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Old 01-15-2010, 01:14 AM   #1  
Batgirl will always win.
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Default Family Judgements.

Do you ever feel like your friends or family, don't judge you when you're around but they might talk about you and your weight when you aren't? I get that feeling and it's most likely just me, but sometimes I do and I hate it. Because of this I haven't told anyone I am working to lose weight, not even my boyfriend because I don't anyone to know, I just want them to notice. I am not going to fall off the wagon but it's like I don't want them talking about me choosing to lose weight behind my back. If they ask about it, I imagine I might say "Well I am making healthier choices and going to the gym daily" and leave it at that.

In other words do you feel judged sometimes?
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Old 01-15-2010, 01:24 AM   #2  
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Yes, my husband and his mom (we all live together) have been kind of "judgy" to me, if that's how you wanna put it. It bothers me because I am making these choices for ME. Not for them. If for anyone besides myself it is for my beautiful baby girl so that she does not have to deal with a lifetime of obesity like I have.
A very smart friend of mine thinks that they might be insecure about themselves and it is making them turn it back on me. So, with that said I think your answer is perfect. Try not to be insecure about it! Embrace it and be confident!! My mom, sister, and other family members have all been so supportive of me. Sadly, I don't live with them.
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:43 AM   #3  
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I know what you mean. I've felt like my family has talked about my weight gain during college when I wasn't around, and I didn't particularly like it. I always felt like it wasn't any of their business.

And I have tried to lose weight entirely on my own, without telling anyone, just waiting for someone to notice (I guess I liked the element of surprise). And people did notice, which felt amazing. But it is really hard.

They say that one of the most important things in your weight loss journey is your support system. It is so important to have support, because lets face it, weight loss isn't easy. So here is some food for thought: if you are keeping it secret because you don't want to lose your pride, is it worth the absence of a support system? I made the decision to talk to my family and tell them what I'm doing, and asked them to help me in moments of weakness. When I complain to them, I'm tired, I don't feel like going to the gym, they encourage me. And they don't invite me to go on an ice cream run, because they know I don't want it. Little things like this really go a long way.

If you still feel that need to keep it secret until people start to notice on their own, I can respect that. After all, 3FC will be here to support you all the way. But once you get to that point, I recommend sharing you plan with at least your boyfriend so he can provide support. Sometimes its just what you need!!
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:54 AM   #4  
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Oh I know My mom talk's about my weight when I'm not around because when I am around she has to make it clear to me I need to stop eatting crap because i'm getting way too fat. Lately people have been saying it TO me, not behind my back but actually too my face. When I mention i've changed my eatting habits I get rolled eyes and whatevers (not by family but by stupid people at work.)

So the only people that really know I'm loosing weight is my boyfriend he doesn't see why I need to loose it. God he's deluted sometimes lol but I love him. As far as everyone else is concern they can shove it because no matter what you do for yourself someone will ALWAYS find a way to bring you down, just because it's a will power they no they would never have in our shoes.
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Old 01-15-2010, 07:45 AM   #5  
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I know my mother and father wouldnt do that, or at least I don't think they would. I have a good feeling that my step mother has though. My weight has fluctuated greatly over these past few years and one time when I was at my lowest weight in a long while I heard from one of my step mother's friends "Oh, you look prettier every time I see you, Sydney" I know I should take that as a compliment but something about it just didn't sit right with me and it actually hurt my feelings. I would like to think that I was still pretty with weight on me...sometimes my step mother and her friends just get a little too...judgmental I suppose. Haha.
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:30 AM   #6  
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Well the reason I haven't told my boyfriend is because we went through this last year, where I started to lose weight, and our relationship went rocky and I stopped trying and everything was okay. He loves me for me, and he has this fear that no matter what I say if I ever were to lose weight I would go dump him for some muscle dude and I don't even know where he gets that delusion, especially since tomorow is our 3 year anniversay. At this point I don't care what he really thinks and I am going to do this for me. Anytime I say I want to change something about myself he gets upset and blames himself for no reason. So it's best with him if I do it on my own and don't talk to him about it and let it happen. I also think he is attracted not just to my curves but the fact that I am so fat and confident. He's a nutball but he loves that I am fat, and it's been hard on our relationship before me losing weight, but like I said at this point, I don't care. This is my body and if he doesn't like it then he can leave. I'm not going to change in personality but become a stronger happier woman than I already am and if he can't handle that then he can go. I love him to death and want to be his wife someday soon, but not enough to let myself die of obesity, health problems, or diabetes because he thought I looked cute a little chubby.

I kinda feel like his mom and brother might talk about me behind my back about my weight, just because his brother is 16 and really selfish and into himself and like that, and his mom is really nice but once in a while she will be like to me "Hey, have you lost weight?" When I hadn't, and maybe she's just trying to be nice but it's like gosh you look at that aspect of me?
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:36 AM   #7  
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I know my Dad does, but my mom is really supportive of me. Like, I've lost almost ten pounds, and my Dad was just like "I'm glad to see your losing weight, I was getting worried because you were getting really big." It's really hurtful when he says those kind of things, but I'm just thankful I have my mom to talk to! My sister also used to be fat, like since she was a kid, but now she's 5'9 and 125 pounds and completely gorgeous, and she's so supportive she always is telling me how I look gorgeous no matter what my weight and she's jealous of me and stuff.

In general the only person who really gives me crap about my weight is my Dad, but he's no skinny minnie himself so I've learned to just brush it off.
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:30 PM   #8  
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Amy, that's EXACTLY what I say - family members have said several times - oh, what are you doing? Are you dieting? And my answer is no, I'm just watching what I eat, trying to stick to healthier choices and exercising regularly. My one cousin asks for details, but she's genuinely interested and is very supportive, so I give them to her, but I'm usually tight-lipped about it around them.

I try not to discuss weight with my family. My dad is of the school of thought that if you're on a diet, you eat salad, chicken breast and that's it. I love chocolate. I have to have it every day. I do not want to hear "some diet you're on, why are you eating THAT." Its just not good for my mental well being.

My baby sister is actually very very supportive. When I go home to visit, she cooks very light things and asks "oh, can you have this, can you have that" - since I started this lifestyle change, there are certain things my body can NOT handle, like oil, butter, etc. She also brags to her friends about me in front of me, its very nice and I never really had that before. I want to hug her all the time for it

I agree with Jess, though, its all about your support system. A big reason that I joined 3FC was that I NEEDED a support system - I knew I couldn't do this without it. At the time I lived with 4 guys who could eat pretty much whatever they wanted and still be very tiny. I gave them the "talk" - I'm trying to lose weight, please don't say "why are you eating that" - and they were actually pretty awesome as well and VERY encouraging. They still are, whenever I see them.
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Old 01-15-2010, 01:55 PM   #9  
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I know I'm being judged by my family and friends all the time, whether it's for dieting or not dieting! It doesn't really get under my skin anymore, because I know it's out of love and affection. It's being judged by strangers or acquaintances that really gets under my skin.

Quick example of parental judgement that surprisingly made me laugh instead of cry. I saw my parents over Christmas after having lost about 12 lbs since seeing them at Thanksgiving. My mom said I was looking good, and then commented that my husband was really nice for not pressuring me to lose weight sooner. Ahhhh, my brutally honest Korean parents.

It is actually a lot easier to be around them, than say, people who will tell me I'm looking great, ask what I'm doing, and then push candy and pie at me. But I know those people also care about me too, they just have different ideas of how to be supportive.

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Old 01-15-2010, 02:00 PM   #10  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BatgirlAmy View Post
Well the reason I haven't told my boyfriend is because we went through this last year, where I started to lose weight, and our relationship went rocky and I stopped trying and everything was okay. He loves me for me, and he has this fear that no matter what I say if I ever were to lose weight I would go dump him for some muscle dude and I don't even know where he gets that delusion, especially since tomorow is our 3 year anniversay. At this point I don't care what he really thinks and I am going to do this for me.

Got to love guys always putting things into their own perspective in thinking were doing something for other reasons then for ourselves. My boyfriend is the SAME way when it comes to other things such as if I dye my hair apparently i'm doing it for a guy. Mean while i've ALWAYS dyed my hair multi colours simply because if you can't change your surroundings you always know you can change your hair. Men are ******ed simple as that.
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:01 PM   #11  
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Wow...Thanks for this thread....I'm new to all this and this is exactly why I decided to join....My friends and family are wonderful people, but everytime I tell them I'm doing something about my weight gain, I don't seem to do anything....At this point, I don't want the judgement, since I know no one will believe if I say I'm trying again, but I really am....Just need the support of those who know how hard it is because this time I will get back to my old weight!!

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Old 01-15-2010, 02:07 PM   #12  
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So good to read your thoughts and not feel I'm alone in this. I don't care much about what strangers think, but my family and friends' opinion really matters to me, that's why I've asked them not to say anything at all. But lately I've started to realise the only person whose opinion really matters is my own, a total cliche but so true. I know people talk behind my back, like the time I didn't get invited to help a friend tear down some wall paper (it would be a waste of money she spent on food as a reward, as I'm too fat to help efficiently). Or just the odd comment here or there. Guess I could get angry and confront, but I think I'll just rather do my thing and let people talk until they find something else to talk about.
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:07 PM   #13  
Batgirl will always win.
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Glad I could help nicnic lol. Mizztaccen I am glad to see someone has a similar delusional boyfriend. LOL
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:10 PM   #14  
Batgirl will always win.
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So good to read your thoughts and not feel I'm alone in this. I don't care much about what strangers think, but my family and friends' opinion really matters to me, that's why I've asked them not to say anything at all. But lately I've started to realise the only person whose opinion really matters is my own, a total cliche but so true. I know people talk behind my back, like the time I didn't get invited to help a friend tear down some wall paper (it would be a waste of money she spent on food as a reward, as I'm too fat to help efficiently). Or just the odd comment here or there. Guess I could get angry and confront, but I think I'll just rather do my thing and let people talk until they find something else to talk about.
very modest of you. I have felt that way, like friends might assume I don't like the beach because of my weight and don't invite me, or feeling awkward shopping for lengire with friends which I don't. It's something I want to prove everybody wrong, and the best way to do that is to keep my mouth shut.
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