[QTestRDH]

*Warning this is very off topic and probably will end up a little rambly!*

Ok...so here's a quick history, 7 months ago, broke up with my bf of 5 years. When I was together with my ex this guy I know asked me out to dinner, I explained my situation and we stayed in touch a little because of mutual friendships. Awhile ago we ran into one another again and he found out I was single.

So this guy and I start hanging out about a month and a half ago. When we first started hanging out he was on vaca (he's a cop and had like a month off) and we hung out a lot, we went to dinner a few times and went out all the time. I also met a few of his friends when he invited me to some training he had for work. I also know he's told some of his friends about me. He was never pushy at making moves on me, I always had to make the first move. I think he's actually a gentleman!

Fast forward to now...

Well he's back to work, and is very dedicated to his job, which has crazy hours and lots of overtime. So I rarely see him. Maybe once a week if I'm lucky. There hasn't been a day I don't hear from him, usually by text message, but he usually texts me first and if I don't answer right away he'll text me again to get my attention. He's always flirty, and in the past has said that he thinks I'm wonderful because I'm not the typical "crazy" girl. I don't get all worked up over drama etc etc... He's made funny references about me being his "sheriff wifey" so all this to me sounds like he was possibly interested in not just a fling but a relationship. Not to mention before we started seeing one another he was pretty persistent in being interested in me.

Well now that I barely see him, I'm just sooo confused! I don't know what he thinks of us, and I don't wanna ask because I feel its kinda soon. I don't know if he really is just THAT busy. I feel like if you're really interested in someone you make time. But then again, I don't have a job like he has. ...I know he's not out and about at bars or even with other girls but I just can't read him! I haven't slept with him yet and I don't want to until I know what's going on. I refuse to just be a fling. I guess my question is, do you think he'd actually go through all this trouble if he was just trying to sleep with me? Seems like a lot of work. I guess I'm getting skeptical because he's really quite perfect, aside from the fact he's 35 and single. I get a little curious when people are that age and not settled down. But I know he's not the player type. (I've known his circle of cop friends for awhile and he's DEFINITELY the most well behaved) My thought was he was maybe just one of those very career driven guys who would like a relationship but really doesn't have a lot of time. I also think he probably doesn't jump into relationships very quickly. Ugggggh I'm so confused. I hate the unknown!! I hate falling for someone when you don't know their feelings.

Well ladies, sorry this was sooo long but I would love your outside input.

Am I having one of those "He's just not that into you moments"???

[Feral]

The first thing that stood out to me was that you said he was busy with his job, but a day doesn't go by when you don't hear from him. When he doesn't hear from you, he'll text you to get his attention.

To me that says - I'm into you, duh!

It sounds like he has a very busy job and is very dedicated, but I think you just need to talk. Too much can be assumed and misconstrued just because you don't talk. If you don't want to come right out and asked "hey are we gonna be an item" maybe you could just say something along the lines of "I know you're busy, but I'm kind of digging you, what're you thoughts."

Really what it comes down to is you're confused because you haven't talked. You just need to ask him.

I would say if he's been this persistent then he's probably still into you!

Good luck!

[vixxi]

I'm with Feral!

[VernDern]

Yep, I would bring it up! Relationships involve communication so if you're wanting a relationship and you're pretty sure he wants one (sounds like he does to me and is just very dedicated to the job) it would be a good time to start communicating!!! lol

Good luck!

[shantroy]

I'm with feral. He definitely sounds like he's interested. Guys who aren't interested don't text everyday. I would just assume he's busy with work. My bf and I have been together 3.5 years and I'm lucky if I see him more than once a week. He's super busy with work and getting his MBA and I'm in school. I know he's into me, but just super busy. I'm assuming it's the same thing with your guy.

I'd suggest just bringing it up with him it will make you feel better, and if it's not what you think it is, then you can move on and focus on someone else.

[angelamick]

cops truly do have insane schedules! the fact that when he had off he gave you lots of time is a good indicator of how he feels. one thing to truly think about though is, could you have a relationship where you can only see someone once or twice a week because of his job? at least you know what you are getting into. also, guys are different about sex than girls. i know that as a girl, witholding it seems like a good defense against getting "used" as a "fling". but, his actions prove that he is genuinely interested and he gives you steady attention. sex for guys can be an important step towards a relationship. i'm NOT saying "put out if you want him"! lol...just somtimes we girls get a little caught up in the "saving it" thing not because we aren't physically attracted to them but because we are insecure about seeming "slutty" or getting used.

[QTestRDH]

Thanks for all your input! Keep it coming! LOL ...it's nice to lay the scenario out for others sometimes. I feel like I get stuck in my own way and can't see past what I "think" is going on. I kind've was thinking if he's talking to me so much he's gotta be interested on some level! I don't know too many guys that make it a point to see what you're up to several times a day!

Originally Posted by angelamick

cops truly do have insane schedules! the fact that when he had off he gave you lots of time is a good indicator of how he feels. one thing to truly think about though is, could you have a relationship where you can only see someone once or twice a week because of his job? at least you know what you are getting into. also, guys are different about sex than girls. i know that as a girl, witholding it seems like a good defense against getting "used" as a "fling". but, his actions prove that he is genuinely interested and he gives you steady attention. sex for guys can be an important step towards a relationship. i'm NOT saying "put out if you want him"! lol...just somtimes we girls get a little caught up in the "saving it" thing not because we aren't physically attracted to them but because we are insecure about seeming "slutty" or getting used.

Angela- I definitely think I could be with someone I rarely see. I'm a very independant girl and can entertain myself.... as long as I'm confident in the relationship. Which right now, I'm not because I have no idea what's going on. The min I know I'm the only one and he feels the same, I have no problem with the fact he's busy with work and dedicated. I'm confident enough where I don't get the urge to smother someone.

I'm trying to keep a positive open mind and think.. he'd be crazy not to be into me! I'm relatively attractive, 11yrs younger, have a good job, no kids, financially independant, and truly am not one of those girls who gets jealous or brings drama. Where else can someone 35 find that?? LOL LOL

And I never thought about the sex thing before! Its true! ...most guys want to sleep with the girl before they commit. And I guess the fact he hasn't forced himself on my physically until I had taken it to that point in the past shows even if he's just in it for the sex, he's respectful. He never pushes things further than I've already allowed them to go. In fact we didn't even kiss for two weeks until I got the balls to kiss him. But physically he acts more like a bf. He's cuddly in public and always kisses my forehead and brushes the hair outta my eyes...you know all the cute stuff bf's usually do. Not booty calls!!

[tkm256]

Sweetie, if he just wanted to bed you, he'd have stopped texting a month ago. I'm sure as a single, "perfect" officer in his prime he'd have plenty of pickings to choose from, but he keeps contacting you because he's into you! And I don't think it's just because you're "not crazy;" those big blue eyes have something to do with it too

I wouldn't take the infrequent meetings as a bad sign. I can't imagine dating someone like a cop or chef or doctor--if he's not working he's probably too exhausted to talk. He probably wants a relationship, but doesn't have the time or energy to pursue one and hasn't seen a reason to change the happy status quo you have going. I would certainly want some alone time after dealing with speeders and domestic disturbances all week. If you want to see him more often, I think you'll have to do the doing: bring him casseroles after especially long days or drop by with take-out and DVDs for a relaxed weekend in (I feel really old fashioned and anti-feminist doling out the "heart through his stomach" advice, but I'm a very independent 20-something and it's worked for me!)

[bargoo]

I think he sounds interested, I was married to a cop and understand that they often work long hours. It is a demanding job. IF YOU are interested in HIM you need to accept that. He will appreciate that in you.

[choirgirlhotel]

I just asked my boyfriend for a male's perspective. He said as long as he's texting you consistently and whenever he has a chance, it sounds like he's interested. :-)

~CGH~