This is in no way your fault. You are not fat and disgusting and don't even think that. Cheaters are cheaters... thats all there is to it. This is an opportunity for you to find a mate that is better 1,000,000,000% better. Your husband did not deserve you. Chin up and move on. Show that SOB that you are better than him and can deal with this pain with grace and move on. Its going to take a while for the hurt to leave (if ever) but you can push through this. Persevere and everything will come out ok in the end.

Absolutely do not take this as a judgement against you. Some men are just never happy with a good thing.

I join the chorus, it's HIM, not you.

Now I'll say something that will probably seem callous: isn't this a good thing? I mean, you were divorcing anyway. Now that you have these tapes of him pursuing an underage girl, any chance he had for a settlement in his favor has just evaporated. Does he want the house? The TV? The dog? Too bad. Just wave the tapes at the judge and he's out of luck.

Plus, it reaffirms that the failed marriage was NOT because you weren't a good enough wife or whatever. It proves he was a lousy husband, and you're better off without him.

:hug::hug::hug:

I wish there was something I could say or do to take away all the pain you're feeling right now. All the other posters have said some great things, which I agree with.

Give yourself that time to grieve, and then MOVE ON girl - this is your chance to start living your life for YOU. Do what makes you happy! I know it will probably be tough at first, but this is the worst of it. It can only get better from here. You are a strong, beautiful, WORTHWHILE person. Don't let ANYONE take that power away from you!


We're here :hug:

I'm not sure I would dump the friend. Thinking about it, she was only 16 when this started. (Regardless of whether she reciprocated even by flirting) this was not only pedophile behavior, it was stalking behavior, and entirely inappropriate.

Women, especially very young women often do not react logically to being stalked, especially when it's the boyfriend or husband of a friend. They're often ashamed and fearful. Ashamed that they might have unconsciously done something to bring it on themselves. Afraid they'll not be believed, or will be blamed for the behavior (and sadly, they often are).

That she kept all of the emails, really makes me suspect that she was keeping them as evidence, but wasn't brave enough to use the evidence until she felt safe to reveal it.

If she'd been older, I would have expected her to tell you sooner, but even then - the same fears would probalby be there. And once a person keeps something like that hidden, even for a short time like a couple weeks, each day that passes makes it harder to tell the person, because on top of the original shame and fear is the new problem of having to explain why you waited so long to tell.

It sounds like she is a victim of this guy too - and if a guy has victimized two women, he's usually victimized and will continue to victimize more.

I'm not saying he's evil. I'm sure he has some redeeming qualities, most people, even the scariest people do, but his behavior has been abusive, not only to you, but to your friend.

It really is nothing to do with your weight, it's all to do with him being an a##hole.
What you're doing now is not accepting the situation as it is. Instead you find what you've probably always used in the past before, your weight, as an easy explanation for his actions and an excuse to hate yourself. And when you hate yourself you eat right? "i know he was looking elsewhere because i'm fat and disgusting...". If this is true, which sure it's not, then why would you want to be with him anyway?
Face the situation, it's scary, but you have to take responsibility for yourself and no one else.
Let that guy go. He is not what you deserve.

Learn to love yourself otherwise in the future you will always attract people who will seek to use you. After all, How can you expect someone else to love you when you can't even do you job yourself?

Your husband cheated on you... are you going to kill him?
No because you're not a murderer.

If you came to me and said you were hungry and I told you to run in the store and stuff a ham under your shirt, would you?
No, because you aren't a thief.

No matter what the circumstance, you're not going to do what's outside of your nature. I've always had a belief that you do what you do, because of who you are. Think about it... he cheated because she was beautiful. Would you being thin make her any less beautiful. Would it mean he wouldn't notice her beauty simply because you're thin? No, he cheated because he wanted to and he lacks the desire to control himself. It's not you, it's him.