[Michigan Momma]

I love my fiance but how do I let him know that I really need to lose this weight? Whenever I say something about it he says I look fine and that I shouldn't worry about it. He insists I'm starving myself by staying under 1400 Calories. Easy for him to say he's a toothpick....I really don't know what to do. It's killing my confidence...

[dayoneagain]

Looking at your intro, you are 5'2" and around 225 pounds?

If your fiancé is saying you are starving yourself when really you are just trying to shift some excess weight and get healthy, then that's not good. That would really sap my motivation and cause me great frustration. With a BMI of around 40, you need to change his attitude so you can focus on getting yourself fit.

Maybe put together a collection of evidence (holiday photos, bmi stats, your measurements vs ideal measurements etc) and have a sit down chat with future hubbie. Really make him understand that even if he doesn't agree that you need to lose weight then you will still need his support. By backing up your plan with health facts you can assure him that all you want is to be healthy and feel good and that you aren't going to go overboard and certainly won't be starving yourself.

Good luck!

[Thighs Be Gone]

ooh, don't discuss it..just do it!

[tkm256]

He sounds like he's learned a few things over the years. See, if you said, "I really need to lose weight," and he said, "Yeah, you do," he knows he would have an engagement ring in his eye half a second later. Men are caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to a woman's weight: he thinks if he supports your weight loss efforts, it'll seem like he's not happy with the way you are. But if he doesn't, it looks like he doesn't care.

I put my sweetie in that position all the time, and he just doesn't know what to do! I circumvent the potential for misunderstandings by talking about my health instead of my weight. If you want to have a sit-down, assure him that you're not doing it just for your looks, but because you want to share a long life together.

[winning the war]

I agree with thighs be gone. If you feel you need tomake changes to be healthy, you really don't need his consent. Support would be nice, but ya gotta take care of yourself. As long as he loves you through the changes, it'll all work out ok. Good luck!

[nicholealyssa]

unless he is actually saying he doesn't want you to lose weight and that he wouldn't want to be with you if you lost weight then there really isn't a problem. It's like tkm said, he doesn't know what to say so he says what he thinks he should. He's trying to tell you he loves you the way you are and you don't have to change for him. But thats not why your changing anyway, your changing for YOU! My husband is the same way, if I say something about my diet he always says im starving myself, so I usually don't talk to him about my diet stuff.

[lauralyn]

Originally Posted by tkm256

He sounds like he's learned a few things over the years. See, if you said, "I really need to lose weight," and he said, "Yeah, you do," he knows he would have an engagement ring in his eye half a second later. Men are caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to a woman's weight: he thinks if he supports your weight loss efforts, it'll seem like he's not happy with the way you are. But if he doesn't, it looks like he doesn't care.

I agree, I think most men just don't know what to say anymore because no matter what they will say the wrong thing in our eyes.

[Jaimie]

In a book I read by Lisa Delaney called Secrets of a Former Fat Girl, she said that when you decide to diet or lose weight, don't tell anyone. Don't tell them you're on a diet or that you can't eat something because it's not on your diet/too high in calories/etc. The reason she said to not tell people is because people subconsciously end up sabotaging your efforts. Things they think are helping you or being supportive can actually make things worse or harder for you.

I know from experience that it's not worth telling people that you are counting calories or dieting. You're just opening yourself up to a bunch of Nosy Nancy's who butt into your business with "helpful" questions like, "Are you sure you should be eating that?" "Is that on your diet?" "You don't want to eat that, it'll make you gain weight."

This is why I blog, go to WW, and post here, because these people understand what's going on. Most RL people don't get it.

Good luck!