168 from 185. While this is thrilling, it's also frustrating that, through all my efforts, I've been stuck at 168 since the beginning of March.

I've been doing alot of physical stuff, so I thought for sure, that my numbers would start dropping. I even bought three pairs of size 10 jeans as a challenge. The scale still says 168, but I'm sitting in one of those pairs right now. Go figure.

Just this week on the news, I saw a program about calorie cutting and weight gain. Essentially, by focusing too much on losing weight and cutting our calories too much, we feel stress. Excess stress encourages the production of cortisol in the body, making us maintain weight. The more we worry, the harder it is to lose.

Focus on those mini goals, but be positive. Relax and just KNOW that it will happen and that you are in control. Good luck!

Sizing today is much different than what it used to be... and as we all know it varies from store to store. Some stores do vanity sizing (ahhh, you wear a "smaller" size and pay for that tag, while it makes you feel good), but this is what it comes down to....

How do you FEEL? Do you feel better? Are you getting more fit? Can you run a mile that you couldn't before? Can you wear an old pair of jeans that you couldn't a few months ago? Do you feel lighter?

It's been talked about loads on here that for the most part people around 3FC have a magical number (I think it's an 8, maybe a 6) that they want to fit into....

but guess what?! That's not going to happen for all of us. I know there are some people on here that are my height, heavier than me and they wear a smaller pant size. We are not all built equally...

So, instead of being obsessed with the NUMBER, start being obsessed with how you feel.

And tell your G-ma her boobs hang down farther than they used to, see how she likes that!

"And tell your G-ma her boobs hang down farther than they used to, see how she likes that!"

Well played, Feral, well played!!!

Don't listen to her. Or if you do, listen to her with a dash of reality. You aren't going to know til you get there, and your project needs your energy and thinking. Where are you going to put that energy and thinking to yield best results?

I'm a US size 24, and I'm trying to get to a 22, then a 20. That's about all I can have on my plate at a time.

Be nice to see a size 12 again for myself, but I don't find it reasonable to put my head waaaay over there when I need it over HERE so I can get to the 22 and 20.

Maybe I stop at 14, maybe 12. But it seems premature to be putting my head into "fine tuning details" when it needs to be over here on "just get moving!" starting line.

I know my focus will change along the journey, but some of it I also know I don't need to have on my plate right this second.

HTH!
A.
A.

Thanks for the advice. I will focus on how i feel and break it down into small little bits rather than getting ahead of myself! :-) and i'm sure she will really appreciate that Feral

C x

I don't think there is any truth to what she says. Sure, you may hit your happy weight and it may be a size 12, but I'm not sure she's to be the judge of that.

I was always told I had my dad's "big bones". I've been called wide framed and big boned my entire life. I've also been told that I would just always be big. Guess what happened when I actually lost weight? I had TINY bones, just like my mom. I'm a taller version of my very petite, 5' mother.

Sure, you may be built differently than your sisters, but you may also be surprised

Everyone has pretty much covered what I would say.

Grandmothers do have a knack for pointing out exactly what we hope other people don't notice and don't realize that it hurts us. My grandma, the sweetest lady ever, always points out my unplucked eyebrows, my pooch, or anything else. She doesn't do it in a spiteful way, but saying it out loud at all is hurtful to me, lol.

About the sizes, my mother's side of the family is petite and tiny. Some of them gained weight after menopause or after kids, but they're all short and small framed. My dad, and his whole side of the family, is big and stocky, even the ones who remain fit have huge frames. I'm 5'8, and I have always been chubby. I assumed that I was built just like my dad, big and tall. I had just never seen my body in a thin or fit form, so I couldn't imagine anything other than "large." However, the more weight I lose, the more I realize that I am not necessarily built like a gorilla, I was just holding onto fat. My frame, according to most tests, measurements, and calculators, is right on the cusp of medium and large. I will never be a small person, but I'm not necessarily large either. I'm aiming to be a fit average person.

So, since you've always seen yourself as a "large" person (like I did), you may surprise yourself as you lose fat pounds to see a much more slender sillohuette than you would have thought possible. Also, make sure you're adding weight training to your exercise. I didn't do this until I had already lost 30lbs. I was buying drastically smaller clothes size, but naked, I looked the exact same, just a smaller version. I've only been weight training for about a month now, and the difference to my body shape is drastic.

I was always told the same thing - you'll never go below a size 12, blah blah blah. I believed it, because when I was thin in highschool I was a size 12, but you know what, I'm 28 and now a size 10. You never know what's hidden in your body, just like junebug said. Don't limit yourself by your thoughts

oh well i guess i will have to wait and see! I'm so impatient though but i guess thats part of the excitement about it all! Be a nice surprise to see what i really look like underneath my extra layers!

Cx

I agree that genetics plays somewhat of a role. My family always said I was built with a German frame like my dad, but although my dad was a very heavy man in his later years, pictures of him at my age show him as rather sleek and fit. His sister and mother I would not call large framed. I also look at my mom and sister. They are both about 2 inches shorter than me, and my mom is about 150lb, while my sister is at 105. My sister definitely appears too skin and bones, and my mom looks a bit heavy, so I'd say it just depends on the person.

I think it might be difficult to tell until we are closer to our goal weights.

I don't believe in pant sizes anymore. I wear a US10 (UK14?) and get told all the time I'm soo skinny (I don't think I'm that skinny, just normal, but whatever) and I can't even blame the larger pant size on a large frame... I have a very small frame! My wrists are like a child's (finding bracelets that fit me is tough!). But... I'm a size 10... and look skinny. SO WHATEVER! I'm convinced it's just WHERE you hold your weight, and someone can be a smaller size than you but actually look bigger. It's not the number... it's how it looks on you. Comparing to other people will get you nowhere; you can only really compare to yourself.

Take it with a grain of salt. I was always told I was big boned and couldn't go below a 14 bla bla bla. I've weighed over 180 lbs since I was TWELVE. After I had my first child I got down to 160 and I was a size 8. It can be done! I have a large frame but there's more fat hiding on it than I wanted to believe .