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-   -   boy advice! (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/20-somethings/187842-boy-advice.html)

bee optimistic 12-09-2009 12:45 PM

boy advice!
Ok ladies... I need more advice!

So Saturday night was my staff x-mas party. One of my coworkers brought one of his friends, super nice guy and from what I thought we totally hit it off. We had lots in common, but obviously didn't get to talk as much as I would have liked because it was so loud and crazy. So anyways as the night went on he made many comments about how cute and nice I was... la de da de da... even said to my girlfriend that I brought that he was afraid his friend (my coworker) was going to ruin his chances with me?!?!?!?!?!? He took me for a walk afterwards, held my hand, and of course what ends up happening... you guessed it, with the amount of alcohol in my system we made out!!!!!!! He had a little to drink but was definitely not drunk by any means of the word. Before we left he let me wear his coat and asked me for my number. Of course I gave it to him and he said he wanted to call me to go for coffee sometime.

So its Wednesday morning and nothing. absolutely nothing. I added him to facebook since he asked yesterday but other than that I have heard nothing from him at all.
Should I send him a message or is that being to forward? I really do want to just see where he is at... know what I mean?

gahhhh first it was break up issues now dating issues... I hate boys!

Love you ladies :hug:
oh and guys... I need your advice too. you may have a different perspective.

beerab 12-09-2009 01:34 PM

See if it were me I'd think either he's afraid he'll come on too strong OR he's not interested. Yeah two extremes.

What I'd do personally is wait till Friday- if you hear nothing I'd send a quick message like "so how about that coffee?"

If you hear nothing THEN I'd just delete him from FB and move on. To me personally if a guy doesn't call within a week after getting my number then he's not interested.

bee optimistic 12-09-2009 01:42 PM

I totally agree with you beerab. Either he is not interested at all or he is scared to call and seem too desperate. He must have been at least a little interested if he asked for my number and kissed me???? (or at least thats what I thought that sorta thing meant!! lol) I definitely felt something so I definitely will message him (I thought waiting till friday seemed like a good amount of time) because I really have nothing to lose. If he doesn't respond oh well and if he does thats great too! :)

skinnywish 12-09-2009 01:42 PM

yep. i agree with beerab!

heather1982 12-09-2009 01:48 PM

Yeah, I think it sounds like he may be worried about coming on too strong and lost some nerve. Message him Friday and see what happens. And like you said if he doesn't get back to you oh well:)

Kae 12-09-2009 01:53 PM

Sounds like he's interested... plus, he sent you the friend request so that has to be a good sign. Give it a couple days and let us know what happens. :)

iwannalose92 12-09-2009 02:15 PM

I would say to give it a few days and if he doesn't try to get in contact with you, "He's just not that into you"

That movie/book is literally my bible, it is so true. If he wants to talk to you, he'll find a way to talk to you. If he doesn't, his loss and forget about him!

Feral 12-09-2009 02:29 PM

Gotta agree with Wanna on this one.

Give him some time and if he doesn't call then he's not that into you.

Sounds cliche and we ALWAYS have this discussion with boy problems, but after seeing that and understanding who ISN'T into me... and the understanding who REALLY IS into me... the book/movie is right.

If he wants to take you out he'll call. If he doesn't make the effort then he's not worth YOUR time! :)

ohmanda 12-09-2009 02:32 PM

I met a guy at a bar during homecoming a few months ago and we really hit it off. In fact, I first went up to him to compliment him on his ironic moustache and later he came over to talk to me. We talked for most of the night and found out we had a lot in common. We didn't exchange numbers but he added me to facebook. I was hoping he would ask me out, but I didn't hear anything from him for over a week so I took a chance and asked him out and he accepted. I figured I might as well, since I was the first one to initiate interaction and I really had nothing to lose. This guy you are talking about could just be nervous. If nothing else, you can send a facebook message and that takes off some of the pressure as opposed to calling him.

ohmanda 12-09-2009 02:35 PM

Also, why does it have to be the guy's job to be pursue the woman. If I'm into a guy I don't see why I can't make a move even if it appears "he isn't that into me." I don't think all guys are as confident as we give them credit for and I would hate to miss out on a great opportunity because of some stupid book.

beerab 12-09-2009 05:08 PM


Originally Posted by ohmanda (Post 3041159)
Also, why does it have to be the guy's job to be pursue the woman. If I'm into a guy I don't see why I can't make a move even if it appears "he isn't that into me." I don't think all guys are as confident as we give them credit for and I would hate to miss out on a great opportunity because of some stupid book.

No it's not only the guys "job" to pursue but since he asked for her number it's implied IMO.

Besides adding him to facebook she really shouldn't be the one to initiate more contact at this point.

garnetrising 12-09-2009 05:26 PM

Should be, shouldn't be... XD Sometimes it's nice to just be honest with a person. Try being friends first and see where it goes.

Let me just point out that it is very possible that he's nervous. He might be looking back and he might be worried that you got the wrong impression because of how quickly you made out. Like is he thinking serious and long-term and you're not or vice versa. You'll never know until you talk to him.

Let me just add that if there is a guy out there like me, it could be two weeks before he screws up the courage to even talk to you again. It was literally two weeks between my now husband giving me his phone number and me talking to him again. He'd assumed that my not calling was me not being interested. In reality, it was me being incredibly shy. So when I finally did talk to him two weeks later, I gave him my number and let him take care of the awkward first call. And that call lasted four hours.

Point is, just because he has your number doesn't mean that he might not be shy. Give it time. Start slow. If/when you do talk to him and hang out again, make it a place that will take a lot of the pressure off. And I would try talking to him at least once before writing him off completely. You know, once when you're not hammered and snogging like there's no tomorrow. ^^

kuhrisuh 12-09-2009 05:39 PM

I think this all sounds like good advice! I'd wait till probably friday too.. and just like you said, whether he responds or not, you'll be fine! :] let us know what happens!!

aneleh 12-10-2009 03:44 PM

You could also initiate a conversation but as friends instead of a potential date. Then you two would get more comfortable with each other and something could develop later. I wouldn't write him off if he's not interested in dating right now though. Everyone can always use more friends! :)
I always felt that the drunken makeout isn't really a guarantee of a date, whether or not it was enjoyable :p

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