why?!?!?
 

Why cant guy friends be supportive? Or did I just pick the wrongs ones! I posted on my fb that i lost 22lbs in one month and he told me great job, u wanna go out to lunch??? then we continued to chat on sms. Attachment 34397

I think he's just trying to be funny. It's not that he isn't supportive, just has a "different" sense of humor. I don't think he meant it at all.

Guy friends just don't have tact I think. My guy friends will just say, "Wow, you look really tired today!" Which everyone knows means you look like crap. But they mean to sound concerned. I also have a guy friend who has told me I'm ugly-and didn't understand why I was so mad at him because he was just joking and "I couldn't handle it." Yeah...hilarious there buddy...

First of all, 22 lbs in one month!!!!! That's amazing!!!:) Some people just aren't sensitive when it comes to weight. I had a sister tell me to get over my fat self once. The only thing you can do is to distance yourself from these types of people or to really explain to them what this journey means to you. You need to surround yourself with supportive people. Keep up the good work!!!! You're doing great.:hug:

to me thats not funny tho... u know? lol

i try to distance myself but somehow they weasel back in! lol

He's just being a silly boy. I'm sure he thinks he's being hilarious.

He probably does think it's funny and has no idea how hurtful he's actually being. If you talk to him about it ask him how he would feel if you joked around about his biggest insecurity. Everyone has one.

Originally Posted by junebug41:
He's just being a silly boy. I'm sure he thinks he's being hilarious.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

My weight is my biggest insecurity, they all no that. They think its funny.

Originally Posted by CurvaceousCutie:
My weight is my biggest insecurity, they all no that. They think its funny.

Ok, then they are just being jerks.
If you can't avoid them then try to find a way to blow it off evreytime they say something. For instance think of when you lose the weight that they will be eating their words. Then come right to this website so you can get the support you deserve.

Since he's a male I can tell you that in his own idiotic way he is trying to say he's proud of you for NOT wanting to eat the foods that he mentioned. That's what my BF used to do and I would get so upset. Then one of our friends wives told me that he was talking about me to them one day and saying how proud of me he was for sticking to it and not giving up...I was SHOCKED because I didn't think he thought that way because of all of his jokes and stuff.

It's either that or he's just a butt head. ;)

Originally Posted by CurvaceousCutie:
My weight is my biggest insecurity, they all no that. They think its funny.

If you feel insecure about your weight I guess I question why you would post something about it on Facebook for everyone to see. (I don't know about you but I have a lot of facebook "friends" who are people I haven't talked to in several years and used to go to school with me.) For that reason alone, I get posting your success here on 3FC where you talk to people going through the same thing, but I guess I don't have the guts to throw that up on my Facebook for all to see and comment on.

Just the same, he's a guy... That just sounds like he's trying to be funny. I work with a couple dozen youngs guys and they say some seriously dumb things just because they think it's funny. Try not to be offended by it... or maybe stick with posting about your losses on 3FC.

Just a thought....

i don't mind posting it on fb, because i'm glad at what i have accomplished so far...my whole thing is if u have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. but if u have too don't make it so i can hear or see it. the ppl that i do have on fb are ppl i've talked to on here and ppl that I am still friends with. i would just like my guy friends to be supportive and understand what i am going thru. that's all. :)

I have heard of more horrible things he tells you on facebook.

He is not your friend. Get rid of him.

oh ya i did take them all off for about 5 months and they wanted back on i told them they have one shot, if they screw it up im done. they actually have been pretty decent better than they were be4. lol

i seriously don't think he did it to be mean, guys just aren't like girls so they don't know how to be tactful.

I don't think you shouldnt be his friend just because he was trying to be funny and if almost seemed like he was flirting with you.

Flirting?!?!?

Hello everyone, I am brand new to this site as of today!! Look forward to talking with all of you!

I agree with Taylor86 - get rid of them and keep them off. You shouldn't have negative people in your life, it makes it harder to stay on track to reach your goals!! As you move forward reaching your goals, you will want to probably add new friends that are supportive, understanding and have common interests. Often times people grow apart in friendships, and that's okay.

Ditch the dude!

:welcome3:, its hard to make friends anymore...i dont know where to look or start. lol

Originally Posted by NVR2L8:
Hello everyone, I am brand new to this site as of today!! Look forward to talking with all of you!

I agree with Taylor86 - get rid of them and keep them off. You shouldn't have negative people in your life, it makes it harder to stay on track to reach your goals!! As you move forward reaching your goals, you will want to probably add new friends that are supportive, understanding and have common interests. Often times people grow apart in friendships, and that's okay.

Ditch the dude!

I agree! Ditch him. Going through a weight struggle is hard enough. You shouldn't have to worry about having to read between the lines with your friends, male or female. Surround yourself with love and support instead.

hey all. i'm new here - so i apologize if it seems that i'm just butting in without a hello! but um... my opinion?

MEN ARE SCARED OF YOUR SUCCESS.

Period.

With the exception of my gay friends - I have never received support from a male. If a man isn't giving you support (not even a 'way to go' or 'cool') he is most likely insecure.

Before you feel bad about yourself; always consider the source. Is the person who hurt your feelings happy with themselves? Do they love themselves? Prob not...

Truth is; you are intimidating. You represent progress. (and) let's face it: if/when you do actually get to where you want to be.. you just might start seeing people for who they are. you will be confident and leave a lot to aspire to. Someone who DOES love themselves will see that in you.. and *p0of* you will be snatched away :)

:welcome3: and ty sucha d0ll i never looked at it that way! :)

Originally Posted by CurvaceousCutie:
:welcome3: and ty sucha d0ll i never looked at it that way! :)

yw ;] and i just noticed you've lost 74lbs?! Girl - no wonder he's being an ***! lolz ;D

None of them notice it yet... Cuz they dont say anything. Lol

Well, maybe they aren't saying anything because they know you're sensitive about it? Like saying you look good now might be akward for them. I don't know exactly, guys are weird. That being said they noticed. Guys are dense, yes but not blind! 70 lbs is a lot of weight off of you.

Congrats on your success!

ty :)

Originally Posted by CurvaceousCutie:
None of them notice it yet... Cuz they dont say anything. Lol

Dude - no way they don't notice. Men and people in general are insecure. 74lbs is a 7 yr old child! I remember when my bff started her diet (i sat and watched like a dumba**) when she hit that 75lb mark... it was amazing. It doesn't matter if you are 400lbs or 200lbs... 74lbs is wonderful. You must of had to buy all new clothes!

Like I said before - don't let these guys get you down. In fact - don't let ANYONE get you down. Insecure people can't stand to see others succeed because it forces them to look at themselves when (let's face it) they might have looked to you before to make themselves feel better.

I keep replying in this thread because I see a lot of me in your postings. I'm telling you that YOU give ME inspiration. So the more that people don't 'notive' or pay attention - the more you need to use it as your fuel.

I love myself thru and thru. I know that I have a lot to work on, but I am a beautiful person. People like us don't get praise because people are so insecure - they are scared that they might say the right thing; and we'll some how miraculously get the point. But see, you already got the point. So eff those guys.

Each time I see a skinnier person give me a dirty look and grab her bf shoulder, I think 'thhhhaaats right'. haha It makes me want to try that much harder.

Once you hit your goal - you're gonna be rockin. You'll see :D

Awwwe ty so much sucha d0ll, that means alot...I wish i had gotten new clothes, but ive been this size before...And yes i am a pack rat, i still have my old clothes fr sz 32-18 so anything after 18 I gotta go shopping! :) I know I am a beautiful girl at any size...i just wish i had more confidence...hopefully this journey will help me and to fig out who i am. ty u and ty u guys again! :)

Maybe I am crazy here. But I think he is being supportive.

He told you that you were doing a great job. Which is a nice compliment, most of my guy friends would have just passed up a status update on that. And he put himself out there in asking you out to lunch. People who haven't had to lose weight wouldn't think that a lunch could derail someone. He just wants to celebrate with you.

You can tell he's flirting with you/teasing you as a friend because he mentions an "All you can eat bacon buffet". To my knowledge, those don't even exist. He's not mocking your weight loss, he's joking around by playing up the worst foods he knows.

I would urge you not to write him off. He seems like a good guy, who is interested in your success, even if his humor is different than yours.

did you ever think he was testing your commitment? It just occured to me...I've lost 70 pounds and I'm still fat... they probably realize you have lost weight but not how much you have actually lost... I feel like I've lost a few pounds but definietly dont look like I've lost 70...so maybe he is just seeing how commited you really are and it shows that you are and that you are strong enough to say no

No worries though...seriously you're doing an amazing job... in general people do not know how to support someone doing something that they themselves have never done before... I'm going this weight loss thing alone and thats why I'm so thankful for you girls...because you're the only ones who know what it is like

ya im with u, im doing this alone no support fr family and friends except u guys..im truly afraid that im going to fail because i dont have more support from family and friends.

I know exactly what you mean... I dont have a single over weight friend... everyone wants to go out and I live at home with my parents who eat like they are Paula Dean... butter goes on everything and everything is full fat... I get really frustrated with everyone because I dont feel supported...but in the end all you have is yourself... but this forum has really helped me to understand myself and being fat :)

omg u sound just like me!!! My parents just made cookies and just bought home 2 dz doughnuts...HELLO there is just 4 of us in the house and im not eating that (even thought i want too. lol) but i do have overweight friends that wont do anything about it. when i did live on my own, that was rough. i gained 132lbs.

I started my diet while I was a senior in college and lived on my own... If I wanted a cookie there wasnt one in my apartment so it didnt matter... I lost 50 pounds in roughly six months... moved home... gained 20 in about 4 months and then started working again to lose it... I have lost 70 pounds in a year and thats with losing 20 pounds twice and taking a 4 month break...Its not easy... I totally slipped up tonight...and I do that occasionally but I wake up the next day and I start over..sometimes I think my slip ups dont royally screw me because I spend so much time at the gym...Being home is the biggest temptation... there is always something I could eat but shouldnt which makes it really hard...my dad also brought home donuts and I'm stuck in a blizzard right now so I just want to eat and snuggle up... never good...