and unfortunately i'm still here... which means i haven't made my goal.

i suppose someone that needs to lose weight will always need to worry about their weight. and mine is a constant struggle.

since last i posted which was ages ago, i've since moved around the world to korea. when i first got here, things were going rather well. lost a few pounds and really felt like i was making some headway.

but then the holidays came, and i moved to a new apt, it got cold outside, lack of exercise and overeating prevailed.

and here i am. i managed to gain about 8 pounds and i feel rather awful these days. it's starting to show. and i just dont feel comfortable with myself. ugh

anyway. i suppose in a way i forgot about this site for a bit, but i remembered how good it felt to post in here. and the amazing support from being a member.

so... please take me back and under your wings, ladies!!

WELCOME BACK!!!!

If I had a dollar for every time I have posted on here and then ran away and come back begging... I could be rich! Heck, if I lost 5 lbs for every time I did that I would be at goal!

Don't beat yourself up too badly. I would say for someone to move on the other side of the world, go through the holiday and then move into an apartment an 8 lb gain really is NOTHING!!!!

thank you thank you.. but it was really just this downward spiral. i just didn't want to do anything anymore. couldn't bring myself to even want to do 30ds. couldn't wake up any earlier to exercise (i work at 2pm). there was just always some excuse going on. i just want to sit in my apt after work and hibernate.

worst part is that i hate how my emotions dictate my life so much. i was pretty excited about this guy i'd been seeing, and he started dating this tall, skinny, pretty, blonde girl... so then i just kinda got depressed. started bingeing like crazy. i already hate that i feel the need to binge, but the fact that a guy, some stupid guy, can make me want to abuse my body like that.

but, i've started making some changes recently. started bringing my lunches to work. no more eating out. haven't been bingeing. been turning down the snacks. trying to get back into the swing of exercise. but the weather is warming, and i know i'll be outside in no time. (i think the only thing that's really saved me is the 20 min fast walk to work)

i can do this though. i know i can.

I am a newbie, but I just wanted to say welcome back! There are going to be some things that throw us off track every now and then, but the fact is that you came back.

Oh girl, don't even get me started on the binging. LOL I know you're in Korea so I'm sure it's a little different, but I found a really awesome therapist that works mostly with women's issues and specializes in eating disorders.

We do a workbook called "Food and Feelings" and it has helped SOOOOOOO much!

Maybe you could find someone to talk to?

I feel you on the depression end of things, but I think that recognizing the signs and making an effort to change them, even if its slowly one thing at a time, is better than not!!!! So give yourself a pat on the back!

If I may ask, what made you move? Sounds fun!

it is fun, don't get me wrong, i dont regret it for a second. i got a job here in korea. so i moved about 5 months ago. and i love it. but like all things in life, we have our bad days. and unfortunately, it appears that no matter where you are in the world, men are going to manage to make us miserable. so that's life. i just wish that i could find ways to deal with life that weren't so self-destructive, (read: bingeing)

anyway, what's up w the workbook. what kind of things do you write in it.

oh and side note, there's really no one that i can talk to about eating. i don't feel comfortable talking about it in the first place. and there's no one in my life that i feel can relate to the exact feelings of what it means to binge on food. i've seen friends/family of mine eat food because it tastes good. but i dont think they'd really understand what it means to actually binge.

Oh yeah honey, I totally know... no matter where you move your problems follow. Learned that lesson many times over.

The workbook is pretty cool, but it's probably better to go over with a therapist. It actually goes through the 7 emotions that are hardest for people with eating disorders to deal with. I don't remember what all 7 are right now, but it's things like guilt, shame, hurt, lonliness. It breaks down each emotion by chapter and it talks about some of the PSYCHOLOGICAL reasons as to why we turn to/away from food.

For example, I never thought about the fact that act of eating - including figure out what to eat, prepping, cooking, eating is a process that allows me (us) to NOT deal with the emotions at hand.

It tries to refocus you on FEELING your feelings and the physical associations that come with us. Basically, listen to your body it's trying to tell you WHAT you are FEELING.

It has these little exercises that are pretty annoying. I don't do all of them, which is where the therapist comes in. I highlight things that stood out to me in the chapter that week and we go over it and talk about it. There are lots of "AHA" moments.

Welcome back!!!