Feeling sad- OT
 

Hi ladies,

I just need some encouragement and I know I can always come here to feel better. About a month ago my 2 best girlfriends and I decided we wanted to throw a hotel party. So my other friend who works for Hilton booked us a suit for 40$. Great deal, I was so pumped! So, I invited all my friends, told people to bring friends, yada yada.

As the date approaches (tomorrow), my friends keep flaking and canceling. It makes me feel horrible. Do they not care about me enough to commit to a plan? Did they just decide - oh I have other more fun things to do then hang out with Sarah. My one friend who was planning this with me even flaked. After we had picked this date because she COULD make it....

Turns out I have 2 friends and my boyfriend coming. The other girl who was planning this, and the girl who booked the hotel room. And my boyfriend is going to bring some friends or else what's the point - a huge hotel room with hardly any people.

I just feel like my quality of friendships is lacking. I'm in a transition right now. Leaving behind all my loser college friends (which I had a ton of, but are no good for me) and trying to find new adult, head on straight, friends as I graduate college.

I'm just feeling very lonely :(

I know how that feels. This year I transferred schools for rowing and I left behind my old club team, amazing sorority sisters, and network of genuine friends. Here I have good friends too; however, I often feel lonely because its not the same as it was back at my other school.
I'm trying to not to dwell on it. I think for both of us, that the right relationships will come at the right time. We just have to stay positive and continue to put ourselves out there. Good luck with the party! I'm sure it'll be fun.

Yeah, talk about transitioning for me. I had a baby 5 months ago and my friends rarely call me. My best friend abandoned me...literally. she was so supportive during my pregnancy and even right when the baby was born but now has been MIA for couple of months. I can't go out now with a little one at home but a nice lunch or a shopping trip with her would be great. I am learning to let go and focus on me for a change. I am tired of accommodating everyone and sometimes I ask myself, would she do the same thing for me. And the answer is no.
Sorry you are going through this. You know what, if I were you, I would invite a couple of other people to the party and make it a blast. Show your friends what they have missed....and make sure you have a knockout outfit on and take lots of pictures :)))

Hey Sarah, that really sucks. It happens to me too. I planned a party last month and originally thought about 10 ppl would show...it ended up being me, my bf, and my ex-roomie, who is my best friend up here. I find it really hard to make meaningful friendships up here now that most of my college friends have left. Right now I'm just riding it out till I go to grad school, but if I still have this problem even in a new city, it will be time for drastic friend-making measures, like joining a knitting league or online tennis exchange, lol.

Aw, Sarah, I'm sorry! That's the reason that I moved from NJ to MD - I had more/better friends down here, and I didn't want to spend all of my time alone.

Just have a great time, if those people are being flaky and canceling, its their loss!

And Forest - if you move back to DC to go to Georgetown I would so join a tennis league...I want to play, but playing with the boys is annoying because if you beat them, they don't want to play anymore.

Thanks ladies, it's good to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Summer and stargzr - Thank you for the advice. But the sad thing is - I already did invite all my friends, there isn't anyone else I CAN invite last minute....

Oh well - I have to make the most of it. It will still be fun, but it's the moral of the whole thing. And the fact that I'm realizing I'm really lacking friends.

the people who are meant to be there will be there. thank the universe for weeding out the bad seeds for you. dont fret about what the party could have been, that will just make your friends who are there feel like crap. be glad about the people you do have, live it, have a blast. if the energy is still screaming "partay!" with just the 4 of you, go for it! its its more of a chill, kick back vibe, grab some beers, some munchies, and a couple of good movies. if they're real friends they'll enjoy just spending time with eachother. you said it yourself. you've changed and are moving on to different types of friends. change can be tough but its necessary.

anyway, HAVE FUN!

i was just going to say pretty much what calissa said- use this as a weeding out process to see who really is your friend and then take it from there :) I'm sorry you found out that these people arent worth your time in such a harsh way :hug: but maybe it is better to know and be able to do something about it, rather than think you can rely on these people :hug:

What is with people not being able to stick to plans lately? I'm sorry honey...that is such a bummer. I can relate (as I see a lot of others can too!). My birthday last year was similar...we made plans months in advance and some people came, but a lot who said they were "so excited" and would "definitely be there" were suspiciously absent. It hurt my feelings, but I still had fun...

People are just flaky these days. And I don't think they think about how it makes the person they are flaking out on feel. They just blow off one plan for another or for nothing else at all and don't really consider that it makes someone else feel bad. In all honesty, I've done it myself.

Chin up...I hope your party is a blast anyway. You got a great deal on that room, that's reason for celebration!

And if the Hilton has a jacuzzi I'd say it's $40 well spent :)

Stella- I'm always looking for tennis buddies...now if only these darn schools would mail me my decision...unfortunately it usually takes till early March. Be forewarned tho--I suck. But I'm a very gracious loser lol. I'm used to it--I go bowling all the time with my bf who used to be in a league, and never ever win. Although now that I'm in such better shape, who knows, maybe this summer I'll actually win at some tennis.

Sorry for the thread jack!

I feel the same. I have hardly any friends in my home town. I have one really good friend here. Mostly, I hang out with my bf and his friends. His friends have become my friends, but still its not the same. My best friend has been MIA for months, I haven't seen her since August. Part of that is my fault, as I haven't made an effort (I don't like her bf all that much) and she can't seem to do anything without him. Plus, we're in slightly different places, but I miss her.

I'm trying to make friends but it's hard, I feel like such a looser sometimes. I just wish I knew how to meet people.

So I feel your pain!

I suppose it really is quality over quantity when it comes to friends.

Anyone from Minnesota? lol

I know what it's like to feel lonely! When I got super sick basically all of my friends dropped me. I'm only now starting to build new friendships. I think most people (esp our age) have no concept/patience for chronic illness. It's like they expect me to "get better" already. I don't complain about my pain level, I just don't hide it either. If I can't get up and walk around today, I'm not going to make up an excuse not to go see someone, I'll tell them why.

It's taken time but I'm developing friendships with people who totally get it.

And anyway, online friendships are for only the coolest people anyway! ;)

Hope you'll have a great time! :) My friend and I had an even smaller party last week...just me and her, and we had a blast :D

Garstar sorry that you are feeling this way! Some friends will let us down..I suppose that is life. Make the best of the evening with whoever comes.

I have been feeling really down lately and sad about my friendships as well. I hate thinking that my bf is probably NOT my bf anymore and is letting me down. My bf and another friend of hers and myself..all go to Zumba in a nearby community. I live closest to bf but she goes with her other friend ( who lives near the other community and has to back track to get bf). I have even suggested carpooling..or picking up bf and meeting at her friends house and they've never offered. A few weeks ago, bf asked if she could go with me and I said fine...night before the class she said (online) "hey see you there" so I called and she said " No I am going with 'K'" now"...Thanks for letting me know! I said to her " well its nice to know I am available when its convenient for you". I am just tired of feeling like I am 2nd best or only good enough when she needs a ride somewhere. There have been a few incidents like this and I am trying to not to come off sounding jealous. I just feel like I am really not good enough for them. Also for the first time ever, we didn't spend New Year's Eve together this year. I called her a few times throughout the week and no answer. She calls me 5pm on New Year's Eve to say her and another friend were going to a club..I could go if i want...and casually mentioned that they already picked up there tickets. I was not going to go to a club and maybe not get in and I was a little put out that I wasn't called earlier in the day when they got tickets to see if I EVEN wanted to go.

Sorry..didn't mean to turn this into a rant. I have just come to the realization that I am going to spend more time with people who make an effort with friendships and who really do seem to care. I am tired of feeling 'down' and sad and no one needs friends who 'back out' of everything or have you around for convenience.

I think Calisa hit the nail on the head. What a wise group of women we have here. I wish we could all teleport and hang out sometimes. HAHAH

With that being said.... I know it sucks and it is lonely sometimes, but the best advice I can give you is to focus on yourself. Being from NC originally, I moved to Atlanta and lived there for a few years, moved back to NC and virtually had no one here. One of my dearest BFFs was here and we still hang out (and work together), my brother is here (whom I love dearly, but he lives 45 minutes away) but I really don't have a "CREW" like I did in Georgia.

I miss my friend DEARLY... sometimes I have really bad nights where I'm just downright depressed, but I took the first year I was back to really FOCUS on myself. That was one of the best things I could've done for myself.

Okay I'm done rambling. Point is.... like Calisa said, you've weeded people out. Quality is ALWAYS better than quantity. I would rather have one dear and true friend than a dozen. Focus on you and check out something like meetup.org. They have a LOT of very cool things listed. They also have some weird things listed, but you may see something you're interested in and be able to socialize there and make some NEW, better friends.

Either way, chin up doll and we're always here!!!! :)

I just read your thread -- I'm a couple of days late, AND from Minnesota! Darn!

Anyway, I hope you all had fun anyway -- where in MN are you from? Honestly, I feel like a lot of people lately have been flakey, and I guess maybe even myself. Just haven't had a lot of time or energy. Can I blame all this horrible cold?!?!

For real though, if you ever want to chat or even hang out and meet up for coffee or something, I'm totally game for it! I love meeting new people and making new friends -- especially those who have some of the same goals and interests as me. Let me know, k? :)